JAMES BALDWIN [1924-1987] Sonny's Blues ag Ne Yr iy hon frit ire ad 524-195) wne tae in power ler hee a {Sone boas senha ot Pere Pees Church Ar ‘Shopng hgh sed he decd to Become» writer anc wht iil th ick Aeron npn rer Ricard Wet on 9 {hoa enabled omnes where lve Forest ce ‘mining ears Tha oth ccs Go 1 te Hioenata 195), evel woot th elgin waking ef fuer: Sec nck youth: Soecgpes wr, focusing om the led {spinel ws of lk men nahi nt Sci, ded he RcRStonns Rov 1950, Ata ey (82) ons Sl nc fr heir Somocrl hemes te How Lange Da Bao Gon 180) 1 Bel Ses ol Ta 197),t Aeve My Head {ipr9y an lon Qua (967: the pla Bs for Miser Char {U9e0 an th post abo ements ts as Nat on {1855 Aub Rwy ae 60 ae Te re Ne Te 88), alls son sts are eee in Cv Me! tee (1989) read about inthe paps i the any, on my way to work Ted it scolds orev and Id aan Then papel were ‘athe newspinSpling out his ato, ping oot he try 1 tar tctun the singine hte fhe iby ca and nthe faces nd bodies {tthe pple aa in own fae eaped Inte darkness which ore ‘Sune Trees at to be baie and 1 ep ting mpl, a Eales from the subway ston tothe bigh schoo. And atthe same fine L ult dob ou scared acre for Sony He bee eal ‘SEutn A ret lec of ergo ste n mb and kept meta hee “Hout all ay loo. le taught my cases algebra. 1 was 2 speci itd ot cei kept inlting sending wes of ce rater all up and cae fy seis but eer ot ia, Sometimes it hardened are Seed 2 ‘ej unt ty gts were ping to come sping ot ox that 5 “scnaph shes” Cn © 1967 and eevee ale ony ‘SismtdaSicAetit sn ued ng hee en bel ‘Roky sangeet es Bl ae ma snub Sonry’s Blas ig chk rsa This oul ahs rmoment wen at ‘nannies psig ey fad nce odode Win abot he ye ny cnn en Seaman open tes cepa ean sone tin owe aaa penta prey Teoma indeslion ishadbenneed op heceiae oaioa ‘apart wnt g tan to Zu ttoe batt ny ha Sas nd any seumlrt anymore name ack am ran ts ‘at wontto ow ha had pcs a er Leptin them esd mn Sony es aes {Fr alberghi ar rd a ot ‘ore thay cao uw gk ely a le wnt lee hts Ch’ doe tng wong ta ns pone ae ong ‘ita sansomenyother ere hachapned nan ing thom hire oar ho mi ey oes tar a AGE pcm lftndesourytneeh hnd t {Mdmere her sal srt thet ie Sony ad Hors he ols tetebcn mur than heb wre Thea pe ‘gardening ey we gvng pio ed ‘heals bump at aga ag heal po ‘Sate They ne dha yee dr ‘os the Ss of ees ws ening Ina So fete drt ofthe mov st had Sand thee ‘Signa wh ty vine ese a ons ese ‘Seer tan theyre aon oer tn ee se ‘thc th ent Ssh ty rath sco fd bon ing ort tine hy eres “Selves hough fi taensngin teu ath esc ‘tomo is nara kn ine oa eo oui twa sein cong sd ag ht at ‘Ssh or perp be Stan nsec incher Sie "Goede one te when ey alin santo eigen Sencha aint {Ricatthny other canen erhapswsnng her atse ‘ening ot bt main hem hy cd = ne boy as ting ne a on ey ine ond esi sistigeel ote maint ines ctr eae al cic ry cl dag gah Just holding its own through all those other sounds. oe * ai b i anion Sons Bloes 1 stood up and walked over to the window and loked down nto the courtyard twes the beginning of the spring andthe sap was ssi the Boys teacher passed through dham every now and agin, icky ‘a though he or she couldnt wat fo get out ofthat courtyard, to get, ‘hoe boys out of eight and of thes mind. started collecting my sul. thoughn Ya beter get home and talk abel. “The courtyard was aimst deserted y the time got downstas,Lsawe this boy standing In the shadow ofa doorway, looking jue like Sons. 1 font called Hs name, Then eae tht i wasnt Sony bt somebody ‘we used to kno a boy from around our Block He'd boca Sonny end. "Hed never been mine, having been Yoo young fo te, and, anny, Ta ‘eve ike Ni. An now, even though he was a grown-up mat he sll hang around dr Bock oilpent hour the street commer wne as high and rag 1 used io ru ino i from time o me and hed tn ‘work around to ashing me for quarter Bly cent, He always had Some real good excuse, too, and always gave Itt, dont know wh. "But now abrupt {hated him. Toul stand the way be looked a sme, portly like ado, par ike cnning cil. I wanted fo ask him ‘shat the hall he was doing the schol outa ‘oof shuled over to me, and he wld“ ee you got the paps, ‘Soyou already know about “You mean about Sonny? Yes, Talready know about it. How come they dnt get your” fo rine. It mado him rpulsive anit also beought to mind what hei looked ike as ski T wan ther. Tsay aes from them people “Good for you.” | offered him a cigarette and I watched hin throug the smoke. "You come all the way daw here ust tel me about Soar” “Thats right” He was sort of shaking his head and hie eyer looked strange as though they were about to cross. Te bright sun desdened is ‘lamp dark bra skin and made hs eyes look yl and shoved ip ‘he drt in his Kinks ain, He smelled fang mane lite ey ta ‘Miandad Wal hts, Bake bow abot ean got ee "Til ak you ail ways" he sad. We stared walking, Ther were a couple of kids stl tering inthe courtyard and one of them ssid zood. night tome and looked strangely atte boy beside me What you ging ode? he ashed me “Tea, sbout Sony" “Look, Taye seen Sonny for over a year Tmt not se Fm going to ‘do anything. Anyway, what the helen To" “Tack gt” he sald quickly “sin nothing you ean do, Cant ric ep Sonny na mare guess” Tat what Tovar thinking and sot zemed to mehe hed no righ 10 syit 4 ano Sonny’ Blues “tim surprised at Sonny, though,” ho went on-—he had a funny way of| ‘aling, be looked sight bead a thous he wer all to esl" ‘howl Sonny was a smat by, Ubought he was too sma to pt ug” Mt pucss he thought so too" Isa sharply “and thats how he got Jnana: And ow about you? Your pretty gar omar, Tet” ‘Then he looked directly at me, ust fr a minute." ala ra ssh "1 Yan amar, i have reached or pat long tive ago" one Thea felt guly—gult, proaabhy for never having supposed tat the poor bastard fad a story of his on, ruc less asad one, and T sheds quickly "What going to happen to im now” Te didnt snwer thi. He sof by himsel? some pct, “Funny ‘hinge sald, and from hs tone we might have been discussing the ticket way 10 get 10 Brooke, "when T saw the papers this morning the at thing aed mel wo fT ad anything todo with 1fek sor of responsible” ‘gan toliten more caoflly: The subway ston was onthe corer, Just beore us, and Totoppd. He stopped, loo. We were i ron fa ae ‘hd he dackod sight, peering in, but whoever he Was looking for ditt fem tobe there The uke bor vine Blasting sway with romething black ‘ne boumey and I af watched the barmaid ss She danced her way from ‘he joke box to her place bund the bar And T watched her face ashe Iughingly responded to something someone sat ee, stil keeping time fo the muse, When abe sled ona saw dhe Hie gi one sented ‘he doomed, sullstugglng woman Beneath the hatred face of the semisore, “never give Sonny nothing.” the Boy sald finaly "uta lng time ago "came p sche! high and Sonny asked me how it fel" He pause. 1 ‘ouldnt arto wate him, T watched the barmeld, ad steed to he ‘usie whlch seemed tobe causing the pavement to shake.