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Header: THREE LEARNINGS SUMMARY

Hayes

Three Learnings Summary Assignment

Molly P. Hayes
molly.hayes@uelth.ca
CAAP 6605 Foundational Counselling and Conflict Resolution Skills
For Professor Jennifer Thannhauser, M.Ed., Ph.D., R.Psych.
University of Lethbridge
Master of Counselling Program
August 6, 2013

THREE LEARNINGS SUMMARY

Hayes

Helper: Slowing down the process

My ability to slow down the process of a therapeutic conversation with a helpee has
changed drastically through the span of this course. Throughout the online portion of this
semester I engaged in self-reflection regarding my behaviours with others in helping settings. I
discovered that I am often quick to uncover potential solutions with others who seek my
assistance. I wondered how much of the story I was missing in jumping to action. I was eager to
put into practice the idea of slowing down the process. After my first practice session, I was
reminded by my peers and by the professor of the importance to slow down my pace of speech
and associated processing. After all of my self-reflection, I felt defeated that I wasnt able to
apply my classroom learning to the practice setting. I attempted a couple of self-talk
strategies in my next session such as take a deep breath, hang on, and process then
speak. After watching the video of my second session, I could see myself taking initiative to
slow down the process but I still felt a sense of impatience with my own process. Why wasnt I
getting this down? It wasnt until the fourth practice session that I realized the process needed
to be slowed down for me as well. I started to tell myself to slow down when I found myself
engaging in negative self-talk regarding my developing skills. The feedback I received following
this realization was it felt very natural watching you speak. I have learned that in order for me
to effectively slow down the process of helping others, I need to slow down the process of
helping myself. More patience with the process for myself as a helper and for with the
therapeutic process as whole will help me stay grounded in future helping conversations.

THREE LEARNINGS SUMMARY

Hayes

Helpee: Listening is important

As a helpee during the span of this course, I have learned the importance of listening. In
my personal life, Im more comfortable being a helper and initially, I struggled to put myself out
there as a helpee. During the practice sessions I was often preoccupied with feeling vulnerable.
I was surprised with how uncomfortable I was expressing myself. I was also distracted with
what to say next. After debriefing a couple of sessions as a helpee, I realized that I wasnt
actually listening to the helpers questions, reflections or paraphrases. Not only was a being a
tricky helpee, but I also wasnt getting much from the experience of being in the other chair. I
began taking the content from the online portion of the course and applying it to my role as a
helpee. A piece that stood out for me was the topic of the client being the expert on the their
experience. Reminding myself that Im the expert when Im in the other chair gave me the
foundation for listening. My subsequent sessions felt more natural as a helpee and as a helper.
The realization that I wasnt actually involved in the process gave me an insiders view of what it
might be like for a resistant or distracted client. Learning the importance of listening as a helpee
holds great value in future helping conversations because I have more experience of what it
feels and looks like when a client isnt engaged. As a helper, I have an understanding of what it
is like to be in a helping relationship that doesnt exude safety or comfort. I have a new
understanding of the working alliance.

THREE LEARNINGS SUMMARY

Hayes

Observer: Energy in the room

Being an observer allowed me to tap into the energy in the room between helpee and
helper. At first I felt like I was intruding on a newly budding relationship between two of my
classmates. My desire to remain respectful and non-obtrusive hindered my ability to really
observe the interactions. I noticed when I was only focused on one element of the
conversation, such as the helpers words, I missed the energy between the helpee and the
helper. I tried a couple of different strategies as an observer however, the one that allowed me
to capture the process best was to record sentence stems and my impression of the helpees
reaction. Once I had become in-tuned with the interactions between my classmates, I was able
to observe when the helper reflected meaning or feeling in a way that hit the mark for the
helpee and the impact on the helpee when the helper paraphrased or reflected information
that either was inaccurate or didnt have meaning for the helpee. Involving the energy in the
room allowed me to utilize immediacy skills and remain focused on the helpee in my own
practice sessions as a helper. In future helping conversations, the energy in the room will help
me focus on the non-verbal forms of communication in a helping relationship such as facial
expressions and body language. The energy in the room will also serve as a point of reflection in
which I can explore what impact my own non-verbal communication might be making on the
helpees experience.