Growing up in a Porno Nation

My middle school sex-ed course was what many would call an anomaly. It was taught by
an educator from Planned Parenthood, and during the few months I spent in that class, I learned
about a variety of topics all the ways from healthy sexual relationships to how to prevent STDs.
However, even though I was extremely lucky to get proper sex education, it did not prepare me
for the inaccurate messages coming from every computer screen and advertisement that would
soon overtake my thoughts. Growing up as a young girl in a highly technology based culture, I
quickly learned of the standard for sexuality that women are bombarded with everyday. The
constant hyper sexualization of women in the media taught me to either sexualize myself or
become invisible. For a long time I thought that I would only be worthy of love if I was worthy
of being sexually desired. My mindset continued until I stumbled upon a TEDTalk explaining
how mainstream pornography is very much responsible for the highly objectifying culture that
we live in. This changed my world and it became a necessity to educate myself about this
problem. Even as someone who had never gone out of their way to watch porn, I was, and still
am, very much affected by those messages and images. Mainstream porn has set the standard for
beauty, desire, and how we think about normal sex. Since the invention of the internet, porn is
much more available and it's everywhere, making it hard to escape. The often violent and
objectifying images portrayed in mainstream pornography have a negative effect on the viewer.
Boys learn to become aggressors, while girls are taught to become submissive. Viewers receive
negative messages about body image and sexuality as their consciousnesses are highly

influenced by the porn industry. These problems will only be solved by opening up a societal
conversation about the unhealthy porn in our media and creating a demand for change.
Today's mainstream porn industry is only portraying one form of sexy. Scrolling
through Porn Hub, or even just on Google images, we start to see a pattern. There are mainly
only portrayals of white, straight haired, thin, cisgendered females. In a famous study, writer Jon
Millward analyzed over 10,000 adult performers and composed an image of what is considered
by the industry as the "most popular woman in porn." She's thin, white, big-eyed, brown-haired,
and large-breasted, and she certainly doesn't look like everyone's girlfriend and wife (Hakala).
Its pretty apparent that not every woman biologically can look this way, so does this mean the
average woman isn't sexy? This unrealistic beauty standard is causing many women to lose selfesteem and feel the need to compare their appearance to that of a porn star (Turner). Whats even
more shocking is that three out of four men say their physical preferences for porn actresses are
the same as their real life sex partners (Hakala). Not only are women receiving pressure from
porn and the media to change our appearance, we receive it from our boyfriends, husbands, or
even just from the people in our lives.
There is also a huge double standard in the industry. Even though many of these same
standards sometimes apply to men in porn, the rules are much looser for male representation.
Men in porn will mostly always be cisgendered and white, but they aren't always aren't skinny or
fit (Turner). Society isnt expecting these same unattainable standards for men. This only barely
scratches the surface of how much mainstream porn misses realistic beauty standards. Not only
is porn not showing real people, porn is not showing how diverse our society really is.
There is a huge lack of proper representation for people of color, plus size people, trans
people, old people, and the LGBTQ+ community. Mainstream pornography is setting the

standard for what we find sexy and normal. Without this important, proper representation, we
begin to only see one form of sexy within our incredibly diverse society. When talking about
the importance of media representation, Emma Turner discusses that if you don't see anyone
that's like you in the media or if you only have bad representation of, for example, your race or
your gender, you might learn to believe or accept some negative stereotypes or ideas about
yourself or the people around you. Obviously not every person fits the mainstream porn mold,
and these images and messages are teaching us that it's strange to be different or to be attracted to
someone who isn't, for instance, non-gender binary or is plus size. If you are attracted to
someone who is plus size, that can make you considered kinky or weird because you don't desire
the traditional porn female. If you're someone who doesn't fit this mold you may learn to
internalize these messages; that you aren't deserving of a loving sexual partner, or you can never
be sexy because you see no accurate representation of yourself.
Even though there are people of color, trans/non-gender binary people, and plus size
people in porn, they are very strictly placed in categories that are always fetishized. This sends
the message that it's strange or not normal to have an attraction to different types of people
(Turner), and it places these people under the kinky label. There are also many racist
stereotypes that exist in porn. For example, when a black woman appears in a scene she is often
referred to as a black ghetto ho with a mouthy attitude who needs to be taught a lesson (Yes,
Pornography Is Racist). This stereotype of black women as promiscuous, overbearing and in
need of control is one that continues to appear over and over again in pop culture, literature, and
movies. These stereotypes only get worse as you start to explore the different categories of
mainstream porn. Having categories in the first place sends a strong message that different types