“ old him lst great” The musie stopped the Sorm:d paused and watched the Jukebox unt the musi began again." i.” All this was careying me someplace T did't want to go ertainly aida want to know how lf i filed everything, the people, the howe the msi, the dart sicker barmaid wilh menace’ and he menace was thelr tality What ging fo happen to him now" Tasked agin "They send im ata sor place and they" Yo cue lon” Ke Sook his bead. "Maybe bell even dink hes kicked the babi. Then they lat imloes”—-he gestured throwing hic cigarett nto the utr Ratsal™ What do you mean, that all But Thnew what he meant. ws asuunwin/Soanys Blues “rosan, data” te turned his head an looked at me, paling down {he comers of hs mouth. "Dealt you know what I mean” he asked, sof. "How the bell would T know what you moan?” Zlmost whispered iT ne said to the ag, ow would he know what mean?” ‘He tuned toward me again, patel and calm, and yt | somehow felt him shaking, shaking ae though he were going to allspart at that ee {nay guts again the dread afl allateroon and aga 1 watched the barmaid, moving about the bar aching passes, end angig. “Liste ‘Thay Ter ms out and thon just sta allover again, That hat E ou mesn—tha'l thin out. And hen hel jst start working is ‘ay back in sein: You mean el never Kick he eit Is that wht you “Thats right" he sai, cheerfully "Yow see what mean” Tall me" I sald at ls, “why does he wont to die? He must wat to ie he ling hms, wy does he want to dle” He leoked at mo ln Surpiso, Ho licked his lips, "He dont want odie He wants tole, Dont nobody want ode ever “Then T wanted to ask him too man) things, He could not have snswered, ori he had, I could not have borne the answers. T started ‘walking. Wel, gues tS aone of my business" "spon 10 be rough om old Soy” he vid. We reached the subeay station: "hiss your sition” he asked, nodded. ook one step down, “Damn he sai suddenly. looked wp a him He grinned sgain. “Damn ‘Mil did leave all my money home, You sat gota dalla on ou, have you? Just fora couple of days, all” ‘lat once something inside gave and threatened to come pouring out ‘of me: dint hate him any more 1 felt that m another moment Td sart ‘jing like aed. "te" sald "Dont sweat" TJoKed in my wallet and did have 8 olan only had ave *Hare® Tani. That eld you He didn look st he dt wat to ook at I-A tebe closed ook | came ove hi lve, as though he were keeping the number onthe bill ‘Secret fom himand me “Thanks” he sid and nos he was ing to se ‘me go. "Don! worry about Sonny Maybe il write him or something.” "Sure" Tsald. "You do that. Soong" Be eeing yous” he si went on down the steps ‘And di yite Sonny or wand him antag for Jong tne, When Snaly di, tas ast aftor my Hl i died, he wrote me Back alter ‘hich made me fel ike bastard. 3 126 sue / Sonny Blues Here what he sa Dear tthe, "Fou dont know how mich 1 needed to hear fom you wanted to westeyourmany ine bt dag how meh must ave hurt yu ae 3 Tidak wre ba now I elie etna wh been eying to imp tot some deep, sal deep snd funky bole ad us sae SU ‘Beso Tent ot ont Teant rll you mich about hoe got ere. Trean dost koow how fo all you gorse was aid of smnathing ort wa tng eae from something and pou Hoow Ive ever been ery eng in the ‘had ene Te lod Mara oo Dayar ded ad eat so hats Iappenet o thet som ad I near if Fd own hat Ives dag 1 tld peer Rave hut you ao, ou an lt the ine pple who Seenceto me and who ble nme Ti wane yout thie any thing odo with ne being mus ian ts more than tht Or nye ess tan that. ean ge anything aight in my esd down ore and yoo think aout wha ping to agen tome when ge outside za Semaine hak Ti going to fipand newer ge outside aod sete I think come ict ‘ck tel youre thine though, Fe rater low my besin sthango ‘ough Hagin. Bu hast thy ale hey ll me, TT el {orsthen Fa coming to New Yak an tf you ould mex, Tse ‘woul appreciate item love to label andthe ssa Twa Sure omy to near abot ie Graco Tsk could be Eke Mara ands {he Lad ul be done ft dm kno ser tome tat ule {he one thing tat neve oes gt stopp ad Idan know whet pond ‘dcr to lame i onthe Lad But maybe I does some pod if you Yourbrthe, ‘Then kept constant touch with lm and ¥ sent him whatever 1 ‘ould and T went meet hm when ie carne back to New York When ‘Sow him many thingy {thogeht {had frgoton caine flooding back co {Th was because Tid beg filly wonder aboat Sonny, about thelife that Sonny ed nse This ie whatever twas, had made Mn flier and thinner and it hal deepened the dita stlness in which he had always move. He looked very unite my baby brother. Yet, when he smiled, when We ook hand, the baby brother 1 neve known looked fut from the depths of his pita Hf, ike an animal wating to be “How you been keeping?" he asked me alright, And you im 4 nn‘atone Sonny's Blues “ust fne” He was sing allover his face. “Ith good to see you ‘wondered if these yous ould eer operate betveen ur aa beget ‘emembering nd it made it hard to eatch my breath tat Led bse {hore when he was bor and had heard het word he had ever spo en. When he started to wal, baled fom or mother sight oe. TTeaught him just before ofl thon he look the Hrs saps he ver ook ste, She yng 032 you" “had the boy “Ten 00, They anos to ce hence: “Oh, come on You know iy dont remember me “Arc you king? OF coast vemarer you Fe primed agin, We got nto fas We had ot osay cach they fertog much toknow how tobetn ‘As theta began to move Fane, Yous watt oto nda elaghod sl ober ht al ok ce dan “ted 0 Slong tothe, Ande lnughed agai "Tey ans nw what they were ding wham they goed “ears ago wen he was armund fourteen, hel ben al ppc om the ena gong nda He ead toot abou people Sng anh oak inal kinds of westhor bur ost bad, nately, and walang tance thigh hc ah ating at in ey el to meas thou the wore peng aay rom wind ofa {ul che sot olka dows one for hat ‘ “bp sas mind he ak, “iva ane the der drive lone the peek? On te wes sles vet scent cy is lng “ot couse no? sid vss send tae might ed a hough 1 were humoring hr, But hoped he wen take tht way Soe dow long between the geen ofthe pak a the tony fe Jess elegance of hotels and apartment baldings, toward tev ling Strets of our chldhood. There sees hadnt changed chgh haveing projec jtted up out af them now like rocks inthe mile of boing Seu, Most ofthe houses in wileh we had gown up had vanished, at ‘hod the stores frm whic we had stolen, the basements in which we hal et redsox, tho rotons fom whic nc had hare tn me nd ‘rel But houses exact like the houses of our past yet domjoated the landscape, bo exactly ke the boys we once ha been ound themseles ns nacpwn Sonny’ los mothering in those ote, carne dwn Into the streets fr light and [and found themaclesencicled by ditser Some exaped the tp, tort did Those who got out aways eft something of themseles ihn a ome isa pate seg leave fin the rp. Tight be said perhaps that I ad susan, afterall Twas schol teacher: fr that Sony had be hada ved in Harem for yeas. Ye, a tho cab Shovel pow through strets which seamed, with rus, to darken “hth dark people dae covertlyrtaied Soon face came 1 me Uh what ne both mere seeking trough our separite cab windows was that part of oursenes which ha been left bn If aways a the hour bl iceuble and confoutation that the missing mere aches, ‘We hit 10h Steet ed stared rong up Lenox Avena. And known this avenue all my Bie But ered (o mo aga. as had ‘eomed on the day 4 fist hard aout Sonny's roe, led wit ahd ‘den menace which was ts very breath of ie "We lmast there” sid Sonn. “Almost” We were both oo nervous say anything more. elie ins hosing projet. hast been up lng. A few days afer lt os up it seuned uninabtably ew, now of couse i alee rane flown, Ilook ikea parody af the good clean faceless ife-God knows {he peonle who lve iat Go their best to make a parody. The bea looking grass ving around lest enough to make thet ves gran, the Inodges wll never bold out the steels, and they know st The big Wi dle foo a one, thy aren big enough to make space oat of wo space ‘They don both with the windows, dey watch the TV screen instead ‘The playground i most popula seth the chidren who dow play af Jecks or kip rope ole skat, or swing, and ey can be found in ‘Waler dare We moved in pary because Ife oot to far from where teach, and pari fr the Kis tie really ost ike the houses in which Sonny and T grew up. The same things happen, they have the same things tp rememibee The oment Sonny’ and 1 sare nt the house T Ina the feeling hat Twas spy bringing hn back into the danger be Ind last ed tying to escape “Sonny has newer bee lative, So I dont know