ENG 316

Case Study: Lisa Zisa*

By: Angelica Rivera
12/3/2014

Abstract: Lisa* is a Sophomore at Rider University. She studies Secondary Business Education with a
minor is Special Education. Samples of Lisas* writing were provided for evaluation and reflect her
strengths and weakness when it comes to writing. She has an understanding of eye catching opening
statements and a sense of how to format an essay. Lisa* struggles in areas of generalizations and not
proving correct citations. I have suggested that Lisa* ask herself questions about her writing to help her
with the process. I have also said that Lisa* should use outlines and web maps to help organize her
thoughts and ideas. These improvements will help to make Lisa a stronger writer. *Names have been
changed to protect the identity of the student.

Background
Lisa Zisa is a sophomore Secondary Business Education major with a minor
in Special Education. Lisa fits the mold of a traditional student; she attended college
immediately after finishing high school and is now a full time student. Lisa also works
a part time job during the school year at Chesterfield Elementary School in
Chesterfield, New Jersey. She works a total of approximately 15-20 hours a week.
Lisas writing journey has been rather short, she was formally introduced to writing in
high school and now in college due to her lack of exposure to formal writing, Lisa has
not learned the proper ins and outs of the writing process, nor had time to practice
them.
Lisa also mentioned that when she is writing she likes to have music playing
in the background and preferably to be alone. Due to the time spent writing Lisa
admits that her writing could use improvements and she knows that she needs to
focus on sentence structure, grammar, and proofreading. When asked about the
feedback that teachers provide her, she responded by simply stating that her
teachers tell her that she needs to work on her proofreading skills. For a student in
Lisas position she needs to receive better feedback, so the follow up question was if
she ever used the writing center as a resource to help her writing. Lisa said that she
has but she does not usually go to the writing center for help, instead she revises her
own paper and then asks her roommate to look over it as well.
When Lisa was asked about the process she confessed that she does not
usually start the writing assignment until two days before it is due and typically
spends one to two hours writing, depending on how long the assignment is. When it
comes time to write papers she explained that she usually plans out her opening

sentence, thesis, main points, and closing statements. After she outlines those
aspects of her paper she sits down, with music playing in the background, and writes
the paper all at once. Since writing is not her favorite activity, relief overcomes Lisa
once the paper is handed into the teacher.
Lisas future plans consist for her becoming a high school business education
teacher but before she can get there she realizes she has some work to do when it
comes to writing.

Description and Analysis

Lisa has many areas in which she excelled and many areas where she could
use some improvement. I shall begin by stating that Lisa has an overall sense of
form, topic sentences that say what she will discuss, and well developed attention
grabbers. Lisa understands that an essay must start with an opening, followed by
paragraphs to back up the thesis statement, and thus ending with a conclusion to
wrap the paper up. Lisa also has strength when it came to breaking up the
paragraphs in a logical format. There was not a paragraph that was too long nor did
it drag on. Lisa knew that when a new idea approached she had to form a new
paragraph.
Moving forward, I took notice to Lisas topic sentences. In sample 1 Lisa is
discussing the topic of standardized tests and how the tests affect students. In the
following example it becomes clear that Lisa understands the concept of what a topic
sentence is but she does not always carry it out in the right way, Stress is a normal
part of everyones normal day. However to much stress can be devastating and lead
to depression. In this topic sentence Lisa sets the reader up for what she will
discuss in the paragraph, which is that standardized tests cause stress on students.
Furthermore, Lisa has well developed hooks to start out her papers. The
hook really grabs the readers attention and makes them what to know more. In each
of Lisas essays she begins with asking the reader a question. In sample 2 she starts
by saying, What qualifies a person to be educated? Starting with a question makes
the reader engaged. The question allows the reader to become part of the essay and
ask themselves what they use to qualify a person as educated or not. All in all it
appears to be clear that Lisa understands the form of how to write an essay, the

