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Dr.

Dawn-Marie Pearson

October 30, 2015

R.E.A.L. FORGIVENESS$
Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have
something to forgive. - C.S. Lewis
This information highlights some
of what was covered in the audio
version. For full content, check
out Dr. Dawn-Maries podcast at
www.DrDawnMarie.com.

Why forgive?

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were


sealed for the day of redemption. Be kind to one another,
tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ
also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:30-32)$

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our


debtors. For if you forgive other people when they sin
against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if
you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not
forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:12,14-15)$

Forgiveness is a matter of obedience, since in Ephesians


4:30-32 we are directed to forgive. Also, in Matthew 6 we see
that our being forgiven is tied to our willingness to forgive.
Furthermore, forgiveness frees up emotional resources and it
frees the forgiver to live beyond the injury.$

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What are the steps to real forgiveness?
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Forgiving mean getting R.E.A.L. $
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1.

2.

Release the rope. Unforgiveness is an attempt to, in


some way, still tether the oender to the injury he or she
has caused. This is misguided, unproductive, and
unhealthy. So one of the main keys to forgiveness is to
really move the focus from what you cannot control (you
cannot control the oenders response) to what you can
control, (you can control your response.) Forgiveness is
letting go of another persons throat. (William Paul
Young)$
Embrace the reality. In order to forgive, you have to
take stock of what happened to you. It is important to
identify the Who, the What and the How. Who injured

Copyright Dawn-Marie Pearson 2015

Dr. Dawn-Marie Pearson

3.

4.

October 30, 2015

you? What did they do to you? How has it aected you?


This means letting go of the denial and looking squarely
and honestly at the impact the oense or injury has had
on your life.$
Accept the responsibility. Decide that it it your
responsibility to make it through the impact that the
oense or injury has had on your life. Decide that it is
your responsibility to heal. Waiting for the oender to
take responsibility is futile, as the oender may never
acknowledge the oense, or the oender may be unable
to oer restoration. The good news is that your
restoration is not dependent on the oender. Take
responsibility for working through the oense and the
losses you have experienced. Mourn the losses. If its too
painful or dicult to do on your own, get help. Make
the choice not to be stuck in the pain.$
Live the restoration. Walk out your new life. Things
may never be the same as before the oense or injury,
but that does not mean that things can not be great or
that life cannot be wonderful in a new way.$

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How do I know I have really forgiven?
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The intensity changes. The oense and injury are no longer


all consuming. What you experience internally when you see
or think about the person changes. You may remember the
injury, but the memorys arousal of pain and anger begin to
dissipate and disappear.$

Copyright Dawn-Marie Pearson 2015

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