why I was sre he'd ‘beng to tall to me when supper was over the rst ng Everything ‘ent ine, the Oks boy remembered hin, and Une Youngest boy hiked him, and Sonay ha remembered to being Something foreach of them; fad abel. who ie realy much nicer thar Tam, mote open and givin, «ind gone toa foto rouble about diner and was gemely sod vo soe bin And she's always Soen abe tease Sonny ina way that Thaven'. trons tose her ncaa ve again and to hea hr laugh nd wth Ferimake Sonay laugh She waar oe an, se i eer teat al ‘Bneny ov embarrased, She chatied as though there were no subject 9yuo Sommy’ Blues “whlch had fo be avoided an she got Sonny past his ist, fait tines [Rnd thonk God she wns ther. for twas Bled with that ey dead agin, ‘Boeing id eocmed sword to me, and everything said sounded Frcphed ith hkidon nconing. Testing to remember everything Fd Fined about dpe action and T couldnt hep etching Sonny for Signs ast ding tot of mallee. Tasting to find ont something ‘our ey brother Tus dying to hear hi tell me he was as “Sic” my futher granted, whenever Mama suggested tying to move toaneighborhood which might be safer frien, “Safe, hell Alnt no ‘Hace sfe for is, nor obo” He aye wen om Hae ths, but he wasnt evr really a bad as he sounded: mat cren on weakens when he got dr Asa mater of at, {ienas aloo onthe lockout for something aie etter bathe died Sie tuna ie Ged sudden during a drunken weckend ithe ‘ddl ofthe warewhea Sonny wns cen He and Sonny hadn't ever gok Un too wel, And tne was pany because Sonny was the apple of his {iter eye tas because he lved Sonny so much and was ightened fortum, that he was shvays fhtng with him. It doesnt doy geod 0 fight wih Sonny. Soncy Just moves back, sie hima where he cast [erected bu he pnepal eaon tha they never hit tof that they ‘ere so much alls Dade wa Dig and rough ad loodalking, asthe ‘peste of Sonn, they both d—that sme pracy. "tame red til me something about thi, ust after Daly died. 1 was ome on leave fom tbe am. “Tle wos the ste Teer sa ay mother ave Just the same, his pita pts al mined ap ny mind wi pleas Tha of hee when she Tor younger: The say alvaye see he the wy she used tobe om ‘Sanday aferooon say hen te ol folks were walking fer the big S- tly diner Tatways soe her wearing plc blue. Shed be siting co the Sl And ray father woud be siting i te easy chai not fr fom ber ‘fd he lning root would be ul church fas snd relatives. There ‘Rey st in chaise around he ving oom, and the might seeping up tutte, bt nowedy hnows ft yt You can ate the darkness growing Sts he wien ad our the et nbes ee) ty ‘fain, or maybe the janging beat of tambourine from one ‘Shrches clase by bat We real ult nthe ram, Fors moment aoboys faking bt cer face looks darkening, like the sky outside. And my ‘othe rocks» le rom he waist, amd my fathers eyes ace close ‘Eneryooe looking at something a eld cat see, Fora imate hey ‘abe samc)’ gs hi hsp ane sent minded eins the kids head Maybe there’ sk, ql and bigeed, cuted up ina big ‘hot in the comme The aenee he darkness coming andthe darkness 10 Forgaven the cikeen, Afaybe «de Tying onthe rag hal esp. meove/ Sonny ues In he faces eightens sho child obscurely. He hops that the and whic Sookos hs forehead will never stop wll ever dee hopes tha there ‘will never come atime when the old ols wunt be siting ero the he Ing room talking about where they've come fom, ad wait they ‘tena whats appened other sd tho inl ‘But something deep std walchil nthe child knows that this | ‘bo to en in aende ending. Ina mhoment some wl gt wp and turn onthe light. Then the ol fll wil remember the crema hey ‘sont talkeany more that day And when ight ils the roc, dhe ld {led with darkness. He knows that everytime thi happens moved just litle closer to that darkness outside The darknere outsides what The ald als have been aking bon. Is what theyve conse eo Is ‘shat they ends. The child knows that they won talk any more Beta Anon to pach tt what Papp 9 he Be now too much to son, sb wats gong to app oi "The last time T talked to my mother, remember I we isles. 1 wanted to ge out apd ve Isbel We werent married then and we bad & otto sirsighon ost between "Thare Mama satin black, by the endow. She was hursing an old ‘church song, Lord you brought me froma long ay off Sony ts ut sapephee Manat wating tee lont know” she said if Tever se you gainer ou f ff Foe ‘ape Bul hope youl rember the things {ried to teach you” "Dont tlk ike that" 1sid and sled. "Youll be ere a Tong te ‘She smiled, too, but she sid nothing. She was ule for long tie. And I sald, "Mama, don't you worry about nothing. be writing al he time, and you be geting the checks. "Tivant total to you about your brother” she sid. sudden “TFany ‘thing happens to meen gong to have nobody took out fr him.” “Mama,” 1 sid, “aint nothing going to happen to you or Sonny. ‘Sonny righ. Hea god bay ane he's gt good sense” "avant a question of hls being goed boy.” Mama sad “nox of bie having good sense, I ait ony the bad ones, nor yet the dumb ones hat igs sucked under” She stoppad,loking at me. "Your Daddy once ad = ‘Brother she said and she railed in away that made me fed she wa 8 jain "You didnt never Know tht dd you?” "No, Tsaid,"Tnover knew tht” and I watched her face "Ob, yes she sid, “your Daddy od obrotber” She looked out ofthe send sgt“ Ju nee your Day Ba i= ay asked hes "What happened to his brother? How come nobody’ ever ‘hed bout hen a }si.pwon/Sommy’s Blues | | “The was theft time fever sav my mother look ol ‘tk other got ile she sid, "wen he ea just «Hale younger than yout are now L knew him. He wat a fine box. He was maybe a Inte Fullofthe dev but he dat moan nobody no harm” "Then she stopp snd the room was sen, exactly a it ad some tunes been on hove Sunday afternoons, Marne kept looking at into the ie used to havea job a the mil she sad, and, ikell young fs, Ine jus lied oper on Sorrday nights. Saturday ight, in ag sour father would drt around to diferent places, go to dances an ‘thine like that, or Just sf around eth people they knead You? fathers brother won sing, be had a fine vce and play slong wei ‘fom hic guitar Well this paricolar Saturday nig, him and your Father wns coming home bom some place, and they were both a ie tlk and there sae a mon shat might, i wag bright lke day. Your fathers brother as feeling Kind of good, a he was whistling to Mam fellvand he had his guitar sng over hie shoulder They was cortng ‘Sovit ll and beneath them 3s road That tuned off rom the hig ‘say Well, your fathers brother being always hind of frisky, decided 0 ron down this hill, and he did ith thet guitar banging and clanging lchind hm, and he tan across the road and he was making water ‘ehind tee Ard your father wae or ofamuted at him ad he wes sil ‘omning dow he hil kindof Sow. Then hear car motor and th ‘Sime minute his ber steppe rom behind the ree nt Ue od In the moonlight. And he stared fo crows the ead. Aad your father stared torr down the Bill he aye he dont Know why. This ear was fll of State mem. They wa ll rank ad hoa they Seen you fathers brother they lout a great vhcop and holler and they sumed the car taht Fin They was having fu, they et ented to scare, the wa tha ‘do sortctimes, you kno Bt they was drunk: And I guess the bo, bing Ada toe a scared, hind of lost his head. By theme he Jumped i ‘sist lat, Your Father sys he heard is brother sezeam When the st Folled over hin, and be heard the wood ofthat itr when it give and he heard them stings gong, ad he herd them white men shouting fd the car kept on a going aod flit stopped tl this dy. And tie ‘our father got dow the hi, hs brother werent notbiag bt blood and pu.” "Tears were gleaming on miy mothers face, There wasnt anything} could sy Se ever mnloned i,” she sid, "becaute