Running head: THE EFFECT OF COHABITATION ON FEMALES

The Effect of Cohabitation on Female Satisfaction

NatalieRose Brogan
Wheaton College

Abstract

THE EFFECT OF COHABITATION ON FEMALES

The warning against cohabitation first started as a biblical command, but since then has been
vastly supported by research. This study is designed to discover how the cohabiting relationship
hinders women. It is often thought of to be a good trial period before marriage, but research
suggests exactly the opposite. This study is designed to help women make a more informed
decision in regards to moving-in together before marriage. This also unpacks how improved
communication between men and women will provide increased relational satisfaction.
Keywords: cohabit, cohabiting, move-in, female satisfaction, marriage, male

The Effect of Cohabitation on Female Satisfaction

Before jumping into a committed marital relationship, couples often opt to do a trial
run that comes in the form of moving in together, or cohabiting. Depending on the view an

THE EFFECT OF COHABITATION ON FEMALES

individual holds on marriage, this trial run often serves as a experimental time in which couples
can gain an accurate prediction of how a potential marriage would work out for them in the
future. While this proposition may sound appealing, it is commonly destructive to the couples
relationship and puts them at risk for marital failure. While this jeopardizes both partners in the
relationship, often times, it is most difficult on women. The main goal of this research project, is
to answer the question, How does cohabitation negatively affect female relational satisfaction?
This research highly intersects with the discipline of communication because it deals with
the interpersonal relationship between romantic partners. Perhaps the aspect of greatest
importance in a relationship, is verbal communication. That is was drives and determines and
strengthens the relationship. Another major component of this study is non-verbal
communication as well as expectation-violation. The act of moving-in together can often be a
sign of the relationship getting more serious with a probable future together. However, that may
not always be the intention. Effective communication is necessary and conducive to a stronger
relationship.
This topic holds great importance because upon looking at the trends, couples are more
likely now than ever before, to live together before marriage. According to Stanton (2011), It
would be difficult to overstate how dramatically cohabiting relationships have grown in most
Western nations, including the United States. He later goes on to say, When it comes to the
ways men and women today start and organize their domestic lives, cohabitation is the faraway
winner in terms of sheer numerical growth (p. 11). This is most concerning to me because of the
vast research that has been on how detrimental these cohabiting relationships can be. It is within
my own generation of millennials that this stat is growing, and it is important help women see
the potential repercussions of the decision they are making.

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Literature Review
The Evolution of Attitudes Towards Cohabiting
One may have noticed a recent increase of cohabiting in the United States, which is true,
but that is not to say cohabiting is a recent discovery. Unmarried couples have been living
together dating back to the colonial days. In National Estimates of Cohabitation, Bumpass and
Sweet (1989) discovered that of all the people born before the 1930s (reaching adulthood before
World War II), the cohabiting rate was only 2 percent. And this was mostly due to a lack of
officials to perform a marriage ceremony.
The recent increase of couples choosing to live together is in large part, motivated by two
views of marriage: a high view and a low view. The low view originated during the sexual
revolution of the 1960s. People during this time wanted to be young and free and passionate and
exhibit lustful love. They claimed that they did not need a piece of paper from city hall to make
their relationship valid, and that love will keep us together. This is known as a low view of
marriage because it reduces marriage to just a legal document (Stanton, 2011).
The high view of marriage is a more recent finding among Generation X. It seems strange
that a high view of marriage would encourage individuals to cohabit, but it does. Because of their
parents generation increasing failure in marriage, Millennials are crippled with fear when it
comes to commitment in relationships. Far too often, they have been deeply pained by their
parents divorce (Whitehead, 1997). A young woman told Stanton (2011) during his research,
When we see the statistics, we are scared witless at the possibility of failing at what we want so
badly: marriage. So it makes it hard for us to make the plunge. This view is devastating because
so often, a womens greatest desire is to be married, and yet settle for a non-committal, far-less
satisfying, watered-down version of marriage.

