Phuong Chau

ENGL 101
Professor McCampbell
10/19/2015
Assignment2
The Other Wes Moore

73/110

The Other Wes Moore was written by a man named Wes Moore to
narrate a story about his life and another man whose name was Wes Moore,
too. Both of them were fatherless when they grew up. Although they grew up
in the same city, at the same time, the two men have many differences. Wes
1 was surrounded by his family who wanted him to become a good man.
Unlike Wes 1, Wes 2 was a lost man. There was nobody in his family to guide
him to become a good man. Therefore, Wes 2 looks at his brother, who sells
drugs as a role model to improve.
Although Wes 1 and Wes 2 both grew up in the same city around the
same time, both of them have many differences choices. When Wes 1 was a
young boy, he punched his older sister Nikki after she bit him. His mother,
Joy was quick to anger, but his father quickly came to the defense of him.
Main Man, you just cant hit people, particularly women. You must defend
them, not fight them. Do you understand? (Wes Moore 11). After his father
passed away, he was raised by his mother. She was a strong, independent
and educated woman who helped Wes become a good man. One thing she
did for Wes was to send him to military school when she recognized she

could no longer raise him. She knew military school is not free (Wes Moore
95), so she asked her family and friends to help.
The organization of the family has direct effect on the children. The
first social relationship of children is family, where children acquire their first
experiences of being treated as persons in their own right. Children receive
care for their dependency and attention for their sociability (Kwalombota).
Unlike Wes 1, the other Wess father was a dead-beat drunk, who was never
able to recognize Wes as his son, Who is this? (Moore 25). Wes 2 had a
mother who did not care too much about him. Wes 2 was the youngest out of
the two, and his older brother Tony was six years older when Wes 2 was nine.
Tony was a drug dealer, and he was a role model to Wes 2. Tony did the best
he could do for his young older brother to stay away a drug, but Wes 2
wanted to become like Tony. For example, Wes 2 remembers what Tony
taught him when the boy punched at Wes, If some one disrespects you, you
send a message so fierce that they wont have the chance to do it again (Wes
Moore 32). After that, Wes took the knife and was caught by police. At this age, people are more
likely to be processed by the police for the commissions of a crime than are members of any
other population (Justin Healey). A major critical influence for the Wes would be his older
brother Tony. Even though Tony was more of a do as I say and not as I do type influence, he
still played a major role in Wess life and Wes looked up to him in many ways Wes also said, "
Tony had tried to keep Wes in school and away from drugs for as long as Wes could remember
(Wes Moore 71). This effort, however, was nothing but a waste of time because Wes did not
listen. Wes also started to sell drugs at a very young age. Wes got away with too much and his

mother believed everything he told her. Tony was the only person that he did have pushing him
was not a good influence because Wes wanted to be like his brother Tony. Tony was telling Wes
not to sell drugs or be on the streets, but Tony was doing exactly that. Actions always speak
louder than words and if Tony really wanted Wes to stay out of trouble, then he should have been
an example for him". However, Tony was deep in the game himself (Wes Moore71).
In conclusion, both Wes Moore had a critical moments and different throughout of their
lives. Though they both had individual accountabilities it was the choices that they individually
made that ultimately determined their fates. Wes could have turned out different if he chose a
better choices about follow a suitable good model. Wes 2 didnt have a role model to teach him
on the right way. His participation in the distribution of drug was detrimental to him by sealing
his face to have successful life.

Works Cited
These entries should not be underlined.

Mahalihali, Kwalombota.There should be a title of an article here "Undergraduate Research

Journal for the Human Sciences." Undergraduate Research Journal for the Human Sciences.
N.p., n.d. Web. 19 Oct. 2015
Healey, Justin. Youth Crime. Thirroul, N.S.W: Spinney Press, 2013. eBook Community College
Collection (EBSCOhost). Web. 19 Oct. 2015.
Moore, Wes. The Other Wes Moore: One Nam, Two Fates .New York: Spiegel& Grau,
2010.Print.

ENGL 101
M. McCampbell

Essay 2 -The Other Wes Moore

Item

Does not meet C

Meets C standard

Introducti

0-5 points

6 - 7 points

Scoring Rubric
Exceeds C
Standard
8 - 10 points

on
>6 some
facts are
incorrect

No intro device
Flat statement

Uses effective intro

device to connect
reader to topic
Identifies which Wes
Moore and influence

Thesis
>7

0-4 points
Flat statement of fact;
Broad influence
Thesis is not
completely developed

Influencin
g Factor
>7

0- 4 points

5 7 points
Assertion shows a clear
perspective of what
influenced the Wes
Moore of your choice
All ideas are developed
in the essay.
5 - 7 points

Incomplete
description, e.g. omits
who is affected and/or
how; topic is too
broad
No support from The
Other Wes Moore
0-4 points

Narrows down the

influence, provides
background and how
Wes Moore is
influenced. Includes
two cited examples
from the book.
5 - 7 points

Cites evidence
from The Other
Wes Moore and
interprets Moores
statements to the
essay.

