Stephen King "Umney's Last Case"

The rains are over. The hills are still green and in the valley across the Hollywood
hills you can see snow on the high
mountains. The fur stores are advertising their annual sales. The call houses that
specialize in sixteen-year-old virgins
are doing a land-office business. And in Beverly Hills the jacaranda trees are
beginning to bloom.
aymond !handler" The #ittle $ister
%. The &ews from 'eoria.
%t was one of those spring mornings so #.A.-perfect you (eep expecting to see that
little trademar(
symbol--)*--stamped on it somewhere. The exhaust of the vehicles passing on $unset
smelled faintly of oleander" the
oleander was lightly perfumed with exhaust" and the s(y overhead was as clear as a
hardshell Baptist+s conscience.
'eoria $mith" the blind paperboy" was standing in his accustomed place on the corner
of $unset and #aurel" and if that
didn+t mean ,od was in His heaven and all was ja(e with the world" % didn+t (now what
did.
-et since %+d swung my feet out of bed that morning at the unaccustomed hour of ./01
a.m." things had felt a little
off-(ilter" somehow2 a tad woozy around the edges. %t was only as % was shaving --or
at least showing those pes(y
bristles the razor in an effort to scare them into submission--that % realized part of
the reason why. Although %+d been
up reading until at least two" % hadn+t heard the 3emmic(s roll in" s4uiffed to the
earlobes and trading those snappy
one-liners that apparently form the basis of their marriage.
&or had % heard Buster" and that was maybe even odder. Buster" the 3emmic(s+ 5elsh
!orgi" has a high-pitched bar(
that goes through your head li(e slivers of glass" and he uses it as much as he can.
Also" he+s the jealous type. He lets
loose with one of his shrill bar(ing s4ualls every time ,eorge and ,loria clinch" and
when they aren+t zinging each
other li(e a couple of vaudeville comedians" ,eorge and ,loria usually are clinching.
%+ve gone to sleep on more than
one occasion listening to them giggle while that mutt prances around their feet going
yar(yar(yar( and wondering how
difficult it would be to strangle a muscular" medium-sized dog with a length of piano-
wire. #ast night" however" the
3emmic(s+ apartment had been as 4uiet as the grave. %t was passing strange" but a long
way from earth-shattering2 the
3emmic(s weren+t exactly your perfect life-on-a-timetable couple at the best of times.
'eoria $mith was all right" though--chipper as a chipmun(" just as always" and he+d
recognized me by my wal( even
though it was at least an hour before my usual time. He was wearing a baggy !alTech
sweatshirt that came down to his
thighs and a pair of corduroy (nic(ers that showed off his scabby (nees. His hated
white cane leaned casually against
the side of the card-table he did business on.
66$ay" 7r. 8mney9 Howza (id:++
'eoria+s dar( glasses glinted in the morning sunlight" and as he turned toward the
sound of my step with my copy of the
#.A. Times held up in front of him" % had a momentary unsettling thought/ it was as if
someone had drilled two big
blac( holes into his face. % shivered the thought off my bac(" thin(ing that maybe the
time had come to cut out the
before-bedtime shot of rye. ;ither that or double the dose.
Hitler was on the front of the Times" as he so often was these days. This time it was
something about Austria. % thought"
and not for the first time" how at home that pale face and limp foreloc( would have
loo(ed on a post-office bulletin
board.
66The (id is just about o(ay" 'eoria"++ % said. 66%n fact" the (id is as fine as fresh
paint on an outhouse wall.++
% dropped a dime into the !orona box resting atop 'eoria+s stac( of newspapers. The
Times is a three-center" and
over-priced at that" but %+ve been dropping that same chip into 'eoria+s change-box
since time out of mind. He+s a good
(id" and ma(ing good grades in school--% too( it on myself to chec( that last year"
after he+d helped me out on the
5eld case. %f 'eoria hadn+t shown up on Harris Brunner+s houseboat when he did" %+d
still be trying to swim with my
feet cemented into a (erosene drum" somewhere off 7alibu. To say % owe him a lot is an
understatement.
%n the course of that particular investigation )'eoria $mith" not Harris Brunner and
7avis 5eld*" % even found out the
(id+s real name" although wild horses wouldn+t have dragged it out of me. 'eoria+s
father too( a permanent
coffee-brea( out a ninth-floor office window on Blac( <riday" his mother+s the only
white frail wor(ing in that goofy
!hinese laundry down on #a 'unta" and the (id+s blind. 5ith all that" does the world
need to (now they hung <rancis on
him when he was too young to fight bac(: The defense rests.
%f anything really juicy happened the night before" you almost always find it on the
front page of the Times" left side"
just below the fold. % turned the newspaper over and saw that a bandleader of the
!uban persuasion had suffered a heart
attac( while dancing with his female vocalist at The !arousel in Burban(. He died an
hour later at #.A. ,eneral. % had
some sympathy for the maestro+s widow" but none for the man himself. 7y opinion is
that people who go dancing in
Burban( deserve what they get.
% opened to the sports section to see how Broo(lyn had done in their doubleheader with
the !ards the day before. 66How
about you" 'eoria: ;veryone holding their own in your castle: 7oats and battlements
all in good repair:++
66%+ll say" 7r. 8mney9 =h" boy9++
$omething in his voice caught my attention" and % lowered the paper to ta(e a closer
loo( at him. 5hen % did" % saw
what a gilt-edged shamus li(e me should have seen right away/ the (id was all but
busting with happiness.
66-ou loo( li(e somebody just gave you six tic(ets to the first game of the 5orld
$eries"++ % said. 665hat+s the buzz"
'eoria:++
667y mom hit the lottery down in Tijuana9++ he said. 66<orty thousand buc(s9 5e+re
rich" brother9 ich9++
% gave him a grin he couldn+t see and ruffled his hair. %t popped his cowlic( up" but
what the hell. 665hoa" hold the
phone. How old are you" 'eoria:++
66Twelve in 7ay. -ou (now that" 7r. 8mney" you gave me a polo-shirt. But % don+t see
what that has to do with--++
66Twelve+s old enough to (now that sometimes people get what they want to happen mixed
up with what actually does
happen. That+s all % meant.++
66%f you+re tal(in about daydreams" you+re right--% do (now all about em"++ 'eoria
said" running his hands over the bac(
of his head in an effort to ma(e his cowlic( lie down again" 66but this ain+t no
daydream" 7r. 8mney. %t+s real9 7y
8ncle <red went down and pic(ed up the cash yest+y afternoon. He brought it bac( in
the saddlebag of his >innie9 %
smelled it9 Hell" % rolled in it9 %t was spread all over my mom+s bed9 ichest feeling
% ever had" let me tell you--
forty-froggin-thousand smac(ers9++
66Twelve may be old enough to (now the difference between daydreams and what+s real"
but it+s not old enough for that
(ind of tal("++ % said. %t sounded good--%+m sure the #egion of 3ecency would have
approved two thousand per
cent--but my mouth was running on automatic pilot" and % barely heard what was coming
out of it. % was too busy
trying to get my brain wrapped around what he+d just told me. =f one thing % was
absolutely positive/ he+d made a
mista(e. He must have made a mista(e" because if it was true" then 'eoria wouldn+t be
standing here anymore when %
came by on my way to my office in the <ulwider Building. And that just couldn+t be.
% found my mind returning to the 3emmic(s" who for the first time in recorded history
hadn+t played any of their
big-band records at full volume before retiring" and to Buster" who for the first time
in recorded history hadn+t greeted
the sound of ,eorge+s latch(ey turning in the loc( with a fusillade of bar(s. The
thought that something was off-(ilter
returned" and it was stronger this time.
7eanwhile" 'eoria was loo(ing at me with an expression %+d never expected to see on
his honest" open face/ sul(y
irritation mixed with exasperated humor. %t was the way a (id loo(s at a windbag uncle
who+s told all his stories" even
the boring ones" three or four times.
66Ain+t you pic(ing up on this newsflash" 7r. 8mney: 5e+re rich9 7y mom ain+t going to
have to press shirts for that
damned old #ee Ho anymore" and % ain+t going to have to sell papers on the corner
anymore" shiverin when it rains in
the winter and havin to suc( up to those nutty old bags who wor( down at Bilder+s. %
can 4uit actin li(e % died and went
to heaven every time some blowhard leaves me a nic(el tip.++
% started a little at that" but what the hell--% wasn+t a nic(el man. % left 'eoria
seven cents" day in and day out. 8nless %
was too bro(e to afford it" of course" but in my business an occasional stony stretch
comes with the territory.
667aybe we ought to go up to Blondie+s and have a cup of java"++ % said. 66Tal( this
thing over.++
66!an+t. %t+s closed.++
66Blondie+s: The hell you say9++
But 'eoria couldn+t be bothered with such mundane stuff as the coffee shop up the
street. 66-ou ain+t heard the best" 7r.
8mney9 7y 8ncle <red (nows a doctor up in <risco--a specialist--who thin(s he can do
something about my eyes.++
He turned his face up to mine. Below the cheaters and his too-thin nose" his lips were
trembling. 66He says it might not
be the optic nerves after all" and if it+s not" there+s an operation . . . % don+t
understand all the technical stuff" but % could
see again" 7r. 8mney9++ He reached out for me blindly . . . well" of course he did.
How else could he reach out: 66%
could see again9++
He clutched at me" and % gripped his hands and s4ueezed them briefly before pushing
them gently away. There was in(
on his fingers" and %+d been feeling so good when % got up that %+d put on my new
chal( worsted. Hot for summer" of
course" but the whole city is air- conditioned these days" and besides" % was feeling
naturally cool. % didn+t feel so cool
now. 'eoria was loo(ing up at me" his thin and somehow perfect newsboy+s face
troubled. A little breeze--scented
with oleander and exhaust--ruffled his cowlic(" and % realized that % could see it
because he wasn+t wearing his tweed
cap. He loo(ed somehow na(ed without it" and why not: ;very newsboy should wear a
tweed cap" just li(e every
shoeshine boy should wear a beanie coc(ed way bac( on his head.
665hat+s the matter" 7r. 8mney: % thought you+d be happy. ?eepers" % didn+t have to
come out here to this lousy corner
today" you (now" but % did--% even got here early" because % (inda had an idea you+d
get here early. % thought you+d be
happy" my mom hittin the lottery and me gettin a chance at an operation" but you
ain+t.++ &ow his voice trembled with
resentment. 66-ou ain+t9++
66-es % am"++ % said" and % wanted to be happy--part of me did" anyway--but the bitch
of it was that he was mostly
right. Because it meant things would change" you see" and things weren+t supposed to
change. 'eoria $mith was
supposed to be right here" year in and year out" with that perfect cap of his tilted
bac( on hot days and pulled down low
on rainy ones" so that the raindrops dripped off the bill. He was always supposed to
be smiling" was never supposed to
say 66hell++ or 66frogging"++ and most of all" he was supposed to be blind.
66-ou ain+t9++ he said" and then" shoc(ingly" he pushed his card- table over. %t fell
into the street" papers flapping
everywhere. His white cane rolled into the gutter. 'eoria heard it go and bent down to
get it. % could see tears coming
out from beneath his dar( glasses and go rolling down his pale" thin chee(s. He
started groping for the cane" but it had
fallen near me and he was going the wrong way. % felt a sudden strong urge to haul off
and (ic( him in his blind
newsboy+s ass.
%nstead" % bent over" got his stic(" and tapped him lightly on the hip with it.
'eoria turned" 4uic( as a sna(e" and snatched it. =ut of the corner of my eye % could
see pictures of Hitler and the
recently deceased !uban bandleader flapping all over $unset Boulevard--a bus bound for
>an &ess snored through a
little drift of them" leaving a bitter tang of diesel fumes behind. % hated the way
those newspapers loo(ed" fluttering
here and there. They loo(ed messy. 5orse" they loo(ed wrong. 8tterly and completely
wrong. % fought another urge" as
strong as the first one" to grab 'eoria and sha(e him. To tell him he was going to
spend the morning pic(ing up those
newspapers" and % wasn+t going to let him go home until he+d gotten every last one.
%t occurred to me that less than ten minutes ago" %+d been thin(ing that this was the
perfect #.A. morning--so perfect it
deserved a trademar( symbol. And it had been" dammit. $o where had things gone wrong:
And how had it happened so
fast:
&o answers came" only an irrational but powerful voice from inside" telling me that
the (id+s mother couldn+t have won
the lottery" that the (id couldn+t stop selling newspapers" and that" most of all" the
(id couldn+t see. 'eoria $mith was
supposed to be blind for the rest of his life.
