Effects of Social Media on Dating

Abstract
Social media, though not a new aspect of the modern college students
life, is taking a bigger role in the influence of dating. More and more we see
new social media websites/apps appearing as well as changes to current
social media sites keeping up with new trends. Apps such as Tinder and
Snapchat have gotten more and more popular, not only in regards to
socializing, but in outright dating. Our study looks into how all these social
media outlets today being used in the lives of college students, and more
specifically, in their dating lives. Our research includes an in-depth focus
group of single BYU-Idaho students both male and female.
Through this study we have come to several conclusions about the
inner workings of social media in all aspects of dating; from early on date
inquiries to the confirmation of a steady relationship. Along with such, we
looked extensively into blind dating and the question: Today, is there really a
thing called a blind date or have the rules simply changed? Is blind dating
today really blind?
Student participants offered many different opinions as to how they
each use social media. They collectively showed that social media is heavily
used; however, it is somewhat detrimental to some aspects of dating. The

potential for creating a false image through social media allows for
misleading perceptions of people.
This study opened up a lot of discussion about the goods, the bads,
and the future of the use of social media among college students in dating.

Background
Social media, in all its many varieties, is having more and more of an
impact on the lives of everyone around the world. There are few places on
Earth that you can travel where someone will not have heard the words:
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Snapchat. This isnt just for teens either.
Linkedin was created as a means for professionals to connect and expand
their business networks through a social media medium. Almost everyone, in
one way or another is connected through social media.
The leader among these social media platforms is Facebook. If you
threw a rock out your window, you could probably hit 4 different people who
use Facebook. With over 1.28 billion active monthly users and 5 new users
every second1, Facebook is the worlds largest social media site. These are
not only young adults that are using the site either, 72% of active online
adults log on to Facebook at least once a month.

1 Bennett, S. (2014, June 9). Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Vine, Snapchat
Social Media Stats 2014 [INFOGRAPHIC]. Retrieved December 9, 2014, from
http://www.mediabistro.com/alltwitter/social-media-statistics-2014_b57746

With becoming Friends only a mouse click away, the question then
arises: What are these 1.28 billion (and counting) people doing with their
time on Facebook? The argument that can be made most connections and
overall usage of Facebook, nowadays, can relate to dating; whether that is
finding new potential dates or looking into people who you have already
dated. This can potentially be said for all other social media platforms.
In an article for Huffington Post, Bianca Bosker states that more and
more people are using traditional social media platforms for dating than
actual online dating sites. She says to most people, it sounds more appealing
to flirt with someone on Twitter than trolling through pages and profiles on
Chemistry.com[.] Would you rather poke a love interest on Facebook than
wink at [them] on Match.com?2 Boskers conclusion, at least among
college age students, has proven to be true.
A common term used today by active, single social media users is Facebook
Stalking.3 This is the process of viewing someones social media profile in
order to learn about their personality and interests. It is also a term used
when someone looks through many profiles in order to find potential dating
prospects. This stalking is an ever increasing activity due to the increase is
2 Bosker, B. (2012, October 12). How To Find A Soul Mate With Social Media.
Retrieved December 9, 2014, from
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/12/social-media-dating_n_1961368.html
3 Suval, L. (2013). Dating and the Impact of Social Media. Psych Central. Retrieved
on December 9, 2014, from
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/05/11/dating-and-the-impact-of-socialmedia/

users, and overall increasing user interface, being showcased by social

media sites.
Now, there are very obvious negative connotations to the word
stalking when talking about social media. However, more and more social
media users can be found using the information found while stalking to
determine whether the person they are looking up could be a good potential
date or not; thus being able to avoid people who they would not connect well
with. This has led to better, more enjoyable dates for many due to the fact
that even before the date was arranged, both parties are already aware of
each others likes and dislikes.
Social media also allows you to be connected to people from all over
the globe. Families use platforms for stay in touch with one another without
having to talk on a daily basis. Calendar events and birthdays can be
organized with reminders so that you never forget anything. These positive
uses however are not related directly to dating.
In contrast, the argument is being made that greater social media
influence in dating is detrimental to the connectivity of and personality of
individuals seeking meaningful relationships. Platforms like the smart phone
applications Tinder and Snapchat have developed reputations of being used
by individuals in search of easy hook-ups. Snapchat especially, with the
use of pictures that only last several seconds and then disappear, has seen
an increase in suggestive material being shared due to the false sense of

security knowing that the picture will disappear after the receiver has viewed
it. This sense of false security can be found in any form of social media.
The preference to reveal aspects of ones life online has become
increasingly common. Often, things about a persons life that they would
formerly be hesitant to share on a first date, can now be found out in the
open on their social media profile. While chatting online, a person can seem
like the most talkative person in the world, however, when talking to that
person face-to-face, they may, due to shyness, be unable to correctly
communicate their thoughts. Does this mean social media, in a way, is
making the general populace less social, or have the terms of our social
behavior simply changed? The answer to this question is not black and white,
but instead, incorporates shades, upon shades of gray.
The traditional art of the blind date is something of a rare occurrence today
with the increasing influence of social media access. The act of waiting at a
restaurant with a rose placed in front of you to identify you to the unknown
suitor coming in the door is somewhat gone forever. After all, why would
someone agree to go on a date with their friends friend without seeing them
first when they could open up their profile up on their phone right then and
there? In a matter of seconds, John could look up more on Janes profile than
could be revealed on a first date. So, are blind dates really blind anymore?
Do people even really want to experience a real blind date? These are among
the list of increasing questions being made due to the greater use of social
media in dating.

According to many, social media is doing the opposite that its name
implies; it is creating a less social environment. Blake Eastman, body
language expert and founder of The Nonverbal Group, said, "We feel that we
don't need to look people in the eyes to communicate anymore -- a keystroke
has replaced that look," Eastman said. "But at the end of the day, we're
designed for human contact, not a computer screen."4 This creates a
different form of communication, a communication that allows the user to
hide behind a computer screen (a false sense of security as stated above).
Words like creepy or awkward can be heard from females who talk about
males who approach them in person. The act of flirting is almost only done
now through texting that to ask someone on a date in person requires a
blood pressure cuff.
Society today leans more and more to embrace relationships being
created and fostered through social media.

4 Strickland, A. (2013, February 12). The lost art of offline dating. Retrieved
December 9, 2014, from http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/12/living/lost-art-offlinedating/

Methods
Understanding the trends of this generation, and through great discussion
the group found interesting aspects to what is happening in todays society.
The meta question was narrowed down and honed to be more precise so that
the findings could be more precise. As the meta question was being
examined it was decided the best type of test would be through a focus
group. The group decided that it would be most effective to find the best
results to the question.
As ideas were formulated through literature research and the overall topic
was chosen, the meta question was created. Through research, it was found
that young adults do indeed use social media in almost every facet of life.
Based on these findings, exploration needed to occur into why and how
young adults use social media in dating.
A qualitative research method was needed for this question. The most
effective mean for understanding the question at hand was to complete a
focus group of random students. Brigham Young University Idaho provided
names of 125 single students, both male and female. These individuals were
contacted by phone first. A problem that arose was the fact that students
had listed a home phone as the primary phone of contact. Often a parent
would answer the phone and a further explanation was needed as to why
that student was being contacted.

