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Tyler Williams
Camille Pack
Divorce Evaluation
March 11, 2015
Word Count: 1367

Divorce Evaluation
Divorce, everyone has heard this word before. Everyone knows what it is. However, it
means something different to each and every person. To some, it is a new beginning, with new
possibilities looming in the horizon. To others, it is the end of life as they know it. It is gloomy,
dark, and dreary, seemingly with no light at the end of the tunnel. Each circumstance
varies. But, there are things that can be done and frankly should
be

done. The criteria I will be evaluating will be: How young

couples and those planning to commit to marriage can be
Figure 1

better prepared to make a vital decision in their lives.

Knowing the effects of divorce and how knowing these can help us better understand
people/couples and how they might react to divorce. And the big question is when should one get
a divorce?
Divorce (or the dissolution of marriage) is the termination of a marital union, the
canceling and/or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage
(Wikipedia.org). Divorce is much too common in the United States. About 40 to 50 percent of
married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even

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higher (Apa.org). As you can see, divorce is a big problem, especially in the United States, what
can young couples who are planning to get married do to prepare themselves to help prevent
divorce? To better understand this I chose to critically review an article by Christian author Louis
McBurney. In his article, titled Foundations of a Lifelong Marriage from the Approaching the
Wedding Day series, he declares that there are four key, foundational principles in preparing for
a strong and healthy marriage. These foundational principles are: Commitment, communication,
patience, and strong beliefs. He goes on to describe each key principle in depth. His key
principles are based mainly from his own experiences

in

his 30 plus years of being married. The article is

somewhat biased, largely due to his Christian
background and his experiences. Even though the
article lacks data, I agree with all of the key principles

he

states. In my opinion, they are all extremely important

in
Figure 2

order to have a long successful marriage. Young

couples must learn to be committed and loyal to each other and by putting your spouse's needs
above your own (McBurney, Louis). They must learn how to properly communicate with each
other effectively by discussing with each other their thoughts and feelings. They must learn how
to be patient with each other. It also helps to both have strong beliefs. I believe if these principles
are properly applied and practiced during and before marriage, there would be less marriages
ending in divorce.
The next article I chose to evaluate, was by Amy Desai, from her series titled Should I
Get a Divorce? I chose to evaluate two parts from this series How would divorce affect me?
and How could divorce affect my kids?. Amy Desai, an attorney, has written numerous articles

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on the website www.focusonthefamily.com. In these articles the author discusses the effects
divorce has on the family unit. This article is less bias driven than the previous article I reviewed,
as it deals with some of the major facts and statistics from research. She also provides some real
life examples. In the How would divorce affect me? part of the series she introduces this issue
by relaying a story. The story is about a pastor named
Rob that has an affair with his secretary. His wife Sherry
upon knowing of the affair was forced to move in with
her parents. She lived there for 12 years. During those 12
long and difficult years she tried to recover $100,000 of
Figure 3

child support that Ron subsequently owed her.

Unfortunately Sherry only managed to receive $18,500 of that money. Sherry was only able to
pay a few of her bills that she owed with the money. This happens all too often. Amy goes on to
explain that post-divorce families frequently suffer financially. She then lists stunning statistics
of the effects of divorce on men and women that have experienced a divorce. There were three
statistics that really stuck out to me. 1) Life expectancies for divorced men and women are
significantly lower than for married people. 2) After a diagnosis of cancer, married people are
most likely to recover, while the divorced are least likely to recover. And 3) Men and women
both suffer a decline in mental health following divorce, but researchers have found that women
are more greatly affected (Desai, Amy). These statistics effectively show some of the effects
that divorce has on men and women. From this article we can conclude that divorce affects
everyone in different ways.
We know how divorce affects men and women, but, how does it affect children? From
other part of the series, Should I Get a Divorce? Titled How could divorce affect my kids?

