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Natalie Johnson
Josh Terry
English 2010
4 August 2014

Is monogamy against human nature?

From time to time there is talk of certain famous individuals taking to a stance of having
open relationships. Several prominent, and married, Hollywood figures have come out as having
a relationship that allows a bit more of a free spirit (so to speak). While some of us married folk
may consider this absolutely crazy, perhaps even a fast track to divorce, more and more it seems
that younger couples are turning to the concept of open relationships. If youre anything like
me, the thought of an open relationship seems a bit farfetched. I suppose the idea of I will love
you and only you, except when I want somebody else just seems like a recipe for disaster.
In this day and age many things that were once considered sins are becoming increasingly
normal. In the past few decades we have seen society have an increased acceptance for
homosexuality, several churches have removed masturbation from the mortal sin list and
smoking pot is now legal in two states. If the things that have long been thought of as completely
immoral are becoming acceptable, is it really so unrealistic to believe that eventually the normal
marriage will have a built in hall pass for desire?
If you believe in evolution it is not hard to look at other, closely related, species and get
the impression that we might be the odd ones. Very few mammals keep the same mate
throughout their lifetime (humans among them). So, with our minds becoming more open as the
world changes around us, it doesnt seem too abstract to believe that homosapiens have become

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so overwhelmed by personal belief and faith that they are fighting how they are meant to act. If
we take that at face value, it may explain why people are constantly caught committing adultery
when every other aspect of their lives would have you believe they are a saint. Is it true? Could
those of us who are married be breaking the laws of nature?
According to Jeanna Bryner, who is the managing editor at LiveScience, Only 3 percent
to 5 percent of the roughly 5,000 species of mammals (including humans) are known to form
lifelong, monogamous bonds, with the loyal superstars including beavers, wolves and some bats
(LiveScience). Since we are not talking about wolves, beavers, or bats lets draw the attention
back to the fact that humans are just abnormal among the animal kingdom. Bryner states that it is
normal that creatures (humans) pair up and raise offspring, but are still allowed to go explore
their sexual sensations with others. Bryner pin points that males are normally the ones that are
allowed to be promiscuous for the simple fact that females have more to lose compared to males.
However, Lucy Waterlow who is a writer for Daily Mail, makes it clear that whether you
are a male or female, being promiscuous is natural for both sexes. Waterlow also stated while
monogamy has now become an accepted and 'right' way of life in many societies today where we
are conditioned to believe that being faithful is natural, in fact, our primal urges are to be
promiscuous (Daily Mail), that leads us to ask the question Is monogamy normal, or are we
just kidding ourselves?
With these opinions in mind, one would be inclined to think that living a nonmonogamous lifestyle would be preferable, however it has been studied that choosing one sexual
partner provides a sense of security and trust within a relationship. Ross Douthat, who is a
Harvard educated journalist for The New York Times, wrote the article Why Monogamy
Matters, in this article he refers to a report done by sociologists Mark Regnerus and Jeremy
Uecker, he claims Female emotional well-being seems to be tightly bound to sexual

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stability which may help explain why overall female happiness has actually drifted
downward since the sexual revolution. In my opinion some of this openness may be a
result of one spouse attempting to impress another. While one spouse may want the ability
to be free if he/she chooses the other may disagree. Those of us who have been in a new
relationship (everyone) may have an idea as to how hard it is to shoot down your new
spouse ideas and beliefs. Even in the rare cases of these open relationships, I believe,
there is not actual agreement between both parties.
The reason for my certainty is the results that the actions of these types of
relationship provides. After claiming that it is possible for an open relationship to work

David Barash, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Washington notes "However,
as people, we're also inclined to be sexually jealous of a partner being with someone else, and
from a biological standpoint, we're resistant to that partner having another relationship"(Mens
Health). What he is claiming is that, for most people, keeping one partner is not only an
emotional want, it is a biological desire. With few exceptions, sharing a spouse undoubtedly lead
to a lack of trust and feelings of betrayal.
It may be easy to look at other species actions and the misdeeds of others and come to an
assumption that it is only natural. However, if I look at my own actions as well as the actions of
others, it is very easy to find that sharing a spouse is more than just a moral question. Its easy to
see that there is something natural, at our core, which tells us that they are mine and mine alone,
and I will not be sharing. Seemingly, all human discretions and misdirection begin with desire.
The concept of needing to have more than one sexual partner is no different. Justify as we may,
the simple truth remains that we all strive to share our lives with the one not the ones.

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Works Cited
Bryner, Jeanna. "Are Humans Meant to Be Monogamous?" LiveScience. TechMedia
Do Open Relationships Work?" Men's Fitness. N.p., n.d. Web. 2 Aug. 2014.
Douthat, Ross. "Why Monogamy Matters." The New York Times. The New York Times,
National Health Statistics Reports Number 36, April 6, 2011 (2011): n. pag. 3 Mar.
2011. Web. 2 Aug. 2014.
Statistics, National Center For Health. "Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual."
TED Lecturer Claims That We Are All Built to Be Promiscuous." Mail Online.
Associated Newspapers, 01 Mar. 2013. Web. 01 Aug. 2014
Waterlow, Lucy. "Monogamy Is Not a Natural State for Men OR Women... Controversial