Running Head: Discovering Myself

Double ABC-X Model: Discovering Myself

It was the summer of 2009, a summer I had looked forward to for so long. It was the
summer right before my senior year of high school. A summer I knew I would never forget,
where I thought I would spend all of my time with my best friends and boyfriend before we all
departed from this small town that we called home, and off away to college. Instead, my
summer took a turn for the worst. It was the first week of summer when my parents sat me and
two younger siblings down and told us that they were getting divorced (stressor). This really
hadnt come as any surprise to me. It was almost every night that I was kept up by their yelling
and screaming at each other. I would hear my dad throw things against the wall with my mom
sobbing in the background. I was slightly relieved that I wouldnt be kept up late at night by
them yelling but of course I didnt want my family to be broken, I always had hopes that they
would be able to resolve their problems and get through it. Experiencing ones parents divorce
raises the risk of experiencing outcomes such as dropping out of school, having a child as a
teenager, or receiving public assistance. Still, most children do not experience these undesirable
outcomes despite the increased risk it was still concerning that it put me and my two siblings at
risk (Cherlin, 2013, p.288). That summer was memorable, but not in the way I had ever
expected. Within two weeks my Dad had moved out to a city that was half an hour away from
our hometown. The feeling of loneliness filled our home soon after he left. Home just didnt feel
like home anymore. Apart from exposure to the parents distress and conflict, the breakup
forces children to adjust to jarring transitions (Cherlin, 2013, p.395). This is exactly what we had
to do. We had to adjust to my Dad not being there anymore. My two younger siblings were
constantly asking me questions about why my parents werent together anymore and why our

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dad moved so far away. Being the oldest, they always came to me for answers. But this time I
didnt have answers. We began spending our weekends at our Dads new apartment; it was the
most unpleasant experience. Dealing with my dad not living at home anymore, my moms daily
hassles began to increase and I did notice that she had less time for herself and was having to
make up for the lack of the my father not living there anymore (Price, 2009). Not only was I
having to deal with my parents getting divorced, starting my senior year, but my mother began to
start drinking more than she used too, almost to the point where she was a borderline alcoholic
(pile up before crisis). Although my mother had begun drinking more than usual; it did not cause
a spillover effect on her parenting abilities (Price ,2009)
That summer definitely did not go as I had planned it would go, but I went into my senior
year of high school with high hopes on the discovery of who I am (context). I was going to make
this the best year possible because soon enough I would not have to live in this town any longer
and I would finally be free from this life back home (resistance coping).I couldnt wait to start
applying to colleges. I couldnt wait to start my new life in a new place, with all new people.
Returning back to school that fall, I remember all of my friends asking how my summer went
and why I had been so distant. I really felt like no one understood what was going on. How could
I be happy when all that I could think about is how my parents werent together anymore, my
mom was a borderline alcoholic, and how my dad lived almost half an hour away from my
family? I remember feeling so distraught at just everything that was going on in my life. Nothing
seemed to make sense to me; I just wanted my family to go back to how it used to be, despite the
arguing (perception of stressor). I am just very fortunate that I was able to have someone there to
support me and provide guidance throughout that period in my life. My best friend Cody was
always someone that I could count on and I knew that he would always be there for me. I dont

Running Head: Discovering Myself

think I could have made it through that time in my life without him or my Cousin Elizabeths
support (resistance resources).
Senior year didnt look too bad after all, I had my bestfriend by my side and it was
becoming easier to adjust to my dad and mom not being married anymore. Prom was now right
around the corner, of course I had looked forward to this for months. I had already pictured how
I would have my hair fixed for prom and how my boyfriend would look in his tuxedo; of course
his colors would be coordinating with the color of my dress and corsage. I pictured this night
would be magical and that we would slow dance and I would be wearing the perfect dress. I wish
that is how my senior prom would have happened, unfortunately it did not. My boyfriend at the
time decided he would cheat on me a few days before prom. I was completely devastated and so
heartbroken. All I could think about was how I wanted to pack my bags and just run away. I
wanted this last month of high school to be over with. I was so tired of this town and I never
wanted to see my ex boyfriend again. Why couldnt graduation come any sooner?
The last few weeks of high school came almost as slow as a turtle finishing a marathon. I
was beyond ready to start my new life at Tarleton State University (crisis). Graduation rolled
around and I was so excited to walk across that stage and show my parents that I had done it! I
didnt realize how uncomfortable it would be having my parents together at the same place and
same time. It had almost been a full year since they divorced, but regardless of how awkward
and uncomfortable it was I still enjoyed having my family all together again. I am just glad that
my parents had a cooperative parenting style, which is where divorced parents coordinate their
activities and cooperate with each other in raising the children (Cherlin, 2013, p.391). That
summer flew by and before I knew it, it was time for me to move into my new dorm. I was
anxious, ecstatic, nervous, scared, and happy all together. All I had wanted was to get away, get

