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For my peer-editing workshop, my partner was Brittney Pillow. After she looked over my paper
she gave me some good feedback. She said I needed more details in my paper and to really get
into the topic. There were also some places that needed to be reworded to sound better and make
more sense. I didnt have much of my paper done but she helped me come up with some good
ideas. There were grammar mistakes also that she helped me fix after we talked about the ideas.

Cassidy Davis
Professor Knudson
UWRT 1101-06
16 February 2016
She asked for it
There is always going to be a problem with girls getting raped and the guys excuse is
she asked for it. It may be because of the way she dressed, or maybe because of flirting or just
being nice. If she says no, even if she is wearing a crop top and shorts that might be a little too
short; it does not mean she asked for it in any circumstance. No one asks to be raped. Women
that drink alcohol are not asking for it either, and men are not the only ones that can drink and
have a conversation. Being outgoing does not mean that a woman wants sex. The belief that a
woman asked for it, by being attractive or flirtatious is one of many cultural myths is our
society. It is a way of thinking that causes judging, and excuses and allows people to make bad
decisions that harm relationships and creates victims.
Dressing in a certain manner does not mean that it is okay for that person to be raped by
another person. When I go out I dress to impress myself and feel good about myself and feel
pretty, I dont go to impress boys and for them to want me. Im just trying to have a good night
and have fun, which everyone deserves. Boys should be able to control themselves when looking
at a girl and not have the intention to just have sex with them. We are not just our body; we are
so much more and it takes real men to understand that.
My friend from high school went to a party when we were juniors, and I decided to stay
home that night but got a very disturbing phone call that morning. She called me crying because
she was in a bed with no clothes on and didnt remember what had happened. Yes, she was

dressed in shorts and a tank top, and she said she drank a little too much. She did remember a
little bit, and she did remember saying no to the guy, but she had no strength to stop him. He kept
telling her yes you want this and come on just let it happen. I absolutely consider this rape,
but some would say she asked for it because of her actions and attire. After this happened, she
was never the same. The guilt she felt; has changed her actions, but the mistake was also his.
After this occurrence, she was scared to go out, scared to wear certain clothes, and scared to
drink. Women shouldnt have to be scared to do those things in fear of getting raped. My friend
had to see two different therapists before being able to go out again. However, she is not the
same and you can tell she is still scared. She shouldnt have to spend her life at home scared of
going out and having fun because of this a guy that blamed the rape on her.
Our media is full of stories of young men assaulting young women. Teenagers at parties
that got out of hand. But while there are many articles discussing what we should or should not
tell the girls, there is little said about teaching boys to manage their sexual feelings to understand
what is and what is not consent, and to tolerate feeling rejected or frustrated by a girl. The article
We are never asking for it in Modern Mom says this perfectly. Media tells girls what they
cant wear and what not to say. Just as much effort should go into teaching boys to have more
control. I have been in situations before in which I get asked to dance and the guy tries to kiss
me, and I push them off. This happens at parties, and when I say no they get mad or upset. It
makes no sense for them to get mad just because we dont do what they want. Media is a huge
part in this culture because boys see sexual content portrayed in media with the she asked for it
excuse further making guys believe that if a woman dresses or acts in such a way and they take
advantage that it is not their fault.
Another example is the paper we had to read for class about gender inequality. Both

