MuslimParentsonHowTheyTalktoTheir

ChildrenAboutHatredandExtremism
ByHANNAINGBERDecember15,2015
AMuslimparentinTokyotellsherchildrento
work100timesharderandbe100times
kinder.AfatherinOntarioadviseshis
teenagerstobewaryofanyonereachingoutto
themovertheInternetandclaimingtobe
Muslim.ISIListryingtorecruityou,hetells
them,referringtotheIslamicState.
ParentsaroundtheUnitedStatestelltheir
childrenthattheycanbebothAmericanand
Muslimnomatterwhatanyonesays,theydo
notneedtochoosebetweenthetwo.
AwaveofrecentattacksbyextremistsactinginthenameofIslam
includinginSanBernardino,Calif.,thismonthhascontributedtoarisein
antiMuslimspeechintheUnitedStates,Europeandelsewhere.We
asked
ourreaders
whoareMuslimhowtheytalktotheirchildrenaboutthese
difficulttimes.
Morethan200peopleresponded.Manywroteabouthowtheytrytoteach
theirchildrenthatterroristsdonotreflectthemortheirfaith.
Hereisaselectionoftheresponsestheyhavebeeneditedandcondensed.
WehopetohearfrommoreMuslimparentsabouthowtheriseinboth
antiMuslimspeechandattacksbyIslamistextremistsisaffectingyouand
yourfamily.Howareyouexplainingtheseissuestoyourchildren?Pleasejoin
thediscussioninthecomments.
ModernAmericaIsCompatibleWithIslam

SammerLashininFremont,Calif.
Childrenages11,9and6
Ihomeschoolmythreechildren.OurMuslimkidspersonallyidentifywith
howtheChristianpilgrimscamehere,cutofffromeveryoneandeverything
theyknew,simplytobeabletoadoreGodhowtheythoughtfit.Ourchildren
studyhowourfoundingfathersknewthatourCreatorseesallmenasequal,
althoughthefathersthemselvesfellshortofthisideal.Atthesametime,they
studyhowtheProphetMuhammadcouldnotsleepuntilanymoneyorfood
inhishomewassharedwiththelessfortunate.
Thebestinoculationagainstallthenegativerhetoricisforourchildrento
haveadeepunderstandingofwhatAmericaandIslamtrulystandfor.
NoNeedforaCaliphate
NadeemAhmedinMississauga,Ontario
Childrenages18and16
Peoplealwaysfeartheunknown.Justlikeyouareafraidtogodowntoadark
basementyoufearwhatyoudontknow.PeoplefearIslamandMuslims
becausetheydontknowus.
Itisuptoustofirstcondemnactsofterror,workhardtoexpungeitfromour
communitiesandreachoutwithpeace,kindness,generosityand
understanding.
Itellthem,bewary,ISIListryingtorecruityou.Theywantyoutofeellike
youarenotathomehereandthisisnotyourcountry.Itis.Theywantyouto
heartheracistvoicesofthefewandthinkthatrepresentsthemajorityofthe
U.S.andCanada.
YouneedtobeverycarefulofanyonereachingoutovertheInternetclaiming
tobeaMuslim.Youneedtocometoaparentrightaway.
ThereisnowarwiththeWesttheWestandIslamarecompatible.Infact
Islamismorecompatiblewiththeideasoffreedom,toleranceandequality
thanmostcountriesthatcallthemselvesMuslimare.
Thereisnoneedforacaliphateweenjoyreligiousfreedomhere.Noone
theredoes.
TerroristsAreNotRepresentativeofUs