5ell" it+s got to be something experimental" % thought. ;ven if the doctor up in
<risco isn+t a 4uac(" and he probably is"
the operation+s bound to fail.
And" bizarre as it sounds" the thought calmed me down.
66#isten"++ % said" 66we got off on the wrong foot this morning" that+s all. #et me
ma(e it up to you. 5e+ll go down to
Blondie+s and %+ll buy you brea(fast. 5hat do you say" 'eoria: -ou can dig into a
plate of bacon and eggs and tell me
all ab--++
66<uc( you9++ he shouted" shoc(ing me all the way down to my shoes. 66<uc( you and the
horse you rode in on" you cheap
gumshoe9 -ou thin( blind people can+t tell when people li(e you are lying through
their teeth: <uc( you9 And (eep
your hands off me from now on9 % thin( you+re a faggot9++
That did it--no one calls me a faggot and gets away with it" not even a blind newsboy.
% forgot all about how 'eoria
had saved my life during that 7avis 5eld business2 % reached for his cane" meaning to
ta(e it away from him and
whac( him across the (eister with it a few times. Teach him some manners.
Before % could get it" though" he hauled off and slammed the cane+s tip into my lower
belly--and % do mean lower. %
doubled up in agony" but even while % was trying to (eep from howling with pain" % was
counting my blessings2 two
inches lower still and % could have 4uit peeping for a living and gotten a job singing
soprano in the 'alace of the 3oges.
% made a 4uic(" reflexive grab for him anyway" and he brought the cane down on the
bac( of my nec(. Hard. %t didn+t
brea(" but % heard it crac(. % figured % could finish the job when % caught him and
ran it into his right ear. %+d show him
who was a faggot.
He bac(ed away from me as if he+d caught my brainwave" and threw the cane into the
street.
66'eoria"++ % managed. 7aybe it still wasn+t too late to catch sanity by the
shirttail. 66'eoria" what the hell+s wrong
with--++
66And don+t call me that9++ he screamed. 667y name+s <rancis9 <ran(9 -ou+re the one
who started calling me 'eoria9
-ou started it and now everyone calls me that and % hate it9++
7y watering eyes doubled him as he turned and fled across the street" heedless of
traffic )of which there was currently
none" luc(ily for him*" hands held out in front of him. % thought he would trip over
the far curb--was loo(ing forward
to it" in fact--but % guess blind people must (eep a pretty good set of topographical
survey maps in their heads. He
jumped onto the sidewal( as nimbly as a goat" then turned his dar( glasses bac( in my
direction. There was an
expression of crazed triumph on his tear-strea(ed face" and the dar( lenses loo(ed
more li(e holes than ever. Big ones"
as if someone had hit him with two large-caliber shotgun rounds.
66Blondie+s is gone" % toldja9++ he screamed. 667y mom says he upped and ran away with
that redhead floozy he hired
last month9 -ou should be so luc(y" you ugly pric(9++
He turned and went running up $unset in that strange way of his" with his splayed
fingers held out in front of him.
'eople stood in little clusters on both sides of the street" loo(ing at him" loo(ing
at the papers fluttering in the street"
loo(ing at me.
7ostly loo(ing at me" it seemed.
This time 'eoria--well" o(ay" <rancis--made it as far as 3erringer+s Bar before
turning to deliver one final salvo.
66<uc( you" 7r. 8mney9++ he screamed" and ran on.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
%%. >ernon+s !ough.
% managed to pull myself erect and ma(e my way across the street. 'eoria" a(a <rancis
$mith" was long gone" but %
wanted to put those blowing newspapers behind me" too. #oo(ing at them was giving me a
headache that was somehow
worse than the ache in my groin.
=n the far side of the street % stared into <elt+s $tationery as if the new 'ar(er
ball-point pen in the window was the
most fascinating thing %+d ever seen in my life )or maybe it was those sexy imitation-
leather appointment boo(s*.
After five minutes or so--time enough to commit every item in the dusty show-window to
memory--% felt capable of
resuming my interrupted voyage up $unset without listing too noticeably to port.
Auestions circled in my mind the way mos4uitoes circle your head at the drive-in in
$an 'edro when you forget to
bring along an insect stic( or two. % was able to ignore most of them" but a couple
got through. <irst" what the hell had
gotten into 'eoria: $econd" what the hell had gotten into me: % (ept slapping at these
uncomfortable 4ueries until % got
to Blondie+s !ity ;ats" =pen BC Hrs" Bagels =ur $pecialty" on the corner of $unset and
Travernia" and when % got that
far" they were driven out in a single wallop. Blondie+s had been on that corner for as
long as % could remember--the
sharpies and the hustlers and the hipsters and the hypes going in and going out" not
to mention the debs" the dy(es" and
the dopes. A famous silent-movie star was once arrested for murder as he was coming
out of Blondie+s" and % myself
had concluded a nasty piece of business there not so long ago" shooting a co(ed-up
fashion-plate named 3unninger who
had (illed three hopheads in the aftermath of a Hollywood dope party. %t was also the
place where %+d said goodbye to
the silver-haired" violet-eyed Ardis 7c,ill. %+d spent the rest of that lost night
wal(ing in a rare #os Angeles fog
which might have only been behind my eyes . . . and tric(ling down my chee(s" by the
time the sun came up.
Blondie+s closed: Blondie+s gone: %mpossible" you would have said-- more li(ely that
the $tatue of #iberty should
have disappeared from her barren lic( of roc( in &ew -or( Harbor.
%mpossible but true. The window which had once held a mouth-watering selection of pies
and ca(es was soaped over"
but the job had been done indifferently" and % could see a nearly empty room through
the stripes. The lino loo(ed filthy
and barren. The grease-dar(ened blades of the overhead fans hung down li(e the
propellers of crashed airplanes. There
were a few tables left" and six or eight of the familiar red-upholstered chairs piled
on them with the legs stic(ing up"
but that was all . . . except for a couple of empty sugar- sha(ers tumbled in one
corner.
% stood there trying to get it into my head" and it was li(e trying to get a big sofa
up a narrow flight of stairs. All that
life and excitement" all that late-night hustle and surprise--how could it be ended:
%t didn+t seem li(e a mista(e2 it
seemed li(e a blasphemy. <or me Blondie+s had summed up all the glittering
contradictions that surround #.A.+s
essentially dar( and loveless heart2 % had sometimes thought Blondie+s was #.A. as %
had (nown it over the last fifteen
or twenty years" only drawn small. 5here else could you see a mobster eating brea(fast
at D/11 p.m. with a priest" or a
diamond-dec(ed glamorpuss sitting on a counter-stool next to a grease-mon(ey
celebrating the end of his shift with a
hot cup of java: % suddenly found myself thin(ing of the !uban bandleader and his
heart attac( again" this time with
considerably more sympathy.
All that fabulous starry !ity of #ost Angels life--do you get it" chum: Are you
pic(ing up this newsflash:
The sign hung in the door read !#=$;3 <= ;&=>AT%=&$" ;=';&%&, $==&" but % didn+t
believe it. ;mpty
sugar-sha(ers lying in the corner do not" in my experience" indicate renovations in
progress. 'eoria had been right/
Blondie+s was history. % turned away and went on up the street" but now % wal(ed
slowly and had to consciously order
my head to stay up. As % approached the <ulwider Building" where %+ve (ept an office
for more years than % li(e to thin(
about" an odd certainty gripped me. The handles of the big double doors would be
wrapped up in a thic( tow-chain and
held with a padloc(. The glass would be soaped over in indifferent stripes. And there
would be a sign reading !#=$;3
<= ;&=>AT%=&$" ;=';&%&, $==&.
By the time % reached the building" this nutty idea had ta(en over my mind with the
force of a compulsion" and not even
the sight of Bill Tuggle" the rummy !'A from the third floor" going inside could 4uite
dispel it. But seeing is
believing" they say" and when % got to BBBE" % saw no chain" no sign" and no soap on
the glass. %t was just the <ulwider"
the same as ever. % went into the lobby" smelled the familiar odor--it reminds me of
the pin( ca(es they put in the
urinals of public men+s rooms these days--and glanced around at the same ratty palm
trees overhanging the same faded
red tile floor.
Bill was standing next to >ernon Flein" world+s oldest elevator operator" in !ar B. %n
his frayed red suit and ancient
pillbox hat" >ernon loo(s li(e a cross between the 'hilip 7orris bellboy and a rhesus
mon(ey which has fallen into an
industrial steam-cleaning machine. He loo(ed up at me with his mournful basset-hound
eyes" which were watering
from the !amel pasted in the middle of his mouth. His peepers should have gotten used
to the smo(e years ago2 %
couldn+t remember ever having seen him without a !amel par(ed in that same position.
Bill moved over a little" but not far enough. There wasn+t room enough in the car for
him to move far enough. %+m not
sure there would have been room in hode %sland for him to move far enough. 3elaware"
maybe. He smelled li(e
bologna which has spent a year or so marinating in cheap bourbon. And just when %
thought it couldn+t get any worse" he
belched.
66$orry" !lyde.++
665ell" you certainly ought to be"++ % said" waving the air in front of my face as
>ern slid the gate across the front of the
car and prepared to fly us to the moon . . . or at least to the seventh floor. 665hat
drainpipe did you spend the night in"
Bill:++
-et there was something comforting about that smell--%+d be lying if % said there
wasn+t. Because it was a familiar
smell. %t was just Bill Tuggle" odoriferous" hung over" and standing with his (nees
slightly bent" as if someone had filled
the crotch of his underpants with chic(en salad and he+d just realized it. &ot
pleasant" nothing about that morning+s
elevator ride was pleasant" but it was at least (nown.
Bill gave me a sic( smile as the elevator began to rattle upward but said nothing.
% swung my head in >ernon+s direction" mostly to get away from the smell of overba(ed
accountant" but whatever small
tal( %+d been meaning to ma(e died in my throat. The two pictures which had hung over
>ern+s stool since the
beginning of time--one of ?esus wal(ing on the $ea of ,alilee while his boatbound
disciples gawped at him and the
other of >ern+s wife in a buc(s(in-fringed $weetheart of the odeo outfit and a turn-
of-the-century hairdo--were
both gone. 5hat had replaced them shouldn+t have been shoc(ing" especially in light of
>ernon+s age" but it hit me li(e
a barge-load of bric(s just the same.
%t was a card" that+s all--a simple card showing the silhouette of a man fishing on a
la(e at sunset. %t was the sentiment
printed below the canoe that floored me/ HA''- ;T%;7;&T9
-ou could have doubled the way % felt when 'eoria told me he might see again and still
have come up short. 7emories
flic(ered through my mind with the speed of cards being shuffled by a riverboat
gambler. There was the time >ern
bro(e into the office next to mine to call an ambulance when that nutty dame" Agnes
$ternwood" first tore my phone
out of the wall and then swallowed what she swore was drain-cleaner. The 66drain-
cleaner++ turned out to be nothing
but crystals of raw sugar" and the office >ern bro(e into turned out to be a high-
class horse parlor. $o far as % (now" the
guy who leased the place and slapped 7acFenzie %mports on the door is still receiving
his annual $ears oebuc(
catalogue in $an Auentin. Then there was the guy >ern cold-con(ed with his stool just
before he could ventilate my
guts2 that was the 7avis 5eld business again" of course. &ot to mention the time he
brought his daughter to me--what
a babe she was9--when she got involved with that dirty-picture rac(et.
>ern retiring:
%t wasn+t possible. %t just wasn+t.
66>ernon"++ % as(ed" 66what (ind of jo(e is this:++
66&o jo(e" 7r. 8mney"++ he said" and as he brought the elevator car to a stop on
Three" he began to hac( a deep cough %+d
never heard in all the years %+d (nown him. %t was li(e listening to marble bowling
balls rolling down a stone alley. He
too( the !amel out of his mouth" and % was horrified to see the end of it was pin("
and not with lipstic(. He loo(ed at it
for a moment" grimaced" then replaced it and yan(ed bac( the accordion grille. 66Thuh-
ree" 7r. Tuggle.++
66Than(s" >ern"++ Bill said.
66emember the party on <riday"++ >ernon said. His words were muffled2 he+d ta(en a
hand(erchief spotted with brown
stains out of his bac( poc(et and was wiping his lips with it. 66% sure would admire
for you to come.++ He glanced at me
with his rheumy eyes" and what was in them scared the bejabbers out of me. $omething
was waiting for >ernon Flein
just around the next bend in the road" and that loo( said >ernon (new all about it.