never et him mention t before pow eile Your Dod wae ik racy man that night sad ot any a might thavater He says he never i his fe son anything as {Gaas that vader the pis of at ar had gone away, Werent no im _upwow/Sonnys Blues 4g, werent nobody on that road just your Daddy and is brosher and {at busted guttar Ob, yes, Your Ded neve did really got ght aga “Tl the day he ded ho waren sure bt that every white man he ea wa ‘hema hat led his rote” ‘She stopped an fonk ost her handkerchief and deed her eyes and looked at me ait fling you all ths,” she said, “to make you seared or bitter oF to mae you hate nobod Tm alin you this becuse You gota brother Ind the worl ant changed.” “Tess [didn't want to tlieve ts 1 guess sho saw ths ta my face ‘Shefumad sway fFom te foward the indo apsi, searching hone “But T praise my Redooren she asi at lst, “that He called your Dad home before me 1 ain saying ito throw no flowers a mse ‘hI deca, keeps me from fing to cast down to Low Ubelped {your father got sfely trough this world. Your father always ace like hea the roughest, strongest ma on earth, And everbody took him to belie that. But fhe hada had me thereto See Ms ears ‘She was crying agin. Sil, Tcouldat move. I sald, “Loed, Lord ‘Mam, Tide now twas ike hat” “Oh, bone" she sald, "here' alot that you dont know. But you are Gong to nd tout" She stood wp from the window and came overt te "You go! told an to your brother” she said "and don' eth all [Eo matterhat tok lke fs happening ohm and no matter we et Sou gets wth lm. Yo going bee wis him many 2 ine, But doa Sow forget what old You, you hea?” “two forget” Isad, "Doni you worry, I wont foge T wont let nothing happen to Sonn” ‘My shor sald though she were ated at something sh save sn my face Then, “You may ot be abe stop sothlag rom happening. “Ghar you goto let him know yo hare" “To days Inter Iwas sie, snd then Twas gone, And Thad alot of “hngson my mind and I prety well forgo my promise to Mama us| otahipped home on a paca ongh or he funeral (and air the funeral, with jus Sonny and me alone Ia dhe empty techen, ried to Bn out something about hi, swt do you want to dor" Last hi. “Ton goingo be a mscian” esi. For he had praduted in tho tne I had boon aves, rom dancing 19 “he jute box te nding out oho wo paying wat snd what thay te Ung witht, and he had bough imal set of dems Pe mean, you wnt to bea drummee?” somehow bad the feng reI I t maoyin/Somny Blues that eng drummer might eal ht for oter pope but nto ny ‘her Sonn "yon tt” he sai, ooking me very gravely “that Tl ever be a sod drusmer Bat hk en ya plano Tinwwod Td never played the ol ofthe elder broter quit ose ‘nu bute, ba scare enact asd Sonya dams tng sist ysl he presence of somthing Lean realy know how tani dis understand So mase my loans ie deeper se Lace ‘Na ind of scan do you at be He end. “How many tnd so ou thick tere re” Aicteron" Toad Te laughed, towing his head back, snd then Tooke at mes "Tat sec “a tn for Chri le, ling aed an sera ‘eu gusto men do you wa be 8 cose pant You vant ny skal musi an al that oro what” Log before Bnished Fetes laughing again Por Christe ake, Sony” He sberedy btw dic“ somy But yu sound so— sere” andhewseotfagtn, “ely pot may thnk nny now by ti not going to Be so ny whe you veto make gourliving ai etme el you tha” ‘stirs csc knew bene laughing ome anda now “No. be sai, yery sor now an aa, perks that he ar -t dol wast 1 be ls pasa Tat ap what interest me trent? he pond, ooking hard at mo, though ses would hep Ine to undkyand, andthe getred eipcny as though perhaps hi Jnl woul hlp-Tinean file lor of stadsng edo od TU ave Io study oeying, thee, Ianto py ees scans” estopped. "ant oping jose sald “Wal the word had nev befor sounded as aay, os rel st sounded iat shercon tn Soe outed a hi nd ‘Ses probebly rowning areal roa hy this me smply cout ee iy be cart bed went pends tne hanging arcund sighles {olningeround on bande whe pole posed each othe around iii oue sum beneath Me srncow Thad ever howe Sboutit before, had mover bre orcad bt wapose Ha aba at [upmost in ns th what Dodie aoedtne people" “re youseour™ “lye, serious” elaced ore bees thane and any Spy a. Tease ply owen ul Armrtrone Tac closed x ough auc Him. "No Fn no leg aboot ‘none of that ose, dows home esp” be snus Sonny Blues “Well, ook Sonny i sory dont got mad. just don't sitogether get thateall Name somebody you know, ja msscin 3 aire” “aid “What "Bird Chase Parkoe! Dont they teach you nothing in the goddam Tt cigarette. Iwas surprised and then 9 itl amused to discover that I was trembling. "Ive Been out of touch” fig Youl have to be pallet with me Nowe Whol ths Parker characte?” "He's st one ofthe gremes jazz musicians ave” sald Sonny su Jenly his hands nis poets, bis back tome "Maybe the greatest he sided, biter, “thas prebably why you never heard of him “al ight” Land, "ignorant, Fin sorry. go out sd buy all the cate records ight ay all ph “Itdon'.” said Soany, with gy, "make any difrenc to me. dont ‘care what you list to. Dont dome no favors” wa bepining to realize that 1 never seen hin 20 upeat before ‘With another part of my mind I was thinking tha this would probaly tym aut tobe one of those things kids go through and that I shouldnt ‘make it seem immporant by pushing i oo hard Sil 1 dnt think ‘would do aly harm fo ask “Doesnt ll his take alot of une? Ca you Irak ving a0" He tured tack tome sn hall leaned, ball sat on the kitchen sable, “yerthing takes ime," be oi, “and—val yo, sure, can make a ing eit ut what dort seem ro be ale to make you understand ita £85 dhe nly thing Tat toda” "Well, SonnyTcald, gen, "you mow people ean alvays do exactly whe they wt 0 do "No, I dont ow thet” sad Sonny, surprising mo. think people ‘gt iodo what they want tod, what else are they ave for?” "Nou geting to be a big bon auld desperately “ts time you started thinking about your fare "ti thinking but my far” sald Sonn, ely.“ eink about it salthe me Te up. I decided, fe did change his mind, dhat we could aby talk about later. "nthe meantime, Tse, "you got to nish shook.” Werkad already decided that bell have to move ia wl Isabel sd her {ols I naw tls wast tho dal arrangement because Isabel ols are Jnclined to be dity and they hadu especialy wanted Isabel to marry ‘me, But Idd now what elie wo do. nd we have to get ou kad "There was along sllencs, He moved from the Kitchen able tothe wins ‘dow “Thats erie ides. You know it yoursle” nsuot /Sonny Blues ‘Do sou havea ese ia” just wale yp an down the tchen fora minute He was 25 al as Tas. He hd started to shave, tsuddely had the feeling that cid [now him a all Te stopped a the kitchen ible and picked up my cigars. Looklag armenia kind af mocking amie dence he put one baween Bis Fe lt the cigarette nd nodded, watching me uhough the smoke.“ Just wanted qo se fT nae the courage to smoke i rot of you.” He {End and New a great cloud of smoke tothe celing. "was easy” Be {ote at my face: "Come ony non 1 Bet yn was ning at ny age tll thetrch 1 didn say anything but dhe uh was on my face, and he lnughed. ‘Bul no tore was something very srined in is augh. "Sue. And bat tat ain al you was doing” “owas fighionng ta ite, “Cot the rap” I sald. “Wo ses lecded thet yrs was going ogo and eat Isabel, Now whats gotinto © Soult suden?