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Jasmine Davis
UWRT 1101
Instructor: Fran Voltz
10, February 2016
Inside the Mind of a Thinker
For five minutes I was challenged to sit and do nothing other than let my mind and
thoughts run their course. As the introverted type of person (or as the person society says I am
since I am usually not the first one to enter a room and introduce themselves and I prefer to
spend my free time nose-deep in a good book or somewhere writing poetry), this was not as hard
for me to do and the results produced were not as surprising as I thought they would be. I think a
lot on the regular. I spend most of my time thinking about the things that run through my mind,
and also why they are the things that are on my mind. The thoughts change, the content of why
and the content of the things themselves change. This paper will be a reflection of the things that
I worry about the most, stress over and care deeply about. I have spent a lot of time deciphering
these very common thoughts of mine and hope you can learn a little more about me through
reading this, as I have learned a little more about myself, through thinking about these things.
The first few second were spent thinking about the assignment the meditation pertained to I often
spend a lot of time thinking about the things I need to have completed by a certain time. I am a
very detail-orientated person so I am always looking at the facts, thinking about how to execute
the task at hand, then I will go back and re-read the guidelines and stipulations. Then my mind
jumped to a song that just popped in my head prior to starting the meditation, How Do I Breathe
by Mario. I am always listening to music, gospel music to be exact, but I was singing both gospel
and secular music in my mind. When I thought about how the two connect, I figured

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the connection lies within the content of the songs. The songs (even though falling under
two different categories) were both uplifting songs. Songs that made me feel good and
encouraged.
I am working on being more positive so I often listen to songs that are motivational and
uplifting. I am also trying to get rid of all negative things and people in my life, so I am always
looking for a way to be more positive and to remove myself from negative things as a whole
until I am where I want to be: positively myself. When I think about the positive songs or allow
them to play over and over in my head, it makes me feel an internal change, or like an internal
change is about to happen, and that really gets my spirits high.
Shortly after the music stopped, my thought track switched to the things I am still
working on with myself. There are some things in my life I am trying to get over and trying to
move on from that I believe hinder me from progressing in life. Some of these thoughts make me
a little depressed because they are things I know can never be changed or reversed. If they could
be reversed, then I would be a little happier (or so I think). These thoughts are memories of the
life changing events that took place in my life in April and June six years ago. The memories of
losing my mother to cancer and witnessing my youngest brothers death make me sad and hurt
me all at the same time. I have gotten a little better as the time passes, but I am not fully healed.
When something so life changing happens, like losing your mother and youngest brother
at thirteen years old, it often takes a while to get back on your feet. Being okay with what
happened and accepting what happened takes even longer sometimes, depending on the situation.
It has been nearly six years and the pain is still there, the memories still make me cry and the
events that took place on those days are ever so clear. These are the thoughts that take the

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motivation to be more optimistic and to live more optimistically in life oh so difficult. These
thoughts and memories shift slowly, then rapidly.
The thoughts that come into my mind next are thoughts that cause confusion. These
thoughts come in rapidly after the life changing thoughts. These thoughts spark confusion
because they are more memories than anything and the memories of a stage in my life where I
thought I found real love and I am still trying to convince myself of some things in relation to
that specific time in my life. The confusion also comes from the fact I never gained closure from
the situation and from the other person who I began to seek closure from. I waited too long to
decide that I wanted closure, and now the things that I have questions about are still unanswered,
almost three years later. I want to know if the feelings I had were real for him like they were for
me.
The memories are often sparked by something simple. It can be something as simple as
the color purple, since that is his favorite color. Something totally innocent like the car someone
is driving or watching a sports game on television. These things trigger the memories and
thoughts because that subject is still sensitive to me. The connection between these memories
and the life-changing memories is the time. The life-changing memories came about a year prior
to the memories that I want closure for. Well refer to them as summertime memories.
The summertime memories are still close to me for two reason. The first one I mentioned
already: I was seeking closure and never gained it. The second reason they are still relevant is
because I still hold onto some of the feelings that were once there, in regards to the situation.
These summertime memories get me both emotional and agitated. Mostly because of what
happened during those times.

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There were no gaps between these thoughts and the proceeding thoughts. I experienced a
lot of emotions in a small amount of time. Five minutes seems like a lot when not doing
anything, but in reality it is a very short amount of time. In this time frame I learned quite a few
things that I already knew, but on a different level. I learned that I am a person who holds onto a
lot of things from my past. Some things I have held onto are positive and some are not, yet they
are not necessarily negative.
For instance, the summertime thoughts are memories that I have held onto for quite some
time. Those memories (as I have come to know) are the very reason why I have yet to move on
from that time (not necessarily negative). I also believe they are the reason that I still care in
situations where I should not. I also learned the way I carry myself and the demeanor I have is a
direct result of the things that I think about.
When I think about the tragic life-changing events that have taken place in my life, I am
often in a melancholy mood. Sometimes I even find myself writing poems that reflect that mood.
There will be other times when I think about the events that took place and find the joy in the
memories instead of the sadness, and I am blithe or ecstatic (positive). I always have these
thoughts on my mind, I am always going through these experiences, yet I never really took the
time to see it all in one space. It was like staring at a blank canvas, then all of a sudden so
many splashes and splatters of color are rushing at the canvas and leaving their mark. The colors
are leaving their name (memory, stain and impression) on the canvas. My thoughts were
imprinting their meaning on my mind and essentially in my life.
I was surprised at how quickly and how slowly the thoughts moved and transformed. I
was more surprised at the unpredictable time when they moved by quickly or when they would
move slowly. I found the joyous memories moved by slower than the solemn memories. I guess

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it is because we usually spend more time looking at things that have gone wrong than about the
happier things that go right in our lives. I was surprised at how I was able to still vividly
remember some of those things.
I was annoyed with how the thoughts and memories changed. I would begin to really
think about the memories and why I still thought about them, and then it would change. I hate
starting things and not finishing them, that was really annoying. I was also annoyed at the fact
that a majority of the thoughts and memories were the same, had the same theme. The theme
between all of the thoughts was the time. Every memory and thought that went through my mind
during those five minutes were the result of events that took place way too fast. Maybe I should
say they happened quicker than I would have liked.
I was pleased that the first thoughts I had and the last thoughts I had were about my faith.
My faith as in the thoughts were about God and His son Jesus Christ. Personally I have been in a
place where I am trying to focus more on Him and our relationship. I am always pleased with the
happy thoughts of my mother and brother. The past few months I have been feeling really sad
and the life-changing thoughts and memories I make reference to are in regard to the two of
them. When I remember the happy times, that is when I am in a good place. The thoughts of the
two of them (the happy ones) please me as well.
I learned that I am a very emotional person. I also learned that most of the things that ran
through my mind during these five minutes were things that I typically spend a lot of time
worrying/stressing about. I did not know that my mind is always shifting so much and so swiftly.
My mind works much like I do. I say that because I am always looking for something new,
something different to engage in. Although I am an introvert, I am constantly on the look for
things to get myself involved in. Always looking for a new way to do something or a new way to

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perfect my craft (poetry). What is new is the majority of my thoughts are based off time. Time is
something that I am always focused on. Inside the mind of a thinker, things tend to be a little
deeper!