(SN BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP FOR A FULFILLING FUTURE By Charles Aideyan Me(SN s young people, you have been created by God and ordained for divine exploits and specific great purposes in this world (Eph 2:10 Amp, Jer 29:11). A greater part of God’s means and strategy for preparing you and making you eventually fit for those glorious purposes is the various shades and tiers of human relationships He has by wisdom set around you or put you into at each junctions or levels of your developments Ps. 68:6. Your rapid growth in the overall purpose of God depends to a very large extent on how much you successfully navigate and effectively engage the benefits or dynamics of these divinely ordained platforms ofinteractions. The devil himself, realizing this, is very much opposed to the God- glorifying outcome of such relations that we are here studying, and has inevery age opposed them either by hijacking some, others he derails orblackmails and the rest he outrightly obstructs or forbids. All ina bid to hinder you from transiting and breaking forth unto wholesome, healthy, balanced and strong personalities that can become pillars for God and a threat to his kingdom. The purposes of this seminar is to recover these God-given relationships, set them in their correct perspectives and teach the pre- requisite skills necessary to sustain them positively, and to finally help you erect milestones which will deter you from falling into the counterfeits or fake practice of some of them. We shall prayerfully attempt this by highlighting the various legitimate human relationships that are expedient for all youths in their natural order; outline the means for entering into them, discuss some of the crucial principles or core-values for building them to achieve God’s purpose NO(SN and finally, showcase some positive and negative examples in scriptures of young men and women who were in such relationships and theeventual outcome of their lives. A. RELATIONSHIPS WITH PARENTS, This is the default relationship and the foundation Zor the success of every otherrelationship you will meet in life. It is no big wonder that it is the first to bear the brunt of Satan’srage and attack. 2 Tim 3:2 1, Discover from scriptures the cruciality and the benefits of a healthy parental relationship in the lives of every person. Jer 35:18- 19, Eph 6: 1-3, Col 3:20, Titus 2:4 Apart from our relationship with God, the relationship between a parent and a child is the purest in human terms (every other thing being equal). The natural love and affection that exist is divinely arranged for the purpose of training, teaching and rebuke. It is a proven fact of education that willingness to learn, effective assimilation and genuine obedience is maximal in an atmosphere of love, acceptance and affirmation. The word of God reveals that several young men and women who eventually entered into the final laps of their Journey into greatness was at the instance of a correct, cordial relationships with parents anda total submission to theirinstructions. @ Jacob, Gen. 27:5-10, 43; 28:7 Gi) Joseph, Gen.37:13 ii) David, 1Sam17:13-23 (iv) Ruth3:1-6(SN 3 Responsibility and obligations to your parents (A) They must be obeyed. Ex. 20:12, Prov. 1:8, 9: 3:1-3; 23:24, 25; Rom. 1:30 From their earliest years, children everywhere are commanded to honor and respect their parents. In childhood, the first manifestation of this respect to parents is obedience. Godly parents must be obeyed as they have the mandate to bring you up in the nurture and admonition ofthe Lord. “Unbelieving’ parents should also be obeyed so longas this does not conflict with faithfulness to God (Eph. 6:1-3, Matt. 10:34-39; Acts 5:29). In adulthood, when individuals "leave father and mother", the obligation to honor and respect their parents continues, though the nature of their relationship changes. (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5, Mark 10:6, 7, Eph. 5:31) (B) They must be consulted. The further manifestation of this honour and respect is to consult them or carry them along on the major decisions of your life. This includes physical things like education, carrier, physical relocation, acquisition of properties and in spiritual decisions like marriage, restitutions and Gods call. ete. 2 Sam 13:7, 26-27. C) They must be cared for When parents can no longer care for themselves, it is the duty of their children to care for them Gen. 44:32-34; 47:11, 12; Prov. 23:22; Mark 7:6-13; John 19:26-27. Failure to care for one's family is likened to a denial of faith. Mark 7:9-13; 1 Tim. 5:8 NO(oN 4. Consequences of disobedience to parents. Prov, 30:11-13,17; Deut.21:18-21 Lack of honor and respect for parents is condemned in Scripture. It undermines community and diminishes the blessings promised to faithful children (1 Chron. 5:1, Prov 19:26; 20:20). B. RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEER The next very crucial relationship need, which every natural heart longs for is the desire for friendship among age-mates. This is legitimate and very indispensable because, apart from deliberate personal studies and experiences, much of lives learning and training activities take place in an interactive and social setting. The power of group opinion and influence goes to a very great extent in determining what you eventually become in life. Furthermore, the need for affirmation and acceptance is a key dynamics in formation of the total human behavior; self—identity, self- expression and the overall personality. For this reason also, the peer relationship is among the most susceptible to manipulation by Satan. Since this is the ‘foundating’ of all that will become ‘you’, what better strategy than to sponsor wrong materials and persons into your foundation. Ps 11:3. 