How to Forgive

constantly manifest a forgiving spirit towards all men. Titus 3:2b

God has given us very detailed instructions regarding forgiveness. When we approach
forgiveness in the way that God intended, it brings resolution. Even if the person that we are
forgiving never accepts our forgiveness, or if they choose to continue their destructive
behavior, we can still get the peace and freedom from resentment that God hopes for us.
We all know the agony that comes when people act selfishly and inflict pain on us, but
choosing to forgive can help us to release that hurt. Unforgiveness creates bitterness inside
of us; bringing our burden to God through prayer and forgiveness is like making a currency
exchange of pain, hurt, anger, and unforgiveness, for joy and peace that surpasses
understanding. We must be especially careful that our pain does not become self-pity.
Spending too much time asking Why me? can lead to full-blown depression. Recognizing
our pain, handling it properly, and forgiving each time it crosses our minds keeps us from
being tied down in depression and bitterness.
Forgiveness is a holy experience. Holding back forgiveness while waiting on the offending
person to come to their senses creates an idol of that person in our hearts. Instead of
allowing God to work on our hurt and heal us, we forsake His help and look to the offender to
make us whole again. God is the source of our healing, not man. We cannot wait until the
right time to forgive, when Jesus has clearly said that we must forgive and forgive again.
Going to God will give us spiritual freedom regardless of the outcome of our efforts at
reconciliation.
Self-Reflection
How do we start the process of forgiveness?
1. Compose a list of each person in your life that you need to forgive, not just your
spouse. Pray about it, and ask God to reveal to you any places in your life, even as a
child, where you have been hurt and have not given forgiveness.
2. Think of very specific events, words, and actions that each person committed against
you. Take your time, and make the list exhaustive. In doing this, you are preparing
your heart for forgiveness.
3. Purposefully go through each item on your list, forgiving the person by name for each
thing. It even helps to forgive them for things that you dont know that they have
done against you, especially thoughts and words.
4. Sometimes a continued abuse in our lives can cause us to mimic the negative
behavior that was heaped on us. In this step, examine yourself for any habits or
actions that you have picked up from others who have hurt you. You must choose to
forgive yourself for this, in order to free yourself from it.
Sample Prayer of Forgiveness
In the name of Jesus, and as an act of free will, I choose to forgive (name) from my heart for
(what theyve done to hurt). I cancel all of their debts and obligations to me. I choose to
forgive (name) for every thought, action, and deed against me, known and unknown. I ask
that you will forgive me for my bitterness and unforgiveness towards (name) in this
situation. Lord, I pray that you will cancel the assignment that the enemy has over my mind,
and the resulting pain that came with what theyve done. In forgiving, I will set aside
thoughts that could bring back the bitterness. Please heal me of this hurt, and help me to
see the situation clearly. Amen.