It's Always Been You

by White Firebird
Oh-kay. Another one shot here. Pretty sure you all know what this is based
off of. Can't wait for April 9th. It's gonna be sweeeeeeet.
I don't own iCarly.
It's always been him.
I can't help how I feel about him. For the longest time now, I've tried so,
so hard to surpress these unknown emotions and feelings for him, but none
of it ever works. I don't know what the hell it is with that boy always
invading my thoughts. I'll be thinking about the fried chicken leg in front
of me and then BAM, him and his stupid pretty eyes are swimming through
my mind. God, he sucks. He has NO idea what he does to me...nobody does.
Yeah, I'm surprised I haven't told Carly either. But she can't know about
it. Neither can he...I want him so, so bad...but I can never have him. He
deserves someone better than me...someone who'll treat him the way he's
supposed to be treated. Not like dirt...
"Sam? You ok?"
I'm snapped from my thoughts by the sound of Carly's voice. Where are we
again? Oh. Right. This stupid lock-in at school. Ughhhh. Why did I let her
con me into coming here?
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm good, Carls. Just thinking about fried chicken."
My best friend nods her head and then continues with whatever she's
doing. I look around at all the posters on the wall and at the lights on the
ceiling. He's not here right now. Good. If he were, I'd probably either run
away in fear or jump his bones and probably strip his clothes off...
What? I'm a teenage girl. I think about stuff like that. He's hot. It
happens.
"Sam, are you sure you're ok? You seem more distracted than usual."
"Yeah Carly, I'm alright. Just wish I wasn't here at this stupid lock-in.

There's so many other things I'd rather be doing on a Saturday night..."

"I was not letting you throw Fat Cakes at joggers and eat all the ice cream
in my freezer! And besides, you'd of had nothing to do at my place anyways,
Spencer's got a date and he didn't want anyone over there."
"Another one? Sheesh, he goes through more dates than I do smoothies!
The man's a-"
"Alright, that's enough talk about Spence and his...Casanova ways!"
I laugh while Carly shudders and shakes out the images of her older
brother that I've no doubt planted in her head. But all good times
evaporate when Brad walks into the room. Great. In five, four, three, two...
"Hiiii Brad! What took you so long! Sam's been waiting for you!"
Shit. Shit shit shit. She doesn't know that me and Brad did nothing when
she locked us in the cafeteria earlier. All I did was ask him for his slammin'
fudge recipe, which he gave to me...aaaand then all we did was talk about
how, despite her coming off as a crazed teenage match maker (she's been
doing that a lot lately, and it's scaring me), Carly really did mean well. But
we decided that it'd probably be best if we just remained friends. He even
told me he had eyes for another girl! Go figure. So with that, I left to go
find Carly and he went to some AV gathering with...
"Where's Freddie?", Brad asked, camera in hand.
Him. Yep. I'm pretty sure I just felt my heart flutter and do a zillion
somersaults. Fucking dork and his...dorkiness.
"I thought he was with you?", Carly asks. She then shakes her head, the
frown that was there for but a second disappearing. "Nevermind Freddie!
How is everything?", she asks, wiggling her eyebrows, that cheesy love-sick
looking smile on her lips. If she wasn't my bestest friend in the whole
world, I'd smack the crap outta her for that look alone, nevermind
everything else she's tried 'helping' me with the past few days.
"Uhh...good, I guess? Yeah...I should be going", he replies, shooting me a
look that basically says 'Your best friend is a loon.' All I can do is hide my
smirk and shrug my shoulders, giving him a slight wave goodbye as he

scurries out of the room, leaving Carly to turn around and give me a
confused look.
"What was that all ab-"
"Oh look, time to go raid the snack machine, I'llbebacksoonkaybye!", I say
rather quickly, practically running out of the room and into the empty hall,
closing the doors behind me as I begin my walk. Her words from earlier in
the night are ringing in my head as I stare at the tiled floor while I walk
where ever my feet take me.
"Don't you want a nice boyfriend? Go for it! Make a move!"
Pfffft. If only that girl KNEW. Her head would spin clean off and there'd
be blood everywhere...
What? I'm a teenage girl. I enjoy horror movies. Get over it.
Seriously though. How could she think I was in love with Brad? Like, don't
get me wrong, he's kinda cute but...not the cute I'm looking for. He makes
kick-ass fudge...that's about it. I could never see myself clicking with
someone like him...he seems too...I dunno...perfect? Yeah. Perfect. Carly
should go after him. They'd be a great match...all perfect and whatnot.
Yuck. So not my thing.
But Freddie? How could I fall in love him? How? I've been asking myself
that question now...for the past two and a half years. Sad, right? Yeah, I
know. I've been crushing on that fucking dork for that long, without anyone
knowing. You'd think I'd have told at least CARLY by now...but no. I can
trust her with the secret location of my Uncle Buzz, but I could never
trust her with my secret crush on Freddie. She'd flip a chiz and tell
everyone. I can't look...weak. Or powerless. There's a reason why I'm so
guarded and I've got so many walls built around me. I couldn't live if I let
Freddie know that I'm in love with him, to let him in, only for him to break
my heart...I've had that happen too many times before, and I'm not about
to let it happen again...even if my heart aches for Freddie every single day.
He can't have that power over me...ever...
I'm now outside in the courtyard, back by the cafeteria. It's nice out
tonight. All the more reason why I wish I wasn't here at school. I could be
out prowling the streets right now, looking for a good time, instead of