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Feminism Hindering Women

Traditional dating has seemingly gone out the window while the hookup culture is on
the rise. Men and women, often on college campuses, are engaging in sexual activity that is
quick, impersonal and nearly emotionless. The feminist view recognizes that men have the
ability to engage in this form of hooking up without any societal ramifications. They are almost
praised for their sexual accomplishments, while there is a much more negative connotation on
women who choose to do the same. Feminism has fought back by trying to change this stigma
about women, and encouraging their sexual behavior (Miller, 2010). This view has been a major
disservice to women. Both men and women are harmed by engaging in sexual activity outside of
the commitment that marriage provides, however, it it far more damaging to females.
Washington Post journalist Laura Sessions Stepp says, The feminists thought they were so
smart, but they miserably failed to appreciate the complexity of both the nature of sexuality as
well as the depths of the feminine heart (2007). What was once meant to empower women, has
proven to leave them more fragile, wounded and dissatisfied than before.
Women Losing Power
For reasons previously mentioned, people seem to display a more apprehensive
disposition towards marriage nowadays. This is leading more couples toward the alternative of
living together (Brown and Booth, p. 668). Having a trial period before deciding on the
lifelong commitment of marriage, seems much more reasonable to couples. The problem is that
there is so much miscommunication involved in cohabiting relationships, as well as patterns that
are formed that prove to be very problematic down the road (Smock, 2006)
For females longing to marry their boyfriend, they see the cohabiting relationship as a
step in the right direction to getting their ring. What they do not understand is that this often

THE EFFECT OF COHABITATION ON FEMALES

prolongs the process, if not ends the process all together. Women are disadvantaged because the
cohabiting relationship is on the mans terms (Stanton, 2011).
Researchers have taken hundreds of couples from various parts of the country and
socioeconomic backgrounds and asked the males and females separately to answer questions
about their relationship goals or where they see things heading in say a year or two. What they
found is that men and women have very different ideas about where they think their relationship
is going. Women nearly always say that moving-in together is just a next step before eventual
marriage. Men would disagree. They see it as an opportunity to see each other more frequently,
have more regular sex, and be taken care of by their lady. (Rhoades, Stanley and Markman,
2011)
Thinking about it from a mans perspective, what is the rush? The female is giving him
everything he wants by having someone to come home to every night, sleeping with him
regularly, often doing most of the cooking and cleaning for him. And sadly, it is reported that the
woman is often more committed in these relationships, which gives the male more power to
decide how the relationship will progress.
Professor at University of Michigans Institute for Social Research, Pamela Smock shares what
woman should consider:
For their part, men may perceive or experience cohabitation as more advantageous than
marriage. Given that cohabitation is typically more gender egalitarian in terms of labor
force involvement than marriage, the arrangement relieves men of primary breadwinning
responsibilities, while still providing them with domestic support; studies show that, even
in cohabiting unions, women perform the majority of the domestic work (2006).

THE EFFECT OF COHABITATION ON FEMALES

According to the research, women experience far more domestic dissatisfaction due to the
cohabiting relationship. It is an unequal playing field.
Another aspect to consider is the woman who says she would want to try living with her
significant other before marriage so she can discover potential problematic areas of their
relationship before jumping into marriage. This may sound like a reasonable idea, but Kline
(2005) and other researchers are discovering what they call relational inertia. This is an
unhealthy force- emotionally, financially, physically, and supportively- that causes couples who
are living together to stick it out, even through detrimental scenarios. It puts them on a trajectory
towards marriage that is difficult to break out of. The result is that women tend to stay in lessthan-satisfactory relationships, sometimes even abusive relationships. Especially since they do
not experience the legal protection that married woman receive during a divorce (Smock, 2006,
p.15).
Some of these dissatisfied women believe that getting married will help their partner be
more caring, protective, and more willing to provide. In reality, the negative patterns established
in a cohabiting relationship are carried straight into marriage. Stanton has a staggering
observation when he states, Someone trying to build a case for how or why cohabiting favors
women would be hard-pressed to find any evidence for their argument (2011, p. 236). It is
astounding how much of an injustice cohabiting proves to be for both members in the
relationship, but particularly for woman. It is helpful to bring things findings to light, and
hopefully help protect the woman of this generation to make a more informed decisions before it
is too late.
Summary and Rational

