Running head: FAMILY OF ORIGIN

Family of Origin
Jessica L. Eckmeter
Wayne State University

FAMILY OF ORIGIN

My family has a very eclectic mix of ethnicities. On my fathers side we are half German
and half Scottish. When I was younger my fathers uncle Jim traced back our Scottish heritage,
and so the emphasis on that part of our familys history was stressed. After my father remarried a
German immigrant, who became a second mother, our German heritage became more focal. My
fathers favorite way to experience the world and remember our heritage is through food.
Holidays are based around meals.
When my brother and I were young, and our parents were still together, Christmas dinner
was centered on my mothers background, though my mothers history is unclear, she was
always very happy to share her stepfathers Syrian culture with us every Christmas in the form of
kibbee nyee, stuffed grape leaves, and pita bread.
After my parents divorce and my fathers remarriage we still celebrate that part of our
history for birthday dinners, where we get together and roll grape leaves at the table while
discussing everything from recent individual news to whats happening in the rest of the world.
Our Christmas have grown to include German traditions such as the adaptation of the Advent
calendar for the children over the month of December, and a two day celebration with a simple
meal and larger gathering on Christmas Eve consisting of salads, appetizers and casseroles with a
more complex multi course feast on Christmas day including only closer family, and the drinking
of Glhwein throughout the season. Ive included citation on my references for a site I viewed
to compare the practices of our family to that of German tradition and extract the ones that
specifically apply.
Christmas is not the only time that we enjoy our German cuisine. Throughout the year my
father and stepmother will make seasonal treats, dinners and snacks occasionally from foods
sent to her from her friends back home.

FAMILY OF ORIGIN

The second theme I would like to discuss is far from the happy food one I began with.
This involves our families coping mechanisms, or lack thereof, and adaptation styles. For the
most part our family is pretty blunt, but some of the more serious issues tend to be tip-toed
around, such as mental illness. As long as I can remember, and from family stories circulating
from before I was born, my mother has been under the delusion that she has a stalker named
Bob. In the way that a religious fanatic would praise God for the moments of luck or good
fortune, my mother praises Bob. If she drops her pills in the sink and the pharmacy agrees to
refill a partial prescription early she thinks that Bob talked to the pharmacist for her. If someone
helps her with grocery money at Meijer she knows that its because Bob gave it them to help
her. Its not all good deeds from Bob, though. She goes through times where her demeanor
changes suddenly, she gets angry and asks if were being listened to. She thinks Bob is tapping
her phone line and talking to her friends and family, all in order to play some sick romantic
game. This background is necessary in understanding our families coping methods.
As a young child moms mood changes and rerouting any drive to pass his house raised
no suspicion to me. It was only as I got older and gained some distance that I realized her
behavior was abnormal. My father, on the other hand, knew something was wrong and avoided a
solution, unable to cope or adapt to the changes that would occur in all of our lives if mom were
to get treatment. As an adult I started studying psychology, hoping to better understand her.
Even after learning that her symptoms resembled paranoid schizophrenia I waited more
than a year before trying to get her help. My brother stopped speaking with her before she started
seeing a therapist and still refuses to speak with her. Hes stated that having her out of his life is
better than dealing with her drama. My mother is still certain that there is nothing wrong and that
this is all Bobs fault. In therapy she will say that she hasnt seen Bob in years and that he is no

FAMILY OF ORIGIN

one to her anymore, but in private she will tell me about running into him at the grocery store
and how he didnt even acknowledge her.
Our family typically takes an avoidant approach to handling our problems, with moms
illness as a prime example. Other examples include ignored eviction notices resulting in multiple
occasions where we lived out of storage units and slept in our car. Though avoidant coping is
common among schizophrenics, select personality dimensions in schizophrenia are related to a
behavioral style that includes a preference for avoiding rather than trying to solve problems,
(Lysaker, P. H., Bryson, G. J., Marks, K., Greig, T. C., & Bell, M. D., 2004, p. 119) it is
interesting to see it manifest in the rest of our family as it has.
My own experiences as a homeless child and the daughter of a woman with mental
illness have led me to seek the link between to two over the years. I have come across an article
that is older, but published close to the time that my family was homeless for the first time. The
factors contributing to family homelessness are many, but the most relevant to my family is that
Seventy-one per cent of the mothers had personality disorders.
I began studying social work as an alternative to psychology, which had previously been
my major. I want to be able to turn my own personal experiences around and help children who
are experiencing what I once did and to help mentally ill parents learn the life skills and gain
access to the resources my parents never had in order to keep their children out of shelters and in
a stable home. My mothers illness is one of many factors that contributed to our situation, but
being able to see the myriad of factors and learn from each of them has been great for my own
emotional healing. Now I want to take what I have spent years reflecting on and use it as
motivation to learn skills to make an impact on others.

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References
Amondson, B. (2014). German Christmas traditions. Retrieved from
http://gogermany.about.com/od/historyandculture/tp/Germany-Christmas.htm
Bassuk,E. L., Rubin, L., & Lauriat, A. S. (September 1986). Characteristics of sheltered
homeless families. American Journal of Public Health, volume 76 No. 9, 10971101.
doi: 10.2105/AJPH.76.9.1097
Lysaker, P. H., Bryson, G. J., Marks, K., Greig, T. C., & Bell, M. D. (2004). Coping style
in schizophrenia: Associations with neurocognitive deficits and
personality. Schizophrenia Bulletin, 30(1), 113-121.