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Amy Desai discusses the effects divorce has on children. Like the other part in her series, Amys
article is very factual, dealing a lot with statistics. She introduces the issue by explaining that
divorce indeed has negative effects on children. But, what I want to focus on is at the end of the
article. One would think that most negative effects would be seen in childhood. But a lot of these
effects are actually seen later in their adult years! From the 1970s to the 1990s, a psychologist
named Judith Wallerstein followed a group of children that experienced a divorce. She started
interviewing them 18 months, then five years, then 10, then 15, and 25 years after the divorce.
She was startled at what she learned. Even after 25 years of the divorce some still experienced
considerable expectations of failure, fear of loss, fear of change, and fear of conflict. The
children in the study especially had a hard time when they were
beginning to have their own romantic relationships. Wallerstein
explains "Contrary to what we have long thought, the major impact
of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence. Rather, it
rises in adulthood as serious romantic relationships move center

Figure 4

stage . . . Anxiety leads many [adult children of divorce] into making bad choices in
relationships, giving up hastily when problems arise, or avoiding relationships altogether
(Desai, Amy). When I was 17 my parents filed for divorce. Leading up to the divorce I hoped
and prayed that my parents could just work it out. Parents considering divorce need to be fully
aware of how their children feel. They must consider these effects, and the possible
consequences their divorce will have on their children.
From these previous articles we learn what young couples or those preparing for marriage
can do to potentially have a long-lasting and happy marriage. We learn the effects that divorce
has on men, women, and children. By knowing these effects and statistics we can be better

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prepared and know what to expect when considering a divorce. We can also be better prepared to
answer the dreaded question, should I get a divorce? In an interview with my father, I asked him
What advice would you give to a father that is going through a divorce? He replied It depends
on the person, but my advice to them would be to stay strong, if you can try your best to work it
out and help your kids if you have any (Williams, Interview). Parents must do all they can to
work it out, if you feel you have done your best to work it out and it still is not working out,
maybe it is time for a divorce. You will feel better that you did all you could to save your
marriage. Divorce may be the best option, it was for my father, and it worked out in the end.
Ultimately it will be a decision that requires serious analyzing and pondering. Hopefully in the
future, people will be more aware of the facts and effects of divorce, and make better decisions
that will lead to less marriages ending in divorce.

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Appendix
Figure 1- "Google Images." Google Images. Web. 13 Mar. 2015.
<http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02089/div_2089056b.jpg>.
Figure 2- "Google Images." Google Images. Web. 13 Mar. 2015.
http://www.divorcepartyplanner.com/images/BigDPP.jpg.
Figure 3- "Google Images." Google Images. Web. 13 Mar. 2015.
<http://thedivorcecenter.org/wp-content/uploads/contemplating-divorce-300x199.jpg>.
Figure 4- "Google Images." Google Images. Web. 13 Mar. 2015.
<https://divorcelawyerhoustononline.com/media/2014/06/uncontested-divorce-lawyer-houstontexas-free-consultations.jpg>.

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Works Cited
Desai, Amy. "How Could Divorce Affect My Kids?" Focus on the Family. 1 Jan. 2006. Web. 12 Mar. 2015.
<http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/should-i-get-a-divorce/how-woulddivorce-affect-me>.
Desai, Amy. "How Would Divorce Affect Me?" Focus on the Family. 1 Jan. 2006. Web. 12 Mar. 2015.
<http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/should-i-get-a-divorce/how-woulddivorce-affect-me>.
"Divorce Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation. Web. 12 Mar. 2015. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce>.
Fagan, Patrick F., and Robert Rector. "The Effects of Divorce on America.The Heritage Foundation. Web. 12
Mar. 2015. <http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2000/06/the-effects-of-divorce-on-america>.
"Marriage and Divorce." Http://www.apa.org. Web. 12 Mar. 2015. <http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/>.
McBurney, Louis. "Foundations of a Lifelong Marriage." Focus on the Family. Web. 12 Mar. 2015.
<http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing-for-marriage/approaching-the-weddingday/foundations-of-a-lifelong-marriage>.
Williams, Mike. Interview. 25 January 2015