AEC Chart for Online Submission

(THE CHART MUST BE WRITTEN IN PHRASES AND/OR BULLETS! NO COMPLETE SENTENCES!

DOUBLE SPACE EVERYTHING!) Once created, you will be required to use our little colored half
sheet to assist you on your commentary development
Babcock 5 Babcock 4 Thesis Information:
Revised #7 in olive green
Author: Audre Lorde
Prompt Name: Audre Lorde Fourth of July
Rhetorical Mode: Narrative
Subject: Trip to Washington, D.C. with her
family
Audience: Those who are blind to judgmental
reality
Occasion: unjust treatment of A.A
Tone: enraged
Shifts: Trip to D.C. Lorde shifts from
Innocent/Nave protected from the truth or
blind to about racial discrimination to

Deceived victimize by parents and noticing

the judgmental society and her parents <after about it doesnt make any sense
read this out loud and you will hear it
Purpose: Her childhood is seized from her
SQ: New and crushing reality (7)
Why: Her whole life she was heavily
protected by impermeable walls, which was
put up by her parents, who were trying to
keep her from seeing the true reality that
awaits her Society is corrupted and deluded
the world by making everyone think America
is where you can come to explore your
rights, when in reality they putting limits on
certain races rights <-keep going not
allowing everyone to be equal

Thesis Sentence:
Fourth of July, demonstrates the unjust treatment of A.A, Audre Lorde effectively shifts from
naivety about racial discrimination to being victimized by the judgmental society and her
parents, as this new and crushing reality dawns on her she realize that society is corrupt by
putting limits on certain races rights <-follow order of Thesis format
Begin with a prep phrase Audre Lorde unapologetically demonstrates how irate she is in her
narrative piece, Fourth of July; she explicitly describes the trip to Washington, D.C. with her
family, and solemnly shows the unjust treatment of African Americans for those who are blind to
the judgmental reality, Lorde effectively shifts from being nave or blind towards racial
discrimination to being victimized by the judgmental society, which is corrupted by putting
restrictions on certain races rights and not allowing everyone to be looked as equals this is a
runon = model it after the one we wrote about Rinkside

Assertion 1 Concept: _______________

Author:
Assertion Concept:
To/by Statement: (basic verb: to prove)
Purpose/why:
Assertion Sentence:

ADJ + DEVICE + TEXTUAL EVIDENCE:

1.

WRAP BACK

2.

WRAP BACK

3.

WRAP BACK

COMMENTARY:

Assertion 2 Concept: __Naive_ (Brightness of D.C.)________

Adverbial Clause (Trans. +Previous Ass idea): in addition to although + overcompensation/
ignoring reality
Author: Audre Lorde
Assertion Concept: naive
To/by Statement: (basic verb: to prove) demonstrate
Purpose/why: To show how nave she was to the world around her to indicate how she was
robbed of her years of youth
Assertion Sentence:
Can you not delete my comments? I need to see what I said before
So your evidences are good; however, you really missed
EVIDENCE:
1) ADJ: innocent Naivety nave this isnt
an adj and its awk
DEV: irony Symbolism Figurative
language (figurative language is the
name for things like hyperbole,
symbolism, etc. it isnt like a real
device that you can analyze)
TE: brought about my dilated and
vulnerable eyes exposed to the summer
brightness (9)

COMMENTARY:
dilated and vulnerable eyes
symbolizes her naivety lorde says
exposed to the summer brightness
makes it seem as if she never saw
racism before- how do you know?
explain shows how her parents
overcompensation<this has nothing to
do wi your assertion Her whole life she
was is (stay in present tense) heavily
protected by impermeable walls, which
was that were put up by her parents,
who were are trying to keep her from
seeing the true reality that awaits her
describes her eyes as vulnerable
allows the reader to see that she has
not had much experience with racial
affairs directly connect to your TE
exposed- seeing a little bit of reality
for the first time lorde sees
discrimination but cannot comprehend
it huh? First time experiencing or seeing
reality never able to see racism D.C
is more open about colored people not
being equal okayconnect to the
device
The D.C. brightness keeps allows her to
see some of the from truly noticing
racial affairs makes her blind to reality
Vulnerable eyes creates a vivid
image of her innocence shows you
how nave she is
You need to discuss the device in more
depth
Lorde uses diction vulnerable and
dilated eyes to demonstrate how her
young self is naivety -(diction just

means words you need a tonal

adjective to describe said words, and
you also need to specify what word you
are breaking down and actually break it
down which you dont do look at the
back of the pink sheet to help you) to
describe her eyes demonstrates her
innocence doesnt dont know about
racism cannot see the them being
criticized
Strengthen the overall purpose of
Fourth of July in the story by showing
how little she been exposed to the truth
You need to connect what youve
written to your TE and to your DEVICE
more

