Perkins 1

Elizabeth Perkins
Professor Griffin
English 252
21 October 2014
Binding the Generations
I have spent the longest portion of my life as a parent in my nuclear family.
Becoming a parent was frightening for me as I had little experience with children or
babies. After having six children of my own, becoming a grandmother years later was
delightful! I love being a grandmother. It is amazing to experience that feeling of awe and
reverence of new life through my own child. When my first granddaughter, Elizabeth, was
born, the doctor, knowing she was the first grandchild, held her up above his shoulder and
announced, I am Queen Elizabeth, and you are all my subjects! We absolutely were.
Looking back, the wonder and thrill of birth was something I experienced better as a
grandmother than as a young mother.
When I was growing up, we lived in a different state from my grandparents, which
meant that contact and my relationship with them was limited. One grandparent had died
when I was born; two died while I was in middle school, and my surviving grandmother
was distant and stern. I did not think too much about my relationship with them until I
married a man who had a lot of interaction with his grandparents. He loved and respected
them and had a strong connection and attachment with them and older generations. It is as
if he possessed a link to his ancestors. This taught me that as a grandmother I want to have
meaningful relationships with my grandchildren. It is an exceptional opportunity to give
and receive unconditional love, and share with them a more complete family foundation

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and knowledge of family history. While some families view two parents and their children
as a complete family unit, many believe there is strength and value found by including
grandparents in the family. Specifically, family connection with grandparents is valuable
because of the unique, relational benefits that the younger generation experiences, the
rewards that grandparents gain, and ultimately the renewal that occurs in the total family
unit.
RELATIONAL BENEFITS FOR THE GRANDCHILDREN
The strength of the family is of the utmost importance in society. With so much
uncertainty in a childs life, a loving relationship with a grandparent can provide benefits
and stability. A connection with the older generation can cultivate eagerness to learn new
things, encourage an understanding of the past, and inspire confidence in the mind of a
grandchild.
Grandparents often have interests, ideas, or skills that might be different from a
childs parents. Some grandchildren have learned to make bread, polish rocks, drive
tractors, identify constellations, and build fences. Other grandparents have taught fishing,
hunting, golf, or even flying a plane. Opportunities can be provided for the children to
experience traditions, rituals, food, books and music that teach family culture. The older
generation has a wealth of knowledge and experience that can be very exciting for kids,
and they often have more time to devote to these activities than the parents do.
Additionally, it is enjoyable for grandparents to share their hobbies, knowledge, and
talents with children because they know that they are able to expand their grandchildrens
horizons. The resulting bond of having these things in common builds a childs identity as
well.

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Since many grandparents have experienced hardships and difficulties in their lives,
sharing these stories and events with grandchildren, can teach helpful life skills and a
positive attitude when they confront problems of their own. Family history and cultural
knowledge assist children with an understanding of where their place is in their world.
One family scientist stated that, Family gatherings and reunions nourish us by giving
form to what we know is important (Carson 59). A family connection that reaches across
generations gives a child a cultural and historical sense of self (Kornhaber &Woodward
12). For example, one woman gained strength of identity knowing that her grandmother
left her hometown in Norway in order to work in a boardinghouse in a large city. There
her grandmother met the Mormon Elders, and became converted. Believing in the
Churchs truthfulness, she could not wait to be baptized and to carry the Gospel back
home to her family. This was, in her estimation, the finest thing she could do for her
family (Jeppson 8). Such stories, like this one, relate the origins of faith and tradition, and
inspire the younger generations.
When grandchildren hear a story of resolve and determination by family members,
it helps them to develop confidence. One woman interviewed for the purpose of this paper
stated:
My two grandmothers were the most influential role models in my life. I wanted
to emulate them in all ways. I never wanted to disappoint them. They went
through such monumental hardships compared to mine. I was fascinated with how
they survived and how they raised my parents. I wanted to be like them in both
talents, strength, and in their spiritual example (Skouson 2014).

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The knowledge that grandparents share through family history and cultural understanding
help children to feel more capable in life circumstances. One of the most significant
results established by research was that the positive bond between grandparent and
grandchild could help to develop the experience of attachmentand this enables risk
taking behavior and creative adventuring throughout life (Barranti 343). Children who
know a lot about their families face challenges with a stronger self-esteem and sense of
control over their lives. This knowledge gives [them] a sense of being part of something
larger than themselves. They have the strength of . . . an intergenerational self (Feiler
2013). Therefore, their confidence builds and they have more purpose and resolve. One
researcher suggest that through their relationship with their grandparents, children can
feel another level of support and care . . . [and they] are likely to do better at school
(Understanding 2014). The love and acceptance that grandparents can give confers a
natural form of social immunity on children that they cannot get from any other person or
institution (Kornhaber & Woodward 13). Thus, grandparent involvement helps
grandchildren develop and cultivate new skills, knowledge, wisdom, and confidence.
RELATIONSHIP BENEFITS FOR GRANDPARENTS
According to the American Grandparents Association, there are 70 million
grandparents in our country, and 1.7 million new grandparents added each year. Ninety
percent of them enjoy talking about their grandkids to just about everyone. Not
surprisingly, there is a natural inclination for family members to be involved with each
other. While grandparents contribute to cross-generational solidarity and family
continuity over time, there are many benefits that grandparents gain by being involved in
their descendants lives (Bengtson 13). As a result, past perceived difficulties seem to