THE EFFECT OF COHABITATION ON FEMALES

The main areas of this review were discussing some of the history of cohabiting
relationships, discovering how feminism could have actually hurt women in the long run, and
discussing specific repercussions and and the dissatisfaction women face after choosing to live
with their boyfriends. This study heavily focussed on females as the underserved population.
Although men are at risk for the same relational dissatisfaction, the rational of this study is to
provide accurate information regarding females involved in this type of relationship. The main
variables and components of this study focussed on understanding the negative aspects of
cohabitation.
My research proposal proves to be extremely relevant today as cohabiting is on the rise
and marriage is on the decline. This generation needs clarity in their relationships and this is an
important topic to unpack. Another study should be conducted because there is so much more to
discuss when it comes to this topic. In a future study, I would love to research how the cohabiting
relationship affects the marriage. Another interesting aspect would be to explore the variable of
demographics or if these numbers fluctuate among ethnic groups. I would also like to conduct a
longitudinal study to look into the divorce rates among previous cohabiting couples.

RQ: How does cohabitation negatively affect female relational satisfaction?

Method Section
Participants
The participants of this study will be males or females ranging from ages 18 to 35. The
sample of participants will be done through convenience sampling. I will work specifically

THE EFFECT OF COHABITATION ON FEMALES

through Michigan State University which is a large University in my hometown of East Lansing.
They have a student body of nearly 40,000 undergraduate students with a large alumni
association spreading across the country.
The participants will be voluntary participants and acquired via e-mail announcements
through the university. The e-mails will need to contact student body members as well as alumni
up to 35 years old. The e-mail will include a short survey, taking no longer than 15 minutes. The
survey will call upon individuals within the age range who are currently in, or have ever been
involved in a cohabiting relationship.
Procedures
As indicated above, the initial contact will be through e-mail with an invitation to the
survey. This will be a cross-sectional study which involves the analysis of data collected from a
population at one specific point in time. The majority of the study will be the online surveys, but
it would also include in-person interviews. On the survey, I will have them answer a question at
the end indicating if they would be willing to partake in a follow-up interview. To qualify for the
interview, not only would the participant have to be a current or past cohabiter, but they would
also need to be located in the mid-Michigan area, since interviews would be conducted on
MSUs campus. These interviews would be 20-30 minutes long. If individuals indicate a
willingness to participate in the interview, they could sign up for their preferred time slot. This
qualitative research would involve semi-structured and confidential. I would want participants to
feel safe to answer honestly and to have a level of trust with whom they share this somewhat
private information.
Materials

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The survey will begin with demographic questions including gender, age, race,
geographical location. This will be qualitative research so most of the questions will include
nominal variables that cannot be quantified. Since participants will all have had an experience in
cohabiting relationships, it will include questions such as: are you in a current live-in
relationship, how long have you been living together, what was your reasoning for the
decision to move in with your significant other?.
After some open-ended questions, the survey will go into statements and will ask
participants to show their level of agreement or disagreement based on a 5-point scale. These
will be statements such as my partner helps support me financially, I feel emotionally supported
by my partner, my partner helps with domestic household duties, I sense long-term commitment
from my partner, my partner and I consult one another before making decisions, I am living with
my partner as a precursor to marriage, I intend to marry my partner within a year.
Based on responses to some of these questions, the interviewer will ask more open-ended
questions. The interviewer will also ask the participant to elaborate on responses to gain a more
holistic understanding. Gender is a variable in this study, however I am mostly interested in the
females as the underserved population. Input from males will be helpful for comparison
purposes. Contaminating factors include relationship status, length of time of cohabitation, and
an unwillingness to be vulnerable.
Rationale
This would be an effective method for answering the research question because it is a
way to quantify the unquantifiable. It is also helpful because it requires both male and female
feedback, even though the focus would be on how women are the underserved population in
cohabiting relationships.