WRAP BACK
2) ADJ: curious inquisitive
DEV: irony
TE: strange interjection coming from
my mother, who looked so much like
the people we were never supposed to
trust (7)
squinting up at the monuments to
freedom wondering why the light and
heat were both so much stronger in
Washington D.C. (12) squinting in
that silent agony that characterized
my childhood summers (9)
WRAP BACK
3) ADJ: Frustrated
DEV: irony, metaphor
TE: I spent the afternoons squinting
because I was in that silent agony
that characterized all of my
childhood summers (9) My parents
did not approve of sunglasses, nor their
expense (11)

Irony because her parents literary cannot protect

her from racism in D.C. parents want to make
her see it not allowing her to wear sunglasses
because they cause deception doesnt want to
tell her once she learns on her own she will
have the answers to the all her questions
parents did not approve sunglasses
wanted her to get used to brightness without the
use of sunglasses- needed to realize that they
were judged based on skin complexion (but her
parents didnt want her to wear sunglasses) did
not want her to be able to see the mistreatment
trying to hide her/protect her from racism
(this doesnt make sense; if they didnt want her
to see it, they would have provided the
sunglasses rethink this part to create meaning
that works for your assertion deceiving her with
excuses stretches the truth to make her believe
that everyone are equals
the sunglasses shield yours eye allowing you to
see clearly parents did not want her to have
sunglasses- did not want to tell her what the
world was like wanted her to learn or figure it
out on her own see the truth (but they dont
approve of sunglasses.) told her an excuse
about the expense of the glasses deceived her
made her think they disapproved- when in

reality her parent were covering up the truth

sunglasses represent the perception allows
you to see the world for what it is how? shield
your eyes- changes the natural color - can
deceive you allows you to see the brightest
things if object is dark you may not be able to
identify it - if lorde gets sunglasses she wont be
able to see how the world really is <-hmmm I like
this
(Purpose) prevent lorde from seeing how harsh
America really is keep her from recognizing
racism parents wants her to see it on her own
Sunglasses metaphor- shields her eyes yet
her parents wont give her sunglasses parents
not allowing sunglasses symbolism them
wanting lorde to open her eyes- needs to
recognize racism - sunglasses allows her to see
humanity for what it really is (but she cannot
have the sunglasses..)
parents did not approve of sunglasses tries
to protect lorde shield her from reality the
sunglasses will reveal the truth this doesnt
make sense at all why do you keep on talking
about the parents trying to shield her your
assertion is brightness of DC, dont forget I want
more on metaphor and irony please and connect
to purp

1) sunglasses represent the

perception
shield your eyes- changes the
natural color - can deceive you
allows you to see the brightest
things if object is dark you may
not be able to identify it - if lorde
gets sunglasses she wont be
able to see how the world really
is
2) the sunglasses shield yours eye
allowing you to see clearly
parents did not want her to have
sunglasses- did not want to tell
her what the world was like
wanted her to learn or figure it
out on her own
3) Sunglasses metaphor- shields
her eyes yet her parents wont
give her sunglasses parents not
allowing sunglasses symbolism
them wanting lorde to open her
eyes- needs to recognize racism
4) parents did not approve
sunglasses wanted her to get
used to brightness without the
use of sunglasses- needed to
realize that they were judged
based on skin complexion
5) Irony because her parents literary
cannot protect her from racism in
D.C. parents want to make her
see it not allowing her to wear

sunglasses because they cause

deception doesnt want to tell
her once she learns on her own
she will have the answers to the
all her questions
6) (Purpose) prevent lorde from
seeing how harsh America really
is keep her from recognizing
racism parents wants her to see
it on her own
WRAP BACK
4) ADJ: enraged alleviated anguished
DEV: tone Symbolism just so you know,
you cannot repeat devices
TE: But we hadnt done anything! This
wasnt right or fair (18) deliciously
relieving to my scorched eyes (15)