Broader social
implications are not
clear or vaguely
referenced.
No broader social
implications are
mentioned.

Two researched details

are identified and
connected to the Wes of
your choice is clear.
Good details: RENNS

3 researched
details are
identified, detailed
(RENNS), and cited.
These broader
social implications
are clearly
connected to the
Wes Moore of your
choice. .

Expanded
Social
Issue
>7 you
make some
good
connections
; I would
like to see
you expand
more on
the social
implications
and how
they match
with Wes2.
The end of
your major
paragraph
gives a

Uses specific detail

in introduction that
illustrates
significance of
influence and
broader social
implication.
8 10 points
Strong persuasive
assertion that
clearly connects
Moores outcome
with the influence/s
8 10 points

8 - 10 points

good
connection.
Conclusio
n
>7

In-text
citations
>3

Work
cited
>3

Compositi
on
Structure>
8

Coherence
>4 Para 2
should be 2

1- 4 points
Restates thesis
or provides an
incomplete
summary

0-2 points
No references to
assigned reading;
Refers to sources, but
does not cite them;
Some material is not
cited correctly.

0-2points
No work cited list
Only one entry on
work cited list

5 - 7points

8 - 10 points

Clearly summarizes the

influence/s on the Wes
of your choice and links
them with the broader
social implications.

In addition to
meeting criteria for
a conclusion, the
conclusion includes
a reflective
statement about
the significance.

3 - 4 points
Uses two reference to
assigned reading; uses
correct in-text format.
Correctly used two
references from outside
sources.
Uses two different ways
of including outside
information. Citations
link correctly to work
cited entries. Minimum
of two errors

3 - 4 points

5points
Uses two or more
references to
assigned reading
and cites them
correctly. Uses two
or more references
to outside sources
and identifies their
relevance to the
reader. Integrates
material into the
text in a variety of
ways. No errors in
citation
5 points

Three entries on work

cited list, correctly
cited and alphabetized.
One or two errors.
5-7 points

More than three

entries on the work
cited list.
No errors
8-10 points

One or two topic

sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity

Clearly stated topic

sentences;
Paragraphs clearly
relate to thesis

Paragraph not related

to topic;
Organization does not
follow a clearpattern;

Paragraphs arranged in
logical order;
Ideas follow logical
development

Topic sentences are

specifically worded
and link thesis and
all supporting
material
Transitions move
ideas clearly
throughout essay;
Ideas build on each

0-4 points

paragraphs;
several
sentences
do not
make
sense.
Clarity>7

Abrupt changes;

Employs transitions
when necessary

Wording is vague;
Uses appropriate
Words are confused
pronouns;
with other meanings
Avoids redundant
Grammatical
wording;
conventions are
Uses words correctly
infracted;
Avoids slang and worn
Uses second person
out cliches
prn;
Spelling, grammar, and sentence mechanics errors 1 point for
by 500 words.

other to emphasize
thesis;

Writers voice is
clear and
authoritative;
Employs specific
words; employs
active voice and
specific verbs;
Wording is concise
each error, prorated

Errors: You begin with 20 points. You lose one point for each of the following errors:-6 = 14
Spelling

pronoun use

Capitalization

comma splice

Subj/verb agreement

run-on/fused sentence

Incorrect verb form

sentence fragment

Verb tense

Begin sentence with coordinating conj.

Punctuation with direct and indirect quotations

Apostrophe errors

Comma error with coordinating conjunction

pronoun/antecedent agreement

Phuong Chau
ENGL 101
Professor McCampbell
10/19/2015
Assignment2 Outline
The Other Wes Moore
I.
II.

Thesis statement:
Therefore, Wes 2 look at his brother, who sells drugs as a role model to improve.
Body paragraph:
a. Although Wes 1 and Wes 2 both grew up in the same city around the same
time , both of them have many differences choices.
After his father passed away, he was raised by his mother.
b. Unlike Wes 1, the other Wess father was a dead-beat drunk, who was never

III.

able to recognize Wes at his son.

Tony is a role of Wes 2
Conclusion
In conclusion, both Wes Moore had a critical moments and different throughout of

their lives. Though they both had individual accountabilities it was the choices that they
individually made that ultimately determined their fates. Wes could have turned out
different if he chose a better choices about follow a suitable good model. Wes 2 didnt
have a role model to teach him on the right way. His participation in the distribution of
drug was detrimental to him by sealing his face to have successful life.