To: Ms.

Diaz
From: Michael Roybal
Date: March 23, 2015
Subject: MWA 2 Cover Letter
Rhetorical Situation
The rhetorical situation for this assignment starts off with who the audience is. The audience I
am writing for is a non-profit organization that holds the same values as I do. I am giving them
an example of my writing and also showing them my view of the issue we are standing together
on. For my assignment I choose to do the death penalty/ capital punishment because it is
something I feel strongly about. I feel that the death penalty is something really bad and that it
should be abolished. I choose to do this particular issue because I felt it would give me a chance
to voice my opinion. I choose to include the example I did in this assignment because they were
the major reasons why I feel the death penalty is wrong. I was able to use these examples well in
order to support my claims. The audience impacted my style/tone by making me write in a more
formal, research way. I had to use a lot of logos in this essay and that really affects the style. It
isnt as casual as others. I choose the title I did because I feel it sums up my claim that the death
penalty isnt and that it should be abolished because it is not right.
Areas of Interest
While grading my assignment I would really like you to focus on the way I used my quotes and
examples. I didnt know if I was using them correctly to back up my points so I would like some
feedback as to what I need to improve on with using quotes. I also would like feedback on how

the placement of the examples was. I would like to know if I placed them correctly and if they
were used effectively to back up my claims.
SLO Progression
During the course of this assignment I really feel like this essay helped me progress towards
many of the SLOs we have. With SLO D I feel I improved with this by the way I had to write. In
this assignment I had to write in the correct way and have really good writing. I was trying to
show others my opinion and give a good account of why I feel the way I do. To do this I need to
sound intelligent and have good American English in order for others to read my work properly.
This gave me practice on how to write that way.
One of the main SLOs this assignment helped me progress towards was SLO H. SLO H is all
about being able to use others peoples positions and perspectives in my own writing. In this
assignment I had to objectively describe opposing views and by doing this it helped me learn to
use others views to support my arguments. I was able to look at how other people think and go
off of it and give a better position with my claim. I was able to use other peoples thoughts to
help improve mine.
SLO I was progressed towards in this assignment by having to write a research paper on my
opinion. I just write a paper about my opinion without giving any actual facts. I had to research
cases of the death penalty being botched and research supporting articles for my claim. This
helped me gain experience of writing a research paper and incorporation outside sources.

Comment [SD1]: Your cover letter is really

helpful, but be sure to use very specific
examples for your SLO reflectionsquote
your own word! Itll help for the SLO essay.

Injustice with Capital Punishment

Comment [SD2]: Doesnt need to be

underlined or bolded. It rhymes thoughat
least I think so xD

The Eighth Amendment of the Constitution states that no one should be inflicted with
harmful or unusual punishment. In addition the Fifth Amendment states that everyone has the
right to life. There are many types of punishment and consequences to the crimes people commit.

Comment [SD3]: These two ideas could be

better bridged.

Although the death penalty is used as one of the major punishments for criminals today, I believe
that this act is unethical and flawed and also goes against the constitution which is why it should
be abolished.

Comment [SD4]: This sentence is massive

and should be chopped up.

Although many people feel that capital punishment is an effective way for criminals to be
punished, there are many ways in which it violates peoples rights. Capital punishment has been
around since crime has been around. People have been put to death for centuries for the things
they have done. Often the death penalty is seen as unconstitutional, which I believe it is, but

Comment [SD5]: Citation? This is a very big

generalization

there are ways to look at it that dont make it seem as bad. One of the common arguments made

Comment [SD6]: This could be worded

better.

by people who believe the death penalty is just is, Why kill someone to show that they

Comment [SD7]: This could be its own

paragraph because it doesnt relate directly to
the bit before.

shouldnt have killed another person? In this case many people start to make it out as the person
who committed the crime is the victim. Many people start to forget about the actual victim and
start to look away from the injustice done by the criminal. They forget about what the criminal
has done and turn the verdict around to make it seem like they dont deserve it.
Another way to look at how death penalty is just is by pointing out how long and
thorough the process of determining capital punishment is. Many people believe that when a
person is going to be put to death that the decision is made right away without any thought. They
believe that many people are wrongly accused because the prosecutors are not giving much
thought to the facts and evidence and just want to give closer to the victim and their family right

Comment [SD8]: closure

away. Many of these people tend to forget that that in order for someone to be sentenced to death
there has to be one hundred percent certainty that the person is responsible for the crime that was
committed. The process of going through evidence and DNA testing takes a long time. With this
whole process criminal can be on death row for decades. There have been people who have been
on death row for more than twenty years. These criminals are not just given this decision lightly.

Comment [SD9]: The wording is a little

strangethe decision isnt made lightly?

They are also treated very well in addition to everything. They get to choose how to go, choose

Comment [SD10]: Whats everything?

their last meal; write wills and even come to acceptance with their death. The people these
criminals kill dont give their victims that chance. They take that away from them. So by giving

Comment [SD11]: How they die?

