Anna Koudriachova

COMM-2110-F15
Submitted to Sarah Billington
December 12, 2015
FINAL REPORT FOR JOURNAL FOR PERSONAL CHANGE
Overview
This paper will serve as a reflection on a goal I set out to achieve this semester and how that goal
helped me achieve a positive personal change. The first step was to identify the unwanted
behavior. Making perceptual errors is a natural human tendency, by being aware of these barriers
you can be on the lookout for them in your interactions with others and more actively work to
minimize their impact (Beebe p.80). I had a bad habit of forming quick judgments about people
if I did not have enough information and their behavior did not fit into my expectations.
Working on this project trained me to actively assess my thoughts about certain individuals and
situations and to correct my perceptions, if necessary, by using suggestions from our text. I
wanted to implement strategies such as being mindful, linking details to the big picture,
becoming aware of others' perceptions of me, checking my perceptions and becoming more
other-oriented (Beebe p.80-81). The biggest obstacle I had to overcome was being less on
autopilot and more mindful of why I feel the way that I feel around a person or in a specific
situation. As a result of writing the journal for personal change, I have become more aware of my
own and others' feelings and I am not so quick to make a judgment anymore. The skills I learned
throughout this semester will be beneficial to me for the rest of my life because communication
is much more fulfilling when steps are taken to eliminate uncertainty and negative judgments
are avoided.
Unwanted Communication Pattern
Each person sees the world from his or her unique perspective. That perspective is clouded by a
number of distortions and barriers that contribute to inaccurate interpersonal perception (Beebe
p.74). I identified several perceptions barriers that contributed to the overall unwanted
communication pattern of making judgments that were often inaccurate. Stereotyping, ignoring
information, imposing consistency, focusing on the negative and blaming others, assuming they
have control (Beebe p.74-78) were all of the behaviors that I set out to improve or eliminate.
Focusing on the negative is one of the behaviors that all of us engage in more than we would
like to. What helped me become aware of this pattern in myself was actually the behavior of
another person. I was thanking someone for a favor that they did for me and although I was very
sincere in my gratitude, the person chose to take away a negative message from the conversation.
I took the time to explain that I was thankful because I do not often ask for favors and when
someone does a favor for me, it means a lot. Instead, this person got offended because she
thought that I was suggesting that she is too focused on herself to realize when someone may
need her help. She went so far to say that I was insinuating that she was selfish and ungrateful. I
walked away from that conversation feeling confused and started analyzing my own behavior in
order to understand why she felt the way that she did. People give more weight to negative

information than to positive information (Beebe p.77). Sometimes the negative information is not
directly presented but our mind makes the connection anyway. It is important to seek
clarification and understand that we may misunderstand the message because of things like
external and internal distractions, language and cultural differences and our own expectations
and experiences.
Linking details with the big picture is a really good way to overcome a communication barrier.
Skilled perceivers keep the big picture in mind as they look for clues about the person (Beebe
p.80). I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that when we see a homeless person on the
street, we assume certain things based on how they are dressed and their general behavior. We do
not usually take the time to have a conversation with a homeless man or woman to find out how
they ended up where they are. We probably just assume that poor life choices are the cause of
their misfortune. People are more likely to believe that others are to blame when things go wrong
than to believe that the problem was beyond their control (Beebe p.78). One day I caught myself
making a judgment about a seemingly homeless woman outside of a fast food restaurant. Instead
of believing that my judgment was correct, I bought an extra meal for the woman and sat outside
and had a conversation with her. I found out that she lost her job and because she was older, it
was hard to get a new one; when she lost her job, she was not able to pay rent and got evicted;
and now she was struggling to afford the basic necessities. Any of us can lose our jobs at any
time and end up in the exact same position as the homeless person you pass on the street. The
fundamental attribution error occurs when we think that a person's behavior is influenced by
his or her actions and choices rather than by external causes. Being aware of our tendency to
accuse others of purposeful misbehavior, rather than acknowledge the possibility of some outside
cause can help you avoid this tendency (Beebe p.78).
The pattern of making quick judgments without having enough information or clarification is
generally ineffective because more often than not we end up with an inaccurate opinion about
someone who can possibly have a positive impact on our lives.
Strategies and Implementation
The very first thing I had to do was to become aware of my personal perception barriers
(Beebe p.80). I do not think we take enough time to analyze our own negative behavior and the
impact it has on our perceptions. Before you can minimize perception barriers, you need to be
aware of which ones are the most likely to affect you (Beebe p.80). Our text suggested that once
you identify the barrier or barriers that you most often experience, it could be helpful to think of
specific situations in which you perceived someone else inaccurately (Beebe p.80). The Journal
for Personal Change project was designed to help the students do exactly that. It made us think
about what we could have done differently to gain additional information before forming an
inaccurate conclusion (Beebe p.80). The core of this project was to make us implement this
strategy in the real world. Reflecting on our own behavior patterns is something all of us should
engage in more often than we do,.
One of the most important things is to be mindful of the behaviors that create meaning for
you. To be mindful is to be conscious of what you are doing, thinking, and sensing at any given

