Prompt #1: Take a moment to reflect on your scores on the Conflict Styles Inventory, and

respond to the following questions:

a) What was your highest score? Do you agree with the assessment? Name the style and
discuss your perceptions regarding this style with respect to your own thoughts
regarding how you approach conflict situations. Provide an example from your own life
of your experience with this style of conflict (either using the style yourself, or as
employed by someone else in a conflict situation). Be specific.
My highest score was in the Integrating conflict style in which I scored a 5.8. This style is
defined as a strong interest in pursuing ones own goals, and an equally strong interest
in supporting the relationship and/or the goals of the other person(Hamilton, page
326). I would say this very accurately describes my conflict resolution style as I definitely
want to achieve my own goals, but not at the cost of my relationships or goals of the
other people involved. An example of this in my life was in supporting my younger
brother in pursuit of his dreams to play professional baseball. I took a lot of time and
energy away from my own goals and relationships during this time in order to fully be
there for him when he needed me. I still pursued my goals but made sacrifices along the
way in order for us both to achieve our goals.

b) What was your second-highest score? Was it very close to your highest score, or
significantly lower? Do you agree with the assessment? Discuss your perceptions
regarding this style (and any interactions with your highest score) with respect to how
you approach conflict situations. Provide an example from your own life of your
experience with this style of conflict (either using the style yourself, or as employed by
someone else in a conflict situation). Be specific.
My second highest score was in the Compromising conflict style in which I scored a 5.
Hamilton describes this style as a moderate interest in both your own goals and those of
the other person (page 325). As much as this style seems to go hand in hand with the
integrating style, I do not particularly agree with this assessment. I really do not see
myself being moderate in the interest of either my goals or those of the other person. I
had a friend whom was always in need of help with something it seemed. At first I was
there to help them at the drop of a hat, but the more I realized this was not reciprocated
within the relationship my interest in pursuing the friendship and also helping them
pursue their goals became average at best.

c) Discuss one thing that works pretty well about your preferred conflict style; in other
words, what is one advantage for you about it?
One thing that works pretty well about the Integrating conflict style is that independent
of the outcome of the goals, my relationships with these individuals is strengthened
through the process of my interest in helping them achieve their goals. The same is true
for me when someone else show interest in my and stands beside me in pursuit of my
goals. A great example of this is with my wife and her support of me finishing school. We
have a very busy life in which we both work full time and care for our 9 month old son.
School definitely takes time away from them and in helping her with everyday tasks. She
still supports me 100% and for this I am so grateful.

d) Discuss one disadvantage youve found in using your preferred conflict style.
One disadvantage I have found in using the integrating conflict style is that I dont
always reach my goal or reach the goal to the level I want. There is give and take with this
style, but the tradeoff is definitely in the relationships that are forged.

e) Finally, what is one specific way you could improve your general approach to conflict?
(This answer might include incorporating more of one of your lower scores, etc.)
One specific way I could improve my general approach to conflict would be by
incorporating the accommodating conflict style a little more in the proper circumstances.
I have actually done this recently within my marriage and the results have been amazing.
Not only does it make my wife happy when I am more accommodating, in turn she has
been more accommodating to me. I have noticed this becomes a reciprocal response by
both of us and has made a huge difference in our marriage. But as I said it must be used
within the right circumstances.

Prompt #2: INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following five scenarios (a e), identify at
least one of Gibbs categories of defense-arousing communication. Then rewrite the original
statement in a way that replaces the defense-arousing statement with more supportive

language. Then add two of your own scenarios (f g) following a similar format, based on
experiences.
Following are Gibbs categories:
Evaluation vs. Description
Control vs. Problem Orientation
Strategy vs. Spontaneity
Neutrality vs. Empathy
Superiority vs. Equality
Certainty vs. Provisionalism
Example: Girl to her older brother: You dont have a life. All you do is play on the
computer!
Types of defense-arousing communication: evaluation, certainty
More supportive way of communicating: Ive noticed that youve been playing
on your computer several hours a day lately. Im concerned that you might be neglecting
the other aspects of your life. Can we talk about this?