1, Enumerate for discussion, the advantages and outcome of a wholesome peer relationship. Prov 27: 9,17, Prov 17:17(Amp), 2. Principles for selecting and building a healthy peer relationship (A) Prayerfully ask the Lord to guide you at all times before entering into any such friendship. Prov 3:5-7 NOA (B) Endeavour by all means to maintain relationship with your old friends, as well as family members of your parent's friends that have proved faithful and reliable. Prov 27:10 One great advantage is that they know your history, and they have been triedand tested, (C) Make friends from among the people where you are presently located Prov 27 10 (D.) Donotmake friends from among unbelievers. 2Cor 6: 14-18 (E). Donot make friends of hypocrites. 1 Cor 5:11 () Never continue in any relationship with anyone who does not encourage or permit you to point out to him or rebuke him when he has gone wrong, Prov 27:5, Lev 19:17 (g) Do not also persist in a relationship with anyone who will never reprove you, but will rather defend you even when itis proven that you are wrong. Pro 27:6, Prov 28:23. Joab's kiss and Judas's were deceitful! 3. Critically examine the examples of these God-glorifying friendships and highlights some of the principles and its roles in helping them achieve God’s purpose fortheir lives. (i) Daniel and Shedrach, Meshach, Abednego. Daniel 1:6-19, 2:12- 19,49 (ii) David and Jonathan. 1Sam 18:1-4, 19:1-7, 20:1-42, 23:16-18, 2am 1:4-26, 9:1-7 4, Examine some of the dangers of a bad peer relationship. | Cor 15:33, Prov 13:20 5. Also highlight principles and the outcome from the terrible peer relationships below; NOA (i) Ammon andJonadab. 2 Sam 13: 1-39 (i) Rehoboam andhis friends. 1Kings 12:1-16 C. RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX As children of God, the Scriptures reveal the wonderful nature of the relationship that can exist between young men and women of the opposite sex. Whether the circumstances of such relationship is first occasioned by immediate or distant blood-relationship or only purely that of our new birth in Christ Jesus, God encourages this kind of relationships and interactions for the sole purpose of building each other unto fulfilling His purpose in Christ Jesus for each other on earth! First, we must note that every other genuine believer whether connected to us by blood or not is our relation. This relationship though of the Spirit of God can become stronger than those of whom we share only blood relationship with on earth. This therefore confers on us the obligation of interaction with other Christians of whatever age, cadre, or strata and consequently the opposite sex. Secondly, we must not be unaware that the devil also desires to achieve his purpose with these relationships ifhe is given a chance, this therefore is the serious reason why we seek to know the mind and will of God guiding this kind of relationship among us as His children. The following are God-glorifying relationships between the opposite sexesin scriptures; Modecai and Esther Esther 2:,5-7 Esther and Hegai Esther 2:8-9, 15 While the example of Ammon and Tarmar (2 Sam 13:1-20) is sufficient a warning of the evil that could happen when it is the devilat work. NOA 1. Whatis the aim of this relationship? Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; the elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. 11 5:1-2 The younger as sisters... with all purity: This by God’s grace immediately reveals to us the means and goal of ourrelationship and consequent interaction: -it is in such manner as to preserve each other ’ chastity or purity- It is to draw each other closer to and preserve each other for God’s purpose in Christ Jesus... How do we achieve this? Treat with respect: --Respectful treatment of the other sex will promote "purity."! To do these we must first note the higher purpose for God creating us male and female; Gen. 2:18,21-25; 3:1-7, 20- 24 and forrecreating us again in Christ Jesus: For we are God's [own] handiwork (His workmanship), recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do those good works which God predestined (planned beforehand) for us [taking paths which He prepared ahead of time], that we should walk in them |living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live]. Eph 2:10 (Amplified) ..Seeing that ye have put off the old man with his NO(SN deeds; And have put onthe new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: Where there is neither Greeknor Jew, circumcision nor circumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all. Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering... Col. 3:9-12. Lack of understanding of God’s purpose of for each other as members of the opposite sex has quictly undermined the way men of the world regard females! For instance, in some cases as sex tools to be wooed or to be conquered to satisfy the base animalistic human instinct brought about by the fall, This leads to a large extent the lack of respect for the female (especially as it is the case in several culture and religion around the world). This lack of respect gets transmitted to the male childas soon as heis born, There is therefore first the need for a progressive renewing of the mind by the word of God, Rom. 12:1-3, Col.3:10-I1. At this point, it is important to note that there is no relationship between a believer and unbeliever of the opposite sex! Psalm 1:1-4; 1Cor. 6:14-7:1 NO(SN This would therefore also imply that without the New Birth experience and the victory that the life of Jesus gives over the old- life, it would be impossible for us to have a God glorifying relationship with the oppositesex. Jn 3:7-10; Rom 8:1, 7-8; Col. AGAIN? 3-4, Are you born 2.1n What Areas? 1 Tim 4:12 -in looks: Avoid every sensuous appearance, provocative dressing and every unhealthy and implicating body language. -in words: Avoid unhealthy ego teasing, discussions over private parts of the body, foolish or coarse jesting, use of sensuous slangs and topics of discussions, flattery, vain boasting, Eph. 4:24; Tnstead look for common grounds in spiritual, academics, social and mental pursuit under the guide-lines of Phil 4:8. -in actions: Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. I1Th 4:1-7(SN Avoid doing things together that teases and tempts each other’s emotions or leads to infatuations or heightens each other’s sexual passions. Towards these, certain activities, times and places would need to be seriously considered. Heb. 12:1-2, Eph. 5:1-7; Psalm 144:11-12 (KJV). 3. Be focused: Pro 29:18 Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint... Do not relate with the opposite sex because of mere emotional gratification, rather let be for the purpose of enhancing your academics or spiritual life. This should be a major consideration in determining whom to get close to. For this reason, victory over self is very critical. Sublimate all your emotions and feelings to God’s purpose for your life. Gal 6:8 D. RELATIONSHIPS FOR EDUCATION, CAREER AND PROFESSION Prov, 13:20; 27:17-19, 1 Cor 9:7 As young men and ladies, a very essential ingredient for your life formation and growth in every endeavor like academics, career and profession is that of a role model. In this formative stage of secking definition, meaning, opportunities and placements; correct motivation and inspiration isa very critical need for you. The need to hear, see and touch isa big leap into the invisible. Those therefore that want to excel in academics and in their chosen profession must keep the company of those with distinctions which is an evidence for them that they would make distinctions. (Men’s character and aspirations are known by the company they choose) and will be the means of making them such, of showing them the way and of quickening and encouraging them in it. No(SN Correct relationship is a divine provision! A major leap in your education and career is to be in the circumference of those who have broken through! Whatever it will cost you to enter and remain in their company. That you are in the company of champions is a guarantee that you will be a champion. Itis the magic rule of life! Let Jacobs experience with Laban’s cattle illustrate this spiritual rule (Gen 30:31-49). E, | RELATIONSHIP WITHLEADERS Leadership is an indispensable provision for the purpose of God to be achieved on earth: For the earth to be in harmony and at equilibrium, Icadership must function properly. Leadership runs through every tier and junctions and joints of all God’s creation. God administers the earth through both derived and delegated authority so; every living being onearth is under a form of leadership that radiates all the various attributes of God down from Him, who is at the apex. Leadership is for you! Itis for your progress- to bring God closer and minister Him to you. It is a provision to connect and bring you to the divine supplies that will help you fulfill your destiny. Every leadership is for your benefit: it impacts you either inversely, conversely or apparently. Every situation of chaos, either at global, communal, family or personal level is basically first and foremost the absence of leadership or a breakdown of its functions. Gen 3:17-19, Judges 21:25, Matt 9:35-36. The consummation of God’s redemption of the earth is the restoration of leadership and authority over all the earth. (7 Cor 15:25- 28). Right from when youare born until you will die,no matter what height you attain, you will still be under one form of leadership or the other. Hence at the present stage of your lives, right in your campuses where NOyou come from, the reality of this would have become very apparent to you, even in your classes, your hostels, and your fellowships, not to mention the Lecturers, HODs, Supervisors, Deans of Faculties and the Vice Chancellors. The issue of leadership is unavoidable, and because itis of the Lord, you cannot circumvent it and become what God wants youto be. Furthermore, the effectiveness or end result of any leadership process set up by God is always the function of, and the dynamics of both the leader and the led. ‘The leader vs the followership’. How wonderful it will be, if