™ “Yon dese it he potted out “fda decide nothing” He sloped tn fromt of ne, caning aga the stove, arms lowly faded. "Look bethr I dont want to stay in Harlem no mare, Zealy doo” He was tery eames, He looked at me, en oer toward the Kitchen window: [here war seething in his eyes Ta never sen before some thougtl- tess. some wor all his ow, He rubbed the musle of one arn. s time Twos geting cut of here? here do ou want to go, Sonny? “TNsr ojo the army. Or the navy, X doit eae 1 sy Yn od nought bce me “Phen got mad twos because was 0 sare, "You must be ey, You sodamn ok what the el do you want ogo and fa he ary foe ™ "just ol you. To gett of ase” “Sonn yas haven even Gasbed shook. And if you relly want to bes ‘musician, how do you expec fo tay youre inte rm Te loka at me, rapped, sod in anguish, “Theres was T might be able eo work out some Kind of deal, Amys; Hl have dh Gl when T “fy come out” We stare at cach oer: “Sonny, please Be eas sl now the setup ef from perfect. et we gt todo the Best we nie owning nothing tn acho" he aid Even when 1g.” He turned aay rom me and opened the window and thre His claree ‘ito the nares alley. Twated his Bock “At eat, Tn leseoing 16 upon! Sonny les ‘nothing you'd want me to lean.” He slammed the wiadove so hard 1 ‘hough the glace oul tly st, and fred back tm “And Fon ik of thestinkof these garbage cans! “Sony Tsai" Ksow how you fel. But f you do ne school now oute going tobe ory later tha ou dn I pabbed him bythe Shoulders, “And you only gt another yet. alt so bad. And TI come Uock and steal help you dowhstever you want odo. ist ry to pt ‘pith Teome bac Wil you pleased that? For ne He didat answer and he would oaks ne "Sonny You hear me?” a ‘He pulled stay “These you. But you never hear anythin ss.” "dnt know what fos to that He looked eut of the window and ‘han hack at me "OK," he sad and sighed "Tl" “Then I sald wying to chee hen up a le “They go a piano at Ishela You ean practice on" “And as ¢ mali of fact, did cheer him up fora mine, That’ sight? sa oil" forgot that" is ar celaeed a ite Bat the ‘worry, the thoughtfulness, plajed on stil the way Shadows play on 3 Face which ie tring int the re. But I thought Td ever hear the end of that plano, Af st, Ibel ‘would wite me, say how nie tens that Sonny wa 9 serous abot fis musi and howe as soon ashe eat in fom school, or wherever he ‘ad been when he ws supposed tobe at school he wen straight to that plano and stayed there antl suppertime, And, afer sper he went back {otha piano and staged thre unl everybody went wo bed. He was a the plano all day Saurday and all day Sursay. Then he bought a record Plier and stared playing records id play one record oer dd ewer ‘ga. all day Yong sometimes, and bed Improvise along wi on the ‘lane he'd play ono selon ofthe recor, one chord, one change, one progression, then he'd do ton the piano, Then back th record. Then Bick to the plan, ‘Wall relly dont know how they sto it Isabel finally confeosed att was ike living with 2 person tl ease living with wun And he seund did't mako any sense oor. hit make an sense any ‘fem naturally They began, i wa, to beac by ths presence at was ving tn tole home Tas as ough Sonny were sme sont of fod, or monster He moved ian auposphere wich was ke thls at A They fo him and heat, he wasted Kime, he vnlbed im and tof {hele door he certalnly wasnt nasty of unpleasant or rude, Sonny Sing nfthner hing soa tacgh beste al sapad pine ‘ad, some fir, some vison al his own and there wast ay yf seach hie, asaupwin Sonny’ Bias At the same sme, he wast really a man yet he was stil ld nd they had to watch ou for him inal ods of ays They eran couldnt tiyow him out. Neither di they dare make great scene about that Pano becnue even they dimly sensed ae Tsensed, fom so many those ends of males awa that Soy was af that plane paying forbs ie ‘at he hadnt botn going to schoo. One day a eta came orm tho school board and Tnabals mother got it—there bed apparently, been ‘ther ltrs but Sonny had ten Wer ups Ths da, wen Senay came fn iebels mother showed him the ler and asked sohere he! been “pending his time. And she Sly got out of hr dat ht been down in Greonsich Ullage, with asicians and other character, a white ‘els apartment. And ths scared her and she started to steam a im {nd what came up, ence se began-—though she denies io the day — ‘ae what sarces hey were making Yo ive Soany a decent home and how ite he appreciated ‘Sonny dn pay the piano that day. By evening, Isabels mother had ‘almme doun but then there was the ld an to del wih, and Babel beret Isabel sys she dd her best to be calm bur she broke down and Sared eying. She says she Just watched Sonny's face, She could tel by ‘watching him, what as happening with him And what was happening ‘was tha they penetrated his loud: Hey ad teached hm. Byen the Enger ad been» thousand mes mare gall than buran fingers ever a, ho could hardly help fsing tht they had stripped mn naked and ‘were spitting on that nalednoen For lo a wosce thats presence, {hat musi which was hfe or doath fo him, had been torture for ther: fd that they a endured nota al for hie sake, but only for mln. ‘Rnd Sonny cold tke tha He can aks fe ite beer today than he ould thea but he's sll nt very god at itand frankly dont know a3 oy a ie “The sence ofthe next fw days must have been louder thant sound ‘fall he mace ever syed sine ime began One moening Before she ‘went to Work, Gabe was in his room for something and she sadenly Tealzed that alo his corde were gone And she knew for certain that he was gave And he was, He went ae fat asthe nay would cary him, Te fnally sent me s postcard from some place in Greece nd that wae ‘he ist ew that Sonny was sil ave. Tada sce hrs eny more ws ‘We wore bot bali NewYork end the war hd log been over “He wasn mam by then, of course but I wast wling 1 so i He ‘ame by the houke om lime to tine, bul we fought almost everytime St mot di like the way he cari himeleTeote and dreamlike She ine anal dd ke his onda nd le mic soared to be Sherely an excuse forthe ie he J sounded jst that weird and dee onder 138 sco Somny’s Bes ‘hon we had fight a pretty mf fight, and 1 did se him for ‘mont. By and by Hosted him up, where ho was ving na funshed ‘oom in the Vilage, and I wed to make it up But there were ots of Poul nthe room and Som fast ly on is bed, and he woulda comme ‘Enfosts sth me, and he ented these other people a duh hy ‘were his famuly and I werent. So 1 got mad and thes be gt mad {hom Told hin that he might ust as wel be dead as lve the way he ‘sas lving Then he sped up and he told me otto wary about him an) {hore ali, hut neo dnd ns for ae wag concerned. Then fe pushed inet the door and the ther people looked on as though nothing were [Rappening anid he lasamed th door behind me. stood in he balay, Staring atthe door I heard semebody laugh hte room aad then the Tener came tomy eyes T started down the sep, whiling to koxp frm ‘Shing Ikept whiting to mel You going to need me, baby one of se ol rainy dae {rw about Sonny rouble ia dhe spring Little Grace dod in the fal ‘Shevwas a domi il But she oly lived ite over two years ‘She died of polio and she sifered. She hod a sight evr fora couple ‘Of dae, bu it det coor Hee slag ad jst kept her in Bed ‘And we wold certainly have caled the doctor, but the fever dropped, ‘he seemed tobe alright So we thought had jst boen a cold Then, ‘one day she wae up, playing, abel wasn The chen Bung heh for {he swo bay when they'd come from school, and she heard Grace all tlw in the ving Toor. When you have it of children you dont says start running won on of the fal unless they start sereaming fe omthiag, And thie time, Grace was qu Yel bl says that when fhe heard tha hump and then tht sence, someting happen her fomke herald. And she ran tothe ling room ad there was ite ‘Grace on the Hoot all rise up, and the reason she had serered ‘es that she cock ot hor breath And when she di car, I as the worst sound Ibe says tat she'd ever beard in al he life and she "hears sometimes ne dreams. sae wil smetimes wake me up Teh I may have weiten Sonny dhe very day tha lide Grace was bored Twa ting in helsing room in the dark, by mel st sae fen thought of Soom My troable made is eal “One Saturday