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Objective

Participants will leave the workshop questioning their basic assumptions about children,
parenting, and family. Specifically, they will be questioning the idea of Children need to be
controlled. They will also have a framework and specific tools for changing their behavior.
Agenda
Icebreaker
Purpose: Focus participants attention on the workshop.
Energy level: High
To start the workshop, facilitators gather everyone in a circle. People introduce themselves,
then play a quick energy-raising icebreaker.
Ground Rules
Facilitators quickly establish the ground rules (each to be expanded upon later):
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Dont share peoples stories without permission


Dont talk when others are talking (One mic)
Dont dominate the conversation (Step back)
Take responsibility for what you say (I statements)
Respect is paramount

Activity: Take The Stage


Purpose: By tapping into participants lived experiences, establish (1) a common experience,
(2) the commonality of abuse, (3) the usually unseen
link
between normal ways of
interacting with children and child abuse.
Energy level: Low
Facilitators have participants stand in the middle of the room, then explain: Were going to
read some statements. If a statement applies to you, take the stage (stand over there); if it
doesnt, step back in that direction. If you dont know, stay in the middle. If you dont want to
answer truthfully, you may lie.
Remember, you cannot share other peoples stories without explicit permission. Also, this is a
silent
activity. If you need a statement repeated, raise your hand and well say it a second
time. Finally, dont ask us to explain statements: interpret them for yourself. Are there any
questions before we get started?
The statements are:
1. You have ever been told, Youre too young to understand. () Thank you, go back
to middle.

2. Older teenagers scare you. () Thank you, go back to middle.


3. An adult has ever punished you for something you did not do. () Thank you.
4. An adult has ever spanked, slapped, or otherwise physically punished you. ()
Thank you.
5. You have ever been scared to disagree with an adult. () Thank you.
6. An adult has ever scared you into silence by shouting. () Thank you.
7. An adult you live with has ever made you feel unsafe. () Thank you.
8. (Before we read this last statement, remember,
you are allowed to lie.
) An adult
you live with has ever emotionally, physically, or sexually abused you. () Stay
where you are. To the people who answered yes: Go back to the middle if you were
able to walk away from that situation. () Thank you, lets get back in a circle now.
An important part of this activity is the pause (), especially for the last statement. Even four
seconds of silence can create a powerful moment of reflection. For this reason, facilitators
should
stress silence
before the activity begins.
Discussion
Purpose: Articulate the ideas formed during the first activity.
Energy level: Medium-Low
Everyone gathers back into a circle, sitting. Going around the circle, everyone says one word to
describe how they feel; for example, interested or angry. Then facilitators ask, Whats on
your mind that you want to share? or Did any one statement really stand out to you? to
start a discussion. Facilitators should not talk much. Their role is to guide the conversation by
posing questions. Guide it in the following directions:
The fact that What is abuse? is an open-ended question.
Do children need to be
controlled
?
If not, then how else can you interact with children?
The wall-to-wall activity, by focusing on lived experience rather than statistics, should make
ageism immediate and personal.
To incorporate survey statistics effectively into the
discussion, they should be
subservient
to

the knowledge established by lived


experience.
End of Discussion: Defining Abuse
Purpose: Give participants (ideally, have them come up with on their own) a working
definition of abuse.
Energy level: Medium-High
First, have participants share their own ideas and knowledge about abuse. Put them on a
posterboard. Second, ask about
consent.
Get those definitions up. Define abuse as a
disregard for consent but only if participants agree with this definition.

Activity Two: Roleplaying


Purpose: Give participants
alternatives
to standard ways of interacting with children
Energy level: High
Depending on how many people there are, we may divide up into groups.
On second thought,
I think we should do this in a large group, and I should play the role of the child plus the
second facilitator, if there is one; so maybe two large groups. The idea of this activity is to
act
out
interacting-with-children scenarios normal ones as well as alternatives to put into
practice the ideas generated by the first section.
The major takeaways from this should be
1.
2.
3.
4.

That changing our behaviors is


hard
That theres not always an easy solution
That much of this work is establishing
long-term
trust with the children in our lives
But that it
i s
possible, and desirable, to change our behaviors

Discussion Two
Purpose: (1) Articulate the major takeaways listed above and (2)
Energy level: Medium-Low
Once again, start the discussion by going around in a circle with each person saying one word
to describe how they feel. Then the facilitator will guide the conversation in the direction of
the stated purpose.

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