Abrams 1

Kaitlynn Abrams
De Piero
Writing 2
16 March 2015
Revision Document
Text from my initial
WP submission:
(a phrase, sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move, punctuation,
piece of evidence,
etc.)
WP1-Writers use
rhetoric to get their
point across to their
audience and use
conventions as a way
to show their
rhetorical abilities.
Album reviews tend
to have certain
defining
characteristics, but
also leave much room
for personalization.
WP1-When looking
at three different
reviews of the album
Four by One
Direction, the
conventions of an
album review become
clear. As well as the
fact that genre is a
useful subject to
study because it aids
readers in

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I made

to what I initially
wrote: (ie, the change[s]
I made to column 1)

How this change

impacts my paper:

Whats the specific

link between
sentence 1 and
sentence 2?

Writers of album
reviews tend to follow
that there are certain
defining characteristics,
but there is also room
for personalization.

This link connects my

introductory topics
with the main subject
of my paper
cohesively and
without an abrupt
change.

..but Im still
wondering what,
exactly, youll be
arguing in your
paper.

Analyzing the
conventions and
rhetorical features of
three different reviews
of the album Four by
One Direction reveals
the importance of genre
awareness in
understanding a piece of
writing.

I think this new thesis

tells what I plan to do
in this paperanalyze
the conventionsand
how that shows the
importance of genre
awareness.

Abrams 2

understanding the
piece better

WP1- As I explore
the titles further, two
were very similar and
the other seemed like
an odd ball.

Remember: this
paper/assignment
needs to be tailored
to an academic
audience, which
means it needs to be
formal and
scholarly.

As I explored the titles

further, two were very
similar and the other
diverged from the
norm.

This change keeps my

essay academic by
using more formal
language rather than
casual.

WP1- Paragraph 4 in
rough draft.

Attack of the pageI separated the

long paragraph!
paragraph into one about
Try to chop up your audience and one about
paragraphs into
purpose.
bites

This separation makes

it easier to digest and
makes it easier to read
because two different
ideas are no longer
squished into one.

Abrams 3

WP1- End of
paragraph two in the
rough draft.

Theres a lot going

on here. How do all
these ideas fit
together? Why
bring all of them
into the
discussion?

WP2- The authors

similar and dissimilar
moves, which are
limited by
conventions of genre,
contribute to their
overall argument in
distinct ways making
some assertions
stronger than others,
but neither work is
remarkably more
persuasive.
WP2-Paragraph 2 of
rough draft

I would, however,
like you to get more
specific about
stating what,
exactly, the
similar/dissimilar
moves and
conventions are that
have caused the
tie.

The ending thoughts

were moved to a new
paragraph. I then
switched the
organization of my
whole essay to intro,
audience, purpose, and
then similarities and
differences which led to
this new paragraph then
conclusion.

Changing my
organization helped
me do an analysis that
can lead into how the
analysis shows the
importance of genre
in a more logical way
than just adding a new
paragraph in the
middle.

The authors similar

By adding some of the
and dissimilar moves
specific moves to the
regarding tone and
thesis, I show the
purpose among other
reader exactly what to
elements, which are
expect.
limited by conventions
of genre, contributes to
their overall argument in
distinct ways making
some assertions stronger
than others, but neither
work is remarkably
more persuasive.
Id advise
I separated the
This change makes
separating these
paragraphs by tone and each paragraph have a
into two separate
readability and expanded
distinct subject and
paragraphs and
on both ideas.
keeps the reader from
elaborating more on
getting confused.
them a bit with
specific textual
examples.

Abrams 4

WP2- use of word

moves in paragraph
5 of rough draft

You kind of
dropped this word
from your paper
over the past couple
of pages.

WP1 and WP2abrupt mention of

course readings

If I could make
one suggestion here,
itd be: who the
hells this Bunn
guy? Why bring
him into the mix?
What does it matter
what he has to
say?

I included the word

My intro and thesis
more throughout the
focused on this word
paper, instead of only in
and being able to
some paragraphs, but not place it throughout the
too much.
piece makes sure I am
sticking to my thesis.

When I presented a
quote or idea from the
course readings, I
introduced the writer.

Introducing the writer

helps the reader
understand why
his/her quote is
important and in my
essay.