KarlaN.EvansinDuluth,Ga.
Childage16
Thosecarryingoutactsofterrorinthename
ofIslamarenotrepresentativeofwhoweare
orwhatwebelieveasMuslimsinanyway.
IdonottellmysonthattheyarenotMuslim,
butratherthattheyhaveanextrememindset
andwouldlikelybeextremenomattertheir
religioustradition,andthatthereisnothing
inherentlyviolentintheteachingsofIslam.
ALessonFromLePetitPrince
SarahEltabibinOysterBay,N.Y.
Childage9
Sinceweareafamilythatfocuseseducationonglobalcitizenship,andI
myselfamahumanrightshistorian,Itendtogiveheramoreworldlyview
andexposehertodifferenttypesofliterature.So,Ireadheroneofmy
favoriteLittlePrinceexcerpts,thentalkedaboutwhatitmeans:
Ilyavaitdesgrainesterriblessurlaplantedupetitprince...ctaientles
grainesdebaobabs.Lesoldelaplanteentaitinfest.Orunbaobab,silon
syprendtroptard,onnepeutjamaisplussendbarasser.Ilencombre
toutelaplante.Illaperforedesesracines.Etsilaplanteesttroppetite,et
silesbaobabssonttropnombreux,ilslafontclater.
Antoinede
SaintExupry,LePetitPrince
Translation:Therewereterribleseedsonthelittleprincesplanet...theywere
baobabseeds.Theplanetssoilwasinfestedwiththem.Now,abaobab,ifyou
setaboutittoolate,youcannevergetridofit.Ittakesupthewholeplanet.It
piercesitwithitsroots.Andiftheplanetistoosmall,andiftherearetoo
manybaobabs,theywillmakeitburst.
BeGentle,SoftSpokenandKind
BibiVoylesinTokyo.
Childrenages10and5

Itellmychildrenthattheymustwork100timesharder,be100timeskinder,
andalwaysbewellgroomed,justtogainpublicacceptanceinthesetrying
times.
Itellthemtoalwaysbegentle,softspoken,andkindsothattheycannotbe
associatedwiththegrowingglobalparanoiaaroundextremistMuslims.
ExplainingIslamtoToddlers
AizaSiddiqiinBaltimore.
Childage2
Afewweeksago,mysonspreschoolaskedparentstocomeinandsharea
holidaytraditionwiththeclass.SincemysonistheonlyMusliminhisclass,I
thoughtthiswouldbeagoodopportunitytointroducetheyoungchildrento
IslamandtheIslamicholidaysofEid.ThenIstartedreadingFacebookposts
offriendsandacquaintancesdescribingverbalandphysicalattackson
Muslimsinschools,parkinglots,andbuses.
Ibegantothink:DoIwantmysonspeersandteacherstoknowthatheis
Muslim?WillhisChristianpreschooltreathimdifferentlyifheidentifiesas
Muslim?IhatedmyselfforevenaskingthesequestionsbecauseIhavenever
beenonetodenyorhidemyidentity.
IdecidedtodoapresentationformysonsclassonIslamandtheIslamic
holidays.NotthatexplainingIslamtoaroomfullof2yearoldswill
drasticallywinoverheartsandminds,buteducationisoneofthebesttools
weasMuslimshavetocountertheignoramiwhomalignourfaith.
DontDiscussIslamWithOthers
ZeighamKhokherinNewOrleans.
Childrenages18,13and12
Wetrytoinstillinthemthattheyshouldstay
strong.However,asaconcernedparent,I
neverthelessencouragethemnottodiscuss
faithwithanyone.
Itellmykidsthattheyhavenothingtobe
ashamedof,theyhavenoresponsibilityfor
peopletheydonotknowinplacestheyhave

neverbeento.WeemphasizethatourIslam,theonethatservesasa
foundationforourlife,sharesnothingwithsuchbarbarism.
ShowNotTell
EdlynSammanasuinFremont,Calif.
Childrenages8,5and3
Idontneedtotalktothemaboutextremists.Ineedtoshowthemwhat
Muslimsbelieveandhowitaffectsourdailylivesingoodwaysandhowit
affectsothersingoodways.IshowthemthatAllahlovesus,tobegenerous
withourmoney,ourcharity,andourkindness.Ishowthemthatits
importanttobehelpfultoourneighborsandourelders.Ishowthemallthe
goodthatweresupposedtodoisgoodforusandeachother.
Hopefully(Godwilling)mykidswillseewhatIslamteachesandwhatit
meanstobeMuslimfromusandNOTfromterrorists.Mostly,Iwantmykids
tobeconfidentMuslimswhounderstandtheirreligion,practicetheir
religion,andareproudtobeMuslimANDAmerican.Itispossible.Iknow.
Itstrueinme.
MakeLotsofFriends
NSinLakeOswego,Ore.
Childrenages9,6,andtwinswhoare23months
IremindmytwoeldestthatIwasbornandraisedinAmericaandthatwe
havenothingtofear.Iremindthemtobegood,smileandmakelotsof
friends.Theirfriendswillalwaysknowwhatagoodpersonyouare.
IalsotellthemthateveryonestrugglesforonethingoranotherandIgive
themexamplesofourownstruggles.Itellthemweneedtolearnhowto
overcomeourstrugglesortrytowaitthemout.
Patient
AhmedKozanogluinEastTroy
Childrenages10and8
Itellthemtobepatientwhentheygetbulliedeverydaybecauseoftheir
identityatschool,andwhentheirteacherstellthemtodealwithit.