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smooth out and grandparents are able to experience significant healing as well as a
renewed interest in life.
There are many ways that relationships with grandchildren can benefit
grandparents. For instance, grandchildren can provide an additional center of attention for
the family and past irritations between parents and grandparents can start to fade away. It
is an ideal benefit to the grandparents, since their connection with the children is not
restrained by the burden of responsibility that a parent might feel. It has been noted,
warm and indulgent relationships between grandparents and grandchildren are found
when grandparents are disassociated from family power (Barranti 343). Consequently,
this unique ability within the family can relieve tension between the parent and child. In
fact, some grandparents view this as an opportunity to improve their bond with their adult
children as well. As an example, one daughter tells of an experience when she was a single
mother of two and went to live with her father. She said that watching my dad with his
grandchildren has blown me away. Hes a different man than the one I grew up with. I
was afraid of him because he was strict and intense. But with my kids hes easygoing. He
respects me and he shows it (Ford 100). Thus, the opportunity strengthens your
relationship with your grown child to know that you care about and love their children
(Fowers 2014).
Relationships with grandchildren can naturally take on this agreeable nature. The
old adage of having all of the fun without the responsibility is somewhat true. The love
between grandparent and grandchild is unique in this way. In their book, Kornhaber and
Woodward explain:

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. . . Grandparents, no matter what they were like as parents, are exempt from the
emotional intensity that characterizes parent-child relationships. Therefore,
grandparents and grandchildren are naturally at ease with each other while both
may have intense emotional relationships with the middle generation. In short,
grandparents and grandchildren do not have to do anything to make each other
happy. Their happiness comes from being together. (Kornhaber and
Woodward xxi)
Grandparents can also experience a renewed interest in life by bonding with their
grandchildren. They can develop a sense of well being in times of stress, physical
challenges, and losses. Reassuring relationships within the family can also benefit
grandparents by creating a . . . cushion of support which can absorb family pressures,
diffuse social stresses and provide assistance (Barranti 344). Chrissy, who lives in
Hawaii, has played the harp for years. She plays for different occasions and owns a
beautiful instrument. She stated:
I want one of my grandchildren to carry on the legacy if possible, so I have
someone to leave my harp to! Circumstances did not allow my own daughters to
play, so this is kind of a second chancethe same way I think of grandparenting!
Everyday I call my granddaughter [using Facetime] in Arizona and we practice
the harp together for one hour. It has made our relationship so close and my
practice more fun! (Luders 2014)
Another grandmother enjoys a renewed interest in keeping abreast of current
events and other topics. Her daughter explains:

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My mother keeps track of each grandchilds interests. She finds out where they
work and what they like to do. She knows what activities they are involved with.
She makes sure that she reads the paper and follows the sports. I have heard her
sit at the table with the grandsons ad talk about ASU football. She can talk politics
and gospel subjects. (Phelps 2014)
This grandmother is ninety years old and is determined to find ways to relate to her
grandchildren. The enrichment is mutual with her efforts.
As another example, one grandfather has learned to use modern technology to be
able to interact with his grandchildren who live in different states. He uses programs such
as Skype, Facetime, texting, Google Hangout, and email as a means of connection. He
now has a tradition of starting stories through the use of email. . . . They go back and
forth; adding to the story until they both decide it is finished and start another one. The
younger boys sometimes need mom or dad to type their part for them. The boys love this!
Pirates turn into outlaws and then super heroes in these stories (Skouson 2014).
Children love using technology and are readily engaged.
When grandparents are more involved in the families of their children, the
experiences that are shared enrich their lives and return unexpected benefits of healing
and a new sense of purpose and life.
When grandchildren hear a story of resolve and determination by family members,
it helps them to develop confidence. One woman interviewed for the purpose of this paper
stated:
My two grandmothers were the most influential role models in my life. I wanted
to emulate them in all ways. I never wanted to disappoint them. They went

