Economics in one easy

lesson

The cow model of

economics

Socialism:
You have two cows and you
give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows.
The government takes both
and gives you some milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows.
The government takes both
and sells you the milk.

Nazism:
You have two cows.
The government takes both
and shoots you.

Anarchism:
You have two cows.
The cows decide you have no right
to do anything with their milk and
leave to form their own society.

Anarchism:
You have two cows.
You steal your neighbor's bull
and ignore the government.

Anarchism:
You have two cows.
You keep the cows and steal
another one. You ignore the
government.

Anarchism:
You have two cows. Either you sell the
milk at a fair price or your neighbors
try to take the cows and kill you.
Anarchism: You have two cows. Your
neighbor hits you over the head with a
brick, steals your cows, then shoots
them for fun. You later discover that he
is a Nazi.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. At first the
government regulates what you can feed
them and when you can milk them. Then
it pays you not to milk them. Then it
takes both, shoots one, milks the other
and pours the milk down the drain. Then
it requires you to fill out forms accounting
for the missing cows.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows.
To register them, you fill in 17
forms in triplicate and don't
have time to milk them.

Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. You
herd multiplies and the
economy grows. You sell them
and retire.

Surrealism:
You have two giraffes. The
government requires you to
take harmonica lessons.

Communism -- Soviet:
You have two cows. You count them and
realize you have four cows. You drink
more Vodka. You count the cows again
and realize you have eleventy six cows.
You drink even more Vodka. After a
while, you realize that eleventy isn't a
real number. You count the cows again
and have two cows. You open another
bottle of Vodka and try to drown the loss
of eleventy four cows.

Democracy:
You have two cows.
They outvote you 2-1 to ban all
meat and dairy products.
You go bankrupt.

An American
corporation:
You have two cows. You sell one
and force the other to produce
the milk of four cows. Later you
hire a consultant to analyze
why the cow has dropped dead.

A French Corporation:
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot,
and block the roads because
you want three cows.

A Japanese corporation:
You have two cows. You redesign
them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty-times the milk. You then
create a cartoon cow image called
Cowkimon and market it worldwide.

A German corporation:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.

A Turkish corporation:
You have two cows, but you
dont know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A Swiss Corporation:
You have two cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for
storing them.

A Chinese Corporation:
You have two cows. You have 300
people milking them. You claim
that you have full-employment,
and high bovine productivity, and
arrest the newsman who reported
the real situation.

An Indian corporation:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A British Corporation.
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

An Australian
Corporation:
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for
a few beers.

A New Zealand
Corporation:
You have two cows and 47
million sheep.

A White House
Corporation
You have two cows.
Both of which are in secret
locations, the reason for which
you will not divulge due to
executive privilege.

An Iraqi Corporation:
Everyone thinks you have lots of
cows. You tell them that you have
none. No one believes you so
they bomb and invade your
country. You still have no cows,
but at least you have democracy.