66-ou too" 7r. 8mney--we been
through a lot together" and %+d be tic(led to raise a glass with you.++
665ait a minute9++ % shouted" grabbing Bill as he tried to step out of the elevator.
66-ou wait just a ,od damned minute"
both of you9 5hat party: 5hat+s going on here:++
66etirement"++ Bill said. 66%t usually happens at some point after your hair turns
white" in case you+ve been too busy to
notice. >ernon+s party is going to be in the basement on <riday afternoon. ;verybody
in the building+s going to be
there" and %+m going to ma(e my world-famous 3ynamite 'unch. 5hat+s the matter with
you" !lyde: -ou+ve (nown
for a month that >ern was finishing up on 7ay thirtieth.++
That made me angry all over again" the way %+d been when 'eoria called me a faggot. %
grabbed Bill by the padded
shoulders of his double-breasted suit and gave him a sha(e. 66The hell you say9++
He gave me a small" pained smile. 66The hell % don+t" !lyde. But if you don+t want to
come" fine. $tay away. -ou+ve
been acting poco loco for the last six months" anyhow.++
% shoo( him again. 665hat do you mean" poco loco:++
66!razy as a loon" nutty as a fruitca(e" two wheels off the road" out to lunch"
playing without a full dec(--any of those
ring a bell: And before you answer" just let me inform you that if you sha(e me one
more time" even a little sha(e" my
guts are going to explode straight out through my chest" and not even dry-cleaning
will get that mess off your suit.++
He pulled away before % could do it again even if %+d wanted to and started down the
hall with the seat of his pants
hanging somewhere down around the level of his (nees" as per usual. He glanced bac(
just once" while >ernon was
sliding the brass gate across. 66-ou need to ta(e some time off" !lyde. $tarting last
wee(.++
665hat+s gotten into you:++ % shouted at him. 665hat+s gotten into all of you:++ But
by then the inner door was closed
and we were headed up again--this time to $even. 7y little slice of heaven. >ern
dropped his cigarette butt into the
buc(et of sand that s4uats in the corner" and immediately stuc( a fresh one in his
(isser. He popped a wooden match
alight with his thumbnail" set the fag on fire" and immediately started coughing
again. &ow % could see fine drops of
blood misting out from between his crac(ed lips. %t was a gruesome sight. His eyes had
dropped2 they stared vacantly
into the far corner" seeing nothing" hoping for nothing. Bill Tuggle+s B.=. hung
between us li(e the ,host of Binges
'ast.
66=(ay" >ern"++ % said. 665hat is it and where are you going:++
>ernon had never been one to wear out the ;nglish language" and that at least hadn+t
changed. 66%t+s Big !"++ he said.
66=n $aturday % catch the 3esert Blossom to Arizona. %+m going to live with my sister.
% don+t expect to wear out my
welcome" though. $he might have to change the bed twice.++ He brought the elevator to
a stop and rattled the gate bac(.
66$even" 7r. 8mney. -our little slice of heaven.++ He smiled at that just as he always
did" but this time it loo(ed li(e the
(ind of smile you see on the candy s(ulls down in Tijuana" on the 3ay of the 3ead.
&ow that the elevator door was open" % smelled something up here in my little slice of
heaven that was so out of place it
too( a moment for me to recognize it/ fresh paint. =nce it was noted" % filed it. %
had other fish to fry.
66This isn+t right"++ % said. 66-ou (now it isn+t" >ern.++
He turned his frightening vacant eyes on me. 3eath in them" a blac( shape flapping and
bec(oning just beyond the faded
blue. 665hat isn+t right" 7r. 8mney:++
66-ou+re supposed to be here" damn it9 ight here9 $itting on your stool with ?esus
and your wife over your head. &ot
this9++ % reached up" grabbed the card with the picture of the man fishing on the
la(e" tore it in two" put the pieces
together" tore it in four" and then gave them the toss. They fluttered to the faded
red rug on the floor of the elevator car
li(e confetti.
66$+posed to be right here"++ he repeated" those terrible eyes of his never leaving
mine. Beyond us" two men in
paint-splattered coveralls had turned to loo( in our direction.
66That+s right.++
66<or how long" 7r. 8mney: $ince you (now everything else" you can probably tell me
that" can+tcha: How long am %
supposed to (eep drivin this damned car:++
665ell . . . forever"++ % said" and the word hung between us" another ghost in the
cigarette-smo(ey elevator car. ,iven a
choice of ghosts" % guess % would have pic(ed Bill Tuggle+s B.=. . . . but % wasn+t
given a choice. %nstead" % said it again.
66<orever" >ern.++
He dragged on his !amel" coughed out smo(e and a fine spray of blood" and went on
loo(ing at me. 66%t ain+t my place
to give the tenants advice" 7r. 8mney" but % guess %+ll give you some" anyway--it
being my last wee( and all. -ou
might consider seeing a doctor. The (ind that shows you in(-pitchers and you say what
they loo( li(e.++
66-ou can+t retire" >ern.++ 7y heart was beating harder than ever" but % managed to
(eep my voice level. 66-ou just
can+t.++
66&o:++ He too( his cigarette out of his mouth--fresh blood was already soa(ing into
the tip--and then loo(ed bac( at
me. His smile was ghastly. 66The way it loo(s to me" % ain+t exactly got a choice" 7r.
8mney.++
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
%%%. =f 'ainters and 'esos.
The smell of fresh paint seared my nose" overpowering both the smell of >ernon+s smo(e
and Bill Tuggle+s armpits.
The men in the coveralls were currently ta(ing up space not far from my office door.
They had put down a dropcloth"
and the tools of their trade were spread out all along it--tins and brushes and turp.
There were two step-ladders as
well" flan(ing the painters li(e scrawny boo(ends. 5hat % wanted to do was to run down
the hall" (ic(ing the whole
wor(s every whichway as % went. 5hat right had they to paint these old dar( walls that
glaring" sacrilegious white:
%nstead" % wal(ed up to the one who loo(ed as if it might ta(e a two- digit number to
express his %A and politely as(ed
what he and his fellow mug thought they were doing. He glanced around at me. 66Hellzit
loo( li(e: %+m givin 7iss
America a finger-frig and !hic( there+s puttin rouge on Betty ,rable+s nippy-nips.++
%+d had enough. ;nough of them" enough of everything. % reached out" grabbed the 4uiz-
(id under the armpit" and used
my fingertips to engage a particularly nasty nerve that hides up there. He screamed
and dropped his brush. 5hite paint
splattered his shoes. His partner gave me a timid doe-eyed loo( and too( a step
bac(ward.
66%f you try ta(ing off before %+m done with you"++ % snarled" 66you+re going to find
the handle of your paint-brush so far
up your ass you+ll need a boathoo( to find the bristles. -ou want to try me and see if
%+m lying:++
He stopped moving and just stood there on the edge of the dropcloth" eyes darting from
side to side" loo(ing for help.
There was none to be had. % half-expected !andy to open my door and loo( out to see
what the fracas was" but the door
stayed firmly closed. % turned my attention bac( to the 4uiz-(id % was holding onto.
66The 4uestion was simple enough" bud--what the hell are you doing here: !an you
answer it" or do % give you another
blast:++
% twiddled my fingers in his armpit just to refresh his memory and he screamed again.
66'aintin the hall9 ?eezis" can+t
you see:++
% could see" all right" and even if %+d been blind" % could smell. % hated what both
of those senses were telling me. The
hallway wasn+t supposed to be painted" especially not this glaring" light- reflecting
white. %t was supposed to be dim
and shadowy2 it was supposed to smell li(e dust and old memories. 5hatever had started
with the 3emmic(s+
unaccustomed silence was getting worse all the time. % was mad as hell" as this
unfortunate fellow was discovering. %
was also scared" but that was a feeling you get good at hiding when carrying a heater
in a clamshell holster is part of the
way you ma(e your living.
665ho sent you two dubs down here:++
66=ur boss"++ he said" loo(ing at me as if % were crazy. 665e wor( for !hallis !ustom
'ainters" on >an &uys. The boss is
Hap !orrigan. %f you want to (now who hired the cump+ny" you+ll have to as( h--++
66%t was the owner"++ the other painter said 4uietly. 66The owner of this building. A
guy named $amuel #andry.++
% searched my memory" trying to put the name of $amuel #andry together with what %
(new of the <ulwider Building
and couldn+t do it. %n fact" % couldn+t put the name of $amuel #andry together with
anything . . . yet for all that it
seemed almost to chime in my head" li(e a church- bell you can hear from miles away on
a foggy morning.
66-ou+re lying"++ % said" but with no real force. % said it simply because it was
something to say.
66!all the boss"++ the other painter said. Appearances could be deceiving2 he was
apparently the brighter of the two" after
all. He reached inside his grimy" paint-smeared coverall and brought out a little
card.
% waved it away" suddenly tired. 665ho in the name of !hrist would want to paint this
place" anyway:++
%t wasn+t them % was as(ing" but the painter who+d offered me the business card
answered just the same. 665ell" it
brightens the place up"++ he said cautiously. 66-ou gotta admit that.++
66$on"++ % as(ed" ta(ing a step toward him" 66did your mother ever have any (ids that
lived" or did she just produce the
occasional afterbirth li(e you:++
66Hey" whatever" whatever"++ he said" ta(ing a step bac(ward. % followed his worried
gaze down to my own balled-up
fists and forced them open again. He didn+t loo( very relieved" and % actually didn+t
blame him very much. 66-ou don+t
li(e it--you+re coming through loud and clear on that score. But % gotta do what the
boss tells me" don+t %: % mean" hell"
that+s the American way.++
He glanced at his partner" then bac( to me. %t was a 4uic( glance" really no more than
a flic(" but in my line of wor( %+d
seen it more than once" and it+s the (ind of loo( you file away. 3on+t bother this
guy" it said. 3on+t bump him" don+t
rattle him. He+s nitro.
66% mean" %+ve got a wife and a little (id to ta(e care of"++ he went on. 66There+s a
3epression going on out there" you
(now.++
!onfusion came over me then" drowning my anger the way a downpour drowns a brushfire.
5as there a 3epression
going on out there: 5as there:
66% (now"++ % said" not (nowing anything. 66#et+s just forget it" what do you say:++
66$ure"++ the painters agreed" so eager they sounded li(e half of a barbershop
4uartet. The one %+d mista(enly tabbed as
half-bright had his left hand buried deep in his right armpit" trying to get that
nerve to go bac( to sleep. % could have
told him he had an hour+s wor( ahead of him" maybe more" but % didn+t want to tal( to
them anymore. % didn+t want to
tal( to anyone or see anyone--not even the delectable !andy Fane" whose humid glances
and smooth" subtropical
curves have been (nown to send seasoned street-brawlers reeling to their (nees. The
only thing % wanted to do was to
get across the outer office and into my inner sanctum. There was a bottle of obb+s
ye in the bottom lefthand drawer"
and right now % needed a shot in the worst way.
% wal(ed down toward the frosted-glass door mar(ed !#-3; 87&;- '%>AT; %&>;$T%,AT="
restraining a
renewed urge to see if % could drop-(ic( a can of 3utch Boy =yster 5hite through the
window at the end of the hall
and out onto the fire-escape. % was actually reaching for my door(nob when a thought
struc( me and % turned bac( to
the painters . . . but slowly" so they wouldn+t believe % was being gripped by some
new seizure. Also" % had an idea that
if % turned too fast" %+d see them grinning at each other and twirling their fingers
around their ears--the looney-gesture
we all learned in the schoolyard.
They weren+t twirling their fingers" but they hadn+t ta(en their eyes off me" either.
The half-smart one seemed to be
gauging the distance to the door mar(ed $TA%5;##. $uddenly % wanted to tell them that
% wasn+t such a bad guy
when you got to (now me2 that there were" in fact" a few clients and at least one ex-
wife who thought me something of
a hero. But that wasn+t a thing you could say about yourself" especially not to a
couple of bozos li(e these.
66Ta(e it easy"++ % said. 66%+m not going to jump you. % just wanted to as( another
4uestion.++
They relaxed a little. A very little" actually.
66As( it"++ 'ainter &umber Two said.
66;ither of you ever played the numbers down in Tijuana:++
66#a loterGa:++ &umber =ne as(ed.
66-our (nowledge of $panish stuns me. -eah. #a loterGa.++
&umber =ne shoo( his head. 667ex numbers and 7ex call houses are strictly for
suc(ers.++
5hy do you thin( % as(ed you: % thought but didn+t say.
66Besides"++ he went on" 66you win ten or twenty thousand pesos" big deal. 5hat+s that
in real money: <ifty buc(s:
;ighty:++
7y mom hit the lottery down in Tijuana" 'eoria had said" and % had (nown something
about it wasn+t right even then.