of people can't be with one another, they must stay strictly within their category. Which is
completely opposite of what real sex and sexuality is like.
Even though in many ways mainstream pornography sets the standard for how we think
about normal sex, what it's showing us is far from the truth. On average porn star penises are six
to nine inches, while civilian penises are five to seven. Porn star vaginas tend to all look the same
while real world vaginas come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Even though porn stars
have little to no body hair, 55 percent of women and 85 percent of men do. The average person
needs 10-12 minutes to get aroused, while porn stars don't need any time at all, and even though
male porn stars seem to have eternal stamina, the average man ejaculates within three minutes
(Porn Sex vs. Real Sex). No wonder our perception of normal sex is so skewed. Consider the fact
that most high school and middle school sex-ed classes don't cover the differences between porn
sex and real sex, and many parents don't have sex talks with their kids (OLeary). So if porn is
your sex education, you're bound to learn some pretty serious misconceptions. In 2013, over 10
million Labiaplasties were performed, that has since increased by 6.5 percent (Press Center).
People are internalizing these message, girls and women are feeling the pressure to change
something as normal and natural as their genitals to match that of a porn star.
Not only does mainstream porn portray false images of sex, it doesn't reinforce anything
about being in a healthy sexual relationship. Porn often only caters to male pleasure and
completely ignores the sexual enjoyment of women. Since men are portrayed as dominating,
their pleasure is the first priority, and the woman exist only to serve the purpose of pleasing them
(Bridges). These images send a message that as a girl in a sexual relationship you don't matter,
completely invalidating female pleasure and placing it on a lower platform. Emma Turner
discusses in her interview that, when the money shot (or when the man ejaculates) happens,

the porn is over. This tells the viewer that the male orgasm is the end of sex, and if you're
someone that's getting all their education from porn, you may never grasp the concept of the
female orgasm or any type of legitimate female pleasure. Many of the acts done in mainstream
porn are predominantly male pleasure acts and often embodies the male gaze. Most porn has
a predominantly male perspective. The directors are usually men, and most porn is made for men
(OConnor).
Not only does pornography invalidate women, reducing them to sexual objects, porn
gives men biologically impossible standards to live up to. In his TEDTalk titled Why I Stopped
Watching Porn, Ran Gavrelli says, Porn is teaching us that, as a man, you are solely valued in
sex by having a large penis and an eternal erection. Mainstream porn says nothing about being a
caring, loving, and considerate partner. Instead, it tells you that unless you can do things that
aren't biologically possible there's something wrong with you. Porn has a way of invading our
personal thoughts (Gavrieli), and we start to internalize many of these messages, especially the
ones that are the most violent (Bridges).
Even porn at its most basic involves highly objectifying images of women in degrading
situations. By doing this porn teaches us that violence is inherently sexual, especially when it's
done to a woman. If a young boy is to just Google porn the first time, the images to pop up are
almost always violent and degrading to women, says Gail Dines in her TEDTalk. Continue to
keep in mind that many kids get their sex education from porn, and if some of the first images
they see of sex are violent they may learn to expect that, or believe that it's normal. Out of 304
randomly selected scenes that were analyzed, 88.2 percent contained physical aggression, and
48.7 percent contained verbal aggression, it was found that almost always this was a man doing
this to a woman (Bridges). It was even discovered by the same source that women are mistreated,