all the leaders over us are of such virtues and qualities that we admire and would easily applaud, but that is often not the reality. The secret then is, even when correct leadership qualities are absent (I here speak as a man, because in the final analysis, only God can judge accurately, the failures and s of a leader Cor 4:5, Rom 14:1-4(LB), the wisdom, the grace and the nobility, or good followership will compensate and. produce the end-result and bring God’s purpose to pass on your lives, Success This been so, the correct attitude and skills in relationship to all forms legitimate and constituted authority is an indispensable tool you must acquire now that you are young in order to attain the full mark and height that God by His grace has set for you. PRINCIPLES OF CORRECT FOLLOWER SHIP The following are tips that will help you win in the face of all challenges of leadership.1. Recognize that every leadership is an appointment from God irrespective of the process, constitution and means by which they are brought in! Rom [3:1-3. (LB) NO2. No matter the weakness, misconduct, misbehavior of any leadership over your life- rebellion is never an option! You must never resort to violence, riots and petitions. Ex 23:2 3. Rather it is GRACE you must receive and manifest through by means ofthe following; ATrust your leaders. Affirm him orher because God is able to use him or her to accom plish His purpose for you. 2Chronicles 20:20 B.Pray All leaders must be prayed for- your prayers are the most conducive solvent and crucible and co-ordinates that blend all the contradictions of a leader into God’s purpose for you. 1Tim2: 1-3. (Praying to God quietly for the removal of any leadership if it be for the benefit ofa greater majority is not necessarily wrong, but if it be over you and as the result of your own personal hurt, then pray rather to out-grow such constricting leadership). For one, the moment you begin to pray- out any leader over you, it conditions you with a mind-set to physically reject and with-stand him. This could become a subtle rebellion. Two, it might be a waste of time and effort, if it is the divine providence that is at work to deal subjectively with a matter in your own life. Such a leader may have just been an instrument, if he is removed, God might repackage that dealing and find another vessel until you pass the exam. C. Submit to all leadership (within God’s acceptable will). /Pet 5:5-6, Heb 13:17, Matt 23:1-3. D.Adaptto all leadership. / Peter 3:1 (Amp). E. As much as it lies within your discretion, do not contribute to the ridicule over the weaknesses of your leaders. Gal 6-1-5, Genesis 9:19 -27, | Timothy 5:1. f. Minister also to your leaders. Gal 6:6. NoLearn to politely give books, gospel tracts, messages etc. Apart from the spiritual, if you discern a need that you can easily meet in some areas at the office, home, and family etc. This is to forge better relationship. But this must be done with caution so as not to let your good be evil spoken off. F. UNWHOLESOME RELATIONSHIPS Homosexual and Lesbian Relationships Gen 19:1-11, Lev18: 22, 20:13, Rom 1: 18-22, |Cor 6:9, 1 Tim 1:10 In summary, all evidences of homosexuality reveals three classes of those who practice it, There are those who practice homosexuality out of choice, those who practice homosexuality out of convenience. ‘These would include prisoners, students in “women only” and “men only” schools, and men who find far more men willing to have sex than women. Thirdly, those whose homosexuality is actually an emotional, psychological disorderbrought on early in childhood But it suffice for you here just to note that it is not a genetic or a hereditary matter as the gay movements have tried to justify it. They have labored so hard in propagating that a genetic or biological factor is responsible for this perversion and that it is therefore just as natural to be gay as it is for some to have the natural desire for the opposite sex. But the followings the bottom line; ‘A. God, consistently and vehemently denounces this relationship and practice in clear terms. Not just in one two bible verses or passages or one section of the scriptures; but in the Old and New Testaments. Before Chr coming and after Christ death and resurrection. And that no one on earth could be more understanding of our nature, more loving and more sympathetic than He who so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. Joh 3:16 NOB. If it was genetic and hereditary as it is argued, then would the scriptures not ask homosexuals to repent, then we would we have had no cases cited in the Holy writ of homosexuals who heard the gospel, repented and were evidently delivered from it asit clearly reported; Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexuals_nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1Co6:9-I] C. Even for wholesomeness and the sake of common sense; homosexuality is very destructive! It often involves extremely promiscuous sex; Male homosexual practices include mutual masturbation, oral sex, and anal intercourse. The last named practice, in particular, leads toa high rate of AIDS and other diseases, including hepatitis, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, shigellosis, acute rectal trauma, rectal incontinence, and anal cancer - a true catalogue of horrors.