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Alice Tafuna
Jacquelyn Mantyla
English 1010
August 04, 2015
Child Abuse: Our Fight for the Better
In an unfortunate event, we try and look at the brighter side of things. As they say, When
life hands you lemons: make lemonade! But they never talk about the energy and willingness it
takes to make this so-called lemonade. I could be given a couple of lemons and set them aside to
rot on the table or I can take the lemons and make lemon tarts as Id seen on the food channel
last week. All in all, just like the topic of child abuse it leaves that sour taste in your mouth and
an uncomfortable sense of fear and/or hatred. We all know that child abuse has been proven to
cause negative effects on the lives of children and adults across the world. But we tend to pay
little mind to those whove overcome and conquered a dark world they once knew. Yes. People. I
am talking about the positive that we can create from child abuse and what we can gain from it.
This topic alone is going to require much energy and willingnessso, keep an open mind, grab a
cup of water, kick your feet up, and enjoy the many enlightening views I am about to share.
One of the few factors that led me to believe that good can come from something so
negative is victims who had the courage to overcome their fears and cope with life in a healthy
manner. I say that with ease, but just like every bad habit it takes time and practice to ultimately
dissolve those habits. The second factor to this topic is educating parents, kids, and teens. Maybe
we, as people, should push for required classes or programs [quarterly] to educate every future
and present parent of how to handle their frustrated emotions, communicating effectively, or
ways to discipline their children. It has been proven that these types of methods will contribute to

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lowering the rate of child abuse. Another incite we can utilize in society is being aware and
willing to help those who suffer or seek help to overcome this plague. Our society has a high
concern for this ongoing issue [child abuse], but the real question is what are we doing to help
prevent it? Following, my final and beneficial factor: programs, such as foster care. It [foster
care] has helped so many children that have come from a rough background. For children to
finally experience a home and family is a phenomenal event for that child; which may lead any
child or young adult to a turning point in their life. I hope that this paper may broaden your view
and helps motivate you to take a stand, make a difference in this world, and pushes you to help
everyoneincluding the struggling.
As we already know, child abuse has so many negative side effects to life. Many find it
very hard to be normal in todays society. There are people out there that have been able to
strengthen themselves to cope with their situations in a healthy manner. Some of those victims
focus on bettering their health, running businesses, completing school, raising a family, or have
written books to express their ways. Author, Janice M. Weinheimer whom wrote a book
concerning her actual events of sexual abuse as child, shares:
In it there is much of hurt, pain, sorrow, struggles, loneliness, grieving, sadness, and
turmoil. It tells of learning to forgive, to live, to love, and to trust all over again. A
heart cannot be filled with love and filled simultaneously with negative emotions. Life
must be lived in the present. The past is gone, and we cannot change it, but we can learn
and grow from it. (Weinheimer Preface, Preface xii).
Like my parents, Ive been raised to know my manners, excel in school, and pay attention in
church. If ever, I lacked in one of those areas or fell out of line I knew to expect a tai when I get
home. In my culture we recognize this as discipline. Now that we live in America its considered

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child abuse, because America has alternative methods to coping and dealing with parentchild
interactions. It is also shown to instill negative reactions within that childs lifetime. Growing up,
Ive struggled with anxiety amongst many other issues; I wont allow child abuse to be an excuse
or a reason for me not to accomplish any of my wants or goals. If anything, its made a stronger
person and inspires me to work harder and to fill my life with all the joys in this world.
Judgments, perspectives, and choices are all made or seen differently to all walks of life. I cant
validate that every victim will share the same insight or how they were able to move forward in
life. For example, Marcus Lemonis dealt with child molestation. He finds that particular
experience in his life a negative one and wouldnt allow that weak moment to reap the talents he
shares with the world. Lemonis is an entrepreneur, investor, advisor, and a TV star on the show
The Profit. He continues to enjoy his business ventures and doesnt allow anyone or anything
stand in his way. As he was sharing the details of his life a quote he shared that stood out to me
was, What your mother thinks of you matters. But what you think of you has to matter the
most. (Blakely, 13). In other words, your mothers thoughts and concerns about you are
important. But you have to put yourself first and do whats best for you.
We tend to feel like asking for help might be dumb or weak. But in actuality its the
smarter decision that takes a lot for one to swallow their pride, gain the strength, and humble
them-selves to allow someone outside to analyze their situation and assist. When abuse is
experienced most children reaching their adulthood will experience PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder). Susan Babbel, a psychologist that specializes in trauma and depression expresses,
Symptoms of PTSD can become more subtle as he or she learns how to cope with this in dayto-day life I encourage you to make a therapy appointment with someone who specializes in
trauma and who can put you on a path of healing. (Babbel, 15). The question rises, if we were

