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Emily Bronk
English 12
Mrs. Warneke
10/24/2014

Dealing With Adoption

Adopting a child may seem like a good deed to many. For those that do adopt, though,
the process may not seem like it is worth it. Many problems begin to develop once the child has
arrived, and the new change is typically not easy on the family. Learning the different ways to
make the process easier will provide ways for families choosing to adopt to see how other
adoptive families have dealt with the process themselves. Having problems, such as the adopted
child having difficulty fitting in or not behaving when he or she is told what to do, is typical for a
family to face, but learning about various coping methods and programs available, adoptive
families can watch these problems fade away.
Many problems can occur for families that choose to adopt. People may think that it will
be a fun, easy process, thinking only of the good deed they will be doing for someone, but they
never understand that adoption is not a simple solution It always carries its own
complications (Adoption or Maladoption 2). There are more problems that occur in the
process than a person may think. One problem that occurs with adoption is that the adoptive
child does not fit in with the family. The child could also experience other problems such as low
self-esteem, depression, or reactive attachment disorder. Disorders can then lead to other
problems families can experience after adopting.
Another problem that could develop is the feeling of dislike or hate between family
members. An adopted child and biological child(ren) immediately living together [does not]

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mean feelings of attachment, love, and trust [will] automatically appear, it only causes more
problems to arise (DeCostole 94). Not everyone will get along right away, and problematic
situations will occur. Every person has their own distinctive thoughts on how to handle the new
addition, which will create tension between family members. Not everyone will always get along
with each other when such a dramatic change occurs, but by finding different coping methods to
deal with adoption, the process will hopefully become easier for the family.
By understanding what to do about any problems that may develop when adopting will
make handling difficult situations easier to overcome when the child does arrive. Problems that
develop within adoptive families can seem like they will never go away, unless professional help
is involved. One way to go about this is to see a counselor. Talking with a counselor is an
excellent way to get professional help. Adoptive families can speak to these counselors and get
information on what to do to deal with the problems their family may be facing. They can also
help test to see if the child has a mental disorder, such as depression or reactive attachment
disorder, the syndrome that prevents adoptees from attaching to [his or her] new parents
(Traster 25). Not only does this disorder prevent the child from attaching to his or her parents,
but also the rest of the family. Biological children, grandparents, or any close family members
will be affected by the childs possible disorder. More problems for the child could develop in
future relationships if he or she is never tested for, and possibly medicated for, any kind of
disorder.
According to Tina Trasters article published in Adoptive Families magazine,
psychologists say some infants are traumatized at birth so they develop a self-defense
mechanism that makes them unable to trust adults (Traster 24). Being unable to trust adults, the
adopted child will feel the sense of insecurity living in a new home. The psychological help from

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a counselor will let the child know that he or she can trust the adoptive parents. Counselors can
also teach parents what they can do to help the process become easier for the child, or for the
child to feel welcome and secure in a new home. Counseling will help create a shorter time span
for problems to occur, but like many other dramatic changes, the process will still take time and
patience to overcome.
Many people disagree with the idea of using a counselor to solve problems in their own
lives. Another coping method for adoptive families that do not want counseling is time. Giving
the child a chance to learn the new ways of life at his or her new home could be a great way to
solve problems that are created when adopting. Some may think what matters most is the
nurturing, healing, protective love of a family, wherever that family may be (Reitz 149). It
should not matter if the adopted child is of a different race or from a different country, it should
only matter that the family will always love and protect him or her. As long as the adoptive
family shows that the new member will be loved, cared for and protected in his or her new home,
the biggest of problems should not develop.
Everyone has their own personality, including an adopted child. Different personalities
will not always flourish right away, but by giving it time and being patient, each person can learn
to cooperate well with each other. Time will give everyone the chance to understand one another
and learn how to make the family work as well as it did before the adoption happened. By
understanding and desensitization within the family, the child and the adoptive family should
be able to know and set certain boundaries for each person (Raising Your). By trying to
solve problems with time, this process will take longer than getting professional help. It will also
take patience which may be difficult for some people, especially if they do not handle the

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problem well. This solution will be more difficult than receiving counseling, but the adoptive
family will still be able see the changes that occur slowly but surely.
For being the most effective, a hybrid solution would help adoptive families the most. By
talking to a counselor and giving the process a little more time, the family will be able to get the
best results. These results will last as long as everyone participates and tries to make less
problems that can be avoided. Intertwining the solutions, counseling, time, and communication
can help smooth the emotional transitions following an adoption (Lynn). Counseling will help
the family when times get tough and when they do not know what else to do. With time, the
family will be able to see the difference counseling has done to improve difficult changes they
have experienced. Using both of these solutions, families will be able to handle problems that
arise, and also avoid future problems that may occur. If someone is thinking about adopting, they
will need to do their research to see if their family is a good component. The family will also
need to be able to handle all the problems that may happen when the child becomes part of their
family. Every adoption is different, but learning about ways adoptive families have handled
different situations will help any future problems that may occur. Knowing what to do to prepare
for the arrival of an adopted child is key for avoiding problems. All changes will take time to see
results, and by getting help from a counselor, these problems quickly dissolve, or maybe not
even occur at all.

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Works Cited
Adoption or Maladoption, Society. 30.3 (1993): 2. EBSCOhost. Web. 07 Oct 2014.
DeCostole, Jessica. We Found Our Daughter in Ethiopia. Redbook. 208.5 (2007): 92-94.
EBSCOhost. Web. 07 Oct. 2014.
Lynn, Maggie. Problems With Child Adoption. LIVESTRONG. Demand Media, Inc.,
21 Oct. 2013. Web. 09 Oct. 2014.
Raising Your Adopted Child: Problems. FamilyEducation. Pearson Education, n.d. Web. 07
Oct. 2014.
Reitz, Whitney A. Adoption: The Best Form of Protection. Vital Speeches of the Day. 79.5
(2013): 148-151. EBSCOhost. Web. 09 Oct. 2014.
Traster, Tina. Love Learned. Adoptive Families May-June 2010: 24-25. Print.