<orty thousand buc(s . . . 7y 8ncle <red went down and pic(ed up the cash yest+y
afternoon. He brought it bac( in the
saddlebag of his >innie9
66-eah"++ % said" 66something li(e that" % guess. And they always pay off that way"
don+t they: %n pesos:++
He gave me that loo( again" as if % was crazy" then remembered % really was and
readjusted his face. 665ell" yeah. %t is
the 7exican lottery" you (now. They couldn+t very well pay off in dollars.++
66How true"++ % said" and in my mind % saw 'eoria+s thin" eager face" heard him
saying" %t was spread all over my mom+s
bed9 <orty-froggin- thousand smac(ers9
;xcept how could a blind (id be sure of the exact amount. . . or even that it really
was money he was rolling around in:
The answer was simple/ he couldn+t. But even a blind newsboy would (now that la
loterGa paid off in pesos rather than
in dollars" and even a blind newsboy had to (now you couldn+t carry forty thousand
dollars+ worth of 7exican lettuce
in the saddlebag of a >incent motorcycle. His uncle would have needed a !ity of #os
Angeles dump truc( to transport
that much dough.
!onfusion" confusion--nothing but dar( clouds of confusion.
66Than(s"++ % said" and headed for my office.
%+m sure that was a relief for all three of us.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
%>. 8mney+s #ast !lient.
66!andy" honey" % don+t want to see anybody or ta(e any ca--++
% bro(e off. The outer office was empty. !andy+s des( in the corner was unnaturally
bare" and after a moment % saw
why/ the %&H=8T tray had been dumped into the trash bas(et and her pictures of ;rrol
<lynn and 5illiam 'owell were
both gone. $o was her 'hilco. The little blue stenographer+s stool" from which !andy
had been wont to flash her
gorgeous gams" was unoccupied.
7y eyes returned to the %&H=8T tray stic(ing out of the trash can li(e the prow of a
sin(ing ship" and for a moment my
heart leaped. 'erhaps someone had been in here" tossed the place" (idnapped !andy.
'erhaps it was a case" in other
words. At that moment % would have welcomed a case" even if it meant some mug was
tying !andy up at this very
moment . . . and adjusting the rope over the firm swell of her breasts with particular
care. Any way out of the cobwebs
that seemed to be falling around me sounded just peachy to me.
The trouble with the idea was simple/ the room hadn+t been tossed. The %&H=8T was in
the trash" true enough" but that
didn+t indicate a struggle2 in fact" it was more as if . . .
There was just one thing left on the des(" placed s4uarely in the center of the
blotter. A white envelope. ?ust loo(ing at
it gave me a bad feeling. 7y feet carried me across the room just the same" however"
and % pic(ed it up. $eeing my
name written across the front of the envelope in !andy+s wide loops and swirls was no
surprise2 it was just another
unpleasant part of this long" unpleasant morning.
% ripped it open and a single slip of note-paper fell out into my hand.
3ear !lyde" % have had all of the groping and sneering %+m going to ta(e from you" and
% am tired of your ridiculous and
childish jo(es about my name. #ife is too short to be pawed by a middle-aged divorce
detective with bad breath. -ou
did have your good points !lyde but they are getting drownded out by the bad ones"
especially since you started drin(ing
all the time. 3o yourself a favor and grow up. -ours truely" Arlene !ain '.$./ %+m
going bac( to my mother+s in %daho.
3o not try to get in touch with me.
% held the note a moment or two longer" loo(ing at it unbelievingly" then dropped it.
=ne phrase from it recurred as %
watched it seesaw lazily down toward the already occupied trash bas(et/ % am tired of
your ridiculous and childish jo(es
about my name. But had % ever (nown her name was anything other than !andy Fane: %
searched my mind as the note
continued its lazy--and seemingly endless--swoops bac( and forth" and the answer was
an honest and resounding no.
Her name had always been !andy Fane" we+d jo(ed about it many a time" and if we+d had
a few rounds of office
slap-and-tic(le" what of that: $he+d always enjoyed it. 5e both had.
3id she enjoy it: a voice spo(e up from somewhere deep inside me. 3id she really" or
is that just another little fairytale
you+ve been telling yourself all these years:
% tried to shut that voice out" and after a moment or two % succeeded" but the one
that replaced it was even worse. That
voice belonged to none other than 'eoria $mith. % can 4uit actin li(e % died and went
to heaven every time some
blowhard leaves me a nic(el tip" he said. Ain+t you pic(ing up on this newsflash" 7r.
8mney:
66$hut up" (id"++ % said to the empty room. 66,abriel Heatter you ain+t.++ % turned
away from !andy+s des(" and as % did"
faces passed in front of my mind+s eye li(e the faces of some lunatic marching band
from hell/ ,eorge and ,loria
3emmic(" 'eoria $mith" Bill Tuggle" >ernon Flein" a million-dollar blonde who went
under the two-bit name of
Arlene !ain . . . even the two painters were there.
!onfusion" confusion" nothing but confusion.
Head down" % trudged into my office" closed the door behind me" and sat at the des(.
3imly" through the closed window"
% could hear the traffic out on $unset. % had an idea that" for the right person" it
was still a spring morning so
#.A.-perfect you expected to see that little trademar( symbol stamped on it somewhere"
but for me all the light had
gone from the day . . . inside as well as out. % thought about the bottle of hooch in
the bottom drawer" but all of a sudden
even bending down to get it seemed li(e too much wor(. %t seemed" in fact" a job a(in
to climbing 7ount ;verest in
tennis shoes.
The smell of fresh paint had penetrated all the way into my inner sanctum. %t was a
smell % ordinarily li(ed" but not
then. At that moment it was the smell of everything that had gone wrong since the
3emmic(s hadn+t come into their
Hollywood bungalow bouncing wisecrac(s off each other li(e rubber balls and playing
their records at top volume and
throwing their !orgi into conniptions with their endless billing and cooing. %t
occurred to me with perfect clarity and
simplicity--the way %+d always imagined great truths must occur to the people they
occur to--that if some doctor
could cut out the cancer that was (illing the <ulwider Building+s elevator operator"
it would be white. =yster white.
And it would smell just li(e fresh 3utch Boy paint.
This thought was so tiring that % had to put my head down with the heels of my palms
pressed against my temples"
holding it in place . . . or maybe just (eeping what was inside from exploding out and
ma(ing a mess on the walls. And
when the door opened softly and footsteps entered the room" % didn+t loo( up. %t
seemed li(e more of an effort than %
was able to ma(e at that particular moment.
Besides" % had the strange idea that % already (new who it was. % couldn+t put a name
to my (nowledge" but the step was
somehow familiar. $o was the cologne" although % (new % wouldn+t be able to name it
even if someone had put a gun to
my head" and for a very simple reason/ %+d never smelled it before in my life. How
could % recognize a scent %+d never
smelled before" you as(: % can+t answer that one" bud" but % did.
&or was that the worst of it. The worst of it was this/ % was scared nearly out of my
mind. %+ve faced blazing guns in the
hands of angry men" which is bad" and daggers in the hands of angry women" which is a
thousand times worse2 % was
once tied to the wheel of a 'ac(ard automobile that had been par(ed on the trac(s of a
busy freight line2 % have even
been tossed out a third-story window. %t+s been an eventful life" all right" but
nothing in it had ever scared me the way
the smell of that cologne and that soft footstep scared me.
7y head seemed to weigh at least six hundred pounds.
66!lyde"++ a voice said. A voice %+d never heard before" a voice % nevertheless (new
as well as my own. ?ust that one
word and the weight of my head went up to an even ton.
66,et outta here" whoever you are"++ % said without loo(ing up. 66?oint+s closed.++
And something made me add" 66<or
renovations.++
66Bad day" !lyde:++
5as there sympathy in that voice: % thought maybe there was" and somehow that made
things worse. 5hoever this mug
was" % didn+t want his sympathy. $omething told me that his sympathy would be more
dangerous than his hate.
66&ot so bad"++ % said" supporting my heavy" aching head with the palms of my hands
and loo(ing down at my
des(-blotter for all % was worth. 5ritten in the upper lefthand corner was 7avis
5eld+s number. % sent my eyes tracing
over it again and again--B;verley I-CBEC. Feeping my eyes on the blotter seemed li(e a
good idea. % didn+t (now who
my visitor was" but % (new % didn+t want to see him. ight then it was the only thing
% did (now.
66% thin( maybe you+re being a little . . . disingenuous" shall we say:++ the voice
as(ed" and it was sympathy" all right2 the
sound of it made my stomach curl up into something that felt li(e a 4uivering fist
soa(ed with acid. There was a crea(
as he dropped into the client+s chair.
66% don+t exactly (now what that word means" but by all means" let+s say it"++ %
agreed. 66And now that we have" why
don+t you rise up righteous" 7oggins" and shift on out of here. %+m thin(ing of ta(ing
a sic( day. % can do that without
much argument" you see" because %+m the boss. &eat" the way things wor( out sometimes"
isn+t it:++
66% suppose so. #oo( at me" !lyde.++
7y heart stuttered but my head stayed down and my eyes (ept tracing over B;verley I-
CBEC. 'art of me wondered if
hell was hot enough for 7avis 5eld. 5hen % spo(e" my voice came out steady. % was
surprised but grateful. 66%n fact" %
might ta(e a whole year of sic( days. %n !armel" maybe. $it out on the dec( with the
American 7ercury in my lap and
watch the big ones come in from Hawaii.++
66#oo( at me.++
% didn+t want to" but my head came up just the same. He was sitting in the client+s
chair where 7avis had once sat" and
Ardis 7c,ill" and Big Tom Hatfield. ;ven >ernon Flein had sat there once" when he got
those pictures of his daughter
wearing nothing but an opium grin and her birthday suit. $itting there with the same
patch of !alifornia sun slanting
across his features--features % most certainly had seen before. The last time had been
less than an hour ago" in my
bathroom mirror. %+d been scraping a ,illette Blue Blade over them.
The expression of sympathy in his eyes--in my eyes--was the most hideous thing %+d
ever seen" and when he held out
his hand--held outmy hand--% felt a sudden urge to wheel around in my swivel chair"
get to my feet" and go running
straight out my seventh-floor office window. % thin( % might even have done it" if %
hadn+t been so confused" so totally
lost. %+ve read the word unmanned plenty of times--it+s a favorite of the pulp-smiths
and sob-sisters--but this was the
first time %+d ever actually felt that way.
$uddenly the office dar(ened. The day had been perfectly clear" % would have sworn to
that" but a cloud had crossed the
sun just the same. The man on the other side of the des( was at least ten years older
than % was" maybe fifteen" his hair
almost completely white while mine was still almost all blac(" but that didn+t change
the simple fact--no matter what
he was calling himself or how old he loo(ed" he was me. Had % thought his voice
sounded familiar: $ure. The way your
own voice sounds familiar--although not 4uite the way it sounds inside your own head--
when you hear it on a
recording.
He pic(ed my limp hand up off the des(" shoo( it with the bris(ness of a real-estate
agent on the ma(e" then dropped it
again. %t hit the des(-blotter with a plop" landing on 7avis 5eld+s telephone number.
5hen % raised my fingers" % saw
that 7avis+s number was gone. %n fact" all the numbers %+d scratched on the blotter
over the years were gone. %t was as
clear as . . . well" as clear as a hardshell Baptist+s conscience.
66?esus"++ % croa(ed. 66?esus !hrist.++
66&ot at all"++ the older version of me sitting in the client+s chair on the other
side of the des( said. 66#andry. $amuel 3.
#andry. At your service.++
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
>. An %nterview with ,od.
;ven as rattled as % was" it only too( me two or three seconds to place the name"
probably because %+d heard it such a
short time ago. According to 'ainter &umber Two" $amuel #andry was the reason why the
long dar( hall leading to my
office was soon going to be oyster white. #andry was the owner of the <ulwider
Building.
A crazy idea suddenly occurred to me" but its patent craziness did nothing to dim the
sudden blaze of hope which
accompanied it. They-- whoever they are--say that everyone on the face of the earth
has a double. 7aybe #andry was
mine. 7aybe we were identical twins" unrelated doubles who had somehow been born to
different parents and ten or
fifteen years out of step in time with each other. The idea did nothing to explain the
rest of the day+s high weirdness"
but it was something to hang onto" damn it.