Once 13 individuals were contacted, committed and explained the process,

the focus group was set. The group met on November 4, 2014. The focus
group session lasted about one hour. In the focus group a series of questions
were asked and based off of the answers of the participants, follow-up
questions were asked.
After the focus group was over, a complete transcript was written. It was
used to study and to find results within the dialog of the participants.
Findings
SM leads to less face-to-face interaction
A focus group participant said, Half of the people you will meet [in life will
be] in person, and half you will meet on social media. Social media, where
you can connect with any number of different people across the globe, allows
you to see what your accepted friends are doing, what they like, what they
dislike, and where they have been. However, all this time viewing friends
photos takes away from time you could be physically interacting with these
people.
With social media creating virtual hangouts for people separated by
great distances, is there really a need to actually be in each others
presence? Participant #13 said, With social media, we are communicating
more, but at the same time, there is less of a connection. And as far as
dates, there are fewer dates than there were with the traditional form.

Because, I feel like there is less actual meeting and talking to people
because of social media.
Apps such as Tinder allow users to browse through other available
users within their area and choose with whom they wish to connect. These
users develop a connection through text rather than through talking in
person. This seems to foster an environment more similar to speed dating
than traditional dating. The people who are on [Tinder] for dating, are not
just on there for dating, but can be for hook-ups and stuff. While interaction
increases through social media use, that interaction is virtual and not
physical therefor disconnecting individuals from personal face-to-face
communication.
SM is often used to mask ones true personality.
Creating a social media profile allows for a person to develop a virtual
sense of security for themselves. However, who they create themselves to
be online may be different than who they are in person. I think its worse in
that people can put a cover on or a mask of who they really are because you
dont have voice, tone, or inflection when you are texting, Participant #5.
Online communication, or text messaging, can so easily be falsely read
or taken out of context. People can also use social media to communicate
ideas that they would be too afraid to share in person. As well, people can
create a false image of themselves in order to put off a very positive
personal image. Sometime like, they can put, like filters and stuff, its like

false advertising, then when you meet them in person its like a whole
different person, Participant #6.
Participant #13 stated, You still put on that maskeven if thats not
who you really are. This negative consensus of people using social media in
order to create a more positive outlook on themselves was shared by all
participants of the focus group. All had experiences where they had met
someone who, in person, were completely different than their online
counterpart. This can allow for a false sense of security when it comes to
dating via social media.
SM users are cautious of what can be viewed by others
A poll of the participants was taken during the focus group session, and
it was found that 75% of college age adults use social media as a tool for
dating. Through the transcript of the session, it was concluded that the
participants, as a whole, displayed hesitancy about what they post/express
on social media. Participant #13 said, Everyones always posting, everyone
is watching, and its out there more, you want to show it offbecause thats
the normal and so you want to be accepted more.
With the knowledge that almost anything posted on social media can
be accessed by the public, people are more and more hesitant to post
personal aspects about themselves. How a person is looked upon by their
peers is so important that Participant 11 said, I dont want people to think
Im weird or something. I dont want people to get the wrong ideaso I try to

make it [look] normal. Similarly, Participant #9 stated, When I look back on

things that I post, I wonder what people were thinking of me. As stated, a
majority of participants expressed concern in regards to what they post
online.
As expressed in the word cloud below, the two most used words were
know and think. It can be concluded that the participants knew that social
media was being used in regards to dating and when it came to their
comments and their observations, they were cautious about what was being
said and posted. It can be concluded that participants took a reflective step
back when it came to discussing the uses of social media in dating.

SM allows for a predetermined bias

While viewing a profile of someone else, you can see what their likes
and dislikes are as well as some of their interests. This often allows for some
preconceived notions regarding this person simply based off of what you
have read about them on their profile. Participant #7 agreed and added, I
think it is a lot faster too because they have what they like, what they dont
like, [and] what theyre in to. So, you dont have to ask all of those questions
because you already know it all about them.
Although these profiles allow for users to learn much about their fellow
users, these biases are not always positive. Often times, due to what

