Document 22

Joshua and Sally Wilson Letters to George Wilson (1823)

These letters from Joshua Wilson to his son George and from Sally
(George's sister) offer advice on courtship and illuminate the
expectations placed on young men during this period. Men were to
act as breadwinners and be the heads of their families, while young
women were expected to stay in their "separate sphere" - the home and take care of domestic affairs. In earlier periods, the work of an
entire family contributed to a family's economic survival, but in an
industrializing society men worked outside the home for money and
women's home-work became less economically significant.
November 23, 1823
We presume you are already informed that your letter of the 28th was
duly received. The delicate and important subject suggested for our
consideration form a sufficient reason for some delay that we might
not give advice in a matter of such moment without meditation,
prayer, and serious conference. It would be very unreasonable for us
to attempt to restrain the lawful and laudable desires of our children,
all we ought to do is to endeavor to direct and regulate their innocent
wishes and curb and conquer those which are vicious. Nor are we
ignorant of the great advantages which frequently result from virtuous
love and honorable wedlock. But there is a time for all things, and
such are the fixed laws of nature that things are only beautiful and
useful when they occupy their own time and place. Premature love
and marriage are often blighted by the frosts of adversity and satiety
leaving hasty lovers to droop in the meridian of life and drag out a
miserable existence under the withering influence of disappointment
and disgust. . . . We do not say you have been hasty but we wish you
to reflect seriously upon this question. Is not the whole affair
premature? We know from experience and observation that schemes
which appear reasonable and desirable at the age of twenty wear a
very different aspect at twenty five. We think it probable that greater
maturity, more experience in business and a larger acquaintance with
the world might change your views and feelings. Besides we are not
sure that you have sufficiently considered the weighty responsibility.
We feel no disposition to place any insuperable barrier in your way.
Our advice is that you give the subject that consideration which its
importance demands, that you unite with us in praying for divine
direction, that every thing be done deliberately, decently, orderly,
honorably, and devoutly.

[Joshua Wilson]
December 9, 1823
Your letter of Nov 18 has been duly received. On its contents we
have meditated with deep solicitude. . . . You seem confident that
your decision is not premature nor hasty. Here we feel compelled to
demur and beg you to weigh the matter again. You express a hope
that before great length of time we shall have an opportunity of
receiving Miss B much to our satisfaction. Dear George, it will not be
any satisfaction to us to see you place a lady in a more precarious
condition than you found her and this we are sure would be the case
if marriage with this young lady should take place shortly. We must
remind you of a pledge given in your former letter and insist upon its
obligation, that you marry no woman without the prospect of
supporting her in a suitable manner. Think of the circumstances in
which she has been educated, of the circle of society in which she
has been accustomed to move, of her delicate constitution and
refined sensibility and then imagine to yourself her disappointment
upon entering into a poor dependent family occupying an indifferent
tenement without the means of affording a comfortable lodging or
decently accommodating her friends. She has been accustomed to
see you in the agreeable aspect of the scholar and a gentleman and
she has seen your father also in flattering circumstances. . . . We do
not say things to discourage you but to show you the necessity of
prudence in your plans, diligence in your studies and such application
to business as will afford a reasonable prospect of success before
you become the head of a family.
Sally Wilson
1.

What is the picture of the ideal wife painted in these two letters?

2.

What of the ideal husband?

3.

How likely is it that these images corresponded to reality for

most Americans in the 1820s?