Reviewer(s):

Writer:
Writing to Investigate a Cause Peer Review
Directions: Answer the following questions in as much detail as possible, quoting or referencing the text
specifically to support your feedback. Focus on striking a balance of supportive and critical feedback.
Authors: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like to discuss with
your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to respond to writers questions here)

Could games still influence a killer mindset if they werent so realistic?

Clarity
1. Point out any confusing sentences or passages and note them here. Were you able to follow the
general direction of the essay easily? Explain how the essay was organized and why it was
effective (or not). They say its a outlet for aggression meaning their not the primary cause for
violence I believe.
Topic
2. Does the essay clearly describe an effect or phenomenon and its various possible causes?
Yes she addresses the issue from both views positive and negative.
Evidence
3. Does the writer utilize sufficient and appropriately scholarly evidence to support his or her
claims? Explain.
There is enough information provided such as statistics, history behind game violence, and
improvements being made to further educate.
4. Does the essay give equal attention to at least two perspectives?
Yes I was filled in from each perspective equally.
5.

Are there quotations from proponents of different causes? In other words, are the different
communities representing themselves in this essay? Every side is properly represented in their
separate groups.

Structure
6. Are there sentences or paragraphs that veer off-topic? Explain.
Never got off topic and drifted her focus on this essay.
7.

Are the various sources clearly connected? Do the ideas fit together logically and are the
transitions between ideas smooth? Explain.
This essay had a great flow and well put together.

Strength of Introduction and Conclusion

8. Does the hook create genuine interest? How? And does the introduction provide sufficient context
on the phenomenon? Explain.
The interesting fact kind of made me want to read further because it peaked my interest to where
she was going with the essay.
9. Does the conclusion describe the implications of the debate? How?

Yes refers back to what weve been discussing through the whole essay and a prediction for games
in the future.
Style
10. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem choppy or pretentious
(long and wordy). Controversy erupted because the gremilins resembled stick figure humans,
and it was reported that the working title of the game was Pedestrian.
11. Characterize the style: enthusiastic, ponderous, critical, or something totally different. Does it fit
the writers message? Explain. The style of this paper was very informing because shes
addressing issues with violent video games.
Evidence
12. Does the essay cite three appropriately scholarly sources? Does it have in-text citations and a
Works Cited page?
There is no work cited page.
Editing
13. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in usage and
mechanics. Summarize the patterns of grammatical error here (ie run-on sentences, spelling, etc.)
There is a run on sentence on page three when mentioning a report from the American Psychological
Association.
Other
14. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is important: since every
paper is unique, they will each have their own successes and concerns that may not be addressed
above.
Great essay and you taught me something new from your paper.