Collins 1

Ryan Collins
English 101
September 6, 2015
Mr. Padgett
Rough Draft
Upon reading This is Water Wallace lets the reader know that our default setting
revolves around the idea of self importance and how this impacts the roles of our daily lives.
Within the story This is Water Wallace tries to portray the fact that in order to live life to the
fullest we must not live life black and white. (thesis) We must begin to look at life through a
different perspective and realize this world we live in does not revolve around our selfcenteredness. Our default setting is one that makes the normal person look through a specific
lens at the way life plays out. We must become aware to our surroundings and the fact that our
life is not the only on this earth. We must begin to realize the harsh realities of life and that
everything isnt sunshine and rainbows like every fairytale tells us. The act of living cannot be
revolved around the aspect that we must always put ourselves first because if this is the case we
are never able to truly understand and appreciate the life we live in.
We are lead to believe through our default setting and the rules of society that we must
always put ourselves at the utmost importance. Here is just one example of the total wrongness
of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience
supports my deep belief that I am the absolute centre of the universe; the realest, most vivid and
important person in existence (Wallace XII). On the literal sentence structure of this phrase it
makes sense because in our life and in every moment that we have experienced we were at the
center of its outcome. It is no surprise that our natural setting tends to be so self-centered with

Collins 2
the way the media plays a role in the lives of everyone. We can see examples in the big cities
such as New York, Boston, and Los Angeles where the driving is at its worst in the state. If you
have ever been stuck in traffic in any of these cities, then you have seen self-centeredness at its
best in our society today. Within Wallaces message he portrays everyone as having this default
setting and that everyone is always within the same default setting. This is the problem I have
with his message being portrayed to the audience because I feel as if although there are instances
of our default setting not everyone is bided to this setting throughout everyday life. Although I
do not agree with the aspect that everyone is bided to this default setting I do agree with his
argument that if you are able to adjust your default setting then you are more well adjusted
and more open to the way life works. People who can adjust their natural default setting this
way are often described as being "well-adjusted, which I suggest to you is not an accidental
term (Wallace XIII). (<<< Writing gets a bit repetitive here) Wallace offers this advice to the
students in my belief because in commencement speeches today there always seems to be the
same message of go out and conquer the world nothing can stop you know when in reality we
have to realize sometimes everyday life sucks. Wallace gives the example of going into the
grocery store and being stuck in traffic, and in a way its a great example because these are
simple everyday tasks that make life miserable sometimes. I agree with his logic to the degree
that we should not be feeding the mines (<< Minds) of the youth thinking that you can become
whatever you want without struggle in your life because everything in this world that we have
takes time and effort to complete.
An overarching theme illustrated throughout the speech is that how to be able to control
what and how you think about certain everyday aspects of life. ( This sentence sounds weird)
Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what

Collins 3
you think (Wallace XIII). Wallace states that this means being conscious and aware enough to
choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience
which in simply words truly what learning is. The aspect of learning comes through experience.
Take for example learning Algebra in school you do not just simply hear a lecture about algebra
and immediately understand all the concepts it takes you experience of battling through the
homework in order to fully learn the concept of algebra. Wallace asks and begs the students
throughout the speech to think in a different way, in a much more challenging way. We are given
the example of being in the grocery store late at night after a long hard day of work and every
person feels entitled to have an easy shopping experience. Ive worked really hard all day and
Im starved and tired and I cant even get home to eat and unwind because of all these stupid
god-damn people (Wallace XV). Wallace challenges the students to think in a different way a
more difficult way of understanding the situation. (Already used almost this exact sentence
earlier) He begs the question that maybe the old lady walking slowly throughout the aisles just
had her husband of forty years die because of cancer. I can begin to agree with this idea of
thinking outside the box because it makes us more conscious to the aspect of life that it doesnt
always revolve around us and that other people may be struggling more than we are and can we
really sit there and act like we are in more of a rush or more annoyed. (closing needs work)