aftemcen, when Sona hal boon ving wth so any: so, boa ou houses ov neh tra eee found mpl wandering “mie about the living oom: deinking rom a can of ber and ing to work up the courage to search Sonny room. He was othe wa Us 9 isup Sony Blaes ally out whenever 1 was home ane Tebel had ten the children to see ‘Bete grandparens. Suddenly twas standing sill in ont ofthe Ling oom window, mashing Seventh Avenue. The Kea of searching Sonny oom made mo rll T sarcly dered to adit to myself what Td be ‘Saicng for fd knew what 1 doit ound it Or dd ‘On the sidewall seroe from me, near the entrance to 2 babecue Joint some people were heling ol fashioned revival reatng. The Ffrhccue cook wearing diy wife apron, hs conked hair reddish and ‘metalic nthe ple stn and cigars between Bis ip, stood i the tdooray watehig thm. Kids end older people paused in their ends Sd sea hare, slong sith ame older men anda coupe of wry tough- ooking women who watcha everthing that happened on the aver, fr though they owed ior were wpaybe owned by it Well, they were ‘fatching th oo, Fhe rela wae being caraed oo by thre sisters In Vick, anda brother All they ad wore ther voles and thet Bibles and tambourine. The brother ue telling and while he ested to ofthe Sno stod together, seeming to sy samen, and tho thi sister wall round with the tambourine euisoetched and a couple of people ‘repped soins nto Then the bother testimony ended snd the sister ‘sho bad bev taking up the eolection dumped the coins inte her palm {ind transferred them to the pocket of her long Back robe. Thea she Talsed bath hands, striking the tambourine against the ar and ten guint one had, nd she started to sing. And the two other sisters sal the brother joined in. as arange, suddenly, to wate, though T had heen sing these street meetings al my fe, So, ofcourse had everybody else dove there. Yer they paused and wetchod apd Hitened and Uscod stil 2 the win- dv. "Te the old ship of Zion” they sang andthe sister with te tam tourine pt steady, angling est, i has rescued maya thousand” [Nota soul under the sound of thelr voles was hearing this song or the ft time, atone of den had boearescaed. Nar hd they seen much in the way of rescue work being done around them. Nether did they espe- tially believe in Ue holiness ofthe thee sisters and the bother. they Knew too much about them, knew where thy Ive, and how. The ‘woman wih the tamboutine, whose voice dominated the ar, whose face sat Bight with oy, was divided by very lite from the worst ho TNood watching her a cgavette Between her heavy, cpp ip, her halt {Cuckoo's ne her fage sored and solln rom many beng, and her black eyes gittering lke eal. Perhaps they both knew this, wich Sosy shen as assy they seed each other hey adressod ach ter sate av the alnging lle he ar the wetohing, toning facat “indarwent a change, the eye fecusig on something within the muse Scomed to soothe 4 poison oat of thems and ie Seamed, easy fll 140 snuowne/ Sonny’ Blues ase from the millon, blligeront, based ts, tho they were Aeing back to thei et comaton, ule dreaming of hs ane barbecue cok al sook shea adam sn dooped hs cameo Se appeared nt tA mam led ins pocket or change food olsing fn hit band impel as ough he ad jet femmbured «pressing appointment fer up the arene He ke farioas. Then sa Sonny sanding an the eg of he cow Hewat Carrying ide at notebook wil groen cover and nade hb ok, ‘Som where Ise stating. sma Hes Schesiey The soppy trout out the eoper in hi, he was ery ay sig nding serps Tes then topped, he emburine red no acoe thos plate sain. The rows na dropped ins col sn oie,wo itt couple of the women, sud Sonty Sopp some change inthe plate ooking recta the worn ie sl, Hearted acoes {hesvenug toward he house Hehas aslo oping wall someting ke {ho ay Halo hipsters wal nly he posed om the eon bal BELT Radtnnrseny noticed before Taaed a ih window bo rele and aprehensv, A Sonny de sppearc from my sgh, they began singing sein. Ad they wee il ‘Sang when hirer nels “oy hos “Hes yourself You want some sr? ' No. Well mayb” Bote come po the window and stood Bede soe, okng ot "What a wars voce’ he “ey were sngng I oul ony har my ther pay aa! ‘3e-Tinosh ane etamte "Batwa s arbi song hea nd inghed He doped Bis note br fn dapat een "Whe be ond Tink they wept tse thet gandprets, You tng ‘Ror He cme back nto he ving rom witha of eee. "You "PTteand dont Koo hy thr Neus possi sae dont now how tht Ts sey bo. Se where ret Hest dowm on the so ond picked p his notshook and srt ing trough tn gongs wih soe fs sj nthe Vilage "on men, youre ging ope oiehe” “hath rigt Ho os sow of hi beer ane moved back tothe ‘window He give mee sieng lok" oucan stan 8” hye ea oa ohms nd wo uth wth she mectng ass the sway broke up The tree sere and the brother ade Wed are ‘Suing Ge be wih ow i we meet agin The faces round them wereaay Sonny see tery quiet, Thon the song ended. The all crowd dspered. We ‘thee tee wenoon adhe lone walk soul ope aes “hen she was singing before” auld Sonny, sirup “ber vale seine in foc si of wt hon els sometime —wed Heim yu ens. makes you feel sr of ware sd oa at the sae tine, Ad stant, And--asd une He ipod hs be very deliberately tot oking st me? walched bis fe." mnkes yo flit conta Eciatines youve pont have thm fling” “Do you Tat down study teeny chai “Srelins le wet to he oss chad up his wtabook aan “some peopled in oder” Tad "to play? Andy woe ws ary gy fil com tempt and ange “Welle ke at me wth at, woubled esa ough he hope hs ges would ell things he sold ever thera “hy Hanks. They Wink. "Rad what Sogou thik Tasted Te st on he sof and put lca of se on the oor“ dont ao” esti ad saul be sure fe were awering my question Pu Einghis thoughts Hs fae didn elle iso much ops ot Sandi to be ble fo wake tat all On any level” He towed ad Sd order hep fom sang pecs thse hin ours” sd thy soem tok themselves to es prety gon at Shaybe He lye wih the notebook And something tld me hat should ea my tne, ha Sony a Gag Hs bt to ath ‘owl ten "bat af course you any now the once tate gone to Pieces Som daira at ea they Havent et and as st at a ‘Bova ans Re pune, "Ad thon tere are sme who fst Ie ‘Tal nely an hey Know ad they se ars Rapping td hey orion dn know te aghed dropped te mck ode Ni ‘Sr “Soce gue, you can tel rom the way they pny, hey on some ‘Tinga he tims nyo conse tha, wl Hear oteting el or thom: Bat ot couse he pike ups bee frm he Boor and sipped nd ut the can down spn thy wo fo, tom Juve got © 9 Ut ‘her some of ther tht oy hey ontsom, ntl “in what abet you" V ated couldn hp. "What about eu ‘eso up and alte othe window and emsond nt for ng tine, Then fe ihe “Me” he ak Then: “Wile Twas dowrstn ween wis here ening har man ing. te ra sudden how nach suering she mace have ado go throughs {Meta It pulse otk you have sur hat mace” 2 aun /Somnys Blues Isai "Bu ther no way not to safer ther, Sonn” ‘believe not." he sald and smiled, "bt thats never stopped anyone fap sping He ke ate in i ald wih hs cn there stood been ufc beyond tie pe of tne oF forgives the fet that Thad els sence so lone sben ea ‘red van speech to ep him. He tamed back othe window "No thermo way nsf tor But Yu ty ll nds of ways tp Some {rowning ini to beopon top of hy and to make seem= wel ke you Like you di something all right and no youre sflerng fri You leno?" 1 sid nothing. Well you kno he sald, panty, "why do ‘ioe sie? hye Beitr oa someing tog fea reason, “Pt wo fst are” Tn “that hewn way at sues i baer then fst ont “Tat body fst kes i” Sony eed, as what Tin teling you! ‘Byenbody tees noo, Youre jst eng upon the way come people ey {tbat your way “heh on my ace began tote my face felt we. “Thats note," said “thats mot trae dont ghe a damn what oer people do, T dont en care hoe they sulle I cre hos Jou slr” kd at