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through such monumental hardships compared to mine. I was fascinated with how
they survived and how they raised my parents. I wanted to be like them in both
talents, strength, and in their spiritual example (Skouson 2014).
The knowledge that grandparents share through family history and cultural understanding
help children to feel more capable in life circumstances. One of the most significant
results established by research was that the positive bond between grandparent and
grandchild could help to develop the experience of attachmentand this enables risk
taking behavior and creative adventuring throughout life (Barranti 343). Children who
know a lot about their families face challenges with a stronger self-esteem and sense of
control over their lives. This knowledge gives [them] a sense of being part of something
larger than themselves. They have the strength of . . . an intergenerational self (Feiler
2013). Therefore, their confidence builds and they have more purpose and resolve. One
researcher suggest that through their relationship with their grandparents, children can
feel another level of support and care . . . . [and they] are likely to do better at school
(Understanding 2014). The love and acceptance that grandparents can give confers a
natural form of social immunity on children that they cannot get from any other person or
institution (Kornhaber & Woodward 13). Thus, grandparent involvement helps
grandchildren develop and cultivate new skills, knowledge, wisdom, and confidence.
RENEWAL IN THE TOTAL FAMILY
Relationships between generational family members will have a positive
contribution to everyone involved. Grandchildren . . . provide a new focus for family
relationships and can rekindle the kind of intimacy that might have got lost along the way
enriching lives across . . . generations (Barranti 344). Therefore, by serving and loving

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one another, the entire family relationship is unified and enriched. By supporting
[children] in their roles as parents . . . grandparents feel successful as parents, which
creates a chain of success across the generations (Skouson 2014).
An additional reward to positive and effective generational relationships is the
opportunity to love and serve. Those who participate and identify with the role of
grandparent develop an increased sense of well-being and morale . . . (Barranti 344).
Sharing time, experience, and knowledge with grandchildren instills a sense of
selflessness in the grandparents that forms bonds. It also create[s] a bridge for children to
move between life at home with their parents and the outside world (Pic 2014). For
example, when a child has withdrawn from his parents, the grandparents are able to
provide secondary opportunities in which to reach him or her. They could sometimes
reach me, when my own parents couldnt (Skouson 2014). Accordingly, grandparents
have the ability to unify the total family in ways that parents cannot. As an example, the
older generation may be able to help grandchildren see their own parents in a new light.
One woman remarked that, Our own grandchildren beg us to tell them story after story
about their parents when they were young. We are the link that brings their own parents
past alive when they were that same age. We can share the stories and experiences of when
mom and dad grew up that bring smiles and understanding (Skouson 2014). There is
evidence that grandparents are important to the lives of grandchildren in adulthood as
well (Ruiz 2007). One adult granddaughter stated:
I have friends who figured most grandparents were aloof and distant, maybe
sending a birthday card, but never trying to get to know their grandkids. Once they
got to know my grandma, they wanted to be like that with their future grandkids

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because they saw what a grandparent could be and could mean to their
grandchild. (Perkins 2014)
Another grandchild stated, I think if I stay connected with my grandparents, then maybe
when I'm at that point, my kids will stay in touch with my parents and we can keep that
sort of family closeness (Hebblethwaite 2011). Ideally, families can continue unity.
Through their interest, love, and service, grandparents can form a bridge to the past,
present and future for younger generations, giving a sense of security, aiding in ego
development and offering a vision of the future.
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, there is great strength and value in the extended family.
Grandparents play a vital role in keeping their families together. Their love is a unique
love that should be used to keep traditions going, inspire family gatherings, and guide the
total family unit. Therefore, family connection with grandparents is important because of
the special, personal benefits that the grandchildren experience, the love and service that
grandparents receive, and the elevation that results across generations.

Works Cited

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Barranti, Chrystal C. Ramirez. The Grandparent/Grandchild Relationship: Family
Resource in an Era of Voluntary Bonds. Family Relations, National Council on
Family Relations 34.3 (1985): 343-352. Web. 7 Oct. 2014.
Bengtson, Vern L. Beyond the nuclear family: the increasing importance of
multigenerational bonds. Journal of Marriage & Family 63.1 (2001): 1-16.
Web. 6 Oct. 2014.
Carson, Lillian, The Essential Grandparent, a Guide to Making a Difference. Deerfield
Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc. 1996. Print.
Ford, Judy. Wonderful Ways to Love a Grandchild. Berkeley, CA: Conari Press.1997.
Print.
Fowers, Joy Conger. Personal Interview. 16 Oct. 2014.
Feiler, Bruce. The Stories That Bind Us. New York Times. 17 March 2013. Web.
Kornhaber, Arthur, and Woodward, Kenneth L. Grandparents, Grandchildren: The
Vital Connection. Garden City, New York: Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1981.
Web.
Luders, Chrissy. Personal Interview. 17 Oct. 2014.
Perkins, Jordyn. Personal Interview. 17 Oct. 2014.
Phelps, Linda. Personal Interview. 17 Oct. 2014.
Pic, Rachel. Grandparents and the extended family. Understanding Childhood. Web.
Ruiz, Sarah A., and Merril Silverstein. Relationships with Grandparents and the
Emotional Well-Being of Late Adolescent and Young Adult Grandchildren.
Journal of Social Issues 63.4 (2007):793-808. Web. 7 Oct. 2014.
Skouson, Memri. Personal Interview. 16 Oct. 2014.

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The Jeppa Jeppson Family Organization. The Family of Jeppa Hanson Jeppson.
Utah Printing Company, 1968. Print.