No citations but uses direct quotes

Collins 4

Rough Draft
Upon reading This is Water Wallace lets the reader know that our default setting
revolves around the idea of self importance and how this impacts the roles of our daily lives.
Within the story This is Water Wallace tries to portray the fact
that in order to live life to the fullest we must not live life black and
white. We must begin to look at life through a different perspective
and realize this world we live in does not revolve around our selfcenteredness. Our default setting is one that makes the normal person look through a
specific lens at the way life plays out. We must become aware to our surroundings and the fact
that our life is not the only on this earth. We must begin to realize the harsh realities of life and
that everything isnt sunshine and rainbows like every fairytale tells us. The act of living cannot
be revolved around the aspect that we must always put ourselves first because if this is the case
we are never able to truly understand and appreciate the life we live in.
We are lead to believe through our default setting and the rules of society that we must
always put ourselves at the utmost importance. Here is just one example of the total wrongness
of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience
supports my deep belief that I am the absolute centre of the universe; the realest, most vivid and
important person in existence (Wallace XII). On the literal sentence structure of this
phrase it makes sense because in our life and in every moment that we have experienced we
were at the center of its outcome. It is no surprise that our natural setting tends to be so selfcentered with the way the media plays a role in the lives of everyone. We can see examples in the

Collins 5
big cities such as New York, Boston, and Los Angeles where the driving is at its worst in the
state. If you have ever been stuck in traffic in any of these cities, then you have seen selfcenteredness at its best in our society today. Within Wallaces message he portrays everyone as
having this default setting and that everyone is always within the same default setting. This is the
problem I have with his message being portrayed to the audience because I feel as if although
there are instances of our default setting not everyone is bided to this setting throughout
everyday life. Although I do not agree with the aspect that everyone is bided to this default
setting I do agree with his argument that if you are able to adjust your default setting then you
are more well adjusted and more open to the way life works. People who can adjust their
natural default setting this way are often described as being "well-adjusted, which I suggest to
you is not an accidental term (Wallace XIII). Wallace offers this advice to the students in my
belief because in commencement speeches today there always seems to be the same message of
go out and conquer the world nothing can stop you know when in reality we have to realize
sometimes everyday life sucks. Wallace gives the example of going into the grocery store and
being stuck in traffic and in a way its a great example because these are simple everyday
tasks that make life miserable sometimes. I agree with his logic to the degree that we should not
be feeding the mines of the youth thinking that you can become whatever you want without
struggle in your life because everything in this world that we have takes time and effort to
complete.
An overarching theme illustrated throughout the speech is that how to be able to control
what and how you think about certain everyday aspects of life. Learning how to think really
means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think (Wallace XIII).
Wallace states that this means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay

Collins 6
attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience which in simply
words truly what learning is. The aspect of learning comes through experience.
Take for example learning Algebra in school you do not just simply hear a
lecture about algebra and immediately understand all the concepts it takes
you experience of battling through the homework in order to fully learn the
concept of algebra. Wallace asks and begs the students throughout the speech to think in
a different way in a much more challenging way. We are given the example of being in
the grocery store late at night after a long hard day of work and every person feels entitled to
have an easy shopping experience. Ive worked really hard all day and Im starved and tired and
I cant even get home to eat and unwind because of all these stupid god-damn people (Wallace
XV). Wallace challenges the students to think in a different way a more difficult way of
understanding the situation. He begs the question that maybe the old lady walking slowly
throughout the aisles just had her husband of forty years die because of cancer. I can begin to
agree with this idea of thinking outside the box because it makes us more conscious to the aspect
of life that it doesnt always revolve around us and that other people may be struggling
more than we are and can we really sit there and act like we are in more of a rush or more
annoyed.

1. Yes, there is a thesis. Ryans thesis claims that This is Water is used to try and convince
the audience to disregard their own self-centeredness and live life with a deeper
understanding of whats going on around them.
2. The paper somewhat summarizes the text, but is mostly analysis. Id say there is about
80% closed reading in this paper.

