Apples and Bananas

By
George Lawson

An alternative scene from Hannah and Her Sisters by Woody

Allen

INT. HALL, NEW YORK - DAY

HANNAH stands chatting to her sister HOLLY, the room full of
people drinking and chatting.
HANNAH
I worry about you.
HOLLY
I know you still dont trust me.
Hannah, Ive been so lonely these
past two years. Do you know how
many dildos Ive got through?
Hannah glances around, self-conscious.
HANNAH
No, but I do know about your lack
of decorum.
INT. DINING ROOM, NEW YORK - DAY
PHIL GAMMAGE, the headmaster sits at the table, surrounded
by children fascinated to see a headmaster out of his normal
environment.
He reaches for the fruit bowl on the table and picks out an
oddly shaped banana.
PHIL
Well would you look at this
banana... its completely straight!
INT. HALL, NEW YORK - DAY
HOLLY
Can you believe I still miss
Howard?
HANNAH
Thats why I invited Phil Gammage
here tonight. I thought you might
enjoy each other.
HOLLY
Oh, hes such a loser.
HANNAH
(Selling)
Hes the headmaster of Daisys
school.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

HOLLY
Perfect. He reminds me of Ichabod
Crane. His Adams apple keeps
jumping when he gets excited.
Hannah leads Holly through to the dining room.
HANNAH
Now come on, I doubt thats true.
INT. DINING ROOM, NEW YORK - DAY
Hannah and Holly pause in the doorway, confused.
The Children laugh as Phil holds the banana to near his
crotch, examining it. His Adams apple bobs with excitement.
PHIL
Fascinating... It doesnt bend one
bit.
HOLLY
(To Hannah)
Youre right. I forgot to mention
Bananas as well as apples.