Letter of Application Review for Marcus Andra

from Sam Painter

Preliminary Research

Great job using the companys motto to tailor your letter

Address

Have done this to the greatest extent possible

Introduction

While you demonstrate your knowledge, experience, and enthusiasm to work at the

company, I think your attempts at flattery go a few steps to far and come across as fake and

contrived. I would tone back your adjectives and adverbs.

Qualifications

You do a fine job of describing your experience and how it relates to the position

Closing

Again, I feel you step too far in the closing. will do whatever is possible to meet any

demands . I would, perhaps, extend the plan of action only to the next step in the process and

say that you hope to hear back from them and further explore this opportunity. Further, I think

that it would be wise to thank the hiring manager for their time in the closing.

Prose

Try not to change person. The sentence starting As a near-grad sees you change into

third person and back into first within a sentence. Try, As a near-grad student on my way to

beginning a Masters program in Computer Science, these values are something that I bring to

my learning environment every day.

The tone suffers from the over reaching that I mentioned earlier. Excessive flattery often betrays

a lack of confidence in ones own abilities and thus a perceived need to earn favor some other

way.

Appearance

The lack of an extra line spacing between your last two paragraphs and then the

signature is inconsistent with the earlier formatting. Since you have not indented the first lines,

the extra line spacing is necessary to delimit paragraphs from one another.

Ethics

I see no ethical issues.

Overall

In many ways this is writer centered letter. In a reader focused letter you may say I

believe that I bring these values that would be beneficial to your company. I meet the

requirements that you have set forth. For such and such reason I would be a valuable asset to

you.