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Karen Sanchez

November 20, 2014


TTE 322 Lang. Arts
Writing Profile
The student I chose to profile for writing is a fifth grader from Coyote Trail
Elementary named Julie. When I asked my mentor teacher who she thought would be a
good fit to work with for this assignment, this is the student who she recommended.
Julie is very social and loves to contribute to class discussions since she is so
outspoken. While getting to know Julie she told me that she loves being a cheerleader
and loves being with her family. I had also asked her how she felt about writing and
whether she liked it or not. Julie said that she loved to write and that she liked making
up her own stories. She also said she likes to write because it can be about whatever
she wants and she has more freedom. Since she seemed very passionate about
writing, I was really looking forward to getting to read some of her work.
My mentor teacher tries to incorporate writing into other subjects as much as she
can. The students have notebooks for every subject in which they write all their notes or
assignments. I noticed that this is where they had most of their writing that kept them
accountable for the day. For example after each lesson they have a short paragraph
they must write summarizing what they learned. They have other writing assignments
throughout the semester as well. For example writing about a book they have read,
letters, personal narratives, research papers, and non-fiction stories. Overall the
students have a lot of opportunities to write and I really like how my mentor teacher
incorporates the other subjects.

When asking my mentor teacher what she thought about Julie as a writer, she
told me that she was overall a good writer. She likes to write a lot and all of her writing
was full of her personality. She also says that her writing has good ideas and it flows for
the most part. Julie loves to add a lot of detail into her writing which can be a good and
bad thing sometimes. One thing she did mention was that Julie needs to work on getting
to the point when she writes. She said that Julie writes for length and that she can go on
and on and not get to the main idea of what she is trying to write. She said she would
also like to work on having a wider range of vocabulary for Julie. She also said that Julie
writes a lot about her own background knowledge but has a hard time using text
evidence which doesnt help with her comprehension.
The first piece of writing that I obtained from my mentor teacher was a letter that
Julie had written to her. The prompt for this letter was to write about what they expected
for their 5th grade year, what they wanted to learn, and any questions they had for her.
For the trait of voice I decided to give her a 6 because her personality is evident
throughout her letter. Also the scoring guide states that a 6 means that there is a sense
that the topic has come to life. I think Julie has succeeded in having her piece come to
life by showing her originality. For example in one part she says, you are also really
good at teaching people who dont know what they are doing, like me. Her paper is
humorous, original, and appropriate for her audience.
For the writing trait of ideas and content, I also gave her letter a 6 because her
writing is clear, keeps the audience interested, and has main ideas that stand out. One
example of this in her letter is when she says, I hope that by the end of the year, I know
everything that you meant to teach me. This is her main idea since it is supported by

the rest of her paragraphs which are about what they look forward to, their most
memorable lesson so far, what they like about the teacher, what they want to learn
about, and anything theyre wondering. The main idea is clear, relevant, and supported
by details.
For organization, I gave Julies letter a 6 as well because the structure moves the
reader through her writing easily. She started a new paragraph every time she was
going to write about a new idea, which makes the writing really easy to follow. She has
an inviting beginning when she says this year I am really looking forward to getting to
know you better and she has a sense of resolution in the end with saying I hope we
have an amazing year together. She also has smooth transitions and has a sequence
like letter, which allows her to build up to her main idea.
Julies word choice was definitely stronger than weak and for that I gave her a 5.
She does use words like enjoyable and amazing in her letter but she doesnt have
much variety. I still thought the vocabulary she used was appropriate for a 5 th grade
letter and was natural (not overdone). Her words made her letter interesting and were
appropriate for the purpose.
For sentence fluency, I also gave Julie a 5 because her writing does have an
easy flow and rhythm. Her sentences have varied structures and are natural for
example she says, Also I like that you will repeat the question over and over until we
get what the question is trying to ask. Again thank you for supporting me in math. I
thought her writing sounded natural like dialogue for the most part. I also did notice that
some of her sentences were too short and didnt sound as natural or didnt flow from
one sentence to the next.

For the last trait, conventions, I gave Julie a 4 because she did have misspelled
words and a few other grammatical errors. Although she did have misspelled words, this
didnt impact the letters readability. Some of the words she misspelled were princibles
(principals), ment (meant), cemicals (chemicals), and the teachers name. She has
correct end of sentence punctuation for the most part with the exception of a few
question marks that are missing. She also seems to have control over her punctuation,
for example where to use commas. I also thought her paragraph breaks were really
good.
The next piece of writing I evaluated was a fictional story about an alien. The
students had drawn their own aliens and were asked to write a story about them. Julie
wrote about a cheerleading alien named Emonyy who goes on an unexpected
adventure to planet Earth. For ideas and content I gave this piece of writing a 4 because
it was interesting to read but also a bit confusing. She starts by describing the alien then
describes the actual story. There is support for her story and her purpose for writing this
is identifiable. She is very creative with her ideas for this writing but is also all over the
place.
For the writing trait of organization I gave Julie a 3, this is because the structure
of her writing in very inconsistent. She starts out with having good paragraph breaks but
then clumps up the rest of her information into one huge paragraph. Her ordering of
events is unclear at times since she starts by describing the alien and then goes into her
story. Her beginning and ending are present but underdeveloped specifically her ending
which ends so abruptly by saying, She also opened a cheerleading school. The end.