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to be educated about being better parents or finding positive methods of discipline, would it
make any difference? According, to an article written in the New York Times Titled Benefits of
Positive Parenting written by David Bornstein had confirmed that parenting messages and
programs that were being tested in South Carolina did have a positive impact on the participating
counties. 35% reduction in hospitalizations and emergency room visits for child injuries, a 44%
reduction in out-of-home placements, and 28% reduction in substantiated cases of abuse.
(Bornstein, 6). That experiment alone made such a great difference that the Triple P Program
was continuously used and has only evolved for better. Just like children in school, what we learn
will be witnessed or practiced outside of school. I feel that the same concept applies to all
parents. Christopher Wildeman, an associate professor of sociology at Yale, agrees, Having
little kids is incredibly overwhelming. He continues, These sorts of programs that could try to
alleviate some of that tension folks are facing could be helpful. (Bidwell, 14). Wildeman also
shares a point-of-view that I personally think could help in so many different ways. Programs
that have nurses visit newborns and their parents over a period of timenot to exert social
control, but to give practical advice to parentscould help ease some of the stress of parenting.
(Bidwell, 13). We all cope with abuse in our own ways some negative some positive. My
siblings and I were raised with abuse; weve all vowed that we didnt want that life for our future
families. My sister, Sia, is married and has five kids. In the beginning stages of her marriage she
couldnt communicate effectively or practice discipline in a healthy manner when she had her
two oldest. When my family and I visited her, she had a complete break-down about her ways
and how she needed our help. Over time, shes been visiting with a therapist, and continues to
practice alternative ways of communicating with her kids. She definitely is not perfect, but it is
work in progress every day.

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As I shared the story about my sister, Sia, Ive come to realize all she needed was some
guidance to move towards the right direction. Which brings me to my final (not the least) reason,
how we can help those who suffer or have suffered from child abuse. To participate in programs
such as foster care, the big brother & sister programs, volunteer work at the homeless/abused
womens center, or reporting suspicious or foreseen incidents to officials could save a life. John
DeGarmo, leading expert in parenting and Foster Care Field, exerts, As a foster parent, you
have the opportunity to help these children in need. When you foster a child, not only do you
invest in the future and well-being of a child, you are also changing the life of that child.
(DeGarmo, Foster Parenting: Why We Care for Kids in Need). Sasha Dykes-Wilson, a victim
whom suffered from neglect and abandonment as a child, was put into a Youth Opportunity
Center at age fifteen. Over time, Dykes-Wilson attended and graduated from college. She admits:
"Because of the YOC and foster care, my life is dedicated to the youth you're running
these stories about. To help them get out of their situations and give them a voice. That's
my life mission, and believe it wholeheartedly." (Roysdon, 5).
People may doubt the foster care and youth centers programs and say it isnt reliable. DykesWilson, one of many, is living proof of an individual who was helped to gain a better life. She is
happy to attest how these programs have helped her and how she will continue to keep these
programs running. Famous or not famous, you have the capability to help. I want to share an
inspiring story of a man, by the name of Tyler Perry, whom I enjoy his plays, movies, and shows.
Perry is a well-known actor, one of Americas greatest screen writers, a Director, Producer,
amongst many other positive titles. As I was writing my paper, I had discovered that Perry too,
had been a victim of child abuse (physically, emotionally, and sexually). As I had read and
watched his interview with Oprah, not only can I see the hurt in his face, but it made me feel sad