moment. We are sometimes unconsciously incompetent - we may not even realize when we are
making a perceptual error (Beebe p.80). Our actions, thoughts and feelings can be automatic and
are often defined by cultural and relational expectations, personal experiences and society
norms. In order to be mindful and other-oriented, we need to take the time to actively analyze
why we do what we do, think what we think and feel what we feel. To illustrate, I want to
describe how I deal with depression. In my life I experience periods of depression but instead of
seeking therapy or medication, I try to pinpoint and eliminate the causes of my depression. If I
look deep within myself, I can recognize a conflict I have with someone, an action or inaction of
someone close to me or my own shortcomings as the root cause of my negative feelings. Once I
pinpoint the cause, I can work on taking certain actions to eliminate the cause such as resolving
the conflict, doing something that I should have done long ago or stop the destructive behavior.
Once I take these steps, the depression dissipates. I applied this skill to becoming more mindful
of other people. If I make a quick judgment, I take the time to figure out what caused me to make
the judgment and take steps to gain more information and, possibly, reverse my negative
judgment to a more positive one.
Linking details with the big picture is another strategy that requires taking the time to examine
the information that you have gathered. Any skilled detective knows how to use a small piece of
information or evidence to reach a broader conclusion (Beebe p.80). It is very easy to make a
judgment based on surface information such as how the person dresses, how they present
themselves on social media and in person and how their behavior differs from our own. In order
to form an accurate perception about someone, basic surface information is not enough. It is
important to look and listen for other cues that can help develop a more accurate understanding
of who your new acquaintance is (Beebe p.80). I implemented this strategy successfully in my
interaction with the woman outside of the fast food restaurant that I already described.
Becoming aware of other's perception of you is also very important. The strongest
relationships are those in which the partners are willing both to share their perceptions and to be
receptive to the perceptions of the other (Beebe p.81). My interaction with the friend that did a
favor for me left me wondering what it was in my own communication that made her make an
erroneous judgment of my intentions. I did not immediately confront her to gain more
information but I ended up talking to my husband who was present during the conversation. He
suggested that in this case the communication barrier was cultural and language differences.
Sometimes I have a hard time expressing exactly what I mean because English is my second
language. Seeking as much feedback as you can about what you are doing right and wrong can
be extremely beneficial. Instead of getting offended, you can use that information to improve the
way you communicate with others.
Checking your perceptions is something that we should do all the time. No one is going to
become a mind reader but what seems to work is to check your perceptions of others (Beebe
p.81). You can check the accuracy of your perceptions and attributions in two ways: direct
perception checking and indirect perception checking. Direct perception checking involves
asking straight out whether your interpretation of what you perceive is correct. Indirect
perception checking involves seeking additional information through passive perception, either
to confirm and refute your interpretation. (Beebe p.81). I found that direct perception checking
works best for me because it is the most direct method. I do not like uncertainty in my

relationships and it is easy for me to just ask direct questions to eliminate uncertainty. This
strategy can seem too straight forward an awkward to some people so it may be a good idea to
implement the direct method with people that you know fairly well. If you are trying to get to
know someone knew, indirect perception checking may be more effective. If you suspect
someone is angry but not admitting it, for example, you could look for more cues in his or her
tone of voice, eye contact, and body movement to confirm your suspicion (Beebe p.81). Just like
the strategies I already mentioned, this one provides further tools to eliminate uncertainty.
Constraints (obstacles)
The two major obstacles that I came across was physically taking the time to gather information
and examining what I thought I knew about communication and adjusting my views based on
what I learned in this class. I am always running around doing errands, working, doing
homework or anything else that comes up during the course of any given day. It is hard for me to
find any free time so it was a challenge to make sure I take the sufficient time to check my
perceptions. The way I will make it easier on myself is prioritizing my daily tasks and giving
my full attention to the person I am communicating with. Noise, whether external or internal,
interferes with communication. We cannot give our full attention to someone when we are
thinking about a number of different things. Making more time for people close to me is
something that I will continue to work on.
The next obstacle was adjusting my views based on new information that I learned while
completing assignments for this course. In the beginning I thought that I knew all that there was
to know about communication. I thought that effective communication was all about logical
reasoning. I did not know that there is research and articles written about every single aspect of
communication. In order to succeed in this class, I had to set aside what I knew and take in the
information with a fresh mind. A lot of us are very set in our beliefs and it is hard for us to accept
that what we know may not be completely accurate. I believe that in order for me to evolve into a
better person, I have to be open to new ideas and suggestions for improvement.
Results and Recommendations
Implementing all of these suggestions in my every day life helped me to become more otheroriented. Effective interpersonal perception depends on the ability to understand where others
are coming from, to get inside their heads, to see things from their perspective. Becoming otheroriented involves a two step process: social decentering (consciously thinking about another's
thoughts and feelings) and emphasizing (responding emotionally to another's feelings) (Beebe
p.81). Using the above methods in your every day interactions will improve your ability to
socially decenter and emphasize. The two goals everyone should set for themselves are: 1)
gather as much information as possible about the circumstances that are affecting the other
person; and 2) gather as much information as possible about the other person (Beebe p.81).
Throughout this semester I realized how important it is to gather information to make an
informed judgment. The biggest positive consequence from various exercises is that I am
experiencing less negative feelings and make less erroneous assumptions about people. I did not
experience any negative consequences. I will continue implementing all of the suggested
strategies in my every day life. I believe that everyone we meet has a potential to enrich our lives

if only we take the time to look beneath the surface. I will continue taking my time gathering
information and getting to know new people and even people that I already know. It is hard to
predict what other strategies I may use because I cannot predict what communication situations I
will be faced with. I now know that there is a lot of authoritative sources out there that have
researched any situation that I can think of, so all I have to do is take the time to find the research
and study it.
REFERENCES
1.

Beebe, Steven A., Beebe, Susan J., and Redmond, Mark V. Interpersonal
Communication: Relating to Others. 7th ed. N.p.: Pearson Education, 2014. Print.