humiliated, used, and insulted, all of which is presented as normal and appropriate. The fact
that this is expected to appeal to a male audience is scary. Research has shown that porn, is
more likely to have a negative influence on the thoughts, attitudes, or behavior of audience
members if it features aggression (Bridges).
Porn does not teach consent, and without consent violent and rough sex becomes nothing
but abuse. Porn is a genre of the sex industry that is not about erotica, sexual communication,
healthy sexual relationships, or realistic sex. Porn is about male domination of women and the
subordination of women says Ran Gavrieli. Because porn is everywhere, we as viewers and
consumers of media are beginning to see these images as normal, and we really don't take into
account how much media we are absorbing (Gavrieli). If kids aren't learning consent from their
parents, they aren't learning it at school, and they aren't learning it from porn then where are
they learning it? The truth is, is that most kids and teens aren't learning consent, or what consent
means. One in four women will be sexually assaulted during her lifetime (Facts About Sexual
Assault). If that doesn't prove that there's a lack of consent and knowledge about consent in this
nation, then I dont know what does. However, there are many arguments that porn is not
responsible for these problems in our society.
Some would say that porn doesn't have negative effects on the viewer, in fact, mainstream
porn has opened up a conversation about often taboo sex topics. Porn is only contributing to a
sex positive culture. "As our data shows, people all over the world watch pornso why be
ashamed of it?" said Corey Price, V.P. of Pornhub. "We want to push the conversation into the
general public as something that's acceptable to talk about, while letting people know that
watching porn shouldn't be an underground activity that's to be seen as shameful. Everyone does
it, why not just bring that out in the open? The reason it causes a stir is due to an already

accepted set of social norms (Monollos). Its true that many people watch porn, and that
shouldn't be something that's shameful. However, the content of mainstream porn promotes
sexual violence with a lack of consent, it fails to represent the diversity of our society, and
anything close to real or healthy sexual behavior.
Others would also say that porn does not cause anger or unhealthy sexual thoughts,
stating that watching porn can be good for you. In The Sunny Side of Smut, Scientific Americans
Melinda Wenner Moyer says the research in several studies suggests that, moderate
pornography consumption does not make users more aggressive, promote sexism or harm
relationships. If anything, some researchers suggest, exposure to pornography might make some
people less likely to commit sexual crimes (Langley). In reality it was found that the younger
boys get exposed to porn, the more it limits their capacity for intimacy. They are more likely to
engage in risky sexual behavior, increase likelihood of sexual assault, decrease empathy for rape
victims, increase anxiety and depression, and addictive porn use (Bridges). Its easy to assume
that the media we consume doesn't affect us, when in reality porn takes a huge toll on our
thoughts, ideas, and personal fantasies (Gavrieli). So why is the status quo of mainstream porn
the way it is?
Since the invention of the Internet mainstream pornography is everywhere. Say goodbye
to magazines like Hustler and Playboy, because the internet has made porn available, accessible,
and inescapable (Dines). This explains why the earliest age that kids are getting to porn is 6 to 7
(OLeary). Scrolling through the internet it's almost impossible to not come across an image that
isn't pornographic. Porn is everywhere! It become more than just Googling Pornhub it's music
videos, advertisements, magazines, what people considered porn 20 years ago is on the front of
magazine covers (Turner).

