Michaela McKie

UWRT 1101
Professor Knudson
19 April, 2016

McKie1

Workshop Memo
On Thursday, April 14, we had a workshop memo. I am personally glad we did this
because I got a lot of ideas and pointers to make my paper better. I was struggling a little bit
because I got stuck with22 what I wanted to talk about, but this helped me get back on track and
helped me figure out which direction I wanted to go to make this a better paper. I feel like I had a
lot to say and could relate to my question of inquiry and thesis statement. Having my descriptive
notes also helped me with this paper and what I wanted to talk about, which Professor Knudson
helped me come up with.

Michaela McKie
McKie2
UWRT 1101
Professor Knudson
19 April, 2016
Ethnography: How does grief affect someones relationship with God?
How does grief affect faith? Perhaps a more useful question is how does faith affect
grief? Losing a loved one is challenging, but how do we cope from this tragic loss? Who is
affected from this grief? There are a lot of unanswered questions that people have that has to deal
with death. God has a crazy way of getting our attention and an even crazier way on how he
works, but he always has a plan. There is a question that is lingering in my mind. How does grief
effect someones relationship with God? There are different ways people deal with grief. It is
influenced by a wide variety of things that include personality, family, culture, personal
experiences and spiritual and religious beliefs and practices. Each person follows their own
unique path through grief that is unlike that of any other person.
On Saturday, March 19, 2016, I attended a candlelight vigil for the death of Columbus
Simmons. While I was at this vigil, I felt like I was at church. Personally I did not know CJay
but in that hour of being outside in the brisk and cold winds, I felt like I knew CJay. I felt chills
and an instant desire to cry along with the family like I knew him. Thats when I felt his spirit in
the air. The prayers from the Mothers of Murdered Offspring were powerful. Everybody
standing out there including myself was touched by the word that God gave her to share with us.
For every one of those 5 minutes of her praying, we forgot how cold we were and let the Holy
spirit just take over. In her prayer, she asked God to heal the family and take the pain away from
his loved ones. She knew that it wasnt going to happen instantly but she trusted in God that it
was going to get better for them over time. She also prayed that they will continue to praise God
through all their circumstances. Why is prayer so powerful? In the bible it reminds us how
powerful it can be. For example, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says Rejoice always, pray continually,
give thanks in all circumstances; for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus. People tend to

Michaela McKie
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UWRT 1101
Professor Knudson
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sometimes forget to pray and give thanks while going through something. No matter what your
going through, you are still expected to praise, and thats exactly what I experienced at Cjays
vigil. Just by being there, with all his family and people who loved him, I saw that he touched a
lot of peoples lives, including mine. There was a woman out there who had to remind all of us
standing outside that God was still there. Even though he took away someone that a lot of people
loved, we had to remember that God always has a plan. Everything happens for a reason and we
could not let CJays death go in vain. There is a reason why people have to remind you that God
is still there. Why? You feel lonely, abandoned, and in your mind, you think that God isnt
supposed to let you go through this. He is supposed to be there because you are feeling lonely
and abandoned. Continuously asking Him Why would you chose me to go through this and
nobody else?
Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under
heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Many Bible
stories demonstrate how God comforts His people in times of sorrow and loss. While at
candlelight vigil, CJays mother broke down calling on the name of Jesus. Right at that moment
everyone under the sound of her voice started crying. Feeling her pain, and listening to her
screaming out to God to take her pain away made me stop to think Is her faith strong enough?
Has she had her doubts on why God took her only son away? There are two different ways that
people deal with obstacles in their lives. They either draw closer to God, or they have lost all
faith Him. What people fail to realize is that God works in very mysterious ways. He does not
give you what you want when you want it. He will put you through obstacles to test your faith.
One scripture that explains this and that I have heard my whole life is
James 1:2-8 says Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for

Michaela McKie
McKie4
UWRT 1101
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19 April, 2016
you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have
its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you
lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will
be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a
wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
This scripture really spoke to me. You cant let this trial or tribulation alter your faith, because
God is only testing it. He is not trying to punish you; he is only making you stronger through
faith. God is a jealous God. He loves it when you have to depend on and need Him. Even when
you think you cant take it anymore or feel that you want to give up, there is one scripture that
will remind you why you are going through what your going through and God knows you can
handle this tribulation and use it as a testimony.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will
not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide
the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
God will not give you more than you can bear. He gives the hardest battle to his strongest
soldiers.
While going through tribulations, we tend to forget about scriptures, church, and even
God. Some people give up, commit suicide, and relationships get ruined. James McKie Jr, the
first African American gastroenterologist in Greensboro N.C, was diagnosed with Alzheimers
disease in July 2011. Before his diagnosis, he went to church, prayed and was all about his
family. He experienced three strokes on the left side of his brain. Due to that, he could not
practice medicine anymore. After the doctors told him the most devastating news of his life, he