665hat can % do for you" 7r. #andry:++ % as(ed. % was trying li(e hell" but my voice
was no longer 4uite steady. 66%f it+s
about the lease" you+ll have to give me a day or two to get s4uared around. %t seems
my secretary just discovered she had
pressing business bac( home in Armpit" %daho.++
#andry paid absolutely no attention to this feeble effort on my part to shift the
focus of the conversation. 66-es"++ he
said in a musing tone of voice" 66% imagine it+s been the granddaddy of bad days . . .
and it+s my fault. %+m sorry"
!lyde--really. 7eeting you in person has been . . . well" not what % expected. &ot at
all. <or one thing" % li(e you 4uite
a bit better than % expected to. But there+s no going bac( now.++ And he fetched a
deep sigh. % didn+t li(e the sound of it
very much.
665hat do you mean by that:++ 7y voice was trembling worse than ever now" and the
blaze of hope was dying. #ac( of
oxygen inside the cave- in site which had once been my brain seemed to be the cause.
He didn+t answer right away. He leaned over instead" and grasped the handle of the
slim leather case leaning against the
front leg of the client+s chair. The initials stamped on it were $.3.#." and % deduced
that my weird visitor had brought it
in with him. % didn+t win the $hamus of the -ear Award in ED0C and +0J for nothing"
you (now.
% had never seen a case 4uite li(e it in my life--it was too small and too slim to be
a briefcase" and it was fastened not
with buc(les and straps but with a zipper. %+d never seen a zipper 4uite li(e this
one" either" now that % thought about it.
The teeth were extremely tiny" and they hardly loo(ed li(e metal at all.
But the oddities only began with #andry+s luggage. ;ven setting aside his uncanny
older-brother resemblance to me"
#andry loo(ed li(e no businessman %+d ever seen in my life" and certainly not one
prosperous enough to own the
<ulwider Building. %t+s not the itz" granted" but it is in downtown #.A." and my
client )if that was what he was* loo(ed
li(e an =(ie on a good day" one which had included a bath and a shave.
He was wearing blue jeans pants" for one thing" and a pair of snea(ers on his feet . .
. except they didn+t loo( li(e any
snea(ers %+d ever seen before. They were great big clumpy things. 5hat they really
loo(ed li(e were the shoes Boris
Farloff wears as part of his <ran(enstein get-up" and if they were made of canvas" %+d
eat my favorite <edora. The
word written up the sides in red script loo(ed li(e the name of a dish on a !hinese
carry-out menu/ ;;B=F.
% loo(ed down at the blotter which had once been covered with a tangle of telephone
numbers" and suddenly realized
that % could no longer remember 7avis 5eld+s" although % must have called it a billion
times only this past winter. That
feeling of dread intensified.
667ister"++ % said" 66% wish you+d state your business and get out of here. !ome to
thin( of it" why don+t you s(ip the
tal(ing and just go right to the getting-out part:++
He smiled . . . tiredly" % thought. That was the other thing. The face above the plain
open-collared white shirt loo(ed
terribly tired. Terribly sad" as well. %t said the man who owned it had been through
things % couldn+t even dream of. %
felt some sympathy for my visitor" but what % mostly felt was fear. And anger. Because
it was my face" too" and the
bastard had apparently gone a long way toward wearing it out.
66$orry" !lyde"++ he said. 66&o can do.++
He put his hand on that tiny" cunning zipper" and all at once #andry opening that case
was the last thing in the world %
wanted. To stop him % said" 663o you always go visiting your tenants dressed li(e a
guy who ma(es his living following
the cabbage crop: 5hat are you" one of those eccentric millionaires:++
66%+m eccentric" all right"++ he said. 66And it won+t do you any good to draw this
business out" !lyde.++
665hat gave you that ide--++
Then he said the thing %+d been dreading" and put out the last tiny flic(er of hope at
the same time. 66% (now all your
ideas" !lyde. After all" %+m you.++
% lic(ed my lips and forced myself to spea(2 anything to (eep him from yan(ing that
zipper. Anything at all. 7y voice
came out hus(y" but at least it did come out.
66-eah" % noticed the resemblance. %+m not familiar with the cologne" though. %+m an
=ld $pice man" myself.++
His thumb and finger remained pinched on the zipper" but he didn+t pull it. At least
not yet.
66But you li(e this"++ he said with perfect assurance" 66and you+d use it if you could
get it down at the exall on the
corner" wouldn+t you: 8nfortunately" you can+t. %t+s Aramis" and it won+t be invented
for another forty years or so.++ He
glanced down at his weird" ugly bas(etball shoes. 66#i(e my snea(ers.++
66The devil you say.++
665ell" yes" % suppose the devil might come into it somewhere"++ #andry said" and he
didn+t smile.
665here are you from:++
66% thought you (new.++ #andry pulled the zipper" revealing a rectangular gadget made
of some smooth plastic. %t was
the same color the seventh-floor hall was going to be by the time the sun went down.
%+d never seen anything li(e it.
There was no brand name on it" just something that must have been a serial number/ T-
E111. #andry lifted it out of its
carrying case" thumbed the catches on the sides" and lifted the hinged top to reveal
something that loo(ed li(e the
telescreen in a Buc( ogers movie. 66% come from the future"++ #andry said. 66?ust
li(e in a pulp magazine story.++
66-ou come from $unnyland $anitarium" more li(e it"++ % croa(ed.
66But not exactly li(e a pulp science-fiction story"++ he went on" ignoring what %+d
said. 66&o" not exactly.++ He pushed a
button on the side of the plastic case. There was a faint whirring sound from inside
the gadget" followed by a brief"
whistling beep. The thing sitting on his lap loo(ed li(e some strange stenographer+s
machine . . . and % had an idea that
that wasn+t far from the truth.
He loo(ed up at me and said" 665hat was your father+s name" !lyde:++
% loo(ed at him for a moment" resisting an urge to lic( my lips again. The room was
still dar(" the sun still behind some
cloud that hadn+t even been in sight when % came in off the street. #andry+s face
seemed to float in the gloom li(e an
old" shrivelled balloon.
665hat+s that got to do with the price of cucumbers in 7onrovia:++ % as(ed.
66-ou don+t (now" do you:++
66=f course % do"++ % said" and % did. % just couldn+t come up with it" that was all--
it was stuc( there on the tip of my
tongue" li(e 7avis 5eld+s phone number" which had been BAyshore something-or-other.
66How about your mother+s:++
66Auit playing games with me9++
66Here+s an easy one--what high school did you go to: ;very red- blooded American man
remembers what school he
went to" right: =r the first girl he ever went all the way with. =r the town he grew
up in. 5as yours $an #uis
=bispo:++
% opened my mouth" but this time nothing came out.
66!armel:++
That sounded right . . . and then felt all wrong. 7y head was whirling.
66=r maybe it was 3usty Bottom" &ew 7exico.++
66!ut the crap9++ % shouted.
663o you (now: 3o you:++
66-es9 %t was--++
He bent over. attled the (eys of his strange steno machine.
66$an 3iego9 Born and raised9++
He put the machine on my des( and turned it around so % could read the words floating
in the window above the
(eyboard.
66$an 3iego9 Born and raised9++
7y eyes dropped from the window to the word stamped into the plastic frame surrounding
it.
665hat+s a Toshiba:++ % as(ed. 66$omething that comes on the side when you order a
eebo( dinner:++
66%t+s a ?apanese electronics company.++
% laughed dryly. 665ho+re you (idding" mister: The ?aps can+t even ma(e wind-up toys
without getting the springs in
upside down.++
66&ot now"++ he agreed" 66and spea(ing of now" !lyde" when is now: 5hat year is it:++
66ED0K"++ % said" then raised a half-numb hand to my face and rubbed my lips.
665ait a minute--ED0D.++
66%t might even be EDC1. Am % right:++
% said nothing" but % felt my face heating up.
663on+t feel bad" !lyde2 you don+t (now because % don+t (now. % always left it vague.
The time-frame % was trying for
was actually more of a feel . . . call it !handler American Time" if you li(e. %t
wor(ed li(e gangbusters for most of my
readers" and it made things simpler from a copy-editing standpoint as well" because
you can never exactly pinpoint the
passage of time. Haven+t you ever noticed how often you say things li(e 6for more
years than % can remember+ or
6longer ago than % li(e to thin( about+ or 6since Hector was a pup+:++
66&ope--can+t say that % have.++ But now that he mentioned it" % did notice. And that
made me thin( of the #.A. Times. %
read it every day" but exactly which days were they: -ou couldn+t tell from the paper
itself" because there was never a
date on the masthead" only that slogan which reads 66America+s <airest &ewspaper in
America+s <airest !ity.++
66-ou say those things because time doesn+t really pass in this world. %t is . . .++
He paused" then smiled. %t was a terrible
thing to loo( at" that smile" full of yearning and strange greed. 66%t is one of its
many charms"++ he finished.
% was scared" but %+ve always been able to bite the bullet when % felt it really
needed biting" and this was one of those
times. 66Tell me what the hell+s going on here.++
66All right . . . but you+re already beginning to (now" !lyde. Aren+t you:++
667aybe. % don+t (now my dad+s name or my mom+s name or the name of the first girl %
ever went to bed with because
you don+t (now them. %s that it:++
He nodded" smiling the way a teacher would smile at a pupil who+s made a leap of logic
and come up with the right
answer against all odds. But his eyes were still full of that terrible sympathy.
66And when you wrote $an 3iego on your gadget there and it came into my head at the
same time . . .++
He nodded" encouraging me.
66%t isn+t just the <ulwider Building you own" is it:++ % swallowed" trying to get rid
of a large bloc(age in my throat that
had no intention of going anywhere. 66-ou own everything.++
But #andry was sha(ing his head. 66&ot everything. ?ust #os Angeles and a few
surrounding areas. This version of #os
Angeles" that is" complete with the occasional continuity glitch or made-up
addition.++
66Bull"++ % said" but % whispered the word.
66$ee the picture on the wall to the left of the door" !lyde:++
% glanced at it" but hardly had to2 it was 5ashington crossing the 3elaware" and it
had been there since . . . well" since
Hector was a pup.
#andry had ta(en his plastic Buc( ogers steno machine bac( onto his lap" and was
bending over it.
663on+t do that9++ % shouted" and tried to reach for him. % couldn+t do it. 7y arms
had no strength" it seemed" and % could
summon no resolve. % felt lethargic" drained" as if % had lost about three pints of
blood and was losing more all the time.
He rattled the (eys again. Turned the machine toward me so % could read the words in
the window. They read/ =n the
wall to the left of the door leading out to !andy-#and" =ur evered #eader hangs . . .
but always slightly as(ew. That+s
my way of (eeping him in perspective.
% loo(ed bac( at the picture. ,eorge 5ashington was gone" replaced by a photo of
<ran(lin oosevelt. <.3.. had a grin
on his face and his cigarette holder jutting upward at that angle his supporters thin(
of as jaunty and his detractors as
arrogant. The picture was hanging slightly as(ew.
66% don+t need the laptop to do it"++ he said. He sounded a little embarrassed" as if
%+d accused him of something. 66% can
do it just by concentrating--as you saw when the numbers disappeared from your
blotter--but the laptop helps.
Because %+m used to writing things down" % suppose. And then editing them. %n a way"
editing and rewriting are the most
fascinating parts of the job" because that+s where the final changes--usually small
but often crucial--ta(e place and the
picture really comes into focus.++
% loo(ed bac( at #andry" and when % spo(e" my voice was dead. 66-ou made me up" didn+t
you:++
He nodded" loo(ing strangely ashamed" as if what he had done was something dirty.
665hen:++ % uttered a strange" croa(y little laugh. 66=r is that the right 4uestion:++
66% don+t (now if it is or isn+t"++ he said" 66and % imagine any writer would tell you
about the same. %t didn+t happen all at
once--that much %+m sure of. %t+s been an ongoing process. -ou first showed up in
$carlet Town" but % wrote that bac(
in ED.. and you+ve changed a lot since then.++
ED.." % thought. A Buc( ogers year for sure. % didn+t want to believe this was
happening" wanted to believe it was all a
dream. =ddly enough" it was the smell of his cologne that (ept me from being able to
do that--that familiar smell %+d
never smelled in my life. How could % have: %t was Aramis" a brand as unfamiliar to me
as Toshiba.
But he was going on.
66-ou+ve grown a lot more complex and interesting. -ou were pretty one-dimensional to
start with.++ He cleared his
throat and smiled down at his hands for a moment. 665hat a pisser for me.++
He winced a little at the anger in my voice" but made himself loo( up again" just the
same. 66-our last boo( was How
#i(e a <allen Angel. % started that one in EDD1" but it too( until EDD0 to finish.