We as a society don't talk about this subject because it makes us uncomfortable. It's well
known that the subject of pornography is something our society considers very taboo. Even
though it's everywhere is our culture. Parents are facing a new digital-era quandary: is it better
to try to shield children from explicit content, or to accept that it is so ubiquitous that it has
become a fact of life, requiring its own conversation? (OLeary). Its undeniable that children
will see porn once in their life whether or not the search result was on purpose or an accident
(OLeary). So it's extremely important that we talk about it before they become confused or
scared by these messages. However, this problem is so much larger than the fact that we don't
talk about it.
By watching mainstream pornography we are creating a demand for this type of porn. A
substantial percentage of all Internet searches perhaps as high as 25 percent are for
pornographic material (De Botton). If that doesn't seem crazy, in 2013 the Huffington Post came
out with the fact that porn sites are viewed more each month than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter,
combined (Dines). When we as a society give attention and views to mainstream porn we
unknowingly create a demand, whether we want to or not. So what are some possible solutions to
this huge problem?
We as consumers of media need to create a demand for better, healthy porn. It's easy to
assume that there really isn't any good porn out there because the mainstream genre completely
dominates the industry. However, there are tons of great sources. An example of this is feminist
porn, which is often created by women or with the intention that it appeals to a broader audience
beyond men. Porn plays a significant role in shaping sexual culture so the more porn that
reflects a feminist perspective on sex, the better off we will all be (OConnor). Another good
resource is queer porn, which is fantastic because it shows an accurate representation of people

of the LGBTQ+ community, people of color, plus size people, etc. It is also is great because it
portrays accurate examples of what queer sex is really like, something that is frequently missing
from mainstream porn. Even though these are great examples of good porn, it's extremely
difficult to easily access these sources. Since there is less of a demand for alternative sources of
porn, sites often charge for subscriptions, or per watch. Its clear that viewers don't want to spend
money on porn when they could be getting it for free on sites like Pornhub (Turner). However,
its important to keep in mind that most of the porn that is free contains tons of negative content.
Most alternative porn sites have little to no sponsors and many directors work under the DIY
genera with small budgets. It's important to support artists who are doing good in the porn
industry rather than giving views to sites that degrade women and harm our well-being.
We need to create a demand for porn with consent. What does that mean exactly? A
perfect example is the Rough Sex series of videos by Tristan Taormino. She begins each scene
with lengthy interviews with both performers, discussing why rough sex appeals to them. Only
then do we get to watch them go at it, but by then, there is plenty of context for what is
happening, and we know very well that, in fact, they care about one another and are enjoying
what they are doing (OConnor). Consent is super important, if this type of porn was something
a teenager saw when perusing porn sites, they might begin to think maybe I should do that with
my partner (Turner). Porn and media in general has a way of influencing how we think about
sex (Gavrieli), and if this was the porn people were seeing, our perceptions would change very
quickly. However, many people don't want to take the time to watch two people consenting to
one another (Turner). This is a serious problem because it's difficult to change how consumers
pick the porn they will watch, keep in mind that the status quo is the way it is for a reason. We
need to do our best to become conscious consumers, and encourage others to do the same. Its

better for our well-being and it's better for young viewers who will eventually see porn once in
their life (OLeary). Its not that complicated.
Opening up conversation about this subject is one of the most simplest and important
things you can do. One of the main problems with the status quo is that we aren't talking about it,
and that only perpetuates it and allows it to get worse. As Elizabeth Schroeder, the executive
director of Answer, a national sex-education organization based at Rutgers University, said:
Your child is going to look at porn at some point. Its inevitable (OLeary). Its extremely
difficult to get parents and schools more comfortable when talking about this subject, because it's
considered so taboo in our current culture. There are tons of conflicting opinions when it comes
to this subject, and it will take a long time before we as a society are able to openly discuss this
topic. However, without these important conversations children will internalize the messages
from porn. So if you can counteract those messages through conversation (OLeary) we can
teach them about healthy sexual relationships, real sex, and most importantly, consent.
If you don't decide to change your porn habits, or youre still too embarrassed to talk
about it, one of the most healthy things you can do for yourself is notice how porn affects your
personal life. In the TEDTalk Why I Stopped Watching Porn, Ran Gavrieli discusses how media
in general has an effect on your personal thoughts and emotions, especially porn. You as a viewer
and consumer of media need to become conscious of how porn can infiltrate and affect your
personal thoughts, and fantasies. Just like how when people eat badly, we dont try to stop them
from eating altogether. We hope to improve their diet (De Botton). As Gavrelli says,
mainstream porn doesn't agree with our well-being, and it's our responsibility to treat our
bodies and minds with respect.

