Yoon 1

Ji Young Yoon
Professor M. McCampbell
English 101
December 7, 2015
Ji- Good explanation of the problem and good, common sense solution. Of course there is an
app for that! One important thing missing is how you are going to get people to change their
habits. Is this going to cost anything? You should address that, too. Some awkward wording
choppier than Essay 3. Let me know if you need help with your sentences for the reflective essay.
Do Electronic Devices Cause Health Problems? 98/130
Today, lots of people using their electronic devices before going to sleep. Some people
who use their cell phone in bed do not know why using electronics before sleep is harmful for
their body. Using electronic devices may cause many health problems. According to the New
York Daily News, bedtime smartphone use is related with insomnia, daytime sleepiness, and
shorter sleep duration". The paper also reported physicians ideas: "As sleep physicians who see
many young patients with sleep complaints, we noticed that a large number of teenagers
suffering from insomnia and daytime sleepiness were using their electronic devices late into the
night" (Robins). This shows that using electronics at night has gigantic health problems for
people. Using electronic devices before going to bed causes health problems, so people should
avoid electronics least two hours before going to bed or use display-altering software.
Many people do not know why using electronic devices before bedtime causes health
problems, so they keep using electronic devices. While people using electronic devices at night,
the human body thinks day time instead of night time by electronics screens light. The humans
body is simple; it easily can think daytime while people are using their devices at night. Modern
devices light disturb peoples sleep, and it cause the health problems. According to "Is Screen
Time Making You Sick, people are exposed to a lot of light at night. People's bodies are adapted

Yoon 2

for bright sunlight during the day and darkness at night. The biological clock that keeps people in
sync with a daily cycle is called the circadian system. It responds to light coming in through
eyes, so people's bodies know when it is day or night no matter where they are. Nowadays, the
human body gets confused about day and night because of too many bright electronic objects, so
peoples circadian system is disrupted. Also, seeing glowing screens at night can fool the
circadian system into thinking it is day time. The circadian system is like a blue-sky detector.
Blue light keeps peoples body up. Modern devices, such as phones, laptops, are rich in blue light
(Barone 10). Peoples body is sensitive with electronics screen.
People can safeguard by themselves from illnesses from using electronic devices. The
rule for safeguard by themselves is simple. People would better to stop using their devices least
two hours before going to bed. According to 8 Ways to Use Your Gadgets at Night and Still Get
a Good Nights, Human body only start to produce hormone which take care about sleep about
two hours before peoples normal bedtime. People do not have to avoid their electronics because
outside is getting darker. People should try to use electronic devices an hour or less than an hour
because using devices for less than on hour has no significant impact on the body (Grothaus).
Lights make bodies confused about day or night. Specifically, modern devices screens show
blue lights more than lights at home. People need to turn off their modern devices least two hours
before go to sleep. If people cannot give up using their electronic devices, people can download
application which can turn off blue light. The applications made for avoid electronic devices
screens' blue light, so human body get less confuse about day and night. According to Is Screen
Time Making You Sick, the best way is avoid electronic devices at night as much as people can.
Lots of people have hard time with avoiding modern devices. When people using devices at
night, download some apps which can automatically adjust screen colors to produce less blue at

Yoon 3

night (Barone 11). Using light control applications make less confuse the circadian system which
controllable peoples daily cycle. You need more information about implementing this plan. Will
it cost money? Will it be hard to break the habit? Is the blue light blocker effective?
Lots of people think using electronic devices before bedtime is fine. However, it can
cause lots of health issues, such as headaches, insomnia and daytime sleepiness. While people
are looking devices' screen, their body will get confuse about day and night. Modern devices
screen have blue lights, and the blue lights make more difficult the daily cycles. People had
better to use their electronics two hours before going to bed. People can download light control
applications for turn off blue light. Using electronic devices before going to bed is small habits
but it can cause the health problems.

Yoon 4

Works Cited
Barone, Jennifer. Is Screen Time Making You Sick? (Cover Story). Science World 72.1 (2015):
8 MAS Ultra School Edition. Web. 30 Nov 2015
Grothaus, Michael. "8 Ways To Use Your Gadgets At Night And Still Get A Good Night's Sleep."
Fast Company. Mansueto Ventures, LLC, 26 Feb. 2015. Web. 4 Dec. 2015.
Robins, Brittany. "Late Night Texting Is Linked to Poor Grades, Study Finds." NY Daily News. 9
Oct. 2015. Web. 2 Dec. 2015.
ENGL 101
M. McCampbell
Fall 2015

ESSAY 4 - PROPOSAL
SCORING RUBRIC

Topic
Introducti
on
0 15
points
>13

Thesis
0 10
points>8

Does not meet C

0 7 points
States the
problem; vague
reference to
solution.