NotYourBurden
TiffanySouleThiriinSebring,Fla.
Childrenages8and1
Weareaninterfaithfamily(Muslimdad,
Sufi/Unitarianmom,Muslimdaughterand
onedaughterwhowasbaptizedChristian).
Weexplainthatitisnotourdaughters
burdentoexplainherdaddysreligion,but
sheshouldalwaysfeelcomfortable
contributingtotheconversationifshewants
to.SheisnotresponsiblefordefendingherMuslimfriendsandfamily,but
sheshouldalwaysfeelproudtobeapartofthefamilythatwehavecreated.
Welaughandtelljokesandremembersillymoments,justlikeanyfamily.We
celebratetraditions,likeEidalAdha,ChristmasandRamadan,andweread
aboutthehistoryofthesepractices,andthemanywisepeople,likethe
prophetsandsocialactivists,whohaveprovidedknowledgeandwhohave
donepositivethingsforotherpeople.
Wetalkabouthowaverysmallgroupofbadpeoplehavedonesomebad
things.Wearenotdefinedbytheactionsofafewpeople,andwemakethis
verycleartoourdaughter.
BeingMuslimIsNotaCrime
MehnazMahmoodinMcKinney,Tex.
Childrenages7and9
IwantthemtoknowthatbeingMuslimisnotacrime.
ItrytobeastrongMuslimwomanwithgoodmannersIletthemknowthatI
amnotafraidtowearmyhijaboutandthattheyshouldbeproudofbeing
bothAmericanandMuslim.
BeReadytoFightBack
AdenM.intheBronx.
Childage8

Iaskhimeverydaytoreporttomeifanything
hurtfulwassaidtohimorifanyadultmade
himuncomfortable.Itellhimtobereadyto
fightbackifsomeonephysicallyassaultshim.
Itellhimthatsomepeoplemayblameusfor
thingsthatotherpeoplewhoclaimtobe
Muslimdo.Itellhimpeoplearescaredand
mightdothingsthatarewrong,outoffear.Itell
himthereisnothingwrongwithbeingMuslim.
NoEasyAnswers

OssamaElawadinConnecticut.
Childrenages13,10and5
Ialwaystellmykidstonottakethenewsrightfromthemainstreammedia,
butrathertodotheirownresearchandtrytofindthefactsfrommultiple
sources.
WeallgetoffendedwhenthecriminalshappentobeMuslimsandthemedia
callsthemterrorists,butnooneelseiscalledthatnamenomatterwhat
religionorethnicity.Thismakesmychildrenalwaysaskthequestionwhy
onlyMuslimsarecalledterroristsandnottheothermassshootersor
criminals.Itisnoteasytoanswersuchaquestion!
TheTrueTenetsofIslam
MahnazChandTantawiinFranklinLakes,N.J.
Twinsage9
IamaphysicianwhoseparentsimmigratedfromPakistan,andmyhusband
isapediatrician.HisparentsimmigratedfromEgypt.WeareAmericans
sincebirth.AndweareMuslims.Thetwoidentitiesgotogether.Wehave
instilledthisidentityintoourmixedchildren.
IteachmychildrenthecorevaluesofIslam.Thesecorevaluesreallymake
youagoodperson.Theyhelpyoutobecaring,conscientious,
communityminded,green,givetocharityandspreadhappiness.These
valuesdonotallowyoutobeoppressive,wreakterror,killinnocents,or
imposeyourfaith.

ThisishowItalktomykids.Notjustasareactiontowhatextremistsare
doing.ButsotheylearnaboutthetruetenetsoftheirIslamicfaith.