Angela Chavez

Professor Howard English 2010

Larger Responsive Essay
The great Alfred Lord Tennyson once wrote, Tis better to have loved and lost then to
never have loved at all. These remarkable and famous words seem to ring true. But are they?
Love and romance are heavily influenced by the culture many live in today. And to a certain
degree, our notions toward love are not only influenced by that same culture, but also, mainly
dictated by our past relationship themselves.
Children are taught from a young age that mothers and fathers are actually supposed to
stay together until death do them part. But that hardly is the case in reality. And even movies
and television depict these unrealistic views about couples managing to end up together, even
after years of hardship. Furthermore, books even add to the hype, especially to young readers;
many now believe that teenage relationships are actually supposed to lead to marriages and
families. And thats just not the case. If a person has seen and had relationships fall apart his or
her entire life, the odds of that person having a positive outlook on love will be slim. Relationships
wither and die every day. American culture does not seem to want to address that; at the end
of almost every American story, the guy always gets the girl.
Nevertheless, though, love and relationships teach many things to a person - that even if
every relationship Bob has gone through has failed, he may still have hope in finding that special
one. The ideas of love and relationships and romantic rituals are very complex and difficult to
understand. And yet, even with all the influences love has and being based on past
relationships, (not only personal romantic ones, but also the ones surrounding a person) it can
be stated that though sometimes painful, terrifying, and confusing, love itself, no matter the
ending, is always worth the risk. To better understand my perspective, this will be broken down

into three parts: the effect of culture, family relationships, and a brief overview of my personal
relationships.
The effect of culture on perspectives of love is immense. Certain standards to even start
a relationship are set into place. Then while being in a relationship, rules need to be followed.
Culture today has attempted to keep love structured which is an impossible feat. Standards
have been set sky-high on every aspect of love the couple, what is done, what is not done,
and so on. And while attempting to keep love concrete, certain aspects of culture itself conflict.
A perfect example is religion versus the norm. Most religions state that a couple must wait until
marriage until having sex. But the norm today is to have sex when you are in love or even
believe you are in love. Which notion should be followed? It is up to the couple and their beliefs.
Another example can also be analyzed: couples staying together or breaking up. Most
books and movies depict couples that overcome adversity and make things work and stay
together forever and are happily in love and blah blah blah. But most icons, even after decades
of marriage, end up divorced for numerous reasons. It is never certain if a couple will stay
together. The saying goes, Either you will end up breaking up with a person. Or marrying him or
her. There are many reasons why couples split up or manage to stay together. But there are no
solid answers.
There is another important aspect of culture that needs to be addressed: social media.
Twitter, Facebook, even Instagram has made or broken couples. There are misconceptions that
arise from these sites and honestly, too many problems. Private relationships hardly exist with
these sites. Even when a couple splits, there is the decision of whether or not they should
unfriend or unfollow, the ex. From personal experience, I have learned that any type of
relationship should be kept off of social media. It is not worth the trouble these sites cause. Even
though culture tends to influence how couples will react with each other, in the end, it is up to
the individual people to come to their own decisions and commit their actions. The media is a

great influence in many aspects of life, but humans have free will, and they can only blame
themselves for their mistakes, praise themselves for their accomplishments. From a personal
perspective, and I hate to admit it, culture does affect my views on love. I question sometimes
whether love truly exists. But then I wonder, how could it possibly not?
My exposure to relationships has been all over the place. My parents divorced when I
was two. Both my parents remarried. But my dad divorced his second wife a few years ago.
About half my aunts or uncles are within second marriages, and the other half have remained
with their spouses for decades. I have seen every type of relationship imaginable: the toxic ones,
the healthy ones, the adulterous ones, the miracle ones, and the rare true love ones.
But my greatest influence from my family and my take on love most definitely arises from
my sister and her husband. My sister started dating her now husband when she was twelve; she is
now going to be 23. They have overcome every trial and tribulation you can imagine: rumors
and lies, petty families, a few break-ups, and even an unexpected pregnancy. But through
every obstacle, they never lost their love for one another. A little over a decade later, they are
married and expecting their third child. My sister and her husband will bicker and will hardly
agree on much, but they listen to each other, and they are willing to compromise. They are not
the perfect couple. But they come pretty damn close. I come to them with my relationship
issues. And I learned that I really should listen to them. They tell me what to expect and what I
should and should not do. And try to teach me what a good and healthy relationship is like. It
doesnt mean they are always happy and peppy, but they are always in love. And this is one of
those rare true love relationships I mentioned earlier. My sister and her husband give me hope in
one day finding that special person. They are still young, but I have no doubt that they will still be
throwing pillows at each other well into their golden years.
Even with influences from culture and family, my perspective on love is based mainly on
Lalo. He was the second guy I had ever dated and starting in October of 2013, I was in love. Lalo

and I knew each other since we were in elementary school. We moved to different states, but
after seven years, finally had the chance to be with one another. I had seen my friends go
through relationships before and thought they were ridiculous for exposing themselves so much
to one person for being vulnerable.
But then came the day I looked at Lalo and I smiled, not being able to imagine a single
day without him in my life. Cupid shot me and shot me good. I loved him, more than I had ever
loved anyone outside of my family. I opened up to him about everything in my life. I trusted him
immensely and would have done anything for him. He was my best friend. But we were
opposites, though. We bickered and didnt agree on many things. Yet, we always made up. We
always ended our conversations with, I love you. Then one day we just didnt. He gave up.
And I crashed. I felt lost and confused after he said goodbye. The irony of the matter is uncanny,
though; I had no doubt in my mind that I was truly in love with him based on how much it hurt to
see him walk away, eventually with someone else.
Nevertheless, at the end of each day, even after I cried over him for weeks, all I wanted
was for him to be happy. Even if his love wasnt real, mine was. To this day, I hope he finds what
hes looking for and gets everything he deserves.
Now based on experiencing such a terribly heartbreak, you would think that my view on
love would be negative, but its not. Lalo taught me what it was like to love someone else, to
trust, and to be happy, something I will never be able to repay him for. I took a risk. And even
though I ended up falling on my face, I would do it all over again. Because thats the thing
about love, you have to be willing to take the risk. Take that leap of faith and hope love will be
there to catch you.
Love cannot be generalized. Everyone has seen or experienced love in different
manners that affected their perspective in different ways. Whether youre gay, bi, or straight,
single or in a relationship, your take on love will constantly be in a state of flux. Influences will

always be pressing down on you. But you have to choose as to what you let affect you and your
relationship. Love is frightening and ominous. Youll never know what to expect. And even
though it can hurt, love is still always worth the risk. Love will teach you more about the world
and yourself than you could ever imagine. It is love that holds the foundation to many aspects of
our society. And while culture may state one thing, family another, and personal experiences
something else, it should never be forgotten that love, true love, always finds a way to make
everyone in the relationship pleased.