The author of this essay is _____Samantha Edmonds ______________________.

Online Peer Review of Essay #1

Directions: First, read the paper silently to yourself once. Then, answer the questions below.
When answering the following questions, be thoughtful, clear, and helpful. Use complete sentences and
specific examples. On the writers document, turn on the Track Changes feature (ReviewTrack
Changes): In this way, the author can see what changes you think should be made. Feel free to make
comments directly on the writers draft (New CommentClickType your constructive feedback).

Organization and Introduction

1.

Organization
a. Is this draft organized in a standard pattern: an introduction, a body with supporting points
presented in a logical order, and a concluding section that summarizes and analyzes the
overall significance of the topic? Note on the paper where the organization seems to be
ineffective. Yes I felt Samantha organized here thoughts well.

2.

Introduction: The first paragraph(s) should prepare the reader for the topic presented in the paper.
a. Does the introduction begin broadly and narrow to the main idea of the essay? Yes
b. Look specifically at the authors Thesis Statement:
1. Is the thesis towards the end of the introduction? Yes her thesis is the last sentences of
the paragraph.
2. Is the thesis narrow and well-defined? Yes, she talks about weasel words and tricks
used by companies and expands on that in the essay.
3. Is the thesis explicit or implicit? If its explicit, is the thesis too direct? Explicit, but not
overly direct.
c. At any point in the essay, do you feel lost or confused? Yes I noted where.

d. After reading the whole paper, explain whether you think the introduction effectively prepares
the reader for the discussion or not. Yes, I felt like I was prepared for what the thesis
explained.

e. Body Paragraphs
2.

1. Do the body paragraphs support the thesis? Yes they answer the thesis questions brought up.
Is there information that does not seem relevant to the stated thesis/purpose? No

3.

Does one point/section logically lead to the next point? Are transitions used effectively? I feel
transitions could use a little work. I noted where on the essay it really needed work.

4.

Are there any paragraphs that should be either deleted or moved to another section of the paper? No,
they are all relevant.

Conclusion
1.
2.

Does the concluding section sum upwithout being repetitivethe major points/conclusions of the
paper? Yes the conclusion was well written.
After reading the entire essay, are the following required elements included?

X Clear thesis
X Engaging Introduction
X Does the conclusion refer to the introduction?

Use of Vivid Details and a Significant Point

1.

Are there any unnecessary explanations that would be better told through showing rather
than telling? No

2. What does the theme, lesson, or insight seem to be? She is explaining what the ads being
analyzed are telling buyers in her opinion.
3. Does the insight seem too obvious or too general? No I felt her opinions were valid and
seemed legit.

Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines

1.

Are there any words that are clich, used too often, or meaningless? No she did a great job with her
wording in this essay. It kept me as a reader interested.

2.

Does the writer use the second person pronoun you? If so, circle it. Yes quite often.

3.

Does the author use phrases such as I think and/or I believe? If so, draw a line through the phrase
to determine if it is necessary. Yes, but it is relevant to this essay.

4.

MLA Guidelines
Heading
1 margins

Double-spaced throughout
Page numbers in upper righthand corner

5. How near to completion is this draft? This essay is pretty much done. Its almost at the correct
word count and only needs a few minor changes.