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Portfolio Reflection

By: Sharon Truong

About Me
My name is Sharon Truong and I am a
biochemistry major at CSUN. I am in love with all
things Disney; Disneyland is the happiest place on
earth. I enjoy going to concerts, trying new eateries,
and learning new things. My hobbies consist of
volunteering, reading, and blogging.

Essay # 1: Cultural and


Religious Conflicts
in Todays Societies

Revisions

I revised my first
essay by adding
transition words to make
my writing flow better.
I split my run-on
sentences into two
sentences. I also
clarified some of the
things that may have
seemed confusing. I
revised my writing by
explaining things that I
vaguely touched upon. In
my conclusion, I added a
brief solution to the
challenging dilemma
behind these conflicts.

Conflicts of Diversity
For the first graded essay assignment, I wrote
about the conflicts of diversity, more specifically the
religious and cultural clashes that come from it.
Cultural and religious diversity is inevitable, it is
everywhere and it is everyone around you. I believe
that diversity challenges traditional beliefs, creates
social clashes, and provokes distrust within a
community. Thus, to support my argument, I used
examples from the novel Persepolis, the Barronelle
Stutzman case, the Elane Photography case, and
Professor Putnams text, E Pluribus Unum.

Essay #2:
Hyper-sexualization
of Culture
Sexual Expression as
Personal Empowerment
For the second graded essay assignment, I wrote
about how the impact of sexualization on our hypersexualized society has allowed our society to move
forward in a positive direction. The hyper-sexualization
of culture increases our cultural maturity and regains a
more tolerant and healthy appreciation of sexuality. I
believe that sexually explicit images in entertainment,
media advertising, and fashion can often be stimulating,
inspiring, and even empowering to many women today. I
also covered on how there is a double standard when it
comes to the gender differences in sexual expression.
Women are deemed degrading when they show off some
skin, meanwhile men can get away with being half naked.
Our society needs to accept the hypersexualization of culture for BOTH genders
I revised this essay by clarifying certain
in order to obtain a more tolerant and
things that were too broad and I reworded
well-adjusted society.
my awkward phrases. I also had to
thoroughly explain the double standard that
I briefly covered. In addition, I had to
explain certain perspectives because my
writing was unclear. I also had to revise my
evidence because there was a better quote
out there that supported empowerment. In
the connection to my own personal
experience, I had to persuade the reader
better by softening my rhetoric because my
writing was vain sounding. I also had to give
support evidence to one of my arguments so
I found an article to help me do that. Lastly,
I had to strengthen my argument on the
Crazy, Stupid, Love scene because I was
focused on the wrong gender in their
relationship.

Revisions

Issue [#]: [Issue Date]

My Strengths

My Weaknesses

In my writing, my strengths
come from my quote sandwiches. I
am able to back up my argument
with good evidence and explain how
my quotes relate to it. I can also
make connections to my own
personal experiences to support my
claims.

I am unclear in my writing because I


often assume that the audience will
know what I am talking about. In my
revisions, I have had to explain what
I mean in my writing. Sometimes, my
writing is too generalized that it is
not focused on the main concept.

What I Learned
In my English 115 class, I have learned many
new writing techniques that have improved my
writing. I learned how to develop a strong thesis,
how to make my writing flow together, and how
to focus my writing on the main topic.
In the beginning of the semester, my writing
was unclear and did not transition well. It took
me double the amount of time it takes me now to
write a clear 2-3 page summary or argument on a
certain topic. However, now my writing has much
improved, I can make my sentences flow
together, transition smoothly from paragraph to
paragraph, and end my essay with a strong
conclusion that includes a solution to my
argument.
As a result, English 115 has challenged me
and forced me to utilize everything that I have
learned into my writing.
In this class this semester, I learned that it
is important to know whats going on in the world
you live in. There are people out there fighting
for their rights, not just the gays and lesbians,
but the entire LGBQT community. It is important
to be aware of these things and educate yourself
from these lawsuits.

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