Running head: Theory

Munoz 1

Raquel Munoz
August 9, 2015

HD 335
The Elders Years
Martha Clark

Theory Paper

Theory

Munoz 2
Theory

The elders years is something to look forward to. As I am learning through this course, I
have gain awareness, knowledge and understanding of what elders go through their daily life.
Growing up, I always wished to be older. When I was in Jr. High, I wished I was in High School
and when I was in High School, I wished I was 21 so I could be legal and independent. Not
realizing how time flies and once I knew it, I was hitting my 35 years. As you get to a certain
age, you don't want to get any older. Wishing you can hold back time. Life is about taking it easy,
step by step and living one day at a time, appreciating life and your loves ones. I never really
thought about my elder years until now that I am taking this course and I am reflecting a lot on
my life experiences.
Reading through the main three books, "Tuesdays with Morrie", "How To Say It to
Seniors", and "Another Country", open my mind and understanding of the elder years. The three
main themes that I will focus on will be "Making Connection with Others", "Autonomy"
(Depending on others), and "Being Part of Society". I have a high interest in these topics because
since I am my parents caregiver, I see how these topics have affected them in their lives.
Elders have a hard time making connections with others, especially with teenagers. They
want to tend to isolate themselves away which makes it difficult to understand their needs and
wants. Reading "Tuesdays with Morrie", is a excellent example of how Morrie was able to
connect with Mitch and other people around him as well. Morrie's way of connecting with Mitch
was through teaching Mitch life lessons. That was a great way of Morrie reflecting through his
life and accepting his death as well as Mitch understanding the meaning and process of life and
death. " I've got so many people who have been involved with me in close, intimate ways. And

Theory

Munoz 3

love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone (Albom, 1997 p. 133)". Having love for
others is what made Morrie have connections with his family, Mitch and his caregivers. Morrie
also quoted " The most important things in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come
in (Albom, 1997, p.52). Love allows people to make connections. In "How To Say It To
Seniors", Solie talks about "As we begin our work with senior adults, we have to appreciate that
no matter how excited we are about this new role, both parties are filled with collective biases
that can influence the success of our interactions (2004, p.110)". By this, it will also affect their
connections because both parties are entering a new unknown stage. But by the caregiver being
open-minded and have patience will less stress the elder and continue connecting with others.
Solie also states that if an elder has negative responses, "We must step back and realize that we're
dealing with people who have lived long and complex lives, and that these long- lived, complex
individuals may be full of life experiences and chronic conflicts that are outside of their
developmental issues (2004, p.110)". "It is important that we not be discouraged or, worse yet,
defeated if our new strategies don't always work (2004, p. 111)". I know that at times it could be
very difficult but we must stay connected with our elders because one day we will all be in that
age and it is sad to be isolated from others. Solie mentions, that in order to reestablish a
connection with our elders we must try certain techniques like "Breath and refocus, Try a
different approach, Rethink the goal, and redefine progress". These are techniques that will
definitely help a caregiver connect to an elder. Reading through "Another Country", I found this
phrase very important " We segregate the old for many reasons- Prejudice, ignorance, a lack of
good alternatives, and a youth- worshiping culture without guidelines on how to care for the old.
The old are different from us, and that makes us nervous (1999, p.40)". This is true as I also
started to care for my mother with dementia and at first I had no clue how to care for her and I

Theory

Munoz 4

felt that my connection was falling behind but then realize that having personal connections
made her reflect and have happy moments which made us bond together. Pipher also mentions
that "We know the old-old will die soon. The more we care and the more involved we are with
the old, the more pain we feel with their suffering (1999, p.42)". I feel this is why, many families
disconnect with the elders, of having fears for their suffering and knowing that one day they will
also be at that age when they will be suffering too. We must not fear death in order to connect
with our elders. "The more we love and respect our elders, the more we teach our children to
love and respect us (1999, p.17)". Never thought about this, my children don't know of my
mother's illness but they love, respect and guide her with what she needs.
Depending on others is extremely sad and difficult. From being independent to having
to rely on others for help can cause depression. This is exactly what my mother went through in
her beginning stages of dementia. I was surprise by Morrie thou when he was told of his illness.
Instead of feeling down, he made the best out of his death. And even thou he needed assistance
from others for everything, he was not embarrassed nor ashamed of others assisting him. His
spirit was full of love and life. "Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do.
Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Learn to forgive yourself and to
forgive others (Albom, 1997 p.18)". By doing so, Morrie was able to handle the process with the
help of others. But in other cases, some people have fears and are not ready for what is to come.
Solie mentions "The intensity with which the elderly experience the body's loss of strength has a
profound impact on their sense of who they are (Solie, 2004 p.24)". As well as having the sense
of losing their identity since they can't make decisions on their own, do what they want to do,
having privacy, and having to rely on other's with personal needs. "Of course, everything we do
to help the old surely will help us all later on. Soon our country will be avalanched by old

Theory

Munoz 5

people, and those people will be us. In a few decades, our solutions to the dilemmas of caring for
our elders will be applied to our own lives. The kindness, the difference, the ignorance, and the
wisdom will be passed on (Pipher, 1999 p. 17)". Very important to think about this when
caregivers are caring for the elders as one day they will also be in the same position.
As elders get older and others start caring for them, they feel that they are not part of
society anymore. Just like my parents, they live with me and now I make decisions for them
which in the beginning it was difficult for my father to accept. Morrie was able to still see other
people and have a sense of communication with others and feel important by having lectures at
his house. "He entertained a growing stream of visitors. He had discussion groups about dying,
what it really meant, how societies had always been afraid of it without necessarily
understanding it (Albom, 1997 p.11)". Solie explains that we cannot understand the elders
because we have not been at that age so we don't know how it feels like. For this reason, I think
that people avoid the elders because they have no patience with them and people isolate the
elders not the elders isolate from the people. We must remember that the elders need to have the
feeling of being part of society so they can feel that they are still important and don't feel
worthlessness. Another reason I think society stay away from the elders is because like Pipher
mentions that "Nothing in our culture guides us in a positive way toward the old. Our media,
music, and advertising industries all glorify the young. We are very bodied oriented, and old
bodies fail. We are appearance-oriented, and youthful attractiveness fades. We are not taught that
old spirits often shimmer with beauty (Pipher, 1999 p.50)". It seems that the minute people start
seeing any type of wrinkles, they go under the knife. We must accept our beauty for what god has
given us and accept that life is not eternity for once we will grow old and die. By this, isolating
our elders is not helping them through their process but hurting them.

Theory

Munoz 6

Reference

Albom, M. (1997). Tuesdays with Morrie: An old man, a young man, and life's greatest lesson.
New York: Doubleday.
Pipher, M. (1999). Another Country Navigating The Emotional Terrain Of Our Elders.
Solie, D. (2004). How to say it to seniors: Closing the communication gap with our elders
(Prentice Hall Press ed.). New York: Prentice Hall Press.