Memorandum

To:
From:
Date:
Subject:

Kelly Roberts
Eric Gallegos
September 13, 2015
Technical Prose Style

This memo analyzes the prose style I have used in a previously drafted research
document. In this document I found cases of both effective technical prose, and
cases where applying technical prose techniques would improve the clarity of the
writing. The prose styles that applied to my research paper the most include being
concise, using active voice, proper use of jargon, and being emphatic.

Being Concise
This concept focuses on removing unnecessary information from a document. Being
concise includes removing redundancies, unnecessary descriptions, and filler words.
While removing these unnecessary parts of the document improves clarity, it is also
important to ensure relevant details are not removed in the process. Here is an
example of 2 sentences from a research paper that could be made for more concise.
This leads to a chemical reaction that causes the pH level of the sea water
to decrease meaning a more acidic ocean. A more acidic ocean would have
the most resounding effects in the marine ecosystems of the affected areas.
By removing the information that is irrelevant to the audience these two sentences
can be combined into one concise sentence.
This leads to a chemical reaction causing a more acidic ocean that affects
the marine ecosystems of the affected areas.
This new sentence contains all the information that is relevant to the audience in
half of the words. Not only is it shorter but also easier to follow. Being concise does
not always mean significant revisions to sentences or paragraphs but could simply
be the removal of single words. Another sentence from the same research paper
would be more concise from a much more subtle change.
The gulf coast is particularly sensitive to sea level change and has already
been affected by the 7 inch sea level rise seen in the 20 th century.
By removing the two highlighted words, the reader can pick out the important
details from the sentence more easily.

Active vs. Passive Voice

Writing in active voice ensures that the subject of a sentence is the object
performing the action. When a sentence is in passive voice, the subject has no
control over the action being performed. Writing in active voice over passive voice

leads to clearer sentences. Active voice also causes sentences to be more direct
and makes the purpose of the sentence clearer to the reader. Here is an example
from my research paper where writing in active voice would make the sentence
more direct.
The increase in CO2 in the atmosphere has an impact on the oceans when
the water absorbs carbon dioxide.
The highlighted phrase causes this sentence to be in passive voice. A simple
revision could turn this sentence into active voice without changing any other parts
of the sentence.
The increase in CO2 in the atmosphere impacts oceans when the water
absorbs carbon dioxide.
By allowing the subject to perform the action instead of be acted upon, the goal of
the sentence becomes more clear and the reader can follow my ideas more
naturally.

Jargon
Jargon is vocabulary that specializes in a specific field of knowledge, or applies to a
specific group of people. It is any word that applies to specific communities, and
may have a different meaning or no meaning at all to people outside of those
communities. While using this specialized vocabulary is useful in many situations, it
is possible that someone outside of that discourse community would not understand
or completely misinterpret the writing. This makes it important to ensure any use of
jargon in writing will be understood by the target audience of the paper. An example
of jargon from my research paper uses scientific terms to describe a situation.
Higher sea levels also change the salinity of many fresh water sources
making some water undrinkable without desalination.
If this paper were written for people with a background in ocean studies, the use of
the highlighted words would be acceptable, even useful. If, however, the paper was
targeted for fellow students attempting to learn about the oceans, these words
would hold little meaning to at least a portion of them. It is these cases where the
author must consider who their audience is and how to best convey ideas to that
audience effectively.

Being Emphatic
Correctly emphasizing key parts of a sentence can dramatically affect the way the
reader takes information from the sentence. Readers tend to give the greatest
amount of attention to the end of the sentence. As a result, writers should make
sure that new and important details appear at the end of a sentence so that the
right details are emphasized. There are multiple ways to revise a sentence to make
important details appear in the end. For example, by removing the last two words of

this sentence from my research document, the purpose of my sentence is

emphasized.
Higher sea levels also change the salinity of many fresh water sources
making some water undrinkable without desalination.
The words without desalination are only serving to take away from the meaning of
the sentence and do not contribute any real meaning to the paper. As a result,
simply trimming the end of the sentence is an effective way to place emphasis on
the details that are important. Sometimes a sentence may need to be rearranged in
order to give proper emphasis.
The gulf coast is particularly sensitive to sea level change and has already
been affected by the 7 inch sea level rise seen in the 20th century.
This sentence places stress on the fact that this change happened in the 20 th
century, when in fact I want the emphasis to be placed on the sea level change
itself.
The gulf coast is particularly sensitive to sea level change and had a sea
level rise during the 20th century of 7 inches.
This slight revision moved the details I found to be the most important to the
position of emphasis.

Conclusion
These technical prose styles are all tools that do not impact the ideas of the writing
itself. Instead they focus on delivering those ideas in the most effective manner
possible. With a sentence structured in concise active voice that emphasizes the
correct information, the reader is more likely to follow along and learn the most
from the writing. Also making sure my word choice applies to the audience will
ensure they do not need to look up any words just to follow along. Overall these
tools will be useful in shaping future documents to be as clear as possible.