Meets C standard
8 - 12 points

0 4 points
Identifies the
solution; flat
statement about
the solution.

5 7 points

State the problem,

situation or enterprise;
support your reasoning
with researched
information to show how
there is a problem, a needy
situation or a worth
enterprise.

Identify the solution,

judges it, and shows its
relationship to the
problem, situation or

Exceeds C paper
13 15 POINTS
States the problem;
clear background;
clearly shows who
/what is affected;
comments about
available initiatives;
Specific appeal to the
audience.

8 10 points
Cites reasons for the
solution.

Yoon 5
enterprise .

Analyze
solution
and how
to
implemen
t it
0 15
points>1
0 no
mention
of cost

Evaluate
the
solution
0 15
points>h
ow
effective
is the
app? Is
there
any
success
from
people
having
quit the
tablets
at
bedtime
? You
could
use
more
details.1
1

0 7 points
Flat statement of
how solution will
address problem
Does not include
affected group
Does not describe
the process of
implementation.

8 - 12 points
How it should address the
problem or fix it. At least
one verifiable statistic or
examples or detail and
cite it
Shows how affected group
will benefit(or not)
Describes the process,
costs and materials for
implementation

13 15 POINTS
Provides several
specific
examples/statistics/d
etails how solution
will address the
problem.
Gives specific
examples/evidence of
how the affected
group will benefit(or
not)

0 7 points
Reports on
outcomes
Not
recommendation
Does not address
the affected
group or the
feasibility/practica
lity

8 - 12 points
Clearly stated judgment of
solution
Projects effectiveness and
impact on affected group
Comments on the
practicality/feasibility of
the implementation
Support with researched
evidence.

Clearly explains
implementation, cost,
materials and other
relevant detail.
13 15 POINTS
Comments on the
quality of the solution
and supports with
specific evidence
Comments on the
level of
feasibility/practicality
of the solution
Gives specific
details/examples.

0 2 point

3 4 points

5 points

Yoon 6
Conclusio
n
05
points>4

Flatly summary of
problem, solution,
and whether is it
acceptable or not.
Brings up a new
subject.

In-Text Citations
0 -10 points>7

Work Cited Entries

0 -5 points>5

Quality of sources
0 -5 points>3

Paragraph Structure
0 -10 points>7 good
topic sentences and
unity; paragraph 3 has
some redundancies.
Coherence
0 -10 points>8

Diction
0 -10 points>5 some
confusing and
awkwardly worded
sentences.

Restates the final judgment

and connects with the
problem and how well the
solution will work.

0 4 points
Material is not cited
correctly or
appropriately at least
three times; does not
follow MLA format.
0 2 point
MLA format is
haphazardly followed;
entries are not
alphabetized; uses URL
instead of citation.
Sources include
questionable credibility
or are personal sites
0 4 points
One or two topic
sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity
Paragraph not related to
topic;
Organization does not
follow a clear pattern;
Abrupt changes;
Wording is vague;
Words are confused
with other meanings
Grammatical
conventions are
infracted;
Uses second pers prn;

5 7 points
Most material is
correctly and
appropriately cited;
MLA format is correct

8 10 points
All material is correctly
and appropriately cited;
follows MLA format
without errors

3 4 points
Three sources are on
Work Cited list; list is
mostly correct; all
entries are
alphabetized
Sources are relevant
and credible; some
sources are not
clarified in the essay.
5 7 points
Clearly stated topic
sentences;
Paragraphs clearly
related to thesis

5 points
All work cited entries are
correct.

Paragraphs arranged
in logical order;
Ideas follow logical
development
Employs transitions
when necessary
Uses appropriate
pronouns;
Avoids redundant
wording;
Uses words correctly
Avoids slang and worn
out cliches

Transitions move ideas

clearly throughout essay;
Ideas build on each
other to emphasize
thesis

Errors (prorated / 500 words)-5 /1.5 = -3 = 17

TOTAL POINTS___>______98___/130

Refers to topics
brought up in the
intro; indicates the
degree of challenge
the problem poses
and how the solution
can address it.

All sources are relevant

and credible and clearly
identified in the essay
8 10 points
Topic sentences are
specifically worded and
link thesis and all
supporting material

Writers voice is clear

and authoritative;
Employs specific words;
employs active voice
and specific verbs;
Wording is concise