meaning behind a topic sentence, and how to grab the reader right away.
On the other hand, Lisa has many areas in which she needs to improve.
While reading through the three essays I found that Lisa seems to really struggle
with development, form, and the mechanics.
When speaking with Lisa, after the interview, she confessed to me that she
sometimes waits until the day the paper is due to write it and hates to proofread.
Looking through her papers it becomes apparent that the paper is rushed and not
edited. Throughout Lisas paper the reader begins to see that her ideas are not fully
developed and she tends to generalize information without much evidence, not to
mention her citations make it very hard to see where her evidence is coming from.
While making marks on Lisas paper I found myself making notes asking for proof of
her statement many times on each paper, for example, on sample 3, Some toys are
great they help a child explore the vast world of imagination or teach them skills that
will help them in school and life. In this specific sentence Lisa makes a very broad
generalization and then she has no evidence to back up her opinion on the matter.
Adding to her papers lack credibility, the evidence she does use to prove her
point is not cited correctly and the author is not explained, leaving the reader
wondering if this is a credible person to believe. Looking back to sample 1, Lisa has
a paragraph that begins with a quote from a woman named Jennifer Cerbasi, The
National Center for Education Statistics found that about eleven million students do
not speak English at home (Cerbasi, Jennifer). . There is nothing wrong with
beginning a paragraph with a quote, if the author has been introduced previously.
Lisa struggles with this in the majority of her papers. Another example is being pulled
from sample 3 Lisa wrote, According to naeyc they cataloged over one hundred toys
into three different categories. When a quote, person, or company is not introduced

it leaves the reader to question, who said this? That is the main question that comes
to mind, who is the naeyc, are they a company, and if they are a company what do
they do, who are they? Once that is addressed it would make the sentence more
powerful and reliable.
Continuing forth, Lisa is lacking transitions between paragraphs thus creating
confusion for the reader. Throughout all of the essays Lisa finishes one idea and
immediately jumps to the next one without a connection to the previous paragraph,
causing the coherence of her paper to be off. An essay should flow logically and
each point should flow into the next point and Lisa needs to work on how to properly
integrate that into her writing. Lastly, due to the lack of proofreading that Lisa
admitted to, her papers struggle when it comes to the mechanics. Lisas papers all
seem to be very rushed and not given much thought. On sample 1, in the first
sentence Lisa is missing words, How can students get the best education? Is it
though standardized testing or if through energetic teaching, one on one teaching,
and good resources. At first glance this sentence appears to be correct but the if
should have been is it. One simple mistake in a paper could deter the reader from
going forth. In sample 3 Lisa appears to have a spelling error, The 90s Tori kitchen
was targeted towards young girls. I found myself questioning if she meant to say toy
kitchen. Simple mistakes like these could have be caught and fixed if Lisa took the
time to reread her work before handing it in to the teacher.
To conclude, Lisas writing can use a lot of work. However, if she would simply
reread her work and spend more time writing it would improve greatly. Lisas papers
have a sense of form, and well developed attention grabbers, but as the papers
progress she loses the reader in her mistakes, thus losing her credibility.

Recommendations
There are many things that Lisa could do in order to improve her writing.
Although she has many acceptable parts of her essays, Lisa does have many areas
in which she needs guidance. During the interview with Lisa she told me that she
does go to the writing center for help and she also asked her, English major,
roommate to read her work. However, it appears that Lisa needs more help than
going to the writing center or asking her roommate for help. These are skills that Lisa
needs to learn for herself in order to improve her writing. In the article Beyond Fixing
Todays Paper, by Jan Thompson, explains a few techniques that Lisa could, indeed
practice in order to make her writing more advanced for her age. Barbara E. Fassler
Walvoord also has a few ideas that could help Lisa become the writer she wants to
be.
In Jan Thompsons article, she discusses the role of the tutor in the tutoring
session. Thompson works at Landmark College and handles students with learning
disabilities, although Lisa does not have a learning disability, I believe that the tips
and techniques Thompson talks about could really help Lisas writing. Whether the
tutor does these activities directly with Lisa or she practices them on her own, they
will be beneficial in the long run and even when she has her own classroom.
Thompson mentions using questions to help the writing process. She says, we use
questions to help students understand logical relationships and sentence structures
(2). If Lisa begins to ask herself questions while writing her papers there would not
be so many words or whole sentences missing. Asking questions such as: How is
the first clause of the sentence related to the other or what is the authors main
point here (2) will make Lisa a stronger writer. By asking these simple questions
Lisa will have already improved sentence structure and parts of the cohesion she is