For the trait of voice I decided to score the story a 5 because I thought Julie
chose a voice appropriate for the topic and purpose. One example from the story where
she says, When we landed at this place called an airport, I was the first person to walk
out the door. This shows that she is committed to the character and the story; she
really portrays the characters voice and thoughts. She is aware of the reader and
knows how to communicate her message. Overall her story is very original and her
voice makes it engaging.
I thought Julie had good word choice for this writing piece and I gave her a 5 as a
score. She uses words that are appropriate for her writing including words she made up
like monsterport or diamondmobile which go along with the theme of the alien story.
Her word choice does allow for clear imagery of what is going on in the story.
For the writing trait, sentence fluency, I gave Julie a 4 because her writing did
flow for the most part. Her sentence patterns are somewhat varied but she did tend to
stick to the same kind of sentences. She was also very repetitive with her structure,
lengths, and beginnings. For example she wrote, But Emonyy was still in her bubble.
But 15 minutes later the bubble popped. But Emonyy could breathe. Overall I was still
able to move easily through the piece when reading it.
For conventions I gave Julie a 5 because she had some grammatical errors
throughout her writing. She had a few spelling errors for example mobeel (mobile),
diomond (diamond), and poshion (potion). Her use of commas and periods are
correct for the most part. She does need a little bit of editing including fixing the
paragraph breaks.

The last piece of writing that I evaluated was a personal narrative from the
student. The prompt was to write about a memorable time in their life and to write in first
person point of view. They had a lot of creative freedom with this activity and it was their
first time writing a personal narrative for this class. When I evaluated this piece for ideas
and content, I gave it a 6 because she had a main idea with supporting details. Her
whole paper is about this trip she took to Phoenix with her friend and family. She
discusses the places they went to and the road trip itself to describe this whole trip. The
writing is clear and interesting and the writing is engaging since it includes actual
dialogue.
For the organization writing trait I gave this piece a 6 because I thought her ideas
were organized really well. I think she has good sequencing to support why this trip was
so memorable for her. She begins with a paragraph about picking up her friend, about
the road trip, about the places they went, and the way back. Her opening sentence
started with Ring! Ring! Ring! and her last sentence ended with Then we drive home
and when I got home into my warm bed, I fell right asleep. This shows her sequence of
events and overall she had a good structure that fit the topic very well.
I gave Julie a 6 in voice for this personal narrative because she has a strong
personal voice. She is aware of her audience and her writing is very original. She
engages the audience by using actual dialogue and it makes the topic come to life.
For word choice I gave this personal narrative a 5 because I thought Julie was
very descriptive for many parts. She described what it was like to be on the roller
coasters and all of the other games really well. This made her writing more interesting
and made you feel like you were on the roller coaster with her. I also gave her a 5 for

sentence fluency because she had a lot of dialogue and it did sound naturally. It was
easy to read through and flowed very well. Her sentence structures vary by having
different lengths and different beginnings. Overall I thought it was easy to read and that
her sentences went well together.
I gave this paper a 4 for conventions because it did have a few grammatical
errors throughout. She didnt quote her dialogue correctly at times and she added more
periods than needed. For example when she wrote, No, but I heard its really, really
fun. I say. Ive been to Castles and Coasters though! I add. She also does have a few
spelling errors as well but the writing is still readable.
I thought the first letter that Julie wrote towards the beginning of the year was
really strong. She had really good voice that kept the reader interested throughout and it
was a really fun piece to read since it incorporated humor. She stuck to the basic 5
paragraph structure and her writing was easy to read. The next fictional story she wrote
was actually a little difficult to read, I had to reread it a few times. I thought her ideas
were all over the place and although she moved away from the 5 paragraph structure,
her organization was not as good as the first letter. She also had a lot of filler and it
seemed like she wrote more for length. Her last writing that I collected was really well
written. It was engaging and really easy to read, she only had a few mistakes that were
mostly conventions. I thought it was a really good personal narrative and I liked her
writing style for it.
Julies strength when it comes to writing is voice because her personality always
shines through which makes her writing fun to read. Since I have gotten to know her in
class, when I read her writing I feel like Im having a conversation with her since shes

great with voice. She also knew how to write relevant ideas for each prompt, which is
another strength of hers. I think in some areas she needs to grow is knowing how to not
fill her writing with filler. I noticed that in some of her writing it took her a while to get to
the point and it did disengage me at times. I think this is also why she would sometimes
end up with a huge paragraph of information and why she would end her writing so
abruptly.
I think Julie needs to work on having a main idea and making sure all of her
supporting details are actually needed to prove this main point. She would really benefit
from having graphic organizers for each writing prompt. This way she knows what is
expected of her and how to organize her ideas. It would also help her organize her
paragraphs and keep her on track to getting to the main point. I think this would also
help her see that writing a lot doesnt necessarily mean better writing. For long-term
recommendations, I think Julie would really benefit from writing more research type
papers where she can focus on writing based off evidence. I think she is used to more
personal writing and this is why she may have trouble getting to her main point. I think
this would help her organize her ideas more and help her find supporting details. By
doing this she may see that all writing should have a purpose and that using filler
doesnt help her writing.
Overall I think Julie is a great writer and I know she will only keep improving. She
is very creative and full of personality which makes her writing very fun to read. I really
enjoyed getting to analyze her work as well as being entertained with her stories.