Eyes- symbolize her vision revealing her blindness to

the actualities of the world

Uses diction w/ the word scorched seem as if her

eyes are literally burning - shes in pain from
witnessing the brightness of D.C

Oblivious to the racial affairs around her making her

eyes seem vulnerable seeing the truth made her
innocent eyes scorch with pain

Racism breached the protective walls built by her

parents can no longer deceive or shield her from
discrimination overcompensation cannot hide the
truth
Scorched is the agonizing pain she went through
childhood tarnished parents made the world seem
flawless by running from reality when in reality
America is an injustice, cruel, deceiving, judgmental,
and hypocritical U.S.A created a demeanor, so no one
would see the treatment of colored people forced
everyone to think it was the land of the free deceived
by parents about the harsh reality
deliciously relieving giving a new perception of the
new cruel reality she faces eyes are no longer innocent
starting to comprehend racism developing a new
perception of humanity or reality

More on the device and more on the connection to the

assertion and the purpose but overall good

(purpose) no longer able to avoid the tormenting truth

of reality finally realizes that the D.C. brightness
represented racism in her society

painful experiences forced to recognized the true

colors of racial discrimination

By having a painful memory tormenting scarred on her,

she can no longer be hidden away from the injustice
acts of society (wrap up)

1.) Eyes- symbolize her vision revealing

her blindness to the actualities of the
world
2.) Oblivious to the racial affairs around
her making her eyes seem vulnerable
seeing the truth made her innocent eyes
scorch with pain
3.) Scorched is the agonizing pain she
went through childhood tarnished
parents made the world seem flawless
when in reality America is an injustice,
cruel, deceiving, judgmental, and

hypocritical U.S.A created a demeanor,

so no one would see the treatment of
colored people
4.) Uses diction w/ the word scorched
seem as if her eyes are literally burning shes in pain from witnessing the
brightness of D.C
5.) Racism breached the protective walls
built by her parents can no longer
deceive or shield her from discrimination
overcompensation cannot hide the truth
6.) deliciously relieving eyes are no
longer innocent starting to comprehend
racism developing a new perception of
humanity or reality
7.) painful experiences forced to
recognized the true colors of racial
discrimination
8.) (purpose) no longer able to avoid the
tormenting truth of reality finally realizes
that the D.C. brightness represented
racism in her society
9.) By having a painful memory
tormenting
her, she can no longer be hidden away
from the injustice acts of society (wrap
up)

WRAP BACK

you were supposed to put the thesis, assertion, and EVs sentences here!!!!
Thesis:
Throughout the narrative piece, Fourth of July, it explicitly describes the trip to Washington
D.C., discussing the judgmental reality to those who are blind to it, Audre Lorde efficiently shifts
from Innocent and nave or blind to racial discrimination to being victimize by parents and
noticing the judgmental society and her parents
Within Fourth Of July, discussing the unjust treatment of African Americans, Audre Lorde
dramatically shifts from innocent, nave and blind to racial discrimination to being victimize by

the new and crushing reality, judgmental society and her parents, articulating that the society
is corrupted by putting limits on certain races rights.
EV Sentence:
Lorde use irony to demonstrate that [Her] parents ironically [do] did not approve of
sunglasses (11) since they would make her blind to the truth, but, in reality, sunglasses are
used to shield your eyes from the brightness.
Assertion:
Although the overcompensation of her parents contributes towards Lordes nativity, it also
indicates how the brightness of D.C. robbed her of her years of youth she was robbed of her
years of youth.
EV Sentence:
Deliciously relieving to [her] scorched eyes, demonstrates how Lordes diction creates a
meaning that implies that her eyes is being tormented by a harsh memory
Commentary Sentences:
In the Fourth of July, Audre Lorde uses deliciously relieving to my scorched eyes (15) to
demonstrate how innocent and nave she is. The way she use the word eyes symbolizes her
vision and this is her way of telling the reader that she was blind to the actualities of the world.
Audre younger self was oblivious to the racial affairs around her, which makes the truth harder
for her to handle. In order to display this she use the word scorched, which allows her to
emphasize the agonizing pain she went through, her childhood being tarnished or torn from her.
Since the younger version of the adult Audre do not realize that America is an injustice, cruel,
deceiving, judgmental, and hypocritical place she do not know that her rights are being restricted
based off her skin complexion. Her parent plays a major role in this by putting up an
impermeable wall that is breached by racism, once they go to D.C. This allows the reader to
inference that her parents cannot use overcompensation to hide her from the truth. Audre is
forced realize how the world really is through a painful experience dealing with racial
discrimination. Audre realizes that the brightness in D.C. symbolized or represented the racism in
her society.