Comment [SD12]:
Comment [SD13]: comma

such opportunities and being as thorough with the cases, capital punishment can be considered
just.
However, With these reasons that make capital punishment a just act, there are many
weaknesses that these views have. One of the main weaknesses with the first view is that yes
while people may view it as forgetting about the actual victim but that is not what is happening.
When people are arguing against the death penalty they are not condoning the acts of the
criminals. In no way are they saying that these criminals should not be punished but they are

Comment [SD14]: Theres a lot of they

herewhat about your thoughts?

saying that there is a better way to go about it. Instead of giving the death penalty, such as lethal
injection there are other ways such as life without parole or giving those sentences and work that
are going to make them pay for the acts they have committed.
One of the main weaknesses with the second argument is the view the people hold that
the death penalty is just because it is a thorough process. Although the process may be well
thought out and given a lot of thought to the decision made it is still something that is killing
another human being. Yes the criminal has committed crimes that are unspeakable but who gives
the right to kill someone else. The criminal may have done that to someone else but how is

Comment [SD15]: Check out The Oatmeals

Guide to Semicolons. You should be using
commas in certain place.s

punish the criminal with death going to make it any better? Like I said earlier there are other
ways that are less volatile and more ethical to punish criminals.
With the opposing viewpoints of my argument explained I feel that capital punishment
should definitely be abolished. Sentencing someone to death is something that has been a major

Comment [SD16]: Volatile means

something differentviolent?
Comment [SD17]: The past couple of
paragraphs have been rebuttals and should be
after this paraagraph then if youre going into
your discussion of your points-- consolidate

problem in society since it started. At first it started off by stoning and hanging individuals and

Comment [SD18]: Citation?

slowly it moved more and more up in the form of electrocution. What this form entailed was

Comment [SD19]: Up meaning

technologically involved?

someone would be placed in a chair and given a bag around their head and once ready they
would be electrocuted until they died. Today capital punishment is given in the form of lethal
injection. First the criminal is given an anesthetic that puts them to sleep, then they are given a
muscle relaxer and last they are given an injection that stops the heart. Yes this may sound like a

Comment [SD20]: Instead of using yes try

using whileit sounds a little more formal

pleasant and un-painful way to die but the fact still remains that someone else is losing their life
Sentencing someone to death and being the deciding factor whether someone lives or
dies, no matter if you are the criminal or jury, violates the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution.
In fact this is the major issue which is why the death penalty should be abolished. The Fifth
Amendment states that every man has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. With
capital punishment this is defied. By killing these individuals we are not giving them the right to
live. It makes the individuals doing the execution the same as the criminal. The state is already
safer with the criminal behind bars so why do does the government have to kill another person?
As long as the individual is behind bars the victims family knows they have been caught. They
get closer with that person being in prison and paying the price. Killing someone for killing
someone else is not going to bring closer it is going to just kill another persons family member.

Comment [SD21]: closure

Like Galen Guengerich said, What gives someone deciding factor and power to determine if

Comment [SD22]: as

someone should live or be sentenced to death? No one has the right to determine that even if it
is against someone who killed someone themselves.
One of the main errors with the death penalty is that there have been many times in which
cases of electro shock and lethal injection have gone terribly wrong. Many cases have been
botched such as one in the state of Florida. In this case, a man who was being sentenced to death
was given elector shock as his way to go. Before the procedure the sponge that the staff uses

Comment [SD23]: This sounds vaguewas

to be executed via electrocution.

with the head piece had worn out and needed to be replaced. The staff sent someone to pick one
up but he bought the wrong type. Because of this, during the execution, the mans head caught
on fire and burned until his death (DPCI). Another case which involved lethal injection was

Comment [SD24]: Be more clearthis is

what caused his death?

botched due to the incorrect way the drugs were administered. In this case in Oklahoma a man
was given an IV that was placed incorrectly. The sedative was not strong enough to stop all brain
activity and so the patient was still conscious when the final two drugs were administered. One
doctor described that the individual probably felt, feelings of suffocation and intense pain
described as liquid fire (Dr. Lubarsky).
Another error with the death penalty is people have been sentenced to death that are

Comment [SD25]: Fault?

actually innocent. On many cases there have been people who are being convicted of the crimes
and truth is they are being faulty accused. These individuals are not given a fair trial and are

Comment [SD26]: They have been falsely

accused

murdered without reason. For example, about 140 women and men have been released from
death row due to the wrong trials. Also at least thirty people have been wrongfully executed

Comment [SD27]: Word choice could be

more precise

(DPIC). These people are not being given a fair chance and all the evidence is not being looked

Comment [SD28]: This could be framed

better: its thought/has been proven that at
least

at. If the government wants to continue with the death penalty something has to change. There
needs to be fully certainty that the individual actually committed the crime. If there isnt and
someone is killed because of that then the government is just as guilty as the actual criminal.