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Discussion
Implications
Not only from a biblical standpoint, but also from a widely supported research
standpoint, it is clear that the cohabiting relationships has many ramifications on females as well
as their male counterpart. The lack of commitment plays a huge role in this issue. The most
intimate parts of life that are meant to be shared with a partner, are being numbed by the battle
field of the live-in relationship that causes women to keep their guard up. In a study entitled
Cohabitation with the Future Spouse: Its Influence upon Marital Satisfaction
and Communication, DeMaris discovers that even cohabiters who make the decision to
marry, face significantly less relational gratification (1984). Even after controlling sex-role
traditionalism, church attendance, and other sociocultural differences between cohabiters and
non-cohabiters, having cohabited was still associated with slightly lower satisfaction for
husbands and wives.
Limitations
This study mainly involves self-report and a lot of recall from the past. As in all survey
and interview forms of research, the problem of dishonesty becomes an issue. Even if
participants are not intending to fabricate the truth, memory is flawed. It is likely to receive
inaccurate details of the past, especially when emotional feelings are involved.
Another potentially problematic issue is with the nature of the survey. While there are
several open-ended questions allowing for participants to share their experience and feelings, the
majority of the questions are closed. This allows participants only limited response options.
Cohabitation is becoming more widely accepted, but for a long time it was largely looked down

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12

upon. Participants could be trying to save-face to avoid judgement instead of reporting the
complete truth.
A final limitation is the demographic that I would be collecting information from. While
surveys could come in from all over the country, I anticipate most of my response rate to be from
the mid-Michigan area since I am partnering with Michigan State University. I am uncertain, but
cohabitation could be more likely say in urban areas than rural areas. Since I would be working
with with a limited population, it could have significant impact on my results, or there may be a
lack of attitudinal or behavioral diversity in the given area.
Future Directions and Conclusion
While there is a lot of information on the satisfaction of female in cohabiting
relationships, many resources had future implications in how this relationship would affect the
marriage relationship. I would love to do more of a longitudinal study and follow up with
participants years later to hear feedback. I think it important that young people have accurate
information on relationships. Many of the decisions they are making now have future
repercussions on family life.
To many couples, moving in together makes sense. It saves on rent. You can see your
loved one more frequently. It is a great way to get a glimpse of how a marriage with your partner
would look. But to anyone who has looked further into it, they would realize that the positive
aspects of this relationship are very few and far between. Research plays a vital role in bringing
the truth to this generation on the implications of this live-in relationship. With a little education
on the subject, one can be more equipped to achieve communication and relational satisfaction.

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References
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Quality.CohabitationversusMarriage:AComparisonofRelationshipQuality.58.3:
66878.NationalCouncilonFamilyRelations.
Bumpass, L. L. & Sweet, J. A. (1989) National Estimates of Cohabitation, Demography
26.
DeMaris,Alfred.(1984)CohabitationwiththeFutureSpouse:ItsInfluenceuponMarital
SatisfactionandCommunication.JournalofMarriage&Family46.1:7784.
Kline, G. H., Stanley, S. M., Markman H. J. (2000). Timing is Everything: PreEngagement
Cohabitatoin and Increased Risk for Poor Marital Outcomes,
Journal of Family Issues 25
Miller, A. & Sassler, S. (2010). Stability and Change in the Division of Labor Among
Cohabiting Couples, Sociological Forum 25.
Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M. & Markman, H. J. (2011). A Longitudinal Investigation of
Commitment Dynamics in Cohabiting Relationships, Journal of Family
Issues

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Stanley, S. M. Rhoades, G. K. & Markman, H. J. (2006). Sliding vs. Deciding: Inertia and
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Smock, P. (2006). Heterosexual Cohabitation in the United States: Motives for
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Stanton,G.T.(2011).TheRingMakesAlltheDifference:TheHiddenConsequencesof
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Stepp,L.S.,(2007).Unhooked:HowYoungWomenPursueSex,DelayLoveandLoseatBoth
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