WP1 Revision Chart

Text from my initial

WP submission:

Shortening my
paragraphs

Zhang 1

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:
Zack said it would be
a good idea to cut
down my paragraphs
and set up smaller
paragraphs that are
more specific to a
particular topic

Tailoring my paper
more towards the
topics from the
articles online.

Zack told me that my

paper didnt really
touch on the topics I
mentioned in my
introductory
paragraph (i.e. Dez
Bryants controversial
catch).

For example, the

SCIgen generator
generated research
papers that included
an assortment of data
sets and analysis.

Zack told me that this

wasnt an actual
sentence.

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:

How this change

impacts my paper:

Overall, I decided to
find the fine line
within my paragraphs
and separate the two.
For example, in my 4th
paragraph, originally I
talked about the
effects of titles on the
readers. In my
revision, I found it
better to not only
separate my
paragraph, making it
shorter, but to split the
effects up into two
different paragraphs
allowing me to focus
on two different set of
effects.
In my 3rd and 4th
paragraph, I originally
covered some
irrelevant topics that
didnt really bolster
the argument of my
paper. I decided to
still utilize the idea I
had from my 3rd and
4th paragraphs, but
tailor them to my
online articles.
Not only did I modify
the sentence structure,
but I tacked on a piece
of information that
would allow me to
more smoothly

This made my
paragraphs more
specific to a certain
topic and also allowed
me to shorten my
paragraphs. By
shortening my
paragraphs, it gives
the readers a little
breathing room as
they dont have to
stare at a huge chunk
of words.

This allowed me to reestablish my main

topic in the middle of
the paper and also use
the online articles as
evidence that supports
my argument.

This made my work

seem more
professional and also
helped me transition
from one topic to the
next.

WP1 Revision Chart

These papers
contained diagrams,
chapters, and various
references, all of
which are tailored to
supporting the
argument of
hypothesis of the
paper. By including
chapters and
subsections, the writer
is able to keep his/her
work organized and
neat which makes it
easier for the reader to
understand each
section. This
eventually helps add
to the writers
credibility. At the end,
the citation of
references and
diagrams adds logical
evidence to the
writers arguments
throughout the essay,
helping to establish
his/her logos.
Overall flow of my
work.

Zhang 2

Zack told me that

there was a lot going
on in this set of
sentences and he told
me to basically
explain myself better.

When I reread my
work, I found that
many of my ideas
didnt really tie
together like I wanted
them to.

transition into the next

couple of sentences.
I found that when I
went through this set
of sentences, I was
also a little confused
about what was going
on. The sentences
were chunky and
didnt really flow as a
part of my argument.
By adjusting a couple
of words, removing a
couple of words, and
making the set more
concise, I felt that
each sentence helped
lead to the next
sentence. This
ultimately helped
show the idea of
conventions in other
examples.

The combination of
the various
corrections in my
paper transformed my
work into a piece that
was more suiting to
the prompt presented
in class.

I was able to
concisely cite an
example from PB1B
and utilize it in order
to describe
conventions and how
they are used in
various types of
writing.

Overall, by making all

these little
adjustments to my
paper, I found that the
overall flow and
argument of my paper
was strengthened. By
better incorporating
my topic of Dez
Bryants catch, I was
able to analyze

WP1 Revision Chart

Zhang 3

rhetorical writing by
using a particular
source outside of
class.