%+ve had some problems in the interim.
7y life has been . . . interesting.++ He gave the word an ugly" bitter twist.
665riters don+t do their best wor( during
interesting times" !lyde. Ta(e my word for it.++
% glanced at the baggy way his hobo clothes hung on him and decided he might have a
point there. 667aybe that+s why
you screwed up in such a big way on this one"++ % said. 66That stuff about the lottery
and the forty thousand dollars was
pure guff--they pay off in pesos south of the border.++
66% (new that"++ he said mildly. 66%+m not saying % don+t goof up from time to time--%
may be a (ind of ,od in this
world" or to this world" but in my own %+m perfectly human--but when % do goof up" you
and your fellow characters
never (now it" !lyde" because my mista(es and continuity lapses are part of your
truth. &o" 'eoria was lying. % (new it"
and % wanted you to (now it.++
665hy:++
He shrugged" again loo(ing uneasy and a little ashamed. 66To prepare you for my coming
a little" % suppose. That+s what
all of it was for" starting with the 3emmic(s. % didn+t want to scare you any more
than % had to.++
Any private eye worth his salt has a pretty good idea when the person in the client+s
chair is lying and when he+s telling
the truth2 (nowing when the client is telling the truth but purposely leaving gaps is
a rarer talent" and % doubt if even the
geniuses among us can tap it all the time. 7aybe % was only tapping it now because my
brainwaves and #andry+s were
marching in loc(-step" but % was tapping it. There was stuff he wasn+t telling me. The
4uestion was whether or not %
should call him on it.
5hat stopped me was a sudden" horrible intuition that came waltzing out of nowhere"
li(e a ghost oozing out of the
wall of a haunted house. %t had to do with the 3emmic(s. The reason they+d been so
4uiet last night was because dead
people don+t engage in marital spats--it+s one of those rules" li(e the one that says
crap rolls downhill" that you can
pretty much count on through thic( and thin. L<rom almost the first moment %+d met
him" %+d sensed there was a violent
temper under ,eorge+s urbane top layer" and that there might be a sharp-clawed bitch
lur(ing in the shadows behind
,loria 3emmic(+s pretty face and daffy demeanor. They were just a little too !ole
'orter to be true" if you see what %
mean. And now % was somehow sure that ,eorge had finally snapped and (illed his wife .
. . probably their yappy
5elsh !orgi" as well. ,loria might be sitting propped up in the bathroom corner
between the shower and the toilet
right now" her face blac(" her eyes bulging li(e old dull marbles" her tongue
protruding between her blue lips. The dog
was lying with its head in her lap and a wire coathanger twisted around its nec(" its
shrill bar( stilled forever. And
,eorge: 3ead on the bed with ,loria+s bottle of >eronals--now empty--standing beside
him on the night-table. &o
more parties" no more jitterbugging at Al Arif" no more frothy upper-class murder
cases in 'alm 3esert or Beverly
,len. They were cooling off now" drawing flies" growing pale under their fashionable
poolside tans.
,eorge and ,loria 3emmic(" who had died inside this man+s machine. 5ho had died inside
this man+s head.
66-ou did one lousy job of not scaring me"++ % said" and immediately wondered if it
would have been possible for him to
do a good one. As( yourself this/ how do you get a person ready to meet ,od: %+ll bet
even 7oses got a little hot under
the robe when he saw that bush start to glow" and %+m nothing but a shamus who wor(s
for forty a day plus expenses.
66How #i(e a <allen Angel was the 7avis 5eld story. The name" 7avis 5eld" is from a
novel called The #ittle $ister
By aymond !handler.++ He loo(ed at me with a (ind of troubled uncertainty that had
some small whiff of guilt in it.
66%t+s an hommage.++ He said the first syllable so it rhymed with ome.
66Bully for you"++ % said" 66but the guy+s name rings no bells.++
66=f course not. %n your world--which is my version of #.A." of course --!handler
never existed. &evertheless" %+ve
used all sorts of names from his boo(s in mine. The <ulwider Building is where
!handler+s detective" 'hilip 7arlowe"
had his office. >ernon Flein . . . 'eoria $mith . . . and !lyde 8mney" of course. That
was the name of the lawyer in
'laybac(.++
66And you call those things hommages:++
66That+s right.++
66%f you say so" but it sounds li(e a fancy word for plain old copying to me.++ But it
made me feel funny" (nowing that
my name had been made up by a man %+d never heard of in a world %+d never dreamed of.
#andry had the good grace to flush" but his eyes didn+t drop.
66All right2 perhaps % did do a little pilfering. !ertainly % adopted !handler+s style
for my own" but %+m hardly the first2
oss 7acdonald did the same thing in the fifties and sixties" obert 'ar(er did it in
the seventies and eighties" and the
critics dec(ed them with laurel leaves for it. Besides" !handler learned from Hammett
and Hemingway" not to mention
pulp-writers li(e--++
% held up my hand. 66#et+s s(ip the lit class and get down to the bottom line. This is
crazy" but--++ 7y eyes drifted to
the picture of oosevelt" from there they went to the eerily blan( blotter" and from
there they went bac( to the haggard
face on the other side of the des(. 66--but let+s say % believe it. 5hat are you doing
here: 5hat did you come for:++
;xcept % already (new. % detect for a living" but the answer to that one came from my
heart" not my head.
66% came for you.++
66<or me.++
66$orry" yes. %+m afraid you+ll have to start thin(ing of your life in a new way"
!lyde. As . . . well . . . a pair of shoes"
let+s say. -ou+re stepping out and %+m stepping in. And once %+ve got the laces tied"
%+m going to wal( away.++
=f course. =f course he was. And % suddenly (new what % had to do . . . the only thing
% could do.
,et rid of him.
% let a big smile spread across my face. A tell-me-more smile. At the same time %
coiled my legs under me" getting
them ready to launch me across the des( at him. =nly one of us could leave this
office" that much was clear. % intended
to be the one.
66=h" really:++ % said. 66How fascinating. And what happens to me" $ammy: 5hat happens
to the shoeless private eye:
5hat happens to !lyde--++
8mney" the last word was supposed to be my last name" the last word this interloping"
invading thief would ever hear in
his life. The minute it was out of my mouth % intended to leap. The trouble was" that
telepathy business seemed to wor(
both ways. % saw an expression of alarm dawn in his eyes" and then they slipped shut
and his mouth tightened with
concentration. He didn+t bother with the Buc( ogers machine2 % suppose he (new there
was no time for it.
66 6His revelations hit me li(e some (ind of debilitating drug"+ ++ he said" spea(ing
in the low but carrying tone of one
who recites rather than simply spea(ing. 66 6All the strength went out of my muscles"
my legs felt li(e a couple of
strands of al dente spaghetti" and all % could do was flop bac( in my chair and loo(
at him.+ ++
% flopped bac( in my chair" my legs uncoiling beneath me" unable to do anything but
loo( at him.
66&ot very good"++ he said apologetically" 66but rapid composition has never been a
strong point of mine.++
66-ou bastard"++ % rasped wea(ly. 66-ou son of a bitch.++
66-es"++ he agreed. 66% suppose % am.++
665hy are you doing this: 5hy are you stealing my life:++
His eyes flic(ered with anger at that. 66-our life: -ou (now better than that" !lyde"
even if you don+t want to admit it.
%t isn+t your life at all. % made you up" starting on one rainy day in ?anuary of ED..
and continuing right up to the
present time. % gave you your life" and it+s mine to ta(e away.++
66>ery noble"++ % sneered" 66but if ,od came down here right now and started yan(ing
your life apart li(e bad stitches in
a scarf" you might find it a little easier to appreciate my point of view.++
66All right"++ he said" 66% suppose you+ve got a point. But why argue it: Arguing with
one+s self is li(e playing solitaire
chess--a fair game results in a stalemate every time. #et+s just say %+m doing it
because % can.++
% felt a little calmer" all of a sudden. % had been down this street before. 5hen they
got the drop on you" you had to get
them tal(ing and (eep them tal(ing. %t had wor(ed with 7avis 5eld and it would wor(
here. They said stuff li(e 5ell"
% suppose it won+t hurt you to (now now or 5hat harm can it do:
7avis+s version had been downright elegant/ % want you to (now" 8mney--% want you to
ta(e the truth to hell with you.
-ou can pass it on to the devil over ca(e and coffee. %t really didn+t matter what
they said" but if they were tal(ing" they
weren+t shooting.
Always (eep em tal(ing" that was the thing. Feep em tal(ing and just hope the cavalry
would show up from
somewhere.
66The 4uestion is" why do you want to:++ % as(ed. 66%t+s hardly the usual thing" is
it: % mean" aren+t you writer types
usually content to cash the chec(s when they come" and go about your business:++
66-ou+re trying to (eep me tal(ing" !lyde. Aren+t you:++
That hit me li(e a suc(er-punch to the gut" but playing it down to the last card was
the only choice % had. % grinned and
shrugged. 667aybe. 7aybe not. ;ither way" % really do want to (now.++ And there was no
lie in that.
He loo(ed unsure for a moment longer" bent over and touched the (eys inside that
strange plastic case )% felt cramps in
my legs and gut and chest as he stro(ed them*" then straightened up again.
66% suppose it won+t hurt you to (now now"++ he said finally. 66After all" what harm
can it do:++
66&ot a bit.++
66-ou+re a clever boy" !lyde"++ he said" 66and you+re perfectly right --writers very
rarely plunge all the way into the
worlds they+ve created" and when they do % thin( they end up doing it strictly in
their heads" while their bodies vegetate
in some mental asylum. 7ost of us are content simply to be tourists in the country of
our imaginations. !ertainly that
was the case with me. %+m not a fast writer--composition has always been torture for
me" % thin( % told you that--but %
managed five !lyde 8mney boo(s in ten years" each more successful than the last. %n
EDK0 % left my job as regional
manager for a big insurance company and started to write full-time. % had a wife %
loved" a little boy that (ic(ed the sun
out of bed every morning and put it to bed every night--that+s how it seemed to me"
anyway--and % didn+t thin( life
could get any better.++
He shifted in the overstuffed client+s chair" moved his hand" and % saw the cigarette
burn Ardis 7c,ill had put in the
over-stuffed arm was also gone. He voiced a bitterly cold laugh.
66And % was right"++ he said. 66%t couldn+t get any better" but it could get a whole
hell of a lot worse. And did. About
three months after % started How #i(e a <allen Angel" 3anny--our little boy--fell out
of a swing in the par( and
bashed his head. !old-con(ed himself" in your parlance.++
A brief smile" every bit as cold and bitter as the laugh had been" crossed his face.
%t came and went at the speed of grief.
66He bled a lot--you+ve seen enough head-wounds in your time to (now how they are--and
it scared the crap out of
#inda" but the doctors were good and it did turn out to be only a concussion2 they got
him stabilized and gave him a pint
of blood to ma(e up for what he+d lost. 7aybe they didn+t have to--and that haunts
me--but they did. The real
problem wasn+t with his head" you see2 it was with that pint of blood. %t was infected
with A%3$.++
66!ome again:++
66%t+s something you can than( your ,od you don+t (now about"++ #andry said. 66%t
doesn+t exist in your time" !lyde. %t
won+t show up until the mid-seventies. #i(e Aramis cologne.++
665hat does it do:++
66;ats away at your immune system until the whole thing collapses li(e the wonderful
one-hoss shay. Then every bug
circling around out there" from cancer to chic(en pox" rushes in and has a party.++
66,ood !hrist9++
His smile came and went li(e a cramp. 66%f you say so. A%3$ is primarily a sexually
transmitted disease" but every now
and then it pops up in the blood supply. % suppose you could say my (id won big in a
very unluc(y version of la loterGa.++
66%+m sorry"++ % said" and although % was scared to death of this thin man with the
tired face" % meant it. #osing a (id to
something li(e that . . . what could be worse: 'robably something" yeah--there+s
always something--but you+d have to
sit down and thin( about it" wouldn+t you:
66Than(s"++ he said. 66Than(s" !lyde. %t went fast for him" at least. He fell out of
the swing in 7ay. The first purple
blotches-- Faposi+s sarcoma--showed up in time for his birthday in $eptember. He died
on 7arch EK" EDDE. And
maybe he didn+t suffer as much as some of them do" but he suffered. =h yes" he
suffered.++
% didn+t have the slightest idea what Faposi+s sarcoma was" either" and decided %
didn+t want to as(. % (new more than %
wanted to already.
66-ou can maybe understand why it slowed me down a little on your boo("++ he said.
66!an+t you" !lyde:++
% nodded.