someone has liked on their profile, the person viewing said profile may
immediately conclude that that person is wrong for them without even
meeting. When you Facebook stalk someone before [you meet them] you
have this preformed opinion of them...so to have a mindset that someone is
a specific way is not very good sometimes. said Participant #9. However,
fellow participants all agreed that often times based on what can be read on
someones profile, you can determine if there are any red flags that would
immediately persuade you to not pursue anything with them. Red flags were
said to include: addictions, in a relationship, complaining, unnecessary rants,
and excessive virtual flirting with others.
Social media profiles allow users to read into other users and compare
interests with their own. This gives a person more access to people with
similar interests, however it also opens up room for bias that would not have
been formed, were it not for social media.
Conclusion
The focus group participants, as a whole, expressed many differing
opinions regarding the effects of social media on college age adults, and
especially its effects on dating. Today, a blind date seems to be a dying art.
The ability to search for ones social media profile prior to your date with
them, in order to learn even the basic facts about them, is nearly irresistible.
As well, the methods of generating a date have significantly changed
compared to 10 years ago. Single individuals tend to find themselves

spending more time in front of their computer or phone using social media to
find potential dates rather than interacting with new people face-to-face.
Gone are the days for college students to walk to the student union building
and interacting with others. Social media, it seems, has embraced this rising
preference; making it more and more appealing to use their services.
Technology as a whole is becoming easier and easier to access; from
the greater capacity of cell phones, to the easy distribution of a laptop . The
increase in technology access, allows for a continued change in usage. This
creates a cause and effect when it comes to dating; with positives and
negatives to be found on both sides. Dates with people who may potentially
be completely wrong for you can now be avoided. Instead, you can be more
easily find people with whom you share favorable interests with. However,
the basis for saying this person is, wrong for you comes completely from
what you can read about them on social media and not from real, personal
face-to-face interaction. You may not have clicked with this person, but,
the decision for that conclusion is made before any actual conversation . A
majority of focus group participants are in favor that technology, in regards
to dating, is more negative than positive.
Today, to ask someone out on a date face-to-face is seen as a big,
almost heroic act. Whereas sending someone a text asking them out on a
date is accepted as the norm. It can be concluded then, that the term social

media in and of itself can be considered a paradox. The concept of being

social does not mean sitting in front of your computer, or on your phone
sending virtual messages across unseen and unheard airways, but instead
means sitting down and communicating with other people face-to-face,
seeing their reactions to what you are saying and you formulating a
response. Over Facebook, or any other social media platform, you cannot
effectively develop a meaningful relationship with someone over a medium
that doesnt allow you to communicate them in person. Likewise, using social
media as an option when it comes to finding and maintaining a relationship
is an act of desperation and not as act of affection. With the capability of
users to present themselves in any way they deem appropriate, the
possibility for misrepresentation increases dramatically. Apps such as
Instagram allow for filters to be placed on uploaded pictures. Facebook lets
their users post anything they want to the public with no prior information.
This mask, as it is often called, potentially creates not only a false identity,
but also a false sense of security. Several apps allow for anonymous posts
that allow users to express any idea they want with no ramifications for their
words.
Social media is a widely used aspect of BYU-Idaho students lives. As
such, the use of it in dating has become more and more common . However,
with the ability to only present the aspects of ones life that creates the best
image, the hindrance that social media places on dating, and the students

involved, is very apparent. How can someone understand who the real you
is when all they see on social media is the positives? This focus group, as a
representation of BYU-Idaho singles today, can conclude that the negative
connotations of social media use in dating heavily outweigh the positives.
As a whole, the conclusion of this focus group in talking about the
effects of social media in modern dating is this: Everyone does it (uses social
media for dating, stalking, etc.) but no one likes it. No one would deny the
fact that they had been a Facebook Stalker at one point in time, but they
were hesitant and even somewhat apprehensive to admit it. This statement
may come off somewhat hypocritical and that is exactly the point, students
admit to using social media to look at potential dates but at the same time,
disapprove of the ability to do so, and agree that this ability to do so has a
very negative effect on dating culture as a whole, due to the face that it
creates biases in regards to people who you see on social media.