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to know that this abuse is capable of happening to any child out there. Perry was physically
abused, by his father; sexually abused, by a church member, neighbor, and his friends mother;
and emotionally abused by his grandmother. As we all express and cope with overcoming trials
in our own ways, Perry felt it was necessary for him to share his stories in order to forgive and
move forward. Perry has contributed much by donating to many foundation: Keep A Child Alive,
MaleSurvivor, Global Medical Relief Funds, Youth Shelters, and many more. Whether we are
able to donate our time, energy, or money every bit of it counts for ones brighter future in life.
In conclusion, child abuse is on the rise. We could never fully understand the struggles
that each victim faces, but we can make a difference by helping those affected by it, educating
parents, and sharing success stories. I want to commend those who are overcoming or seeking
help to better themselves from continuing the abuse. We can learn so much from these people
and their strengths. The last story Id like to briefly share is the story of Dave Pelzer. His mother
struggled as an alcoholic and was mentally unstable. She had abused Pelzer, severely, in his
younger years. Until, his teacher from school stepped in and helped by reporting the events that
were consistently reoccurring. Pelzer was then sent to foster care, relieved, but struggled as he
was transitioning into his adulthood. Pelzers story not only inspires but it gives readers and
victims hope. Hope that there are ways of changing, hope that you can be saved, hope that there
are good people still out there. He also shares his strengths throughout each and every one of his
books he has written. Pelzer is now one of New Yorks best-selling authors. He also visits with
different juvenile detentions sharing speeches to many young adults in hopes to enlighten and
educate their minds of brighter futures. Ultimately, I make the decision to continue this pattern of
abuse, I decide to seek help, I will help those in need. If I make the initiative to make the change,
maybe I can encourage others so we can work together. We would then become unstoppable,

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united, and solid. Im not saying that every victim will result with a similar success story like
Weinheimer, Lemonis, Dykes-Wilson, Perry, or Pelzer. I wanted to share their stories, because
theyve practiced courage, to overcome their fears; spent their energy, to move forward; and have
the willingness in their heart to continue helping the unfortunate. Theyve shared their stories,
given speeches, and continue to let the world know that abuse is a troubling obstacle that can be
conquered. An inspiring quote (also a raw truth) that Pelzer emphasizes, "Your experiencesthe
good, the bad, and the uglyare what make you YOU. No person is without conflictbut it is
how you deal with those conflicts that determines who you are." (Pelzer, Dave Pelzer The
Official Website).

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Work Cited
Babbel, Susanne. "The Lingering Trauma of Child Abuse." Sussex Publishers, 23 Apr. 2011.
Web. 20 July 2015. <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/somatic-psychology/201104/thelingering-trauma-child-abuse>.
Bidwell, Allie. "1 in 8 Children Will Be Maltreated, Study Says." U.S. News & World Report, 2
June 2014. Web. 16 July 2015. <http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2014/06/02/study-1-in-8american-children-will-experience-maltreatment-by-age-18>.
Blakely, Lindsay. "This Is Not the Marcus Lemonis You've Seen on 'The Profit'" Features Editor
Inc, 26 July 2015. Web. 27 July 2015. <http://www.inc.com/lindsay-blakely/profit-marcuslemonis-iconic.html>.
Bornstein, David. "The Benefits of Positive Parenting." The New York Times, 20 Feb. 2013.
Web. 20 July 2014. <http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/20/helping-the-parents-tospare-the-children/>.
DeGarmo, John. "Foster Parenting: Why We Care for Kids in Need." The Huffington Post, 17
July 2015. Web. 20 July 2015. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-john-degarmo/fosterparenting-why-we-c_b_7812240.html>.
McMahon, Thomas J. "Child Maltreatment and Emerging Adulthood: Past, Present, and Future."
Sage, 30 Oct. 2014. Web. 16 July 2015. <http://cmx.sagepub.com/content/19/3-4/135.full.pdf
html>.
Pelzer, Dave. Dave Pelzer The Official Website. Wannab Web. Web. 20 July 2015.
<http://www.davepelzer.com/about.html>.
Roysdon, Keith, and Douglas Walker. "Overcoming Abuse: One Woman's Success Story."
TheStarPress.com, 6 July 2011. Web. 16 July 2015.
<http://archive.thestarpress.com/article/20110424/ABUSE/104240339/Overcoming-abuse-Onewoman-s-success-story>.
"Tyler Perry Donates Money to save Struggling Youth Shelter." WSB-TV 2 Atlanta, 9 Sept.
2014. Web. 28 July 2015.
Weinheimer, Janice M. "Preface." The Illness That Healed Me. New York: Vantage, 2010. 500.
Print.
Winfrey, Oprah. "Tyler Perry Speaks Out About Being Molested and The Aftermath." The Oprah
Winfrey Show, 20 Oct. 2010. Web. 28 July 2015. <http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/TylerPerry-Speaks-Out-About-Being-Molested-and-the-Aftermath>.