Collins 7
3. Yes, this paper uses direct quotes from the text and uses them well. The in text citations
seem correct.
4. I believe that this piece effectively argues the authors point. There is sufficient textual
evidence and analytical thinking about that textual evidence that makes this piece easy to
read. I felt I had a hard time finding an exact thesis, but I could piece together what it
was.There were a few times in the paper where I felt a tad confused about particular word
choice, but overall I felt it was a solid read.
Rough Draft
Upon reading This is Water Wallace lets the reader know that our default setting
revolves around the idea of self importance and how this impacts the roles of our daily lives.
Within the story This is Water Wallace tries to portray the fact that in order to live life to the
fullest we must not live life black and white. We must begin to look at life through a different
perspective and realize this world we live in does not revolve around our self-centeredness. Our
default setting is one that makes the normal person look through a specific lens at the way life
plays out. We must become aware to our surroundings and the fact that our life is not the only on
this earth. We must begin to realize the harsh realities of life and that everything isnt sunshine
and rainbows like every fairytale tells us. The act of living cannot be revolved around the aspect
that we must always put ourselves first because if this is the case we are never able to truly
understand and appreciate the life we live in.
We are lead to believe through our default setting and the rules of society that we must
always put ourselves at the utmost importance. Here is just one example of the total wrongness
of something I tend to be automatically sure of: everything in my own immediate experience
supports my deep belief that I am the absolute centre of the universe; the realest, most vivid and
important person in existence (Wallace XII). On the literal sentence structure of this phrase it

Collins 8
makes sense because in our life and in every moment that we have experienced we were at the
center of its outcome. It is no surprise that our natural setting tends to be so self-centered with
the way the media plays a role in the lives of everyone. We can see examples in the big cities
such as New York, Boston, and Los Angeles where the driving is at its worst in the state. If you
have ever been stuck in traffic in any of these cities, then you have seen self-centeredness at its
best in our society today. Within Wallaces message he portrays everyone as having this default
setting and that everyone is always within the same default setting. This is the problem I have
with his message being portrayed to the audience because I feel as if although there are instances
of our default setting not everyone is bided to this setting throughout everyday life. Although I
do not agree with the aspect that everyone is bided to this default setting I do agree with his
argument that if you are able to adjust your default setting then you are more well adjusted
and more open to the way life works. People who can adjust their natural default setting this
way are often described as being "well-adjusted, which I suggest to you is not an accidental
term (Wallace XIII). Wallace offers this advice to the students in my belief because in
commencement speeches today there always seems to be the same message of go out and
conquer the world nothing can stop you know when in reality we have to realize sometimes
everyday life sucks. Wallace gives the example of going into the grocery store and being stuck in
traffic and in a way its a great example because these are simple everyday tasks that make life
miserable sometimes. I agree with his logic to the degree that we should not be feeding the mines
of the youth thinking that you can become whatever you want without struggle in your life
because everything in this world that we have takes time and effort to complete.
An overarching theme illustrated throughout the speech is that how to be able to control
what and how you think about certain everyday aspects of life. Learning how to think really

Collins 9
means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think (Wallace XIII).
Wallace states that this means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay
attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience which in simply words
truly what learning is. The aspect of learning comes through experience. Take for example
learning Algebra in school you do not just simply hear a lecture about algebra and immediately
understand all the concepts it takes you experience of battling through the homework in order to
fully learn the concept of algebra. Wallace asks and begs the students throughout the speech to
think in a different way in a much more challenging way. We are given the example of being in
the grocery store late at night after a long hard day of work and every person feels entitled to
have an easy shopping experience. Ive worked really hard all day and Im starved and tired and
I cant even get home to eat and unwind because of all these stupid god-damn people (Wallace
XV). Wallace challenges the students to think in a different way a more difficult way of
understanding the situation. He begs the question that maybe the old lady walking slowly
throughout the aisles just had her husband of forty years die because of cancer. I can begin to
agree with this idea of thinking outside the box because it makes us more conscious to the aspect
of life that it doesnt always revolve around us and that other people may be struggling more than
we are and can we really sit there and act like we are in more of a rush or more annoyed.

1. The thesis is that we cannot think that life is going to be perfect all the time so we should
not expect it to be and we should learn to appreciate what life really is.
2. I feel like some of the paper was summarizing the text. I think there was a point being
argued for most of it that used quotes from the text to back it up but maybe add more of
your thoughts.
3. There are quotes in the paper with citation.

Collins 10
4. The piece uses good examples from real life and from the text and makes connections
between the two. Try backing up your thesis a little stronger maybe. For example tell
how to appreciate life and how to handle the hard situations.