parties, the girl and the boy, should be equally responsible and should involve equal consent.
Consent should be clear and verbal. Clothes do not convey consent. Wearing certain clothes
does not mean the person is asking for it. Clothes cant talk, and an outfit or gesture can be
misconstrued. Zoe is 16 years old. She has been dating Nick, who she really likes, for three
months. He has been pressuring her lately for sex and blow jobs. She is not ready for either and
has told him so several times. He keeps pushing. Nick invites Zoe to the school formal and
takes her out for a nice dinner. He hints at wanting the night to be special. Zoe isnt exactly
sure what he means, but she does consider that he is expecting sex. She does not say no ahead of
time. Nick has stopped when she said no in the past. Nick arranges for everyone else to be
dropped off by the limousine first. When they are alone in the limousine they start to kiss. This
is pretty typical. They really like each other. However, this time when Zoe says no Nick uses
force. Hes stronger than Zoe and she cannot stop him. Afterward Nick says she led him on and
she should have known it was going to happen. If you are allowed to say no to somebody
borrowing your car, why wouldnt you be allowed to say no about having sex? When we give the
message that she should have known, or was asking for it, we give the message that a woman
does not have the right to control her body on a case by case basis. This is still assault. This is a
perfect scenario of how guys blame girls for their actions. They think, because she looked pretty
he couldnt control himself and it is her fault. Guys must realize not to get so caught up in the
moment and realize that no, means no and failure to control oneself equals force and rape and is
against the law. Not only is it against the law, it is disrespectful to themselves and the partner,
and this mistake ruins a lot of relationships and causes family issues. This guilt placed onto the
victim can also results in suicide.

Another activity that adds to the misconception of she asked for it is the impact that
drinking alcohol adds to the situation. If a male drinks too much, the perception is not the same
as for a female. Males that drink too much are not seen as sexual targets. Females that are under
the influence are more likely to be targeted for a sexual encounter. Guys should not assume a girl
that has had too much to drink wants sex. If she cant walk or talk normal, then she cannot give
her consent and therefore she cannot say yes or no. If she cant answer, then the answer is no. No
answer or the inability to consent does not imply a yes for sexual consent regardless of the
persons attire or previous flirting. If there is no have consent and sexual activity occurs then the
situation that has resulted is rape. If you are a guy and you are sober and you see a girl drunk
walking down the street and you take advantage of her that act is definitely rape. A woman
should be able to walk nude down a street and not be targeted for rape. No one has the right to
force themselves on another and then dispel the responsibility due to clothing, alcohol, or
gestures. To insure sexual actions are understood and welcome, one must first ask and get a
verbal yes.
Women should not have to suffer due to the acceptance of this cultural misconception.
Society should stop focusing so much on instructing women how to not dress to not get raped,
but should also teach men that taking advantage of misconception is wrong and that no means
no. I think people look at she was asking for it as just a phrase or an excuse and do not
understand how serious this belief is or how many problems this misconception causes for
women physically and emotionally. Adding to a victims pain and suffering, by making them feel
responsible for being victimized is wrong, especially when it lessens the impact or punishment to
the one that abuses their power.

There has been in recent years, especially on college campuses, some attempt to dispel
they cultural myth of she asked for it, by educating students beyond the concept of no means
no, and moving to the belief that the answer is always no until you obtain consensual verbal
yes. This is helping society to move away from victim blaming. The concept of victim
blaming has been realized to be when the victim is seen somewhat responsible for the crime, due
to their actions. It is the more legal definition of she asked for it. In fact the affirmative
consent law, better known as yes means yes law has been passed in Michigan, New York, and
California. This law requires state funded colleges to have policies that enforce that only yes
means yes for sexual consent. Many other universities have voluntarily adopted these rules and
requires students to take on line training and sign off on their agreement to follow these
guidelines and report incidences. This focus on the responsibility of both parties to clarify their
intentions and obtain verbal consent should reduce the occurrences of rape, and the excuse of
she asked for it.
Blaming the victim and reducing the responsibility of ones actions through the
statement of this cultural misconception is wrong and causes harm to our society. Requiring
respect for the individual and not assuming that you know what they want because of the way
they dress, dance, or even because they have had too much to drink is the antithesis of she asked
for it. Some people think that requiring a yes for sexual consent from both parties is going too
far, but if it prevents rape or any other action that takes unwelcome advantage of another person,
they I welcome this change in our culture and societal beliefs. Cultural misconceptions such as
this one must be broken, and the way to change such thinking by education and awareness and in
some cases making it the law. No means no, but even stricter is yes means yes. No more
excuses. No more she asked for it.

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