66% pushed on" though. 7ostly because % thin( ma(e-believe is a great healer. 7aybe %
have to believe that. % tried to get
on with my life" too" but things (ept going wrong with it--it was as if How #i(e a
<allen Angel was some (ind of
weird bad-luc( charm that had turned me into ?ob. 7y wife went into a deep depression
following 3anny+s death" and %
was so concerned with her that % hardly noticed the red patches that had started
brea(ing out on my legs and stomach
and chest. And the itching. % (new it wasn+t A%3$" and at first that was all % was
concerned with. But as time went on
and things got worse . . . have you ever had shingles" !lyde:++
Then he laughed and clapped the heel of his hand to his forehead in a what-a-dunce-%-
am gesture before % could sha(e
my head.
66=f course you haven+t--you+ve never had more than a hangover. $hingles" my shamus
friend" is a funny name for a
terrible" chronic ailment. There+s some pretty good medicine available to help
alleviate the symptoms in my version of
#os Angeles" but it wasn+t helping me much2 by the end of EDDE % was in agony. 'art of
it was general depression over
what had happened to 3anny" of course" but most of it was the agony and the itching.
That would ma(e an interesting
boo( title about a tortured writer" don+t you thin(: The Agony and the %tching" or"
Thomas Hardy <aces 'uberty.++ He
voiced a harsh" distracted little laugh.
665hatever you say" $am.++
66% say it was a season in hell. =f course it+s easy to ma(e light of it now" but by
Than(sgiving of that year it was no
jo(e--% was getting three hours of sleep a night" tops" and % had days when it felt
li(e my s(in was trying to crawl right
off my body and run away li(e The ,ingerbread 7an. And % suppose that+s why % didn+t
see how bad it was getting with
#inda.++
% didn+t (now" couldn+t (now . . . but % did. 66$he (illed herself.++
He nodded. 66%n 7arch of EDDB" on the anniversary of 3aniel+s death. =ver two years
ago now.++
A single tear trac(ed down his wrin(led" prematurely aged chee(" and % had an idea
that he had gotten old in one hell of
a hurry. %t was sort of awful" realizing % had been made by such a bush-league version
of ,od" but it also explained a
lot. 7y shortcomings" mainly.
66That+s enough"++ he said in a voice which was blurred with anger as well as tears.
66,et to the point" you+d say. %n my
time we say cut to the chase" but it comes to the same. % finished the boo(. =n the
day % discovered #inda dead in
bed--the way the police are going to find ,loria 3emmic( later today" !lyde--% had
finished one hundred and ninety
pages of manuscript. % was up to the part where you fish 7avis+s brother out of #a(e
Tahoe. % came home from the
funeral three days later" fired up the word-processor" and got started right in on
page one-ninety-one. 3oes that shoc(
you:++
66&o"++ % said. % thought about as(ing him what a word-processor might be" then
decided % didn+t have to. The thing in
his lap was a word-processor" of course. Had to be.
66-ou+re in a decided minority"++ #andry said. 66%t shoc(ed what few friends % had
left" shoc(ed them plenty. #inda+s
relatives thought % had all the emotion of a warthog. % didn+t have the energy to
explain that % was trying to save myself.
<rog them" as 'eoria would say. % grabbed my boo( the way a drowning man would grab a
life-ring. % grabbed you"
!lyde. 7y case of the shingles was still bad" and that slowed me down--to some extent
it (ept me out" or % might have
gotten here sooner--but it didn+t stop me. % started getting a little better--
physically" at least--right around the time %
finished the boo(. But when % had finished" % fell into what % suppose must have been
my own state of depression. % went
through the edited script in a (ind of daze. % felt such a feeling of regret . . . of
loss . . .++ He loo(ed directly at me and
said" 663oes any of this ma(e any sense to you:++
66%t ma(es sense"++ % said. And it did. %n a crazy sort of way.
66There were lots of pills left in the house"++ he said. 66#inda and % were li(e the
3emmic(s in a lot of ways" !lyde--we
really did believe in living better chemically" and a couple of times % came very
close to ta(ing a couple of double
handfuls. The way the thought always came to me wasn+t in terms of suicide" but in
terms of wanting to catch up to
#inda and 3anny. To catch up while there was still time.++
% nodded. %t was what %+d thought about Ardis 7c,ill when" three days after we+d said
toodle-oo to each other in
Blondie+s" %+d found her in that stuffy attic room with a small blue hole in the
center of her forehead. ;xcept it had been
$am #andry who had really (illed her" and who had accomplished the deed with a (ind of
flexible bullet to the brain.
=f course it had been. %n my world $am #andry" this tired- loo(ing man in the hobo+s
pants" was responsible for
everything. The idea should have seemed crazy" and it did . . . but it was getting
saner all the time.
% found % had just energy enough to swivel my chair and loo( out my window. 5hat % saw
somehow did not surprise me
in the least/ $unset Boulevard and all that surrounded it had frozen solid. !ars"
buses" pedestrians" all stopped dead in
their trac(s. %t was a Foda( snapshot world out there" and why not: %ts creator could
not be bothered with animating
much of it" at least for the time being2 he was still caught in the whirlpool of his
own pain and grief. Hell" % was luc(y
to still be breathing myself.
66$o what happened:++ % as(ed. 66How did you get here" $am: !an % call you that: 3o
you mind:++
66&o" % don+t mind. % can+t give you a very good answer" though" because % don+t
exactly (now. All % (now for sure is
that every time % thought of the pills" % thought of you. 5hat % thought specifically
was" 6!lyde 8mney would never do
this" and he+d sneer at anyone who did. He+d call it the coward+s way out.+ ++
% considered that" found it fair enough" and nodded. <or someone staring some horrible
ailment in the face-->ernon+s
cancer" or the misbegotten nightmare that had (illed this man+s son--% might ma(e an
exception" but ta(e the pipe just
because you were depressed: That was for pansies.
66Then % thought" 6But that+s !lyde 8mney" and !lyde is ma(e-believe . . . just a
figment of your imagination.+ That
idea wouldn+t live" though. %t+s the dumbbells of the world--politicians and lawyers"
for the most part--who sneer at
imagination" and thin( a thing isn+t real unless they can smo(e it or stro(e it or
feel it or fuc( it. They thin( that way
because they have no imagination themselves" and they have no idea of its power. %
(new better. Hell" % ought to-- my
imagination has been buying my food and paying the mortgage for the last ten years or
so.
66At the same time" % (new % couldn+t go on living in what % used to thin( of as 6the
real world"+ by which % suppose we
all mean 6the only world.+ That+s when % started to realize there was only one place
left where % could go and feel
welcome" and only one person % could be when % got there. The place was here--#os
Angeles" in ED01-something. And
the person was you.++
% heard that faint whirring sound coming from inside his gadget again" but % didn+t
turn around.
'artly because % was afraid to.
And partly because % no longer (new if % could.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
>%. 8mney+s #ast !ase.
=n the street seven stories below" a man was frozen with his head half-turned to loo(
at the woman on the corner" who
was climbing up the step of the eight-fifty bus headed downtown. $he had exposed a
momentary length of beautiful
leg" and this was what the man was loo(ing at. A little farther down the street a boy
was holding out his battered old
baseball glove to catch the ball frozen in mid-air just above his head. And" floating
six feet above the street li(e a ghost
called up by a third-rate swami at a carnival seance" was one of the newspapers from
'eoria $mith+s overturned table.
%ncredibly" % could see the two photographs on it from up here/ Hitler above the fold"
the recently deceased !uban
bandleader below it.
#andry+s voice seemed to come from a long way off.
66At first % thought that meant %+d be spending the rest of my life in some nut-ward"
thin(ing % was you" but that was all
right" because it would only be my physical self loc(ed up in the funny-farm" do you
see: And then" gradually" % began
to realize that it could be a lot more than that . . . that maybe there might be a way
% could actually . . . well . . . slip all
the way in. And do you (now what the (ey was:++
66-es"++ % said" not loo(ing around. That whir came again as something in his gadget
revolved" and suddenly the
newspaper frozen in mid-air flapped off down the frozen Boulevard. A moment or two
later an old 3e$oto rolled
jer(ily through the intersection of $unset and <ernando. %t struc( the boy wearing the
baseball glove" and both he and
the 3e$oto sedan disappeared. &ot the ball" though. %t fell into the street" rolled
halfway to the gutter" then froze solid
again.
66-ou do:++ He sounded surprised.
66-eah. 'eoria was the (ey.++
66That+s right.++ He laughed" then cleared his throat--nervous sounds" both of them.
66% (eep forgetting that you+re me.++
%t was a luxury % didn+t have.
66% was fooling around with a new boo(" and not getting anywhere. %+d tried !hapter
=ne six different ways to $unday
before realizing a really interesting thing/ 'eoria $mith didn+t li(e you.++
That made me swing around in a hurry. 66The hell you say9++
66% didn+t thin( you+d believe it" but it+s the truth" and %+d somehow (nown it all
along. % don+t want to convene the lit
class again" !lyde" but %+ll tell you one thing about my trade--writing stories in the
first person is a funny" tric(y
business. %t+s as if everything the writer (nows comes from his main character" li(e a
series of letters or dispatches from
some far-off battle zone. %t+s very rare for the writer to have a secret" but in this
case % did. %t was as if your little part
of $unset Boulevard were the ,arden of ;den--++
66% never heard it called that before"++ % remar(ed.
66--and there was a sna(e in it" one % saw and you didn+t. A sna(e named 'eoria
$mith.++
=utside" the frozen world that he+d called my ,arden of ;den continued to dar(en"
although the s(y was cloudless. The
ed 3oor" a nightclub reputedly owned by #uc(y #uciano" disappeared. <or a moment
there was just a hole where it
had been" and then a new building filled it--a restaurant called 'etit 3Mjeuner with a
window full of ferns. % glanced up
the street and saw that other changes were going on--new buildings were replacing old
ones with silent" spoo(y speed.
They meant % was running out of time2 % (new this. 8nfortunately" % (new something
else" as well--there was probably
not going to be any nic( in this bundle of time. 5hen ,od wal(s into your office and
tells you He+s decided he li(es
your life better than His own" what the hell are your options:
66% jun(ed all the various drafts of the novel %+d started two months after my wife+s
death"++ #andry said. 66%t was
easy--poor crippled things that they were. And then % started a new one. % called it .
. . can you guess" !lyde:++
66$ure"++ % said" and swung around. %t too( all my strength" but what % suppose this
gee( would call my 66motivation++
was good. $unset $trip isn+t exactly the !hamps ;lysees or Hyde 'ar(" but it+s my
world. % didn+t want to watch him
tear it apart and rebuild it the way he wanted it. 66% suppose you called it 8mney+s
#ast !ase.++
He loo(ed faintly surprised. 66-ou suppose right.++
% waved my hand. %t was an effort" but % managed. 66% didn+t win the $hamus of the
-ear Award in ED0C and +0J for
nothing" you (now.++
He smiled at that. 66-es. % always did li(e that line.++
$uddenly % hated him--hated him li(e poison. %f % could have summoned the strength to
lunge across the des( and cho(e
the life out of him" % would have done it. He saw it" too. The smile faded.
66<orget it" !lyde--you wouldn+t have a chance.++
665hy don+t you get out of here:++ % grated at him. 66?ust get out and let a wor(ing
stiff alone:++
66Because % can+t. % couldn+t even if % wanted to . . . and % don+t.++ He loo(ed at me
with an odd mixture of anger and
pleading. 66Try to loo( at it from my point of view" !lyde--++
663o % have any choice: Have % ever:++
He ignored that. 66Here+s a world where %+ll never get any older" a year where all the
cloc(s are stopped at just about
eighteen months before 5orld 5ar %%" where the newspapers always cost three cents"
where % can eat all the eggs and
red meat % want and never have to worry about my cholesterol level.++
66% don+t have the slightest idea what you+re tal(ing about.++
He leaned forward earnestly. 66&o" you don+t9 And that+s exactly the point" !lyde9
This is a world where % can really do
the job % dreamed about doing when % was a little boy--% can be a private eye. % can
go rac(eting around in a fast car at
two in the morning" shoot it out with hoodlums--(nowing they may die but % won+t--and
wa(e up eight hours later
next to a beautiful chanteuse with the birds twittering in the trees and the sun
shining in my bedroom window. That
clear" beautiful !alifornia sun.++
667y bedroom window faces west"++ % said.
