Text from my initial WP

submission:

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I made

to what I initially wrote:

How this change impacts

my paper:

1. The main difference between

Satire news and regular news
is the use rhetoric that creates
a news outlet for all ages to
watch by mixing old
conventions of news channels
with a creative use of irony,
exaggeration, and humor to
make its own genre of news
media. (WP1)

Good stuff! Works for

me.(This was a bit
wordy to meif you
choose to revise this
paper, Id pare it down a
bit.)

Genre and rhetorical

analysis shows that satire
news uses rhetoric to
create a new genre of
media broadcasting using
creative aspects of irony,
exaggeration, and humor.

I cut out some of the wordy

parts of the thesis and got to
the core of my argument. It
makes the thesis simplier
and more specific and helps
the paper have a more clear
overall topic.

2. To appeal the viewers of his

shows, Stewart always bashes
and makes fun of the big news
channels.Like Jon Stewart,
Stephen Colbert used his
comedy filled show to discuss
world issues. (WP1)

3.For example, The Onion a

fictitious newspaper that uses
real world examples to create
humorous situations(Dirk).
(WP1)

To appeal the viewers of

You seem to be switching
his shows, Stewart
gears here. Time for a
always bashes and
new paragraph?
makes fun of the big
news channels.
Like Jon
Stewart, Stephen Colbert
used his comedy filled
show to discuss world
issues.
feel like this a bit
buried hereyouve got Rhetoricthe way we
a prime-time opportunity use language and
images to persuadeis
to blend your topic,
satirical news outlets with what makes media
work...Media is
the genre scholar, dirk.
constantly asking you to
Intro/1st paragraph?
buy something, act in
some way, believe
something to be true, or
interact with others in a
specific manner (Carroll)

Making it into two paragraphs

helps the essay a lot. I do not
want a page-long paragraph
and breaking it up in a few
paragraphs makes it easier
to bite.

I scrapped Dirks quote

because it did not fit well into
my paper and I found a lot
better one from Carroll. I put
Carrolls quote into my
second intro paragraph to
lead into the thesis and
flowed nicely with the paper.

4.Viewership - the audience for

a particular television program
or channel. (WP2)

5. I did not include any textual

evidence from the genre
translations when I was
describing the moves I made.
(WP2)

6. I enjoy watching John Oliver

or Stephen Colbert talk about
news in a humorous and witty
manner way more than trying to
listen to the idiocracy that is
Fox News. (WP1)

Dont forget the little

things and attention to
detail though: sometimes
you capitalized the first
word of a definition, other
times you didnt. Be
consistent.
I suggestin your
reflectionincorporating
more textual examples of
your moves.

Does this enhance your

argument? Is your
argument that the
regular news is boring?
Or idiotic? (I thought it
was boring, which makes
this come across as a bit
too preachy.)

I felt like you skimped a bit

on your talk show transcript
too, so theres a chance to
beef that up.

7.The eSport scene is gaining

massive attention across the
entire world and the impact on
broadcasting have been huge.

Viewership - The
audience for a particular
television program or
channel.

One challenge was to convey

how popular eSports are to the
older generation, so I put in this
fact, the popular eSport game,
League of Legends, hosted a
World Championship tournament
in Seoul, South Korea where
they sold out Sangam Stadium,
which hosted the FIFA World
Cup in 2002.
AND
I designed the glossary in the
most simplest format I could
create to create the least amount
of confusion, Broadcasting - Is
the distribution of audio and/or
video content to a dispersed
audience

These satirical news

sources have been the
foundation for this type of
genre and have influence
many, many shows to this
day. When I turn on the
television and see Jon
Stewart, Stephen Colbert, or
John Oliver, I know that not
only am I going to watch an
entertaining show, but I will
probably learn something
new today.

The eSport scene has

gained massive attention
across the entire world
and soon eSports will be
part of our culture.
Instead of having your
favorite baseball player,
you might have a favorite
Starcraft II player or
favorite League of
Legends team.

I made my glossary
consistent throughout.
Having bold vocab word and
the definitions are all
sentences with capitalization
and punctuation consistency.

Having textual evidence is

always a plus and helps the
paper tremendously. It also
helps the reader understand
what you are talking about
more clearly. Having no
textual evidence hurt my
paper quite a bit in my
opinion.

I decided just to take out the

original sentence because
after reading it a couple
times, it did feel out of place
for this scholarly paper. I
should not be preachy and
voice a very biased opinion in
this type of essay.

I felt that the ending was kind

of bland so I changed it to
something that is more
relatable. Making a
comparison to having a
favorite sports player to
having a favorite eSport
player makes it easier to
understand.