a) Girl to her ex-boyfriend: Youre never going to graduate from high school, and youll just
end up in a blue-collar job for the rest of your life!
Types of defense-arousing communication: Certainty VS. Provisionalism
More supportive way of communicating: I really hope you find the value in a high school
education so that you may have a successful career in the future.
b) One person to coworker: You keep whining about missing your girlfriend, and were tired of
listening to you. Why dont you just move to Arizona so you can be with her?
Types of defense-arousing communication: Neutrality VS. Empathy
More supportive way of communicating: We feel so bad that you have to be so far away from
your girlfriend and know how hard that can be. Hopefully you will find a solution that would
enable the two of you to be closer together.
c) Girl to her brother: If I thought about business half as much as you do, Id be 10 times more
successful than you.
Types of defense-arousing communication: Superiority VS. Equality
More supportive way of communicating: You put a lot of thought and effort into your
business and someday it will all pay off for you. I have had some unsuccessful ventures in my
life as well, but I never went wrong by working hard.
d) One person to her brother: All you do is party. Youre wasting the money
Mom and Dad are spending to put you through school.
Types of defense-arousing communication: Evaluation VS. Description
More supportive way of communicating: I am worried that your school work may be
suffering from the amount of time you have spent partying. Mom and Dad are spending a lot
of money to invest in your future so please try to remember that.
e) A boss to an employee: Youre always taking time off work to take care of your baby. Im
going to have to let you go if this continues.
Types of defense-arousing communication: Strategy VS. Spontaneity
More supportive way of communicating: I understand that your baby needs your attention
and is rightfully your first priority. We really need your help around the office so if there is
anything we can do to help work around your schedule please let us know.

f) Your Example #1: Husband says to wife: Judy, I will take John to the park and you make
dinner.
Types of defense-arousing communication: Control VS. Problem Orientation.
More supportive way of communicating: Hey babe, I think one of us should take John to the
park for a while to get some of his energy out while dinner is being made. Would you prefer
that I take him or make dinner?
g) Your Example #2: Friend says: Ray, you are never going to be good at algebra, you might as
well stop trying.
Types of defense-arousing communication: Certainty Vs. Provisionalism
More supportive way of communicating: Ray, algebra can be very challenging. A tutor really
helped me when I was struggling and may be able to help you out as well.

Prompt #3: INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following five scenarios (a e), identify two
different ways you could respond non-defensively to the speaker then add two of your own
scenarios (f g) following a similar format, based on experiences.
In your responses, choose from the following non-defensive response styles:
Ask for specifics
Guess about specifics
Paraphrase speakers ideas
Ask what the critic wants
Ask about the consequences
Ask what else is wrong of your behavior
Agree with the critics perception
Agree with the truth
Example: A boss says to an employee: Dont ever treat a customer that way again!
One type of non-defensive response: Ask what the critic wants
How you could say it: What would you like me to do differently next time?
Second type of non-defensive response: agree with the truth
How you could say it: Youre right; I lost my temper. Im sorry.
a) A mom says to her daughter: If you move in with those other girls youll just end up
fighting with them because you have a hard personality to live with.
Non-defensive response type: Agree with the critics perception
How you could say it: I know I can be difficult at times, but I think it may be good for me
to experience living with someone else.
Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics

How you could say it: Mom, can you please let me know what I do that makes my
personality difficult?
b) A husband to his wife: Must be nice to have a day off to just do whatever you want.
Non-defensive response type: Agree with the truth
How you could say it: It is nice to have a day off to enjoy, I could really use some down
time.
Non-defensive response type: Ask what the critic wants
How you could say it: Would you like to take the day off as well so we could spend it
together?
c) A guy to his girlfriend: You spend way too much money on clothes.
Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics
How you could say it: I didnt realize that I was spending more than I should on clothes.
What do you think is a reasonable amount to spend?
Non-defensive response type: Ask what else is wrong with the behavior
How you could say it: I enjoy shopping and having nice clothes, can you tell me why this
bothers you?
d) One roommate to another: Youre neurotic!
Non-defensive response type: Ask for specifics
How you could say it: What is it that I am doing that makes you think I am neurotic?
Non-defensive response type: Agree with critics perception
How you could say it: I know I can get a little anxious sometimes, I am sorry if that
bothers you.
e) A girl to her boyfriend: Your life is out of controlyou have no direction!
Non-defensive response type: Guess about the specifics
How you could say it: Do you feel this way because I do not have a job currently?
Non-defensive response type: Paraphrase
How you could say it: I know that it may seem that I am not focused right now, but I am

working on a plan to get myself on track.