Another reason why the death penalty should be abolished is because many people do not
fear death, especially criminals. Criminals come face to face with death every day, especially if
they are in gangs or really dirty stuff like that. Many of these individuals arent afraid to do and
being put in prison for life is even great punishment for them. For example a prisoner in the state
of New York said, I would rather be executed than to serve life behind bars, (Guengerich).
These prisoners are going to be punished more by staying in jail the rest of their lives. They
arent going to suffer and pay for what they have done by being executed. When a person is in
prison for life without parole, they are going to be in a cell for the rest of their lives. They arent
going to be allowed in the outside world anymore and are going to be cut off from society. If
they are executed they arent going to know what that feel likes. Its going to be a simple thing

Comment [SD29]: Is this justice or is this

retribution?

for them to die rather than suffer in jail. By this inmate saying that it goes to show that life
imprisonment is more effective and a better way to punish rather than capital.
Cost also plays a huge factor with the death penalty in America. [Putting someone on

Comment [SD30]: Should this be in quotes?

death row costs about two million dollars and on average runs costs about sixty four million
dollars a year for executions,] (Epps 1095). Keeping someone in prison for eighty five years

Comment [SD31]: For all death row

prisoners?

without parole would be less expensive than that because it costs around twenty five thousand a
year. The cost of executing people is ridiculous and that money could be spent elsewhere around
state such as education or public services. This money is going to attorneys, juries and officers
who are working the case. This money is being wasted on killing someone when we all know
that killing is bad. If we would just put people on life without parole it would be better because
putting someone to death is unnecessary. Yes the argument could be made of overcrowding in
prisons but just like everything else more can be built.

Comment [SD32]: Immoral?

Capital punishment is something that needs to be taken away from society and abolished
for the rest of our existence. With the many errors that this act does and the many things it
violates it really is something that is not effective to either the criminals or the victims. This act
is not only unethical it is barbarian. This is something that was from the beginning of time and
we arent there anymore. Society has risen from those times and does not need to be like
barbarians again. It is wrong and immoral to be the people who decide if someone should live or
die and should not be given to randomly selected citizens off the street. If you decide if someone
should live or die you are just as bad as the criminals themselves. There are more effective ways
to punish criminals and with the abolishment of capital punishment society is one step closer to
peace.

Works Cited
Guengerich, Galen. "The Death Penalty's Underlying Problem."Time.Com (2014): 1. Academic
Search Complete. Web. 28 Feb. 2015.
Epps, Daniel. "The Consequences Of Error In Criminal Justice." Harvard Law Review 128.4
(2015): 1065-1151. Academic Search Complete. Web. 28 Feb. 2015.
"Lethal Injection." Death Penatly. DPIC, 2015. Web. 11 Feb. 2015.

Content
Area

Description of An Exemplary Position Paper

Points

Argument

The introduction presents an overview of different stances on the issue, _32_/35

demonstrating an understanding of these views and contains a main
claim statement. The writers main claim is clearly defined and the
writer refers back to this claim throughout the paper. The writer
presents an opposing viewpoint (acknowledges a counter argument)
and successfully argues against that view. The writer uses at least two
scholarly articles or book chapters with opposing viewpoints to situate
his or her own argument. The writer has a clear understanding of these
articles and uses the research to enhance the writers own argument.

Analysis

The writer uses secondary sources (articles or book chapters) in their

_23_/25
paper to create an effective dialogue with the opinions of other writers.
The writers critical thinking skills enhance their analysis helping the
writer to present his or her own stance on the issue as an extension of
another writers argument or as a synthesis of two opposing arguments.

Organization

The paper is organized in a logical manner that enhances the flow of the _14_/15
writers argument. The writer has included an introduction and forward
thinking conclusion. Body paragraphs have topic/point sentences that
show the reader the paragraphs relationship to the argument and
concluding sentences. The writer has used transitions between ideas
and paragraphs to add to his/her ideas clarity.

Presentation
& Format

The report is free of

distracting errors of grammar, punctuation, and spelling. The report
meets the page length requirement. The writer has used Times/Times
New Roman 12 point font; the document in double spaced, and uses 1
inch margins.

Style

The writer uses an economic style meaning that the language is concise, _5_/5

_9_/10

not repetitive or overly wordy. Sentence structure and meaning is clear.

Cover Letter

The writer has supplied a cover letter that discusses the rhetorical
situation for their document (3 points), overview of
strengths/weaknesses (2 points), a request for specific feedback (1
point), and a reflection on the required SLOs (4 points).

_8_/10

Total: 91/100
Michael,
I can tell youre really passionate about this subject, especially in the second half of the paper.
Your voice came out very clear, which can be difficult to do.
A couple points of interest:
Your language is a little informal. Try reading the paper as if a judge would be reading itit
should be a little more technical and formal.
Additionally, while your citations were overall solid, there were a couple of areas that could be
improved. See my comments above.
-SD
PS Sad fact: theyre bringing the firing squad as a form of execution back in Utah.
http://www.npr.org/2015/03/23/394957508/utah-brings-back-firing-squads-as-lethal-injectiondrugs-remain-scarce
Its a step backwards for sure. :/