beating myself up mentally and emotionally over that god damn dork.
Arrghhh! I hate him so much! I just wish I could punch him in the gut like
old times and not feel a pang of guilt every time! Now I'm pretty sure I
just heard myself growl. Alright, I gotta stop before I start ripping my
hair out. After a few seconds of composing myself and deep breathing, I
feel that I'm finally starting to relax, putting Freddie out of my mind...
"Sam?"
"DAMN IT!"
I instantly cover my mouth, refusing to meet his eyes. God, that dork has
such GREAT timing. Right as I'm about to shove him outta my head, he just
pops right back in...I (hate) love him. Ughhh. I should hate him right
now...but I haven't legit hated him in like...three years.
What? I'm a teenage girl. I have conflicting emotions. And boys totally
suck.
"Are you alright?"
I almost don't answer him. I almost just want to run away. Again. It's kinda
my thing. Especially when it comes to the whole spilling of emotions...yeah,
that's kinda not my thing.
"As alright as I can possibly be at the moment. Why, what's it to you?"
"Carly said she couldn't find you, said you rushed outta the room fast. Did
something happen between you and Brad?"
My eyes immediately dart to the pavement. I can't be talking about this
with him here. He'd find out. He'd have power over me. And I cannot let
that happen. He says my name again but I don't respond. A second later, I
can see his shoes in my line of vision and I'm cursing not beating the living
crap out of him when I had the chance. I'd be halfway home by now...
"Sam? Can you please look at me? Listen...if you need advice...I can help a
little bit...if you're willing to hear me out. If not...then I'll just leave you be
and talk to you later."
I look up, ever so slightly, and see his chocolate orbs gazing into mine,

penetrating my soul. What I wouldn't do right now to just kiss him and
really tell him how I feel. I'd kill to do that right now...
"I'll take that as you wanting to listen..."
He takes a deep breath, and so do I. I'm ready for whatever he's gotta
say. Will I like it? Probably not. But I guess...I'll just deal. As long as he
doesn't find out the truth...
"I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there..."
NO SHIT, BENSON! Ohhhh, if he only knew. If he only KNEW it's always
been him...
"Cause you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back..."
I really, really hate all the irony in his words right now. It's ripping me
apart inside, and I'm pretty sure I feel a tear or two ready to fall from my
eyes. So not cool...
"But you never know what might happen."
I'm so close to my breaking point right now it's actually kinda ridiculous.
How could he be so fucking BLIND and OBLIVIOUS? You know what, that's
what he's doing right now. He's so messing around with my emotions and my
feelings right now as payback for everything I've ever done to him in the
past...
But then I replay his words in my head again and I notice the pure
sincerity. I see the concern in his eyes. Concern for me. Maybe he knows...?
No. He can't. Can he? Argh! I really don't want to do this...but at this rate,
I've really got no other options...so here I go...ready to take the plunge into
the deep end...
"F-Freddie?"
He turns back around and faces me. The concern is there. But there's also
something else in his eyes...care. And dare I say...love? He goes to put his
hand on my shoulder but stops himself short. Oh God, you fucking dork,
just touch me already! I'm yours! Can't you see that!

"Yeah, Sam?"
This is it...moment of truth here.
"I...I...need to..."
"Yeah?"
Grrrrr. Screw this...
"Oh, just kiss me already, you dork!"
I grab his shirt collar and crush my lips to his. I'm instantly in heaven. I've
waited two and a half years to do this again! His arms slowly work their way
around my waist as he deepens the kiss. At this risk of sounding cheesy and
cliche...this is magical. I wish this would never, ever end. Two and a half
years of keeping secrets, all out in one loving, awesome, totally bitchin'
kiss. Eventually, we both break apart, looking at each other in the eyes. He
goes to say something, but he stutters...and it's so damn CUTE! God, I'm in
love with a dork. MY dork. And it feels GREAT!
"S-Sam?"
I smile as a lone tear streaks down my cheek. I wrap my arms around him in
a huge hug, burying my head into his chest.
"It's always been me?"
I lean back and look up at him. I'm still smiling. He smiles back. I love him.
And he loves me back. He'd never hurt me...and I know this. So I nod my
head and place a kiss on his cheek. My next few words say everything to
him that I've been saying to myself for the past two and a half years.
"It's always been you."