f) Your Example #1: Mom says to daughter: You are not contributing enough money to
your 401k and someday you will be sorry!
Non-defensive response type: Ask about the consequences
How you could say it: Mom, I am contributing a little each paycheck, why is this so
important?
Non-defensive response type: Agree with the truth.
How you could say it: I agree with you Mom, I am planning on contributing more come
the first of the year.
g) Your Example #2: Wife says to husband: You do not help me out at all with our child.
Non-defensive response type: Ask what the critic wants
How you could say it: I am sorry honey, what exactly would you like my help with.
Non-defensive response type: Guess about the specifics
How you could say it: Would you like me to give him a bath and put him to bed?

Hamilton, Vivian. (2007). Human Relations: The Art and Science of Building Effective
Relationships. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

CONFLICT STYLE INVENTORY (For Prompt #1)

PART 1
INSTRUCTIONS: For each of the following statements, choose a number between 1 and 7 that
represents the degree to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
(1= strongly disagree, 7=strongly agree)
6
1. I generally try to satisfy the needs of my peers.
6
2. I try to work out a compromise that gives both of us some of what we want.
5
3. I try to work with my peers to find solutions that satisfy our expectations.
2
4. I usually avoid open discussions of differences with my peers.
3
5. I exert pressure on my peers to make decisions in my favor.
5
6. I try to find a middle course or compromise to resolve an impasse.
3
7. I use my influence to get my ideas accepted.
2
8. I use my authority to get decisions made in my favor.
4
9. I usually accommodate the wishes of my peers.
3
10. I give in to the wishes of my peers.
4
11. I bargain with my peers so that a middle ground can be reached.
5
12. I exchange information with my peers to solve a problem together.
5
13. I sometimes bend over backwards to accommodate the desires of my peers.
4
14. I sometimes take a moderate position so that a compromise can be reached.
6
15. I usually propose a middle ground for breaking deadlocks.
5
16. I negotiate with my peers so that a compromise can be reached.
4
17. I try to stay away from disagreement with my peers.
4
18. I avoid conflict situations with my peers.
4
19. I use my expertise to make others decide in my favor.
3
20. I often go along with the suggestions of my peers.
5
21. I try to give and take so that a compromise can be made.
6
22. I try to bring all our concerns out in the open so that the issues can be resolved in the
best possible way.
6
23. I collaborate with my peers to come up with decisions acceptable to us.
5
24. I try to satisfy the expectations of my peers.
3
25. I sometimes use my power to win a competitive situation.
4
26. I try to keep my disagreement with my peers to myself in order to avoid hard
feelings.
5
27. I try to avoid unpleasant exchanges with my peers.
4
28. I keep disagreements with my peers to myself to prevent disrupting our relationship.
6
29. I try to work with my peers for a proper understanding of a problem.
Source: Deborah Cai and Edward L. Fink, Conflict Style Differences Between Individualists and
Collectivists Communication Monographs 69, pp. 6787. Copyright 2002. Reprinted by
permission of Taylor & Francis and the authors.

PART 2: SCORING
INSTRUCTIONS: Score your inventory by adding up sets of numbers as follows:
A. Add up your scores for 1, 9, 10, 13, 20, and 24; then divide the total by 6.
This is your Accommodating Score. 4.3
B. Add up your scores for 2, 6, 11, 14, 15, 16, and 21; then divide the total by 7.
This is your Compromising Score. 5
C. Add up your scores for 3, 12, 22, 23 and 29; then divide the total by 5.
This is your Integrating Score. 5.8
D. Add up your scores for 4, 17, 18, 26, 27, and 28; then divide the total by 6.
This is your Avoiding Score. 3.8
E. Add up your scores for 5, 7, 8, 19, and 25; then divide the total by 5.
This is your Dominating Score. 3