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Mainstream porns often violent images are having a negative effect on the viewer.
Unhealthy messages about body image and sexuality are affecting the consciousnesses of boys
who are learning to become aggressors, and girls who are taught to be submissive. These
problems will continue to persist until we are able to open up conversations and create a demand
for change in the industry. Currently the status quo of mainstream porn isn't good. Pornography
at its basic is sending very skewed messages about beauty, sex, sexuality, relationships, and
consent. Since the internet, porn has found a way to get onto almost every computer screen
making it inescapable (Dines). Mainstream pornography especially affects our culture and
changes the way we think about sex (Dines). lack of education and demand for better,
inclusive, body positive, consent based porn has allowed this problem to persist. As consumers
of media we need to create change for what we want to see in the mainstream porn industry. This
is a problem that not only affects viewers but affects everyone. Kids first see porn from ages 6 to
7 and if that's their first intro to sex, think of how skewed their perception will become. Its our
job to make sure the next generation won't grow up in a world where these messages are
constantly bombarding their thoughts and changing their ideas about sex before they even enter a
relationship. We owe it to the young girls who will learn to hate their bodies because of lousy
representation, they deserve better. We owe it to the young boys who will learn to devalue their
abilities as loving partners, they deserve better. But most importantly we owe it to ourselves
because this type of pornography does not agree with our personal well-being. We deserve
better!

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Works Cited

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"Violence Against Women." (2010): n. pag. Media.virbcdn. Sage Publications,

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2010. Web. 1 Dec. 2015.

De Botton, Alain. "On Making Better Porn." Purple.fr. Purple INSTITUTE, 2015. Web. 29
Jan. 2016.
Dines, Gail. "Yes, Pornography Is Racist." Ms. Magazine Blog. Ms. Magazine, 27 Aug. 2010.
Web. 31 Jan. 2016.
"Facts About Sexual Assault." Listen. The New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault, 4
Jan. 2009. Web. 01 Feb. 2016.
Growing Up in a Pornified Culture. Perf. Gail Dines. TedxTalks. TED Conferences, 29 Apr.
2015. Web. 18 Nov. 2015.
Hakala, Kate. "75 Percent of Men Want Their Partners to Look Just Like Their Porn Stars."
Nerve. This Life, Inc, 20 Feb. 2014. Web. 28 Jan. 2016.
"Labiaplasty and Buttock Augmentation Show Marked Increase in Popularity." Press Center.
Surgery.org, Mar. 2014. Web. 24 Jan. 2016.
Langley, Liz. "Why Porn Can Be Good For You (And Society)." Alternet. Alternet, 23 Feb.
2012. Web. 18 Dec. 2015.
Monllos, Kristina. "Inside Pornhub's Crusade to Tear Down the Taboos of Watching Sex
Online." AdWeek. AdWeek, 18 Dec. 2014. Web. 18 Dec. 2015.
O'Connor, Russell. "What Does Feminist Porn Look Like?" Everyday Feminism. Everyday
Feminism, 7 Sept. 2013. Web. 17 Dec. 2015.
OLeary, Amy. "So How Do We Talk About This?" The New York Times. The New York Times,
09 May 2012. Web. 21 Jan. 2016.
Porn Sex vs. Real Sex: The Differences Explained With Food. Huffington Post. Kornhaber
Brown, 2014. Online Video.

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Turner, Emma. "The Negative Effects of Watching Porn." Personal interview. 31 Dec. 2015.
Why I Stopped Watching Porn. Perf. Ran Gavrieli. YouTube. YouTube, 26 Oct. 2013. Web.
17 Nov. 2015.

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