tbe, "Pleae belies me," sah." dont wan to see you dle tein Botton “wont he sald lady "Be ying noose Alea not any faster shan ghey ce” seghit B70 80 sed go ah, "thas in ing your ‘ante say moe, but I coulda wanted otal abot wl power and how if could bel, est Twat sy tha al ‘within, but was #2 og rates, was that exactly the trouble? And T Sealed to promis hat T woul! novr fil Km ag Ba wo all Ive sounded-empry word ad es ‘So1mnde the promise to jel ae prayed hat would Keep "Ws table somes, inde” he ssh, “hats whats the rouble ‘You wa theese, Hack and funky and cld aad terest ely 2 Ting as lo tall to, and theres nothing shaking and thers wo wey ‘acing Betta stormy ide. You can tk it sind you cant tae ove wiht and when you ally ty wo get witht en py you flere Intern, Sou Se gt ote, Yong oda oy ‘pl then he walled aay rm he endow ast on hes gs, hough ale wind ha sony Yoon tne at of Ri "Sa fines youl do ering to play even cot your mothers throat” He Inve and looked st me “Or yor broths" th he woresupine Soa Bes ‘your own" Then: "Doni worry. Tr alright now and 1 think Tbe all Fight. Butt eat frget were Fe been dnt an us the physi lice Ive been, mean where ve Ben. And what Ive ben” "What fave ou been, Sonny? Take. Ho smiled but sat sideways on the Soa, his etbow resting om the hock, hie Sogere playing with hie mouth and cin, not looking st me. "The been somothing Tain recognize, dt know 1 could be. idet now ansbody could be" He stopped, loking tsar looking ips» young looking ol. “Tm not alin about it now because Ieee or Anything he that —rsybe would be better fd, I don know A ‘say Fant realy ak about Not to you, otto anybody” and mow he ‘omed at faced me. "“Somtimes, you know and twas atl hen ‘was most ou ofthe world, fl that twas in that Twas ie really fd T could play oT din’ really have to play. east came cat of ‘sas ther. And T dont know Bow I played, thinking abo ie aos, bot T Know Idd afl things those mes, sometimes, 9 people. Or wasat ‘hat | did anything to theese as that they were rel” picked up ‘the beer eat it was ery he rolled it between his palms “hod other ‘mes—vel, needed x, needed to finda plac olen, Y needed 0 lear a space to lson—and Teouldst ind it and T— wont crazy, ald terible things fo me, T as teble or me” He began presing the beer for betwen ix hand, Fate the metal begin fo give giterd. ax heplayed with Ie aif, and Twas afald he would cut msl, but Teaid nothing. “Oh wel. Xsan never tel yo, Ise al by melt the bottom of something, sinking and sweating ne crying and shaking, fd I slld I you know? my sin and thought Td die fT eouldat {2tavay from ian yt all the sare, Thnow that everything T was doing ‘vas ustlockingme a wtb And didethnov" be paused, sl ase Ing the beer can," dda now, 1st dont kno, something kept aling ‘ne that maybe i as good to small your own snk, but lid think ‘hat the was what been tying to d0~-and—who can stand 10” and hheabrupily dropped the rained ber at ooking at me with smal st stile and thon tose walking to the endow a though ft were the adex Stone rock, T watched his face, be watched the avenue." coulda tl $you when Mlama died—but the reayon I wanted to lave Harlem so ad ‘wasto get avy from drugs And thea, wher] ran away, thas what Twas funning fom real When came back nothing had change, bacnt (hanged, Iwas just— older” And he stopped, drumming with is Sngars fon the windowpane. Te sun had vnlshed soon darkness would fl. 1 ‘tatched hi fac, It can come again,” hes almost a though speak- “Tt want you to know that” ight” Ts at ast "So ica come again Allright” wt uowow/ Sonny Blues He smiled, ut the salle was sorowful hess "es "T sid, "Tunderstana that.” ‘Nout my better” he sid Tookng srlght at me, and not sing otal "ves" peated, "ye. Tunderstand that.” He tered back to the window, looking out All that halved dom thurs? he sal, "all that tred and misery snd love. ts 8 wonder it flocs blow the avenue apart” Jad to try 10 tll you." ‘We wont to the only nightclub one shot, dark sect, downtowa. We squeezed though te narsow, chattering, jam packed arto te entrance fof the big rom, schore the bandstand was, And we stood hate for ‘moment, for tho lights were very dim n this room and we colt see ‘Then, "Hello, boy sid x vice andan enor black mam mich older ‘han Sunny op myself, erupted out of ll hat amospher lighting and Pitan are sround Soma shoulder “Ibann siting ht here,” he ald, ralting fr you" "He hn x big wic, too, and head nthe darkness turned toward us. ‘Sony grinned and piled a litle awa, and sid “Croce his is my ‘brother Tod you about him.” (Creole hook my hand “im glad to meet you som” ho sald it was clear tha: he was glad to moet me hers, for Sonn sake. An he sl, Sou gota real misioun in your fay” and he took his arm from ‘Sonny shoulder and slapped him ght affectionately withthe back of is hand, Well Now Te heard ital sad voice behind ws. Ths was another smuseian, and a fend of Somays, a coe Sack, cheerfulTookng man, Tull close tothe ground: He immediately Sepa cnfling to meat he ‘op of his hangs, the mt erie dings about Sonny his eth gleaming {ikea lighthouse and his laugh coming up out of him lke the bepnains ofan carte. And turd su that everyone ate ba knew Sonny, fralmon everyont some were muse, working there, or neaby- or ‘ot working some were simply hangec-on-and soe were hereto heat Sonny played was inwoduced tall of them and they were al very polite forme, et, twnecler tha for hem, 1 was only Son’ brother Here, ‘vas ia Sonny world, Or rater: hls Mou Hate It vas not even © ‘asston ha is eins Bore royal blood “fey were gong to pay soon and Creole nstaled me, by nysl at « luble in a dark comer Then {watched ther, Cres and tho litle Back mt stad Sonny, andthe eta, whie they hore founds staring ‘low te bandstand, The igh rom the bandstd spl jst «tie shor of them and, watching them laughing and gesturing ad moving 5 1 |uupian/ Sonnys Blues out, Ls te feling that they novorthaless were beng mos careful ‘otto step into that ese of light too aude ha i they moved ito the light foo suddenly, without thinking, they vould persh in lame. ‘Then: while watched, Oa of them, the sal, Mack man. moved ito the ita cose th basta snd ented foliated ah is tums, Then being funny and being, alo, exiremely coremontous {ecle took Sonny by the arm nd ed him tothe pian, A woman’ vice led Sonny’ nase and few hands started cupping: And Son, also being fanny and Being ceremonious, and so touched, T think, tht he (ould have ered. but alter hiding it nor showing riding ike = nan, grinned, and pat both hands to is hear and bowed from the wile. ‘rool then went to the base Bde and Jean, very brightakinned teown moan fumped up an the bandstand and picked up his hor. So there they wer, td he atmoephere on dhe bandstand and in the oom bbogen to change and tighten, Someone stepped wp to The microphone nd announce ther. Then there were al nds of purmurs. Some people athe ba hushed others. The waltoss ra around, frantically eting in the lst orders, ys and chicks got closer to each othe and {he lights onthe banda, onthe quartet, armed to a Knd of nag. "Then they al looked diferent there Creole Ioked about hin for the [as tims, es though he were making certln that all his chickens were {the coop ane then e-~jumped and etruck the file. And there they ‘il now about musie that nt many people over relly ea, And ‘even then, onthe rare oscanions when someting opens within, ad the Susle entry what we tainly hear or bear earreborted, are personal pvt, vanishing evocation, But te man who crests the muse I Fearing vmnething elo, desing with the raising from the void and ‘powing order om tn hs the ae What evoked ihn then of [nother over mace terol because has no words, and humphanh too, for that sume reson. And hs uiumph, when