Text from my

initial WP
submission:
(a phrase, sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move, punctuation,
piece of evidence,
etc.)

An observation or
question I received
from De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I made to

what I initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s] I made
to column 1)

How this change

impacts my
paper:

Furthermore, when
multiple sources of
the same genre are
discussing the same
topic, they utilize
different techniques
and rhetorical
devices to appeal to
and be understood
by their audiences.

I'm wondering what

specific genre you'll
be analyzed and
through what sources

Furthermore, when
multiple sources of the
genre of online articles
are discussing the topic of
obesity, they utilize
different techniques and
rhetorical devices to
communicate effectively
with [their] different
communities [and
audiences] (Losh and
Alexander).

Shows readers
right off the bat
what genre I will
be discussing and
introduces them to
the topic that will
be compared
throughout the
sources.

The author also

provides links to
share the article to
different social
media websites,
which helps its
audience believe
that the mission of
their work is truly
to inform society of
the obesity
epidemic. Similar to
the first article, the
article titled
Overcoming
Obesityand
Making it Last was
also published by a
health professional.
The article
Understanding the
American Obesity
Epidemic is

I'm wondering what

the central focus of
the paragraph is -based on the topic
sentence, I first
thought that I was
reading about the
AHA piece. Now I'm
reading about the
Overcoming piece.

The author also provides

links to share the article
to different social media
websites, which helps its
audience believe that the
mission of their work is
truly to inform society of
the obesity epidemic.

Separating those
into separate
paragraphs allows
readers to easily
transition from one
idea to the next,
rather than be
confused about
what my main idea
really is.

So is your main (or

part of your main)
argument about the
effectiveness of

N/A

Comment from later

in essay: This is the
first time I realized
that I'd be reading
about genres/pieces
that cover obesity -do you think is "too
late"?

Similar to the first

article, the article titled
Overcoming Obesity
and Making it Last was
also published by a health
professional

I think completely
removing that
sentence from my
essay helped

exceptionally
effective when
attracting its
audience because of
its use of advanced
vocabulary, visual
aids, and unique
format.
The second article,
published by the
U.S. News also
captivates its
audience by using
visual aids and a
follows a similar
structure to the first
article.

certain sources? Or
about how they are
each tailored to
specific audiences?
Or both?

J-Rey, Im wondering
if your paper would
benefit from restructuring the
organization. Instead
of
-Source #1, Source
#2, Source #3
Could your
paper/argument
unfold a more
integrated/interwoven
way if you did
something like:
-Idea #1 (and then
incorporate sources 1,
2, 3), Idea #2 (and
then incorporate
sources 1, 2, 3), Idea
#3 (and then
incorporate sources 1,
2, 3)?

Although these
publications all
discuss the same
topic of marijuana
legalization, each
source differs in
their exigence and
perspective towards
the topic, audience
and tone, and
personal choice of
moves used in the
piece, in order to

I need more of a
specific, driving
thesis statement.
They're different....
OK, and? So what

clarify my main
argument. This
specific sentence
didnt relate to my
overall argument
and just confused
readers.
Changed the entire layout
of the essay from:
source 1(purpose,
context/ tone, audience),
Source 2(purpose,
context/tone, audience)
Source 3 (purpose,
context/tone, audience)
To:
Purpose (source 1, 2, 3)

Doing this made

my whole paper
more interwoven
than it had been
previously. I think
the flow of the
paper was much
more smooth and it
made it much
easier for readers to
understand what
my specific point
of each paragraph
was.

Context/tone (source 1, 2,
3)
Audience (source 1, 2, 3)

Because these
publications all discuss
the same topic of
marijuana legalization, its
essential that readers
understand the rhetorical
features being used such
as exigence, tone, and
personal choice of moves,
in order to understand
who the specific audience
is for each piece.

Changing my
thesis statement to
this made it much
more clear what
point I was trying
to argue. It leaves
readers knowing
exactly what to
expect, rather than
confused on what
my essay will
discuss.

some shit their

is that all there is to
For example, one line Explaining how the
pants, which is okay say about it -- just
says some shit their use of informal
to use in this blog
that it's "OK to use"? pants, which is
language impacts the
because there are few Does this have any
perfectly acceptable
reader of the blog,
constraints when it
other effect/impact on to use in this blog
helps readers
comes tobetter
this genre
ofto aand
reader?
because of the lack of understand my own
appeal
writing, but
that
formality and
argument about how
be understood by
languagetheir
is not
constraints in the
it helps determine
specific
something
you
would
blog
genre.
The
use
who the intended
audience.
see in a formal piece
of informal language audience is. Since the
of writing due to the
makes readers feel
language is informal,
After comparing
Can you get morelike theyAfter
and can infer
Adding
on places
strict limitations
of
can comparing
relax
you
that the
and contrasting the specific?
contrasting
where the
that genre
and flow
with the the rhetorical
intended audience
is reader
rhetorical features
features
presentedyour
in each
may actually see
humor of
the blog,
everyday
presented in each
article,
you to
will see
that rather
thethan
literature
in
rather than
having
person,
a
article, you will see
there
arewhile
several professional.
aspects
everyday life helps
critically
think
that there are
contribute to each
the reader
readingthat
a formal
several aspects that
relate/connect what
article and every piece of
contribute to each
literature, whether its
Im talking about
N/A
Id
like
to
see
you
1.Even
though
each
Using
more
course
and every piece of
writing on a cereal box, a to
the real world.
integrate the course
of thesemovie
onlinereview, orreadings
in my paper
literature
a
readings a lot more.
articles personal
are on thestatement
shows
for that I can
Use their ideas as
topic ofcollege
obesity,admissions.
each make connections
springboards for what of the three sources
between concepts that
In opposition toyoure
the Such as? Help me[create]
see Inaopposition to the
Bringing in textual
I have learned
formal, academic
this. Bring in textual
formal,
academicthroughout
tone of the
evidence
seeing/analyzing
completely
different
courseshowing
tone of the two within support/evidence.
theeffect
two previous
articles,
examples of
these sources. rhetorical
and and
builds my
previous articles,
is
addressthe
thetone
topicofinthe blog
credibility
asexactly
an HOW the
the tone of the blog
informal
and personal,
author is speaking
completely
different
author.
is informal and
of his own opinions
ways, incoming
order tofrom the heart,
personal,
speaking
of the authors
allows readers to
better appeal
to their
coming from the
own
opinions
on
the
really see what
specific audience
heart, speaking of
legalization
of marijuana. point Im trying to
(Losh and
Alexander)
the authors own
For example, he states
make and using
2.
This
helps
you
opinions on the
marijuanas fibers are an specific examples
understand
what thegod send
legalization of
economical
helps convince
discourse
is
trying
to
marijuana. It uses
and marijuana can create them.
accomplish
andfamily ties by
casual language
stronger
thus, who
its stress from the
relieving
intendedwork
for environment.
(Carroll).
3. She also goes as
far as saying that
genres matter
because they shape
our everyday lives
(Dirk)
Knowing why the
piece was written
[purpose] and who
its for [audience] can
help explain why the
author might have
made certain choices
or used particular
techniques in the

J-Rey, I want you to

know that I think
you're misusing
brackets here.

Knowing why the

piece was written and
who its for can help
explain why the
author might have
made certain choices
or used particular
techniques in the
writing, and you can

Removing the
bracketed words from
the sentence made it
flow much better and
actually make sense.
Previously, it could
have confused
readers and now Im
being more