missing.
Moving forward, Thompson also mentions the five Ws and a H technique. In
other words, the writer asks themselves the questions, why, when, what, where, why
and how. These six questions will add tremendous detail and leave the reader with
little to no questions. Lisas writing has the reader constantly asking why? If Lisa
would write down these six questions on a piece of paper and answer them
individually, possibly for every paragraph, she would have a very well developed
paper.
Another technique that could help Lisa is to set up an outline or a plan of what
she wants to write and the topics she wants to address in the thesis and then the
body paragraphs. Barbara E. Fassler Walvoord believes that using writing plans or
designing an outline would help the student keep his/her thoughts in line in order to
produce a coherent paper. An outline could be a simple idea web that is taught to
writers at a very young age. For a writer like Lisa a web map could really be useful
for her to see her ideas drawn out and connected (82). Creating a writing plan or a
list of ideas would also benefit Lisa greatly. Lisa appears to write about the first thing
that comes to her mind, if she stopped and took out five extra minutes to construct a
list of ideas for the paper assignment, she would have an easier time finding sources
to go with her ideas.
Lisa has confessed, in the interview, that she does not spend much time
revising or editing and has trouble meeting page requirements. Walvoord has a
section of her book Helping Students Write Well dedicated to helping students revise
and edit. She mentions a lot of ways that writers can use different techniques to help
them with the revising process. For example she mentions the use of a handbook
(96). Lisa would benefit immensely if she used a handbook to help her figure out

what is proper grammar and what is not and how something should be punctuated or
cited. Lisa should give herself a draft deadline even if the teacher has not provided
one. This is to help Lisa put her ideas onto paper and see where her paper is going.
Then she needs to let the paper sit for a day, maybe two, and come back to the
assignment with fresh eyes to begin the drafting process. Lisa is the type of writer to
complete the first draft and not do much editing for the final copy.
Lastly, the power of self-reward is highly positive. Although childish, Lisa
should reward herself for a job well done. Non-English majors have the tendency to
fall behind when it comes to writing and that is the area in which Lisa struggles.
Knowing Lisa, she puts a lot of pressure on herself and does not give much back to
herself. Walvoord, although talking about a teacher rewarding a student, talks about
the power of rewarding achievements in writing. If Lisa would draft the entire essay
and then wait a day or two to go back and edit, during those two days she should
take herself out for a treat. Then when the paper is edited and ready to be handed in,
she should again reward herself for a job well done. Then when the grade comes
back she should do it again. It can be little rewards but a reward nonetheless.
There are a plethora of more techniques that Lisa could use; however these
are a few tips that are believed to be highly beneficial. Not only can these techniques
be adapted by her tutors or her roommate, Lisa can do them on her own as part of
her writing process. None of the above techniques should add too much additional
time to the paper and the time that is does add will only benefit Lisa. Taking the time
to go through each of these tasks for the first few papers will help future papers, and
then possibly develop into not having to write down each question or design an
outline. Since Lisa wants to become a business education teacher, she can take the
techniques above and integrate them into her class, in order for her students to

flourish and not have so many problems later in their education.

Works Cited

"Lauren Zisa." E-mail interview. 20 Oct. 2014.

Walvoord, Barbara E. Fassler. Helping Students Write Well: A Guide for Teachers in
All Disciplines. New York: Modern Language Association of America, 1986.
Print.
Thompson, Jan C. "Beyond Fixing Today's Paper." The Writing Lab 23.6 (1999): 1-6.
Web. 24 Nov. 2014.