Michaela McKie
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Professor Knudson
19 April, 2016
stopped living. He gave up on his wife, his kids, and his friends and took all the anger out on
God. He ended up becoming an atheist. Why? He felt that God was abandoning him. Grief not
only affects you but it affects others around you. Grief not only affects others around you but it
plays a major role in relationships. According to the US National Library of Medicine National
Institutes of Health, an average of 18.05 years following the death, when parents were age 53,
bereaved parents reported more depressive symptoms, poorer well-being, and more health
problems and were more likely to have experienced a depressive episode and marital disruption
than were comparison parents. For parents, the suspension of the relationship with the child
causes anxiety and other negative emotions dealing with loss. Parents might also experience guilt
about having been unable to protect the child. Each year more than 300,000 children die in
America, leaving thousands of families to cope with this tragedy. Male and females tend to have
their different ways with coping. Generally, females tend to grieve more deeply in an intense
manner and for longer periods of time. On the other hand, males tend to focus more on tasks
than relationships, they are defined more by their work than emotional ties. Their grief becomes
far more private and less observable. Our social norms tell men that they should not cry, they are
the family protector, they have to be strong for the family, so they suppress their grief. Women
are allowed to cry while men are to be strong. They forget about the relationship they had. They
dont converse or talk with each other about what is going on, they forget why they married in
the first place.
Everybody has their own way with grieving. The grieving process does not have a time
on it. Everyone takes their own time to deal with what is going on. Everyone experiences grief
and a sense of loss following the death of a loved one. But the way that people have and express
these feelings differs across cultures. Culture is the mix of beliefs, values, behaviors, traditions,

Michaela McKie
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19 April, 2016
and rituals that members of a cultural group share. Each culture has its own rituals and have their
own expression of grief. There is no correct way to grieve. Bereavement rituals that are normal
to one culture may seem strange to another one. For example, African American churches have a
way of dealing with deaths and funerals or as they call it Home goings. However, Catholic
churches are a little bit different. It is not appropriate for people to see you crying, and showing
your emotions while praising. You have to keep your composure or you would be looked at like
youre crazy. In an African American church or home going, it was expected from you to be
crying and shouting. If you couldnt keep your composure, it was okay and nobody would look
at you any differently.
While grieving it is normal to feel like it is never ending, disabling and life-changing and
is not experienced as a severe threat to the survivor's identity, sense of self-worth, feeling of
security, safety or hopes for future happiness. Earl Grollman once said Grief is not a disorder, a
disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you
pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve. Although while grieving, it is okay to feel
angry, depressed, and denial, but about 10% of people end up dealing with a rare syndrome,
prolonged grief disorder (PGD). This disorder consists of a distinct set of symptoms following
the death of a loved one. The symptoms include intense yearning for the person, identity
confusion, difficulty accepting the loss, bitterness, emotional numbness, inability to trust others
and the feeling of being trapped in grief. Researchers have found that 10-20% of people
experience a prolonged response to bereavement that not only impacts the person but also has
long-term effects on health. There is no easy way to deal with a death of a loved one. You can
either make the situation turn around for the better, or let it take a major, negative, and life
threating effects on your life. Isnt that where God is supposed to come in? One might ask, but

Michaela McKie
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19 April, 2016
we forget that God is a comforting God. "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for
I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous
right hand." (New International Version, Isaiah41:10)
A common feeling of people dealing with loss is the feeling of going crazy. You go
through the 5 steps of grieving and all the emotions you go through are strong and intense. Its
normal and healthy. People fear grief and want to avoid it, but the only way it can get better is if
you face it. Grieving is the only way to get over the pain. People who are grieving often think
they are the only ones that feel alone. You're not crazy, and you're not alone. Everybody has their
own way with dealing with trials and tribulations that happen in their life, but thats okay. Your
grieving process is as unique as your personality.

Michaela McKie
UWRT 1101
Professor Knudson
19 April, 2016

McKie8

Work Cited

Michaela McKie
McKie9
UWRT 1101
Professor Knudson
19 April, 2016
Prigerson, Holly G., and Paul K. Maciejewski. "Prolonged Grief Disorder: Psychometric
Validation of Criteria Proposed for DSM-V and ICD-11." PLoS Medicine. Public Library
of Science, 7 Aug. 2009. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
"Living Through Grief." CBN.com (beta). He Christian Broadcasting Network, n.d. Web. 14
Apr. 2016
Kerschen, Jeffery. "Faith and Grief." Faith and Grief. Hynes Memorial, n.d. Web. 14 Apr. 2016
"Understanding Grief Within a Cultural Context." Cancer.Net. Cancer.Net Editorial Board, 23
July 2013. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.
"Bible Gateway Passage: Isaiah 41:10 - New International Version." Bible Gateway. N.p., n.d.
Web. 16 Apr. 2016.