Darius McCoy

Professor McCampbell
English 101
19 October 2015
Darius you make some important points about poverty and how it influences young men. You
include some compelling details about poverty in urban areas. Some are cited, some are not.
You should identify these in an academic essay. Also, you should show more connections
between your research and Wes 2, and you should refer to the primary reading, The Other Wes
Moore. You write clearly and you organize your details well.

Title Essay 2? 70/110

Wes Moore is name of two men who were born in the same city; only a few blocks apart.
They both grew up fatherless in rough neighborhoods getting into trouble, but only one became
successful. He went on to become a Rhodes Scholar, decorated army vet and a business owner.
While the other Wes Moore couldnt get out of the streets and is now serving a life sentence for
taking part in the murder of a police officer during an armed robbery. Although he lived a
troublesome life, he cant be blamed for it because he had no real role model to keep him out of
trouble. He was only being a product of a poverty- stricken environment, where many result to
drugs and crime to make money.
Crime exists everywhere, but more in urban cities. In the US, urban crime is often
perceived as a problem amid areas with high poverty levels. Poverty can lead to high levels of
stress that in turn may lead individuals to commit theft, robbery, or other violent acts(Taylor).
Poverty rates have always been a problem in Baltimore; over a quarter of Baltimore residents
live below the poverty line. In 2009, City-Data reports that 29.4 percent of children were living

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below the poverty line(Gray). Poverty may lead to an actual or perceived inferior education, that
would cause youth to count less on schools, jobs, and role models, and increasing the probability
of youth spending time on the street associating with gangs(Ludwig 1).
Wes Moore was born in Baltimore. His mother, Mary a single mother of two took care of
sons Wes and Tony, his older brother. She no longer could afford her education at Johns Hopkins,
so she dropped out to get an extra job. Given that, she had to rely on Tony to watch after Wes.
Tony seemed like a role model to Wes but he was a bad influence. At a young age, Tony had
noticeable presence in the drug game; he dominated the streets of Baltimore.
As a young boy, Wes offered to get a job to help support his mother. She always declined
the offer, but Wes wanted things that his mom couldnt afford. He started selling drugs; he
acquired a reputation and became well-respected in West Baltimore. After being questioned by
his mother about all the new shoes he had, Tony instantly knew where they were from; he knew
Wes was selling drugs. He was furious with Wes and wanted him to stop, but how could he?
Children learn exactly what they live; Wes grew up around drugs and Tony sold them.
Drugs have a huge presence in Baltimores crime rates. Selling drugs offer quick money;
it's a gateway to the more violent crimes. Crime offers a way in which impoverished people can
obtain material goods that they cannot attain through legitimate means. Often threat or force can
help them acquire even more goods that influences them to commit violent acts such as robbery;
which is the second most common violent crime(Taylor).
Other factors influence crime in poverty-stricken neighborhoods as well. A high
unemployment rate would increase the poverty rate and lead to a higher crime.Thirty-seven
percent of black males between the age of twenty and twenty-four are unemployed in Baltimore.
Its hard to say but, many employers turn them down because theyre young black men. Theres

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less opportunities and the end result is crime. A higher percentage of inhabitants under the age of
twenty-five could lead to higher crime rates. The lack of decent-paying employment, housing
and education will cause many at the poverty level to turn to whatever means are available.
Studies have shown that people who live in poverty-stricken neighborhoods have fewer
options in life. They are more likely to have health issues and lack a proper education. They tend
to live closer to industrial areas, which is an area where high unemployment exists. Poverty puts
a great deal of stress on people,There is a higher rate of mental illness in the poor than in the
rich (Brill 40). With the more jobs being cut even more crimes will occur. Its creates a chain
reaction and until the government realizes that crime correlates with poverty, theyll continue to
put forth money into prisons and not jobs thatll keep people off the streets.

Works Cited

The entries are not formatted in the MLA pattern. Also, you need to alphabetize the entries by
last name of the primary author.
Moore,Wes. The Other Wes Moore. Spiegel & Grau Trade Paperbacks. New York.2011
Taylor, Blake. "Poverty and Crime." 2006. Web. 19 Oct. 2015.
Ed. Sarah Gray. "Six Shocking Facts About Poverty in Baltimore." Web. 28 Apr. 2015.
Ludwig, Jens, Greg J. Duncan, and Paul Hirschfield. Urban Poverty and Juvenile Crime:
Evidence From a Randomized Housing-Mobility Experiment. 20 April 2000.
Ed. LEE NIDESS. "Point-Counterpart Debate: Does Poverty Contribute to More Crime? - Yes."
http://dcourier.com.Web.27 Apr. 2013.
ENGL 101

