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REVISION AND EDIT GUIDE

Directions
This edit guide asks you to examine the essays introduction/ thesis statement,
focus/organization, content, use of sources, and sentence clarity. Answer the
questions and mark the essay as directed, but feel free to mark other editorial
suggestions on the essay as well. Some questions require only a Yes or No
answer while others require more detailed responses. Use the Writers
Reference for help in defining terms: Appropriate sections of Writers Reference
are indicated in the Revision and Edit Guide to help you use your handbook
productively.
INTRODUCTION AND THESIS
1. Reread the essay title and first paragraph. STOP.
Do you really want to read further?
o Yes __X__ No ____

Explain why or why not?

_Got Internet? sounds like it can have a multitude of things to talk about and
therefore captivated my attention to want to read what its about.
2. Underline the thesis statement.
Does the thesis statement identify clearly the essays subject and
present an argument (see Writers Reference, A2-c and MLA-1)?
o Yes _X___ No ____

In your own words, explain the writers thesis.

__The writer is attempting to expose that although the internet is used the majority of the
time for social media and entertainment, it is still a useful tool for conducting research
and for the use of other academic purposes.

FOCUS AND ORGANIZATION


3. Reread the thesis statement and the first sentence of every body paragraph.
Does the idea introduced in each topic sentence connect clearly back
to the argument proposed in the thesis statement?
o Yes ____ No __X__

List here the numbers of those paragraphs whose topic sentences do


not connect clearly back to the writers thesis statement:

__Paragraph 3
______________________________________________________________
4. Are paragraph-level transitions provided to show connections between body
paragraphs? (See Writers Reference, C-4d, for tips about providing sentencelevel and paragraph-level transitions)
Yes _X___ No ____

List the numbers of those paragraphs where transitions are needed to


connect them clearly:

______Paragraphs 4 & 5____


______________________________________________________
5. Now reread each body paragraph.
Do all the sentences in the paragraph connect to the idea introduced in
the topic sentence?
o Yes ____ No _X___

List here the number of each paragraph whose specific


details/evidence do not connect clearly to its topic sentence:

__________Paragraph 2 Sent. 2, Paragraph 4 sent. 4, Conclusion Paragraph


the last 2 sent.
______________________________________________________
CONTENT/DEVELOPMENT
6. Does the writers experience and organization provide the primary support for
the thesis?
Yes _X___ No ____
7. Does the writer integrate her own educational experience/observation with the
borrowed information from her research clearly? (See Writers Reference, MLA3b.)
Yes _X___ No ____

List here the paragraph numbers whose borrowed information is not


integrated clearly:

_____Paragraph 4, last sentence.


___________________________________________________________

Does the writer provide convincing support for the essays thesis and
major ideas?
o Yes __X__ No ____

List here the paragraph numbers whose ideas lack adequate support:

_Paragraph 4, 5 and conclusion


_______________________________________________________________
USE OF SOURCES
List paragraph numbers where sources are not used clearly. Use the following
questions to help you find trouble spots in using borrowed information:

8. Has the writer introduced borrowed information (whether summarized or


quoted) with a clarifying signal phrase and/or with necessary background
information? (See Writers Reference, MLA-2a.)
Paragraphs Yes _Par. 3,
Paragraphs No ___Par.1, Par. 2
9. Have in-text citations been provided designating the page number of the
information and authors last name if necessary?
Paragraphs Yes _Par. 1, 2 & 3.
Paragraphs No _Par. 1 & 2
10. Have quotation marks been used to distinguish between the writers words
and those of the source? (See Writers Reference, MLA-2b.)
Paragraphs Yes _Par. 3
Paragraphs No _Par. 1 & 2
11. Has the writer quoted too much? (See Writers Reference, MLA-3a.)
Paragraphs Yes ____________________________________________
Paragraphs No Par. 1, 2 & 3
WORD CHOICE and SENTENCE SKILLS
12. On the essay, write WW (meaning wrong word) over any word used
unclearly/incorrectly.
WW - By the way, free classes at the University of the People are taught by real
professors who have donated their time and its curriculum is shaped by unpaid deans
with day jobs at New York University and Columbia (Pappano).

13. On the essay, put brackets [ ] around sentences that have omitted necessary
words and/or contain proofreading errors.
With access to the internet, [ however,] anyone living in these towns can take online
classes to learn a new skill, complete a degree, or just learn something new.
14. On the essay, using the Revision Symbols located on the last page of
Writers Reference, mark the following errors:
fragments
run-on sentences
comma splices
pronoun reference, (see G-3b in Writers Reference, use of broad
reference of this, that, which, and it)
distracting shifts in point of view, (see S-4a in Writers Reference)
noun-pronoun agreement, (see G-3a in Writers Reference)
subject-verb agreement, (see G-1 in Writers Reference)
wordy sentences, (see W2 in Writers Reference)
EVALUATION
Explain here specific changes this writer should make in her final revision of Got
Internet? To answer this question, consider again the essays thesis,
organization, development of ideas, and word choice/sentence skills. For
example, if you think the writer should provide a thesis statement that unifies
more clearly the major ideas developed in the essay, suggest a new one.
The essay has many great points that with more effort could have progressed into strong
arguments. But there were a lot of unnecessary sentences that were thrown into the
essay that made the essay become informal. For example, And by the time I go to bed,

those cute animal videos can help me forget about all the money Im going to owe on
student loans when I graduate. This sentence added at the very end of the
conclusion paragraph turned the essay from formal to making it sound like a diary
entry of some sort. The writer puts a lot of quality information in the 3 rd
paragraph. They argue valid and informative points and provide many quotes that
help support the argument they are trying to make. The 1 st 3 paragraphs are

informative, respectively respond to their thesis and have minor citing mistakes
as well as some uncalled for sentences but for the most part respond well to the
thesis. However, the last 3 paragraphs lack informational support and are all
biased points with no quotes. The writer is presenting personal experiences that
support the thesis but in a formal essay, quotes should be included. She had well
developed ideas and points but lacked quotes that would furthermore support her
thesis.