66&ot anymore"++ he replied calmly" and % felt my hands curl into strengthless fists
on the arms of my chair. 663o you see
how wonderful it is: How perfect: %n this world" people don+t go half-mad with itching
caused by a stupid" undignified
disease called shingles. %n this world" people don+t go gray" let alone bald.++
He loo(ed at me levelly" and in his gaze % saw no hope for me. &o hope at all.
66%n this world" beloved sons never die of A%3$ and beloved wives never ta(e overdoses
of sleeping pills. Besides" you
were always the outsider here" not me" no matter how it might have felt to you. This
is my world" born in my
imagination and maintained by my effort and ambition. % loaned it to you for awhile"
that+s all . . . and now %+m ta(ing
it bac(.++
66<inish telling me how you got in" will you do that much: % really want to hear.++
66%t was easy. % tore it apart" starting with the 3emmic(s" who were never much more
than a lousy imitation of &ic( and
&ora !harles" and rebuilt it in my own image. % too( away all the beloved supporting
characters" and now %+m removing
all the old landmar(s. %+m pulling the rug out from under you a strand at a time" in
other words" and %+m not proud of it"
but % am proud of the sustained effort of will it+s ta(en to pull it off.++
65hat+s happened to you bac( in your own world:++ % was still (eeping him tal(ing" but
now it was nothing but habit"
li(e an old mil(-horse finding his way bac( to the barn on a snowy morning.
He shrugged. 663ead" maybe. =r maybe % really have left a physical self--a hus(--
sitting catatonic in some mental
institution. % don+t thin( either of those things is really the case" though--all of
this feels too real. &o" % thin( % made it
all the way" !lyde. % thin( that bac( home they+re loo(ing for a missing writer . . .
with no idea that he+s disappeared
into the storage ban(s of his own word-processor. And the truth is % really don+t
care.++
66And me: 5hat happens to me:++
66!lyde"++ he said" 66% don+t care about that" either.++
He bent over his gadget again.
663on+t9++ % said sharply.
He loo(ed up.
66% . . .++ % heard the 4uiver in my voice" tried to control it" and found % couldn+t.
667ister" %+m afraid. 'lease leave me
alone. % (now it+s not really my world out there anymore--hell" in here" either--but
it+s the only world %+ll ever come
close to (nowing. #et me have what+s left of it. 'lease.++
66Too late" !lyde.++ Again % heard that merciless regret in his voice. 66!lose your
eyes. %+ll ma(e it as fast as % can.++
% tried to jump him--% tried as hard as % could. % didn+t move so much as an iota. And
as far as closing my eyes went" %
discovered % didn+t need to. All the light had gone out of the day" and the office was
as dar( as midnight in a coalsac(.
% sensed rather than saw him lean over the des( toward me. % tried to draw bac( and
discovered % couldn+t even do that.
$omething dry and rustly touched my hand and % screamed.
66Ta(e it easy" !lyde.++ His voice" coming out of the dar(ness. !oming not just from
in front of me but from
everywhere. =f course" % thought. After all" %+m a figment of his imagination. 66%t+s
only a chec(.++
66A . . . chec(:++
66-es. <or five thousand dollars. -ou+ve sold me the business. The painters will
scratch your name off the door and
paint mine on before they leave tonight.++ He sounded dreamy. 66$amuel 3. #andry"
'rivate 3etective. %t+s got a great
ring" doesn+t it:++
% tried to beg and found % couldn+t. &ow even my voice had failed me.
66,et ready"++ he said. 66% don+t (now exactly what+s coming" !lyde" but it+s coming
now. % don+t thin( it+ll hurt.++ But %
don+t really care if it does--that was the part he didn+t say.
That faint whirring sound came out of the blac(ness. % felt my chair melt away beneath
me" and suddenly % was falling.
#andry+s voice fell with me" reciting along with the clic(s and taps of his fabulous
futuristic steno machine" reciting the
last two sentences of a novel called 8mney+s #ast !ase.
66 6$o % left town" and as to where % finished up . . . well" mister" % thin( that+s
my business. 3on+t you:+ ++
There was a brilliant green light below me. % was falling toward it. $oon it would
consume me" and the only feeling %
had was one of relief.
66 6TH; ;&3"+ ++ #andry+s voice boomed" and then % fell into the green light" it was
shining through me" in me" and
!lyde 8mney was no more.
$o long" shamus.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
>%%. The =ther $ide of the #ight.
All that was six months ago.
% came to on the floor of a gloomy room with a humming in my ears" pushed myself to my
(nees" shoo( my head to
clear it" and loo(ed up into the bright green glare %+d fallen through" li(e Alice
through the loo(ing glass. % saw a Buc(
ogers machine that was the big brother of the one #andry had brought into my office.
,reen letters shone on it and %
pushed myself to my feet so % could read them" absently running my fingernails up and
down over my lower arms as %
did so/
$o % left town" and as to where % finished up . . . well" mister" % thin( that+s my
business. 3on+t you:
And below that" capitalized and centered" two more words/ TH; ;&3.
% read it again" now running my fingers over my stomach. % was doing it because there
was something wrong with my
s(in" something that wasn+t exactly painful but was certainly bothersome. As soon as
it rose to the fore in my mind" %
realized that weird sensation was going on everywhere--the nape of my nec(" the bac(s
of my thighs" in my crotch.
$hingles" % thought suddenly. %+ve got #andry+s shingles. 5hat %+m feeling is itching"
and the reason % didn+t recognize it
right away is because--
66Because %+ve never had an itch before"++ % said" and then the rest of it clic(ed
into place. The clic( was so sudden and so
hard that % actually swayed on my feet. % wal(ed slowly across to a mirror on the
wall" trying not to scratch my weirdly
crawling s(in" (nowing % was going to see an aged version of my face" a face cut with
lines li(e old dry washes and
topped with a shoc( of lac(luster white hair.
&ow % (new what happened when writers somehow too( over the lives of the characters
they had created. %t wasn+t
exactly theft after all.
7ore of a swap.
% stood staring into #andry+s face--my face" only aged fifteen hard years--and felt my
s(in tingling and buzzing.
Hadn+t he said his shingles had been getting better: %f this was better" how had he
endured worse without going
completely insane:
% was in #andry+s house" of course--my house" now--and in the bathroom off the study"
% found the medication he too(
for his shingles. % too( my first dose less than an hour after % came to on the floor
below his des( and the humming
machine on it" and it was as if % had swallowed his life instead of medicine.
As if %+d swallowed his whole life.
These days the shingles are a thing of the past" %+m happy to report. 7aybe it just
ran its course" but % li(e to thin( that
the old !lyde 8mney spirit had something to do with it--!lyde was never sic( a day in
his life" you (now" and
although % seem to always have the sniffles in this run-down $am #andry body" %+ll be
damned if %+ll give in to them . . .
and since when did it hurt to turn on a little of that positive thin(ing: % thin( the
correct answer to that one is 66since
never.++
There have been some pretty bad days" though" the first one coming less than twenty-
four hours after % showed up in the
unbelievable year of EDDC. % was loo(ing through #andry+s fridge for something to eat
)%+d pigged out on his Blac(
Horse Ale the night before and felt it couldn+t hurt my hangover to eat something*
when a sudden pain (nifed into my
guts. % thought % was dying. %t got worse" and % (new % was dying. % fell to the
(itchen floor" trying not to scream. A
moment or two later" something happened" and the pain eased.
7ost of my life %+ve been using the phrase 66% don+t give a shit.++ All that has
changed" starting that morning. % cleaned
myself up" then climbed the stairs" (nowing what %+d find in the bedroom/ wet sheets
in #andry+s bed.
7y first wee( in #andry+s world was spent mostly in toilet-training myself. %n my
world" of course" nobody ever went
to the bathroom. =r to the dentist" for that matter" and my first trip to the one
listed in #andry+s olodex is something %
don+t even want to thin( about" let alone discuss.
But there+s been an occasional rose in this nest of brambles. <or one thing" there+s
been no need to go job-hunting in
#andry+s confusing" jet-propelled world2 his boo(s apparently continue to sell very
well" and % have no problem cashing
the chec(s that come in the mail. 7y signature and his are" of course" identical. As
for any moral compunctions % might
have about doing that" don+t ma(e me laugh. Those chec(s are for stories about me.
#andry only wrote them2 % lived
them. Hell" % deserved fifty thou and a rabies shot just for getting within scratching
distance of 7avis 5eld+s claws.
% expected to have problems with #andry+s so-called friends" but % suppose a heavy-
duty shamus li(e me should have
(nown better--would a guy with any real friends want to disappear into a world he+d
created on the soundstage of his
own imagination: &ot li(ely. #andry+s friends were his son and his wife" and they were
dead. There are ac4uaintances
and neighbors" but they seem to accept me as him. The woman across the street throws
me puzzled glances from time to
time" and her little girl cries when % come near even though % used to baby-sit for
them every now and then )the woman
says % did" anyway" and why would she lie:*" but that+s no big deal.
% have even spo(en to #andry+s agent" a guy from &ew -or( named >errill. He wants to
(now when %+m going to start a
new boo(.
$oon" % tell him. $oon.
7ostly % stay in. % have no urge to explore the world #andry pushed me into when he
pushed me out of my own2 % see
more than % want to on my once-wee(ly trip to the ban( and the grocery store" and %
threw a boo(end through his awful
television machine less than two hours after % figured out how to use it. %t doesn+t
surprise me that #andry wanted to
leave this groaning world with its freight of disease and senseless violence--a world
where na(ed women dance in
nightclub windows" and sex with them can (ill you.
&o" % spend my time inside" mostly. % have re-read each of his novels" and each one is
li(e leafing through the pages of a
well-loved scrapboo(. And %+ve taught myself to use his word-processing machine" of
course. %t+s not li(e the
television machine2 the screen is similar" but on the word-processor" you can ma(e
whatever pictures you want to see"
because they all come from inside your own head.
% li(e that.
%+ve been getting ready" you see--trying sentences and discarding them the way you try
pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. And
this morning % wrote a few that seem right . . . or almost right. 5ant to hear: =(ay"
here goes/
5hen % loo(ed toward the door" % saw a very chastened" very downcast 'eoria $mith
standing there. 66% guess % treated
you pretty bad the last time % saw you" 7r. 8mney"++ he said. 66% came to say %+m
sorry.++ %t had been over six months"
but he loo(ed the same as ever. And % do mean the same.
66-ou+re still wearing your cheaters"++ % said.
66-eah. 5e tried the operation" but it didn+t wor(.++ He sighed" then grinned and
shrugged. %n that moment he loo(ed
li(e the 'eoria %+d always (nown. 665hat the hey" 7r. 8mney--bein blind ain+t so
bad.++
%t isn+t perfect2 sure" % (now that. % started out as a detective" not a writer. But %
believe you can do just about anything"
if you want to bad enough" and when you get right down to where the cheese binds" this
is a (ind of (eyhole-peeping"
too. The size and shape of the word-processor (eyhole are a little different" but it+s
still loo(ing into other people+s
lives and then reporting bac( to the client on what you saw.
%+m teaching myself for one very simple reason/ % don+t want to be here. -ou can call
it #.A. in EDDC if you want to2 %
call it hell. %t+s awful frozen dinners you coo( in a box called a 66microwave"++ it+s
snea(ers that loo( li(e <ran(enstein
shoes" it+s music that comes out of the radio sounding li(e crows being steamed alive
in a pressure-coo(er" it+s--
5ell" it+s everything.
% want my life bac(" % want things the way they were" and % thin( % (now how to ma(e
that happen.
-ou+re one sad" thieving bastard" $am--may % still call you that:-- and % feel sorry
for you . . . but sorry only stretches
so far" because the operant word here is thieving. 7y original opinion on the subject
hasn+t changed at all" you see--%
still don+t believe that the ability to create conveys the right to steal.
5hat are you doing right this minute" you thief: ;ating dinner at that 'etit 3Mjeuner
restaurant you made up: $leeping
beside some gorgeous honey with perfect no-sag breasts and murder up the sleeve of her
negligee: 3riving down to
7alibu with carefree abandon: =r just (ic(ing bac( in the old office chair" enjoying
your painless" odorless" shitless
life: 5hat are you doing:
%+ve been teaching myself to write" that+s what %+ve been doing" and now that %+ve
found my way in" % thin( %+ll get
better in a hurry. Already % can almost see you.
Tomorrow morning" !lyde and 'eoria are going to go down to Blondie+s" which has re-
opened for business. This time
'eoria+s going to ta(e !lyde up on that brea(fast offer. That will be step two.
-es" % can almost see you" $am" and pretty soon % will. But % don+t thin( you+ll see
me. &ot until % step out from behind
my office door and wrap my hands around your throat.
This time nobody goes home.