Running Head: Discovering Myself

away from the guy who broke my heart and my broken family that just didnt know how to
function like it used too. Moving into the dorms was the scariest and most exciting thing. I didnt
know anyone from my high school that was attending Tarleton State that fall and I hadnt really
contacted my roommate. After my parents helped settle me into my dorm room and took me to
dinner, they were on their way back home. The sun was setting and loneliness filled the old white
walls of this tiny dorm that I would call my home for the next nine months. I sat in my dorm
room that night and cried myself to sleep. Luckily my roommate wasnt there to hear me crying,
she had already gone out to a party with some of the girls across the hall. They all seemed to hit
it off right off the bat. I hadnt even made eye contact with anyone; it was so hard to get out of
my shell that I had acquired in my eighteen years of life. The friends I had from back home were
friends I had for as long as I could remember. I didnt know how to approach people my age that
I didnt already know. Those first few weeks had to of been the hardest weeks of my college
career. I hadnt really made any friends, my roommate wasnt ever in our dorm, I felt a little
homesick which was ironic considering how much I had wanted to get away for the past year,
and all of my classes were starting to get harder, and to put the icing on the cake my dad said he
had been offered a position in New York City (pile up after crisis). It was one thing that my
parent got divorced but now my dad was moving half way across America. As classes progressed
I started to feel like maybe I wasnt smart enough to be in college. Everyone always seemed to
know the answers to anything and everything the Professors would ask in lecture. I left almost
every class feeling less intelligent than I had before I walked in the classrooms. I felt like
everything I had studied or read over never made sense (perception of crisis).
One day I was walking across campus and a group of people were handing out flyers,
which wasnt unusual, and of course I grabbed one like I always had and then waited until I was

Running Head: Discovering Myself

far enough to throw it away. For some reason, I didnt do that with this flyer. As I walked away I
read the flyer talking about the campus ministry that met every Thursday night. Like most people
I had gone to church when I was younger but as I got older and into high school I hadnt really
thought about going back. I remember going back to my dorm room and looking the group up on
Facebook and getting an idea of what they were about. Thursday rolled around and I went, and it
literally changed my life. That night was the first time I had ever felt like I belonged at college
and finally had some clarity to ease my mind (adaptive resources). I kept going to church and
started to meet some really great people. I began making new friends that I confided in and we
talked about how stressed I was with school and how I felt like I was learning and they were all
upper classmen and directed me to all the right resources on campus that I never knew existed. I
started seeing tutors and whether my professors liked it or not, they got to know me because I
was always there to make sure I asked questions and never hesitated to see them in office hours
or send emails when I was having difficulties.
From that point on things really seemed to progress more positively. As I became more
faithful I was really able to forgive my parents for divorcing. I forgave my Dad for moving all
the way to New York for work and understanding that he didnt take the job because he didnt
want to be close to me or my younger siblings but because it was an opportunity he couldnt turn
down. I forgave my mother her drinking and understood that it was her way of coping with the
divorce, although I didnt agree with her method. I was finally able to have closure with all the
issues that have come up these past few years (adaptive coping). That time in my life is
something I would consider to be a crisis period, which is a period during the first year or two
after parents separate and adjusting to moving away from home (Cherlin, 2013, p.394). It is safe
to say that college has by far been the best thing that has happened to me. It helped me deal with

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a lot of stressors and daily hassles that I have encountered and find people that I can really relate
too and that have gone through similar things as me (bonadaptation).

References

Running Head: Discovering Myself

Cherlin, A. (2013). Public and private families: An introduction. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Price, S., Pricce, C., & Mckenry, P. (2009). Families & Change: Coping with Stressful Events
and Transitions (4th ed.). New York: Sage Publications.