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M. McCampbell

Essay 2 -The Other Wes Moore

Scoring Rubric

Item

Does not meet C

Meets C standard

Exceeds C

Introduct

0-5 points

6 - 7 points

Standard
8 - 10 points

ion
5 good

No intro device

Uses effective intro

Uses specific

device,

Flat statement

device to connect

detail in

but your

reader to topic

introduction that

facts are

Identifies which Wes

illustrates

not

Moore and influence

significance of

correct.

influence and
broader social

Thesis
7

0-4 points
Flat statement of

5 7 points
Assertion shows a

implication.
8 10 points
Strong persuasive

fact;

clear perspective of

assertion that

Broad influence

what influenced the

clearly connects

Thesis is not

Wes Moore of your

Moores outcome

completely

choice

with the

developed

All ideas are

influence/s

developed in the
Influenci

0- 4 points

essay.
5 - 7 points

8 10 points

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ng Factor
4 you refer Incomplete

Narrows down the

Cites evidence

to Wes2,

description, e.g.

influence, provides

from The Other

but you do

omits who is

background and how

Wes Moore and

not offer

affected and/or

Wes Moore is

interprets

support

how; topic is too

influenced. Includes

Moores

from OWM

broad

two cited examples

statements to the

No support from

from the book.

essay.

5 - 7 points

8 - 10 points

The Other Wes

Moore
Expanded 0-4 points
Social
Issue
6 good

Broader social

Two researched

3 researched

observatio

implications are not

details are identified

details are

ns about

clear or vaguely

and connected to the

identified,

poverty

referenced.

Wes of your choice is

detailed (RENNS),

and lack of No broader social

clear.

and cited. These

options in

implications are

Good details: RENNS

broader social

urban

mentioned.

implications are

envirnome

clearly connected

nts. Wes2

to the Wes Moore

gets left

of your choice. .

out of the

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picture,
however.
Conclusio

1-

n
4 You

4 points

Restates thesis
or provides an
incomplete
summary

focus on

5 - 7points
Clearly summarizes

8 - 10 points
In addition to

the influence/s on the

meeting criteria

the social

Wes of your choice

for a conclusion,

issue and

and links them with

the conclusion

do not

the broader social

includes a

mention

implications.

reflective

Wes2

statement about
the significance.
0-2 points

In-text
citations
2

3 - 4 points

5points

No references to

Uses two reference to Uses two or more

assigned reading;

assigned reading;

references to

Refers to sources,

uses correct in-text

assigned reading

but does not cite

format.

and cites them

them;

Correctly used two

correctly. Uses

Some material is

references from

two or more

not cited correctly.

outside sources.

references to

Uses two different

outside sources

ways of including

and identifies

outside information.

their relevance to

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Citations link correctly

the reader.

to work cited entries.

Integrates

Minimum of two

material into the

errors

text in a variety
of ways. No

Work
cited
2

0-2points

3 - 4 points

errors in citation
5 points

No work cited list

Three entries on work

More than three

Only one entry on

cited list, correctly

entries on the

work cited listnot

cited and

work cited list.

alphabetized;

alphabetized. One or

No errors

citations do not

two errors.

follow MLA format.

Composit
ion
Structure
7
Coherence
7

Clarity 8

0-4 points

5-7 points

8-10 points

One or two topic

sentences missing;
Paragraphs lack unity

Clearly stated topic

sentences;
Paragraphs clearly
relate to thesis

Paragraph not related

to topic;
Organization does not
follow a clearpattern;
Abrupt changes;

Paragraphs arranged in
logical order;
Ideas follow logical
development
Employs transitions
when necessary
Uses appropriate
pronouns;
Avoids redundant
wording;
Uses words correctly
Avoids slang and worn

Topic sentences are

specifically worded
and link thesis and
all supporting
material
Transitions move
ideas clearly
throughout essay;
Ideas build on each
other to emphasize
thesis;
Writers voice is
clear and
authoritative;
Employs specific
words; employs
active voice and

Wording is vague;
Words are confused
with other meanings
Grammatical
conventions are
infracted;

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Uses second person
prn;

out cliches

specific verbs;
Wording is concise

Spelling, grammar, and sentence mechanics errors 1 point for each error, prorated by
500 words.-2 =18
Errors: You begin with 20 points. You lose one point for each of the following errors:
Spelling

pronoun use

Capitalization

comma splice

Subj/verb agreement -1

run-on/fused sentence

Incorrect verb form

sentence fragment -1

Verb tense

Begin sentence with coordinating conj.

Punctuation with direct and indirect quotations

Apostrophe errors

Comma error with coordinating conjunction

pronoun/antecedent agreement

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