be tumphs, fours 1 [Rstowatched Sonny face. His fae as trbled, he was wrkag hard {tte au witht Andi had the feeling that away everyone onthe Bandstand va vsltng for hi, both wating for hie snd pushing i long But av began to watch Creole, 1 realzed that it was Creole wha hel thers all bac. He hed them om short rein Up there, Keeping tht [Skt wit his whole body wai on the fil with his jes al sed Fe was listening to everyting, but he was Isteing to Sonny. He wos hhning a dslogue with Sone He wanted Sonny to lave the shoreline [and dhe int ov the deop water Ife wns Soy mace that dp ‘te and drowning were no he same hinge had boon there srl [eenew Al he wated Sonny fo know, He was waiting for Sonny odo ‘sawn’ Sonny’ Sluee : the thins on he ey which woul et Cle ka Say a in “An wile Creole listened, Sonny moved. deep within, exactly ike somecins in torment had newr before thought of how atl the rele onahip must be botweun the musi and is instrument He has ol Evthis instrument, with te breath of Ife, his ova, He hs io make do ‘what he wants fo do. And plano is st ayaa made out of 20 ‘uch wood and wos and its hammers and bg ones, aod or. While theres only eo mich you con do wi tthe aly wat Bnd hoa 616 "yt uy and make io everything "And Sonny hada been near 2 para fr over ayer Ande wasn om smu beter orm With is, not the fe that suetched before him ‘ow: He and the piano stammered, started one way: got eared stoped ‘Started another wa, panicked, maiked te started gal then seemed torhave found «distin, panicked spain. go stuck And the face Tex) ‘on Soany Td never sean before. Beerything had buon bursed ut off nd, atthe same tne things usually hidden were being burned ia, by ‘he fire and fury ofthe atl which wae ose mp here “Yel watching Ceol face as they neared the end ofthe fst set, had the Keling that something had happooed, someting Thad heard ‘Then they Gnished, there was scattered applause, and then, without an ‘ntants warning, Givole tard into somathing dhe was amo r= ‘niet was Ain Blue And, as thugh he commanded, Sonny Began play Somthing bogen to happen, And Creole es out the ens, The dry, Tony black man tid something swf on the drum, Creole answered, fd the drums talked back. Then the hoon ised, sweat and high Hlghily dotichod portaps, and Creole steed, commenting now and then, diy and devin, besutfl nd ean an ol. Then they a ane together again, and Sonny was par of tho family again 1 could ell is [Hom his face, He seed to have found, right there beneath his fingers. 2 damn brand-new plano. Tt semed that he couldnt gat ove THe, foraubil, ost being happy wth Sonny they seemed abe speci with [that brandnew plano certainly were os “Thea Creae seppad forward to red them that whit they were ‘playing was the bes Het something sual of them, he hit somthing inte, mpsell and the music ghtened and deepened, apprehension bogan 10 beat the aie, Creole begs to tall ue seat he Mee ere all out, They wer nt about anything very ne Head his boy up there ‘wore Keoping iene tthe rskof ruin. destrction, madness, aed death, Imorder tofind new ys to mae us stn, Fore ha ae of how ws [fer and how wears delighted, ond bow we may trample rover ow, ‘always must be heard. There int any oer tle to ell ts the only ght weve got al tis darkness “7f | k | I ssxowe/Sonny’s Blues Anal this tae, according to tha face, tha boy hose strong hands thove rings, has another sepet in every country, and a nee depth in ‘very genermom, Listen, Crevle seemed tobe saying, listen, Now tse ate Sonny Hues. He made the ite Slack man onthe dram kno land the Bright Brown inan on the hor, Creole wasn tying any longer to get Sonny in the water He was wishing him Godspeed. Then he Slepped back, very stow lag the alt with Ihe immense suggestion that Sonny speak for ims. “Then they all gathered around Sonny and Sonny played. Every now ‘and agxin one of them sone tay amen, Sonny’ fingers led the ait ‘with Hf, hl if But thet hfe contained so many others, And Sony ‘went all the way back, he rally began wth the spa lat aera of {thooponing phrase of the sang Then he began wo make this Ins very ‘beaut bossuse it wasnt hurried and Wt was no longer a lament. 1 Sere fo heat with what buring he had made hi ith eat Bara ing we had yet o make ours, how we cook case lamenting Freesom Tueked around ue nd Tundersood, a Inet that he cl help obo face if we Would Iisten, that he would never be fee unl we UY, ‘here was no bate inhi face now I heord what he had gone thru, sand would continue fo go through wnt he cameto rest in earth, He hed ‘mada this: that ong ine, of which wen only Mama sid Dad. And Fhowas giving i back as everything must be sven back, hat, pasing ‘through desth team ive forever saw my moter face aaln and fe, {er the Srt time, how the somes of the roa she had walked on mst The braised her foot 1 sae the moon rad where my ther’ brother led. And brought something ose back tom, and creed me past Ie} ‘sr my litle Bl again and fk Tebel tears pain, and I felt my ‘ears begin forse. A Teas Yee aare thet this wat only © moment thatthe Would waled ouside as ung as igor sd hat owe stretched above us, Inger than the hy “Then twas ove, Creole and Sonny let oat their breath, both soaking ‘wets and grinning There was lot of appa and some ae ea. ‘the dark the pet came by and Iasked her to take drink 1 the band ‘Sand. There was slong pause, while they talked up therein the indigo Tight and after tle tay te gl puta Scotch and mak on top oft Plano for Sona He dda seam to notice st ut just before they tare lying again, he sipped from it and looked toward me, and padded "Then fe pat i Back 9 top ofthe plano. Forme. then, as they began Py api owed and soak above my bors Iie the oy ‘up of wembling nsf RAYMOND CARVER (1936-1988) Cathedral orn in Catkaie, Oregon, Rayan Carver(1938-198) vd in Pert Angeles, Washington, uni bls death, Among tho honerssecorded hs shor sor writer and pot uring his ftine wee 21979 Gogsen- le flowsup, two grants fom the Nasoral Endowment forthe ‘Ate, and ceeon toe American Actdemy of Arr and Leer. ‘Cmer wing non fo spare, ark depiction of conemparany ‘istene, har been tratted ito more than tery lange Hit ‘Ear ellactions ste Wil Yow Plase Be Qui, Meas? (IT, omni fated fora Nation] Book Awa Farious Seo (977) hae We Talk About Whe We Zale Abou Love (1981) Cath (983), nom ated forthe Pulte Pras and Wha: Pm Calin rom (1988) “his blind man, old een of my wae, he was on his way to spend {the nih ir ie ha ded. Sole wos ting the dead wifes elatves InConnectcut He called my wie rom hs inlaws Arrangements ere tmade. He would come by tan five-hour tep,and my wife would meet him atthe station. She hadet seen him sine she wore for him one summer in Seale len yents ago: But she and the bind ron had ep ‘touch. They made tapes and malled them back and forth. Twas ‘thusari about his vst He wae 0 one Tkneve And is being nd fothered me. My dea of blindness came rom the movie. Inthe movies, the blind moved slowiy and ncver used. Sometimes they wore Ie by Seeing-ye dog. A blind man in my house was not something I looked fons. "That sumer in Sesto she had needed & ob. She ddl have any ‘money, The man she was ping to marry atthe end of he same was ‘tice training choad He dist have ay money: citer at he wa love with the guy, and he wae in love sith her, ete She'd seen something | inthe psper-tmun waite — Reading fo Blind May, and a telephone nu ‘er Sie phoned and went ota was hired onthe spot She worked with {hs bind man ll summer She read sult him, case studi, reports ‘hat sort of thing, She heped him organize his ite ofc ite county ocahsurvice department They'd become goad fends my wiles the “east” From cat! by Ratan Cane Copel © 18 by Rewond “Cre i By perisiono Ae & Ko. csono Radom he “9