Suddenly I see the pile / Suddenly I hold the sum / Suddenly I end my trial / Fo

r the money
it has come!
For the money that I need / For the need that is so strong / For these words tha
t I do read / Brings the money right along.
Brings the money without waiting / Brings the money right to me / Brings the ans
wer to my waiting / Suddenly I will be free.

outhash
Chant and Be Happy
The Magick of Chant-O-Matics by Raymond Buckland
By Mike Walsh
Published in the Philadelphia Welcomat in March 1991.
Wouldn t you like to obtain all the pleasures this big ol world has to offer just f
or the asking? Haven t you paid your dues like all the other hard-working stiffs l
ong enough? Don t you deserve every sexual pleasure known to man or beast? Of cour
se you do, so invest $5.95 in The Magick of Chant-O-Matics by Raymond Buckland,
renowned practitioner of the occult. This extraordinary book will introduce you
to the rewards of chanting, an ancient yet amazingly easy, highly profitable, an
d richly satisfying hobby.
Right on the cover The Magick of Chant-O-Matics announces, Whatever you need, be
it power, money, a loved one, good health or protection from evil forces, this b
ook will help you get it.
Anything you desire can be yours anything, notes Buckland in the preface,
not through
hard, time-consuming, constant exercises but through simple, easy-to-do rituals th
at are a joy to perform.
The magick of Buckland s book is that he has taken the rituals of old, which he sa
ys were long and complicated, and streamlined them. This repackaging of the ancien
t secrets is perfectly suited for today s impatient, busy, highly-prioritized audi
ence. What cold be better? He s already done all the hard work.
Before you start, however, you must set up a Chant-O-Matic workshop. You ll need a
room to yourself, free of interruptions and a piece of furniture to use as an alt
ar. Cover you altar with a white cloth, instructs Herr Buckland, and in the center
stand an incense-burner. On either side of the incense you ll need a tall, white ca
ndle. Lay The Magick of Chant-O-Matics on the altar, and your workshop is comple
te.
The important thing is to feel comfortable, says Buckland, so you might want to
add a kneeling cushion or a personal souvenir like a religious article, your Spa
ce Needle salt and pepper set, or that Liberty Bell shot glass. I always make su
re my collection of Megadeath lps are nearby, so I can clutch them to my bosom d
uring a particularly earnest chanting session.
Next, review the 300 chants in The Magick of Chant-O-Matics, and as Buckland wri
tes, decide which it is to be, aim carefully, and pull the Chant-O-Matic trigger!
Here s an easy chant to get you started. It s for a better job.
I leave the old / I greet the new / I leave the fold / Of the stagnant crew.
To better live / To better sup / To myself I give / I move on up.

Of course, you don t want just a better job. You want an easier job with more free
time and a private office where you can chant for your supervisor s painful death
. Besides, a private office will get you away from that godawful stagnant crew.
The Magick of Chant-O-Matics has several chapters devoted exclusively to money a
s well. My favorite chapter is Magic Money Chants That Can Put You Knee-Deep in T
housand Dollar Bills. Awesome! Here s an example from that chapter:
Suddenly I see the pile / Suddenly I hold the sum / Suddenly I end my trial / Fo
r the money it has come!
For the money that I need / For the need that is so strong / For these words tha
t I do read / Brings the money right along.
Brings the money without waiting / Brings the money right to me / Brings the ans
wer to my waiting / Suddenly I will be free.
(Chanting tip: I discovered that if I recited the above chant in the nude except
for day-glo body paint
while dancing and pounding out Queen s We Will Rock You on
a set of bongos, the interest on my savings account increased by several digits
. Give it a try! What have you got to lose?)
Then check your bank account at a nearby ATM, and don t be surprised if your balan
ce isn t $10 to $15 higher. If you don t get any action, try moaning this next chant
to a teller at your bank:
Need, need, need / Money, money, Money!
Me, me, me / Money, money, Money!
Now, now, now / Money, money, Money!!!!
Repeat the chant two more times, louder and
you can do to heighten the sense of urgency
ll effect of the chant.) Then, while pacing
er and letting your eyes roll backward, add
Bring the money to fill the need
Now my power has done the deed
Yes, bring the money to fill the need!!!!!

more insistent each time. (Anything

or desperation will add to the overa
back and forth in front of your tell
this little chestnut: