1212 Communication

Effective Communication
INTRODUCTION
An organization is a group of people associated for business, political, professional, religious,
athletic, social, or other purposes. Its activities require human beings to interact and react,
that is , to communicate. They exchange information, ideas, plans; order needed supplies;
make decisions, rules, proposals, contracts, and agreements. Communication is the
lifeblood of every organization. People in organizations typically spend over 75% of their
time in an interpersonal situation; thus it is no surprise to find that at the root of a large
number of organizational problems is poor communications. Effective communication is an
essential component of organizational success whether it is at the interpersonal, intergroup,
intra-group, organizational, or external levels.
Communication can be considered as a personal process that involves the transfer of
information and also involves some behavioral input. Communication is something people do.
It has all to do with relationships between people and consists of the transfer of information
and understanding between parts and people in an organization, and the various modes and
media involved in the communication. Another way of looking at communication is as an
interpersonal process of sending and receiving symbols with meanings attached to them
resulting in the exchange of information and shared understanding between people. So a
measure of the effective management of interpersonal communication is that information is
passed, and relationships are built.
Effective Communication is therefore critical to the success of an organization because
Organisations today are becoming more complex both in structure and technology.
Economic and market conditions are forcing greater efficiency and quality at minimum
cost in manufacturing and services.
Government legislation requires managers to interpret the changing implications for
policies and practices in their own organisation.
People at work have high expectations from their employers not just high wages, but
also greater personal job satisfaction.
Organizations are becoming more dependant on horizontal communication channels.
With increased complexity, information needs to flow quickly between specialists rather
than go up and back down the hierarchy, with its inevitable delay and message
distortion.
Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS
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So when we look at the changes that are taking place in organizations today, it is clear that
managers, to be effective, require communication performance at high levels of excellence.
The Importance and Benefits of Effective Communication

Communication is the lifeblood of every organization. A vital means of attending to company
concerns is through effective internal communication downward, upward, and horizontal.
Communication is the medium through an organization accomplishes its goals It leads to greater effectiveness
It keeps people in the picture.
It gets people involved with the organization and :
increases motivation to perform well;
increases commitment to the organization.
It makes for better relationships and understanding between :
boss and sub-ordinates
colleagues
people within the organization and outside it
It helps people understand the need for change :
how they should manage it;
how to reduce resistance to change.
Purposes of Communication Managers need to be effective communicators to

achieve positive results in todays organisations. Some of the purposes are
Seeking or receiving information, encouragement, control, selling proposals,
confrontation.
Talking to different levels within the hierarchy to individuals, to groups, to
departments and externally to customers, suppliers, vendors, and other
professionals.
Using both formal communication - Meetings, reports, proposals, notices; and
Informal communication - counseling, advising, talking to other employees.
Working in different roles: as Chairman, project leader, analyst, subordinate ,
colleague.
Evaluating communications : are they facts, opinions, gossip ?
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Building up networks to obtain real information which may be given freely or concealed
which means you need to ask the right questions, or else you will find yourself
drowned in data but starved of information.
Trying to influence those over whom you have no power.
ORGANISATIONAL COMMUNICATION
Organisational communication can be External Communication and Internal Communication.
Internal Communication is within the organisation, whereas, External Communication is the
communication with the external stakeholders of the organisation. The importance and the
purpose of the communication in organisation has been explained above.
Communication in organizations use two basic channels formal and informal. Both are
important and both carry messages sometimes reinforcing and sometimes conflicting
throughout the organisation.
Formal channels are ones which have been set up by the organisation. Messages flow in
three directions : downwards, upwards and sideways . The downward message consists
primarily of information which is necessary for any staff to carry-out their work, such as
policies and procedures, orders and requests which are passed down the appropriate level in
the hierarchy. Upward messages are reports, requests, opinions, complaints. Sideways
messages are between different departments, functions or people at the same level in the
organisation.
There tend to be strict rules about the use of these formal channels. For communication to be
effective, all three channels need to be open and unblocked at all times. The upward channel
is the one which blocks most easily, and when this happens it is an indicator that an
organisations policies, procedures and employee relations need to be reviewed.
Informal Channels spring up by virtue of common interests between people in the
organisation these interests may be caused by work, social or outside relationships. The
grapevine is very powerful channel. It has been estimated that managers receive over half the
information they need for planning purposes through the grapevine. Its messages may
frequently be distorted, but they often carry more credibility than those coming from the
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formal channels. Informal channels become the only means of communication when the
formal channels become blocked or break-down.
The Communication Process

Although all of us have been communicating with others since our infancy, the process of
transmitting information from an individual (or group) to another is a very complex process
with many sources of potential error. To communicate well, we need to know ourselves and
our frames of references and to be able to assess other people.
CONTEXT
Stimuli
SENDER
ENCODING
(experiences, attitudes, skills)

Perception
Idea encoding
Symbol decisions
Sending mechanisms
MESSAGE
MEDIUM
Verbal,
Non-Verbal
DECODING
RECEIVER
(experiences, attitudes, skills)

Receptor Mechanism
Perception
Decoding
Idea interpretation
NOISE
FEEDBACK
Verbal, Non-Verbal
RESPONSE
The communication process involves :

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Two major parties in communication sender and receiver

Two major communication tools
message and medium
Four major communication functions encoding, decoding, response and
feedback. and
noise or barriers to communication that may interfere or distort the intended
communication.
Every message whether oral or written, begins with context a broad field that includes
country, culture, organization, and external and internal stimuli. External stimulus prompts you
to send a message whereas internal stimulus have an complex influence on how you
translate ideas into a message.
The encoding process refers to the forming of the messages to be sent and is influenced by
the knowledge, beliefs, biases, and feelings of the sender.
The message is the core idea you wish to communicate and it consist of both verbal (written
or spoken) symbols and non-verbal ( unspoken) symbols. Communication effectiveness also
depends upon the message forms Words, Paralanguage, Non-verbal behaviour.
Words are the phrases that we select to express the thought that we intend to communicate
including vocabulary, language, phrases, sentence structure and sentence clarity. Words can
insult, injure, or exalt. They can lead to costly errors, false hopes, or disillusionment. They can
evoke pride, loyalty, action or silence and are critical to the influence process. ( You are the
master of the words you are yet to say, but you are the slave of the words you have already
said. )
Paralanguage is the characteristics of the voice, such as rate of speech, diction, tone ,
rhythm and volume. Voice is a highly versatile instrument. Through it one can convey
enthusiasm, confidence, anxiety, urgency, serenity, and other states of mind and intent. The
ability of the voice to affect how something is said is known as paralanguage.
Non-verbal behaviour is anything that can be seen by the other person, such as gestures,
facial expression, eye contact, body language, positioning. Non-verbal cues serve as
windows to emotions, desires and attitudes.
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The medium depends upon the contextual factors and nature of the message discussed
above. The choice of medium is influenced by the relationship between the sender and the
receiver. Other factors that influence the choice of medium is importance, number of
receivers, communication costs, and the amount of information. For internal communication,
written media may be memos, reports, bulletins, job descriptions, posters, notes, employee
manuals etc.. Oral communication may take the form of staff meeting, face to face
discussions, audio tapes, telephonic conversations or videotapes. External communication
media may be letters, reports, proposals, telegrams, faxes, e-mail catalogues , new releases,
live presentations etc.
In obtaining the message, the receiver decodes the message through assimilation and
interpretation. During this process, the receivers knowledge, beliefs, biases, and perceptions
affect how well the message is understood and accepted. The receivers response is based
on his perception of the symbols based on his knowledge, belief and biases.
Feedback is the process by which the receiver communicates to the sender an
understanding of the message which was sent. Feedback can occur through words,
paralanguage and non-verbal communication. A question sent by the sender which is
answered by a receivers blank stare is as an example of a non-verbal feedback loop.
For a communication to be effective the senders encoding process must mesh with the
receivers decoding process i.e .effectiveness is a measure of reception coupled with
understanding. Research has indicated that
7% of the senders meaning is from the receivers perception and interpretation.
38% is conveyed by the receivers perception of senders voice.
55% is conveyed by the receivers interpretation of senders non-verbal cues.
However, communication does not occur in a vacuum . There is always noise or barriers to
communication. Noise is any activity, person or thing that disrupts or impedes
communication process and it can occur if the sender and the receiver do not have a common
frame of reference for communication.
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Barriers to Effective Communication

There are a wide number of sources of noise or interference that can enter into the
communication process which prevent the achievement of the desired result . Barriers to
Communication can be classified into three groups :
Barriers to reception
Environmental stimuli
The receivers attitudes and values
The receivers needs and expectations
Barriers to understanding :
Language and semantic problems
The ability of the receiver to listen and receive, especially messages which threatens
his or her self concept.
The length of the communication
Status effects
Barriers to acceptance :
Prejudices
Interpersonal conflicts between sender and receiver.
The following are the sources of noise or barriers to communication :
1. Physical
2. Mechanical
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3. Mental
4. Cross-cultural
5. Socio-psychological
1. Physical Barriers
Environmental Disturbances like traffic noise, loud sound, passing train etc.
Time and Distance
Personal Problems of health
Poor hearing ( due to defective hearing)
Poor presentation due to speech defects like stammering, lisping etc.
Poor verbal skills
2. Mechanical Barriers
Noisy transmission (unreliable messages, inconsistency)
The different media (machines or instruments) used for communication, very often
becomes the barrier. Non-availability of proper machines or presence of defective
machines.
Wrong channels or medium
3. Mental Barriers
From the senders point of view

ignorance of the language and
confused thinking are the mental barriers.
From the receivers point of view

ignorance of the language,
limitations in ability, intelligence and understanding
divided attention
are the serious mental barriers.
Semantic Problems occur when people use either the same word in different
ways, or different words in the same way. The choice of words or language in
which a sender encodes a message will influence the quality of communication.
Because language is a symbolic representation of a phenomenon, room for
interpretation and distortion of the meaning exists. Meaning has to be given to
words and many factors affect how an individual will attribute meaning to particular
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words. It is important to note that no two people will attribute the exact same
meaning to the same words.
Misreading of body language, tone and other non-verbal forms of communication
Receiver distortion: selective hearing, ignoring non-verbal cues .
Voice control - Pitch, modulation of voice helps in making communication
effective.
Communicators thinking should be clear.
4. Cross Cultural Barriers Effective communication requires deciphering the basic

values, motives, aspirations, and assumptions that operate across geographical lines.
Given some dramatic differences across cultures in approaches to such areas as time,
space, and privacy, the opportunities for mis-communication while we are in cross-cultural
situations are plentiful.
Values, Attitudes and Opinions
Pre-conceived notions : We judge people before they speak by allowing our
opinions and ideas of them come in the way of trying to know what the speaker is
saying.
Assumptions i.e. assuming others see situation same as you, has same feelings
as you
Status effects : power struggles
Defensiveness, distorted perceptions, guilt, projection, transference, distortions
from the past, negative emotions
Distrusted source, erroneous translation, value judgment, state of mind of two
people.
Perceptual Biases: People attend to stimuli in the environment in very different ways. We
each have shortcuts that we use to organize data. Invariably, these shortcuts introduce some
biases into communication. Some of these shortcuts include stereotyping, projection, and
self-fulfilling prophecies. Stereotyping is one of the most common. This is when we assume
that the other person has certain characteristics based on the group to which they belong
without validating that they in fact have these characteristics.
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Interpersonal Relationships: How we perceive communication is affected by the past

experience with the individual. Perception is also affected by the organizational relationship
two people have. For example, communication from a superior may be perceived differently
than that from a subordinate or peer
Overcoming barriers to communication

If communication is oral, it must be clear and not heavily accented.
Words must be chosen in such a way that miscommunication is avoided.
People should be oriented to listen with attention and read with concentration.
If instruments are used they should be in proper working condition.
The communicator should try to reach the audience by speaking and writing from their
point of view. The you attitude must be used on all occasions. Semantic noises must
be avoided.
All communication should try to persuade and not rush or overwhelm people.
Psychological barriers can be effectively overcome through persuasion.
Proper arrangement must be made to obtain feedback. The sooner you obtain
feedback the sooner will you be able to change your mode and manner of
communication and make it more effective.
Make sure you are using the proper channel of communication whether it is through
written, verbal or with visual aids.
Action to be taken to overcome barriers of effective communication

Sender
WHO : To whom should the message go ?
WHY : Why am I communicating ? what are my motives ?
WHAT : Decide what to communicate. Be clear about what you need to communicate.
WHEN : Choose the best time for optimum reception.
HOW : Use language the receiver will understand and which unambiguous.
WHERE : Choose a location which will not interfere with the reception, understanding and
acceptance of the message.
Keep checking with the receiver.
Receiver
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Be fully ATTENTIVE to sender

Listen ACTIVELY to the messages being sent.
ASK for clarifications, reception where necessary.
Keep checking with sender.
Together
Realize that misunderstandings are bound to occur, and be ALERT for all cues to this effect.
LISTEN, listen, listen, and listen again.
TEST your understanding of the message.
Share OPINIONS, feelings and perceptions generated by the message.
Reading Nonverbal Communication Cues

A large percentage (studies suggest over 90%) of the meaning we derive from
communication, we derive from the non-verbal cues that the other person gives. Often a
person says one thing but communicates something totally different through vocal intonation
and body language. These mixed signals force the receiver to choose between the verbal and
nonverbal parts of the message. Most often, the receiver chooses the nonverbal aspects.
Mixed messages create tension and distrust because the receiver senses that the
communicator is hiding something or is being less than candid. Nonverbal communication is
made up of the following parts:
Appearance
Body Language
Tactile
Vocal
Use of time, space, and image
Appearance - conveys non-verbal impressions that affect the receivers attitudes towards
the verbal messages even before they read or hear them. Personal appearance convey
impressions regarding occupation, age, nationality, social and economic levels, job status,
and good or poor judgments depending on circumstances. Similarly appearance of written
messages may impress the receiver as important, routine or junk mail. Appearance of the
surroundings has an effect on persons involved in the communication process.
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Body Language - includes facial expression, eye movement, posture, and gestures. The
face is the biggest part of this. All of us "read" people's faces for ways to interpret what they
say and feel. This fact becomes very apparent when we deal with someone with dark
sunglasses. Of course we can easily misread these cues especially when communicating
across cultures where gestures can mean something very different in another culture. For
example, in American culture the head going up and down whereas in India, a side-to-side
head movement might mean the same thing might indicate agreement. We also look to
posture to provide cues about the communicator; posture can indicate self-confidence,
aggressiveness, fear, guilt, or anxiety. Similarly, we look at gestures such as how we hold our
hands, or a handshake. Many gestures are culture bound and susceptible to
misinterpretation.
Tactile: This involves the use of touch to impart meaning as in a handshake, a pat on the
back, an arm around the shoulder, a kiss, or a hug.
Vocal: The meaning of words can be altered significantly by changing the intonation of one's
voice. Think of how many ways you can say "no"-you could express mild doubt, terror,
amazement, anger among other emotions. Vocal meanings vary across cultures. Intonation in
one culture can mean support; another anger .
Use of Time as Nonverbal Communication: Use of time can communicate how we view our
own status and power in relation to others. Think about how a subordinate and his/her boss
would view arriving at a place for an agreed upon meeting..
Physical Space: For most of us, someone standing very close to us makes us
uncomfortable. We feel our "space" has been invaded. People seek to extend their territory in
many ways to attain power and intimacy. We tend to mark our territory either with permanent
walls, or in a classroom with our coat, pen, paper, etc. We like to protect and control our
territory. For Americans, the "intimate zone" is about two feet; this can vary from culture to
culture. This zone is reserved for our closest friends. The "personal zone" from about 2-4 feet
usually is reserved for family and friends. The social zone (4-12 feet) is where most business
transactions take place. The "public zone" (over 12 feet) is used for lectures.
At the risk of stereotyping, we will generalize and state that Americans and Northern
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Europeans typify the noncontact group with small amounts of touching and relatively large
spaces between them during transactions. Arabs and Latins normally stand closer together
and do a lot of touching during communication.
Similarly, we use "things" to communicate. This can involve expensive things, neat or messy
things, photographs, plants, etc.
Image: We use clothing and other dimensions of physical appearance to communicate our
values and expectations
Nonverbal Communication:
A "majority" of the meaning we attribute to words comes not from the words themselves, but
from nonverbal factors such as gestures, facial expressions, tone, body language, etc.
Nonverbal cues can play five roles:
Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally
Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey
Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes
can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do
Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats
a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the
message
Accenting: non-verbal communication may accept or underline a verbal message.
Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message.
Skillful communicators understand the importance of nonverbal communication and use it to
increase their effectiveness, as well as use it to understand more clearly what someone else
is really saying. A word of warning. Nonverbal cues can differ dramatically from culture to
culture. An American hand gesture meaning "A-OK" would be viewed as obscene in some
South American countries.
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ANALYSIS OF COMMUNICATION
Any communication, whether oral or written can be analyzed to determine whether it is True,
False or Dont Know (unclear) or whether it is fact, hearsay or opinion. Both aspects of
analyzing communication are inter-related. Analyses of communication is necessary because,
often wrong feedback is generated as a result of assuming or presuming something in the
communication with possibly dangerous results, which were intended.
When a communication is received, the receiver, after listening attentively or reading carefully,
must be able to decide whether the contents of the communication are true, false or unclear.
Any communication or part of the communication is :
TRUE
FALSE
DONT KNOW
If it is an agreement with the fact that it is actual, accurate or correct.

Immediate feedback may be given.
If it is wrong, erroneous, deceptive, deceiving, untruthful, nor genuine
nor real. No feedback required.
If its is not clear and requires clarification from the sender before
feedback is given.
A communication is said to be a :
FACT
: If it relates to any act, deed or event that has happened or is happening.
HEARSAY
: If the communication relates to something which the communicator has
only heard about ( but not having actually seen ) and reports thereafter.
OPINION
: If it appears to be possibly true, or an estimation, or judgment, or view,
or idea of the communicator.
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When analyzing a communication do not :

ASSUME
: Take things said or written for granted at the face value or pretend to
possess hidden information or to take upon yourself that you are right.
PRESUME
: Take as true without examination of proof or assume or rely on or count
on unduly, the communication to be entirely true.
LISTENING SKILLS
Research has shown that people spend 48 % of their communication time in listening, 22 % in
speaking, 18 % in reading and 12 % in writing. Despite this, the average listener understands
and retains about half of what is said immediately after a presentation and within 48 hours,
this level drops off to 22%. Hence, listening is the most critical skills in the communication
process..
LEVELS OF INTENSITY
Let us first look at the different types of listening . Figure shows two types of listening and
three levels of listening intensity for both types.
ACTIVE
INTERACTIVE
Empathetic
Empathetic
Factual
Factual
Casual
Active listening occurs when a manager has little or

no opportunity to interact verbally with the speaker,
whereas interactive listening occurs when people
have the opportunity to interact verbally with the
speaker by asking questions or by summarizing.
The level of intensity reflects the relevance, the
importance, or the significance of the information
involved.
Four types of listeners have been identified. They

are the non-listeners, the marginal listeners, the
evaluative listeners, and the active listeners. The
non-listeners and the marginal listeners hear the words being spoken, but are pre-occupied,
uninterested, or busy preparing their next statement. These listeners are neither concerned
Casual
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with the message nor the context in which it is being presented. The evaluative listener
makes a sincere attempt to listen by paying attention to the speaker, but makes no effort to
understand the intent of the speakers message. This listener hears the words, but not the
feelings and the meaning of the words. The active listener hears and understands the
message. The active listeners full attention is on the content of the message and the intention
of the speaker.
Importance of Listening
To gain new information , ideas and data for decision making and thus aim at problem
solving.
To follow directions better and make fewer mistakes, and thereby become more
dependable.
A good listener stands out like a beacon of courtesy and fine manners in a sea of
competitive talkers.
Good listeners are better informed
Good listening spares embarrassment.
Good listening promotes understanding.
Listening does not mean agreement. It is a courtesy extended by the listener to the speaker. It
is a conscious physical effort to pay attention and thereby understand.
BARRIERS TO LISTENING - PHYSICAL BARRIERS
Prejudice against the speaker Attention is lost when the speakers position, attitude or
belief is entirely contrary to the listener.
External distraction the physical environment affects listening. Among the negative
factors are noisy fans, poor or glaring lights, distracting background music etc. which
might distract the listeners attention from the speakers message.
Thinking speed - We speak at an average speed of 125 w.p.m., but our brain is able
listen at a speed of 400 600 w.p.m.. Since the brain can listen faster than we can speak,
a listening gap occurs for the average person. This gap allows the mind to wander to
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thoughts unrelated to those being expressed by the speaker and influences the ability of
the receiver to accurately hear the message being sent
Semantic Stereotypes Internal reaction words vary from person to person, each list
influenced by feelings, attitudes, prejudices, and biases we carry within us. Hence , some
words cause negative reactions. We tune out the speaker because the words annoy us; it
shouts so loudly in the brain that effective listening is impaired.
PSYCHOLOGICAL BARRIERS
Premature evaluation - As a result of rapid thinking we race ahead to what we feel is the
conclusion. We anticipate. We arrive at the concluding thought quickly although often
one that is quite different from that the speaker intended.
Emotional blocks - popularly called as Deaf Spots prevent a person from taking in and
retain certain ideas. There are certain people who cannot listen to figures, to politics, or to
description of surgical operation.
Detouring - Delivery style of the speaker can put off or create interest in the listeners.
The tendency to criticise speakers manner, appearance, voice etc. impairs effective
listening.
Effective Listening skills

There are a number of situations when you need to solicit good information from others; these
situations include interviewing candidates, solving work problems, seeking to help an
employee on work performance, and finding out reasons for performance discrepancies. Skill
in communication involves a number of specific strengths. The following lists some
suggestions for effective listening when confronted with a problem at work:
Listen openly and with empathy to the other person
Judge the content, not the messenger or delivery; comprehend before you judge
Use multiple techniques to fully comprehend (ask, repeat, rephrase, etc.)
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Active body state; fight distractions

Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; paraphrase what the
other is saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding
Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the
employee's concern
Attend to non-verbal cues, body language, not just words; listen between the lines
Ask the other for his views or suggestions
State your position openly; be specific, not global
Communicate your feelings but don't act them out (eg. tell a person that his behavior
really upsets you; don't get angry)
Be descriptive, not evaluative-describe objectively, your reactions, consequences
Be validating, not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"); acknowledge others
uniqueness, importance
Be conjunctive, not disjunctive (not "I want to discuss this regardless of what you want
to discuss");
Don't totally control conversation; acknowledge what was said
Own up: use "I", not "They"... not "I've heard you are no cooperative"
Don't react to emotional words, but interpret their purpose
Practice supportive listening, not one way listening
Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates
A major source of problem in communication is defensiveness. Effective communicators are
aware that defensiveness is a typical response in a work situation especially when negative
information or criticism is involved. Be aware that defensiveness is common, particularly with
subordinates when you are dealing with a problem. Try to make adjustments to compensate
for the likely defensiveness. Realize that when people feel threatened they will try to protect
themselves; this is natural. This defensiveness can take the form of aggression, anger,
competitiveness, avoidance among other responses. A skillful listener is aware of the potential
for defensiveness and makes needed adjustment. He or she is aware that self-protection is
necessary and avoids making the other person spend energy defending the self.
In addition, a supportive and effective listener does the following:
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Stop Talking: Asks the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; asks for
other's views and suggestions
Looks at the person, listens openly and with empathy to the employee; is clear about
his position; be patient
Listen and Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and
the other's concern
is validating, not invalidating ("You wouldn't understand"); acknowledge others
uniqueness, importance
checks for understanding; paraphrases; asks questions for clarification
don't control conversation; acknowledges what was said; let's the other finish before
responding
Focuses on the problem, not the person; is descriptive and specific, not evaluative;
focuses on content, not delivery or emotion
Attend to emotional as well as cognitive messages (e.g., anger); aware of non-verbal
cues, body language, etc.; listen between the lines
React to the message, not the person, delivery or emotion
Make sure you comprehend before you judge; ask questions
Use many techniques to fully comprehend
Stay in an active body state to aid listening
Fight distractions
( if in a work situation) Take Notes; Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific
follow up dates
LISTENING TO NON-VERBAL MESSAGES
The renowned communication researcher found that only 7 % of a messages effect is carried
by words; listeners receive the other 93 % through nonverbal means. Birdwhistell suggested
that spoken words account for no more than 30 35 % of all social interaction. Nonverbal
communication can be divided into facial expressions, postures, gestures and spatial
messages. (Read assignment)
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ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
What is Assertiveness?
It is a behaviour which helps us to communicate clearly and confidently our needs, wants and
feelings to other people without abusing in any way their human rights. It is an alternative to
passive, aggressive and manipulative behaviour. Or in other words - Assertiveness is the
ability to honestly express your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, without undue anxiety,
in a way that doesn't infringe on the rights of others.
It's dependent on a feeling of self-efficacy, a sense that if you behave in a certain way,
something predictable will occur.
Where does non-assertive behavior come from? Many of us are taught that we should always
please and/or defer to others, that it is not nice to consider our own needs above those of
others, or that we shouldn't "make waves", that if someone says or does something that we
don't like, we should just be quiet and try to stay away from that person in the future.
Assertiveness is often confused with aggressiveness. There is a big difference between these
two concepts, however. It is useful to think of a continuum (below) along which the whole
range of human behavior lies. Some behavior is extremely passive (at one end of the
continuum), some is extremely aggressive (at the other end), and some (assertive) lies
somewhere in between:
passive<------------>Assertive<------------>
AGGRESSIVE.
It's not aggressiveness; it's a middle ground between being a bully and a doormat.
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Why is Assertiveness Important?

If you don't know how to be assertive, you might experience
Depression. From anger turned inward, a sense of being helpless, hopeless, with no
control over your life.
Resentment. Anger at others for manipulating or taking advantage of me.
Frustration. How could I be such a wimp? Why did I let someone victimize me?
Temper/violence. If you can't express anger appropriately, it builds up until it blows.
Anxiety, which leads to avoidance. If you begin to avoid situations or people that you
know will make you uncomfortable, you may miss out on fun activities, job
opportunities, relationships, and lots of other good stuff.
Poor relationships of all kinds. Non-assertive people are often unable to express
emotions of any kind, negative OR positive. It's murder for a relationship when the
partners can't tell each other what they want and need and how the other person
affects them. No one is a mind reader. The same is true for friendships and work
relationships.
Physical complaints. Headaches, ulcers, high blood pressure. We all know what
stress does to our bodies, and assertiveness, when it becomes a habit, is a great
stress reliever.
Parenting problems. Kids are born knowing how to test the limits their parents set for
them. If parents aren't assertive and firm, their kids will walk all over them!
Selective Assertiveness:
Most people find it easier to be assertive in some situations than in others. This makes perfect
sense. It's a lot easier to hold your ground with a stranger than with someone you love who
might get angry if you express your true feelings. But the more important the relationship is to
you, the more important it is to be assertive. Assertive behaviors lead to increased respect
from others, their willingness to see you as a person who respects him/herself, a worthwhile
person, a more loveable person!
Is assertiveness always the best way to go?
Before you decide to act assertively in a given situation, you have to decide if you can live
with the consequences. Although assertive behaviour usually will result in a positive
response, some people might react negatively to it. For example, if your boss is completely
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unreasonable and is known to go ballistic if anyone dares question his orders, even nonaggressive, respectful, assertive behavior might set him off and you could lose your job. If
that's your situation, then you may decide you can't afford to be assertive, and learn other
stress management techniques.
Setting the stage: If you're planning to try assertive behavior, remember that the other
person is used to your behaving in a certain way, and may be thrown for a loop or thoroughly
confused when you change your communication style. Why not tell the other person up front
what you're trying to do? It helps to choose a peaceful moment for this. Then you might say
something like
I need to tell you something and I'd like you to hear me out before you comment.
I've noticed lately that after we've been working on a project together, I find myself
feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I've been thinking about it and I've realized that I
often go along with your ideas, without insisting on considering some of my ideas as
well, because I'm afraid of upsetting you.
From now on I'm going to try something different.
When I start to get those frustrated feelings, I'm going to ask that we stop before
making a final decision and be sure we have considered all the options.
I know that will be a change for you, but I really think it's fair and I know I'll do a better
job and feel better about myself if I can tell you about my ideas."
How can anyone argue with that statement?
Techniques:
Case"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to go somewhere, you start rushing me to finish
dressing as soon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we had planned to leave. I know
you get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not, but when you do that, I get all
flustered and take even more time. By the time we get in the car, we're mad at each other and
not much in the mood to have a good time. From now on, let's be sure we know what time we
want to leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to another room and
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read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you come into the bedroom or bathroom before
it's time to leave and start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remind you of the time, ask
you to go to another room, and close the door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seem
weird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot more over the long run."
Discussions - There are three parts of each assertive intervention:
1. Empathy / validation: Try to say something that shows your understanding of the other
person's feelings. This shows them that you're not trying to pick a fight, and it takes the wind
out of their sails. From the above example, "I know that you get anxious when you're all ready
to go and I'm not.
2. Statement of problem: This piece describes your difficulty/dissatisfaction, tells why you
need something to change. For example, " but when you do that, I get all flustered and take
even more time. By the time we get in the car, we're mad at each other and not much in the
mood to have a good time."
3. Statement of what you want: This is a specific request for a specific change in the other
person's behavior. For example, "From now on, let's be sure we know what time we want to
leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to another room and read the
paper or watch TV?"
How to be effectively assertive:
Use assertive body language. Face the other person, stand or sit straight, don't use
dismissive gestures, be sure you have a pleasant, but serious facial expression, keep your
voice calm and soft, not whiney or abrasive.
Use "I" statements. Keep the focus on the problem you're having, not on accusing or
blaming the other person. Example: "I'd like to be able to tell my stories without
interruption." instead of "You're always interrupting my stories!"
Use facts, not judgments. Example: "Your punctuation needs work and your formatting
is inconsistent" instead of "This is sloppy work." or "Did you know that shirt has some
spots?" instead of "You're not going out looking like THAT, are you?"
Express ownership of your thoughts, feeling, and opinions. Example: "I get angry
when he breaks his promises." instead of "He makes me angry." or "I believe the best
policy is to" instead of "The only sensible thing is to "
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Make clear, direct, requests. Don't invite the person to say no. Example: "Will you please
... ?" instead of "Would you mind ?" or "Why don't you ?"
Admit errors
Give and take fair criticism
Give and take complements easily
Look for solutions while dealing with a problem & not beat about the bush.
Special techniques for difficult situations:
Broken record: Keep repeating your point, using a low level, pleasant voice. Don't get pulled
into arguing or trying to explain yourself. This lets you ignore manipulation, baiting, and
irrelevant logic. Example: You are taking something back to a store that you know gives
refunds, but the clerk first questions your decision, tries to imply that there's something wrong
with you because you changed your mind, tells you that she can only give a store credit, etc.
Using the broken record, you walk into the store and say "I decided I don't need this and I'd
like my money back." Then no matter what the clerk says, you keep repeating "I decided I
don't need this and I'd like my money back." If she doesn't get it, simply ask to speak to a
manager and say the same thing. Trust me, it works!
Fogging: This is a way to deflect negative, manipulative criticism. You agree with some of the
fact, but retain the right to choose your behavior. Example: Mom: "Your skirt is awfully short,
don't you think you should wear longer skirts? They're the style now." You: "You're right, skirts
are longer now." Agree with as much of the facts as you want to, but dont agree to change
your skirt length. Fogging is great for avoiding fights and making people stop criticizing. With
significant others, when you need to keep living together, it's best to quietly hear them out,
then assertively give your response.
Content to Process Shift:: This means that you stop talking about the problem and bring up,
instead, how the other person is behaving RIGHT NOW. Use it when someone's not listening
or trying to use humor or a distraction to avoid the issue. Example: "You're getting off the
point. I'm starting to feel frustrated because I feel like you're not listening."
Defusing: Letting someone cool down before discussing an issue. Example: "I can see that
you're upset, and I can even understand part of your reaction. Let's talk about this later." Also,
if they try to stay with it, you always have the right to walk away.
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Assertive inquiry / stop action: This is similar to the content to process shift. "Let's hold it
for a minute, something isn't working, what just happened?, how did we get into this
argument?" This helps to identify the real issue when the argument is actually about
something bigger than the immediate topic.
Example:
"Can you help me with this statistics problem?
Man, will you just get off my back? You know how much I have to do today!
Why is it such a problem to take 15 minutes to help me with this? You told me last
night that you would!
I get so tired of you always asking me to do these things right when I'm in the middle of
something!
Whoa, let's take a break here. How did we get from my stats problem to you being
tired of my interruptions?"
The real problem, is not the stats problem, it's timing. Now that topic is open for
discussion and they're becoming aware of how their arguments escalate.
Summarization: This helps to make sure you understand the other person.
Example: "So what you're trying to tell me is....
Specificity: It's really important to be very clear about what you want done. This helps
prevent distractions.
Example: "The thing I really wish is that you'd pick your clothes up off the floor."
One of the most common problems in communications is caused by trying to read people's
minds or expecting them to read yours. If you want people to respond to your ideas and
needs, you have to be able to say what they are, and say it in a way that will make others
want to respond nicely. Do you remember the self-efficacy part from the beginning of this
piece? The belief, that if you do something in a particular way, you will be effective? Even if
you don't believe that now, but you muster your courage and try some of these techniques in
situations that are not hugely threatening, the results will probably be so encouraging that you
will begin to believe in your effectiveness. If it's really scary to think about being assertive, try
it first with people you don't know. Think of someone you know who is assertive and pretend
you are that person. Once you become comfortable with assertive behaviors in less
threatening situations, you can crank it up a notch and use it all the time. When assertiveness
becomes a habit, you will wonder how you ever got along before you started using it. The
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nicest thing about all of this is that after you've become truly assertive, you probably won't
need to use these techniques very much. As people practice assertive communication, you
can almost see that little spark of self-respect glimmer, flicker, take hold, and burst into flame.
People can sense it when you respect yourself, and they will treat you with respect. And that
is the ultimate goal of assertive communication.
COMMUNICATION STYLES
Assertion is a style of communication. We all have learned different styles of communication
as we have adapted to the various situations of our lives. If some of our styles of
communication do not work well in our current situation, they can be changed and replaced
with new behaviors. Though there are times when it is best to be passive and times when it is
best to be aggressive, in most situations it works best to communicate assertively.
DEFINITIONS (from Lange & Jakubowski)
Assertion
standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct,
honest, and appropriate ways that do not violate another persons rights.
The basic message of assertion is: This is what I think. This is what I feel. This is how
I see the situation.
The goal of assertion is communication and mutuality; that is, to get and give respect,
to ask for fair play, and to leave room for compromise when the rights and needs of
two persons conflict.
Passivity
violating ones own rights by failing to express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs
and consequently permitting others to violate oneself or expressing ones thoughts and
feelings in such an apologetic, diffident, self-effacing manner that others can easily
disregard them.
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The basic message of passivity is My feelings dont matter - only yours do. My
thoughts arent important - yours are the only ones worth listening to. Im nothing you
are superior.
The goal of passivity is to appease others and to avoid conflict at any cost.
Aggression
directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs
in a way that is often dishonest, usually inappropriate, and always violates the rights of
others.
The basic message of aggression is: This is what I think - youre stupid for believing
differently. This is what I want - what you want is not important. This is what I feel
your feelings dont count.
The goal of aggression is domination and winning, forcing the other person to lose.
Winning is ensured by humiliating, degrading, belittling, or overpowering other people
so that they become weaker or less able to express and defend their needs and rights.
IMPORTANCE OF PROCESS
The major impact of interpersonal communication comes not from what we say (content) but
from how we say it (process). Assertive content with passive process will communicate
passivity. Some examples of important process variables include:
Assertion: Direct but non-invasive eye contact, modulated voice, respect for spatial
boundaries, use of illustrative gestures, an erect but relaxed posture.
Passive: No eye contact (or indirect evasive eye contact), soft/whiny/or muffled voice,
cringing/or physically making yourself small (hang-dog posture), use of nervous or
childish gestures.
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Aggressive: Invasive/angry staring-eye contact, loud strident voice, invasion of spatial

boundaries, use of aggressive gestures (parental finger), stiff, muscled up, posture,
towering over others.
EFFECTS OF BEHAVIOUR
Submissive or Passive Behaviour:
Short Term effects on self are
Reduction in anxiety because you have avoided potential conflict
Escape from feeling of guilt
You feel sorry for your self
You feel a false sense of pride that you take on a lot of work.
Long Terms effects on self are
Low self esteem
Increase in anger, hurt and self-pity
Internal tension of nervousness and anxiety.
Effects in others
Initially others feel sorry for you.
They feel guilty of taking advantage of you.
Then they get irritated with you.
Thereafter they cease to respect you.
Finally, they restrict their contact with you.
Effects on organisation.
Conflicts will not be handled to the satisfaction of both parties.
Difficult decisions may well be avoided, or delayed for too long, or will not be
implemented successfully.
Problems not tackled early enough increase almost beyond control.
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Fewer initiatives will be taken, so that out-dated methods will be retained and
opportunities lost.
Aggressive Behaviour:
Short term effects on self are
Reduction in tension due to release of pent-up emotions.
A sense of achievement and power where aggression appears to be successful.
Long Term effects on self are
Blaming others constantly.
Being drained of energy
Hate and mistrust of others
Lack of good and lasting friends.
Effects on others
They feel anger, hurt and humiliation.
They retaliate or they retreat and rebel silently.
They take fewer initiatives.
They restrict their contact with you.
Effects on Organisations :
Talented subordinates will leave sooner or later.
When newly promoted subordinates are required to behave aggressively, they will find
it difficult to cope.
When seniors behave aggressively towards each other, then everyone tries to play
politics.
Assertive Behaviour:
Short Term and Long Term effects on self are
Increased opportunity at fulfilling your needs and wants
Greater self-confidence due to high self-esteem.
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Greater confidence in others.

Improved feelings of personal security
Increased opportunities for all round success
Effects on others are Mutual respect between you and others.
Greater chances of acceptance by others.
Increased trust and responsibility by others.
Better and effective co-operation.
Effects on organisation :
Better negotiation and decision making capabilities.
Greater initiatives at improving situations at work
High quality and practical solutions to problems.
Reduced interpersonal conflicts.
Increase in overall effectiveness.
IDEAS TO KEEP IN MIND
1. Assertive behavior is often confused with aggressive behavior, however, assertion does
not involve hurting the other person physically or emotionally.
2. Assertive behavior aims to equalize the balance of power, not to Win the Battle by
putting down the other person or rendering them helpless.
3. Assertive behavior includes expressing your legitimate rights as an individual. You have a
right to express your own wants, needs, and ideas.
4. Remember: Other individuals have a right to respond to your assertiveness with their own
wants, needs, and ideas.
5. An assertive encounter with another individual may involve negotiating an agreeable
compromise.
6. By behaving assertively, you open the way for honest relationships with others.
7. Assertive behavior is not only determined by what you say. A major component of the
effect of your communication depends on how you say it.
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8. Assertive words accompanied by appropriate assertive body language make your

message more clear and have more impact.
9. Assertive body language includes:
Maintaining direct eye contact.
Maintaining an erect posture.
Speaking clearly and audibly.
Not using a soft, whiny, or muffled voice.
Using facial expressions and gestures to add emphasis to your words.
10. Your communication style is a set of learned behaviors. Assertive behavior is a skill that
can be learned and maintained with practice.
ASKING FOR BEHAVIOR CHANGE
One specific type of assertive behavior is a request for behavior change. For example: You
may need to ask a room-mate to turn down the stereo so you can study. It is necessary to
request that others change behavior that does not work, but it is often difficult for people to
make such requests:
1. You have a right to ask for behavior change from others. (They also have the right to
refuse.)
2. When you do not ask others to change a problem behavior, you risk allowing the behavior
to continue and your relationship to be strained, or waiting until you are fed up and
starting a fight.
3. Requests for behavior change protect your rights, at the same time they build clear
communication and more effective relationships.
4. When asking for behavior change use an I message format:
WHEN ... (objectively describe the others behavior)
THE EFFECTS ARE ... (describe how the behavior concretely effects you).
I FEEL ... (describe how you feel).
ID PREFER ... (describe an alternate behavior you prefer).
OK? ... (or synonymous request for closure).
You may wish to follow requests for behavior change with statements of logical
consequences (If you turn down the radio when I need to study, I will also
make an effort to be considerate of your needs).
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5. Demonstrate assertive body language when asking for behavior change: direct eye
contact, erect posture, clear speech.
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MOTIVATION
A motive is an inner state that energizes, activates, moves, directs, channels behaviour
towards goals.
-Bernard Beralson and Gary A Steiner.
Motivation is a process that starts with a psychological deficiency or need that activates a
behaviour or a drive that is aimed at a goal or incentive. Needs set up drives aimed at
incentives and feedback is provide to reduce dis-equillibrium.
NEEDS
(Deprivation)
DRIVES
(Deprivation
with direction )
)
GOALS
(Reduction
drives)
Needs are created whenever there is a physiological or psychological imbalance.

Drives or motives are set up to alleviate needs. Physiological or psychological drives are
action oriented and provide an energizing thrust towards reaching an incentive/goal. They are
at the very heart of the motivational process. The example s of the need for food and water
are translated into hunger and thirst drives.
Goals / Incentives At the end of the motivational cycle is the goal/incentive, defines as
anything that will alleviate a need and reduce a drive.
Motives influence behaviour in the following ways :
Serve to energize and arouse action
Serve as goals / intentions in carrying out jobs/tasks.
Direct and influence choices people make.
Influence learning of new behaviour
Have a heavy learning component. Are amenable to change through experience with
the work environment.
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TYPES OF MOTIVES
1. Primary Motives
2. General Motives
The Curiosity, Manipulation and Activity motives
The Affection Motive
3. Secondary Motives
Power Motive
Achievement Motive
Affiliation Motive
1. Primary Motives are motives that are unlearned and physiologically based. The most
commonly recognised primary motives are hunger, thirst, sleep, sex, avoidance of pain
and maternal concern.
2. General Motives are a number of motives that lie in the grey area between the primary
and the secondary motives. These motives are unlearned but not physiologically based.
While primary needs seek to reduce the tension or stimulation, these general needs
induce the person to increase the amount of stimulation. General motives are more
relevant to OB than primary motives
The Curiosity, Manipulation and Activity motives It is generally recognised that these
motives in human beings are quite intense. If these motives are stifled or inhibited, the
total society might become very stagnant. The same is true in an organizational level.
The Affection Motive - Love and affection is a very complex form of general drive. In a
world where we suffer from interpersonal, intra-individual conflict, and where quality of life,
family values, and human rights are becoming increasingly important to modern society,
the affection motive takes an added importance in the study of human behaviour.
3. Secondary Motives are unquestionably the most important. As a human society
develops economically and becomes more complex, the primary drives, and to a lesser
degree the general drives, give way to the learned secondary drives in motivating
behaviour. A motive must be learned in order to be included in this category. Numerous
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important human motives meet this criterion, but the most important of them are POWER,
ACHIEVEMENT and AFFILIATION.
The Power Motive - A drive for superiority or power. Leading advocate Alfred Adler.
The need to manipulate others or the drive for superiority over others, Adler developed the
concept of inferiority complex and compensation. He felt tat every small child experiences
a sense of inferiority . when this feeling of inferiority is combined with the need for
superiority, the two rule all behaviour. The persons lifestyle is characterized by striving to
compensate for feeling of inferiority, which are combined with innate drive for power.
The Achievement Motive can be expressed as a desire to perform in terms of a
standard of excellence to be successful in competitive situations.
Characteristics of a high achiever
Moderate risk taking
Need for immediate feedback
Satisfaction with accomplishment
Preoccupations with the task
The Affiliation Motive- can be described as need for sense of belonging and plays a
very complex but vital role in human behaviour. This motive is an important part of group
dynamics.
The Security Motive - People have learned security motive to protect themselves from
the contingencies of life and actively try hard to avoid situations that would prevent them
from satisfying their primary, general and secondary motives.
The Status Motive Along with security, the status or prestige motive is especially
relevant to a dynamic society. Status is the relative ranking a person holds in a group,
organisation or society. It manifests itself through symbols. The sources of status are
family background caste , class
Physical qualities Race, physique, beauty.
Achievements education, profession
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Possessions wealth, property

Authority and power formal position.
COMMUNICATING WITH STAKEHOLDERS
Who are the stakeholders ?
Why communicate with them ?
Times are changing and we have to change with time.
Corporate communication keeps in touch with the stakeholders.
What to communicate ? - the state of affairs.
How to Communicate ? mailers, brochures, letters etc.
External Stakeholders
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Shareholders
The Government
Public Institutions Financial Institutions, Regulatory bodies.
Customers people who keep us in business internal and external
Suppliers
JV Partners
Trade Organisations CII, FICCI, AIMA, AAI, IATA, IBA, Trade Unions.
Social Organisations NGOs, Helpage India, CRY etc.
Obtain donation
Business organisations support social organisations
Business organisations get tax benefits.
Impart training and provide employment.
9. The Community
Business draws resources from community
Provides employment
Business has social responsibility towards community.
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CULTURAL COMMUNICATION
Culture is pattern of basic assumptions invented, discovered or developed by given group as
it learns to cope with its problems of external adaption and internal integration that has
worked well enough to be considered valid, and, therefore to be taught to new members as
the correct way to perceive, think and feel in relation to the problems.
-Edgar Schein : Organisation Culture and Leadership.
Culture is a set of practice and rituals which has gained acceptance over a period of time.
COMPONENTS OF STRONG CULTURE
VALUES Beliefs and visions of members .
HEROES Standard bearers who exemplify values.
RITES & RITUALS Ceremonies through which values are celebrated to strengthen
the importance of values.
CULTURAL NETWORK : A communication system through which cultural values are
instituted and reinforced.
- Terrence Deal and Allen Kennedy :
Corporate Culture Rites and Rituals of Corporate Life
RESOLVING CONFLICT THROUGH COMMUNICATION
Causes of Conflict
limited resources
different needs, drives, wishes, demands
attempts to meet basic needs for personal fulfillment: belonging-loving, sharing and
cooperating with others power-achievement, accomplishment, recognition, respect
freedom-personal choice fun-pursuit of pleasure
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different values beliefs priorities principles cultural, social, mental and physical
attributes
other influences media influences culture that accepts violent behavior absence of
conflict resolution / communication skills
Anatomy of a Conflict
1. A triggering event occurs.
The offender views/interprets this as an event that requires him or her to "save face."
The triggering event is often trivial; most involve actions such as minor slights, or
teasing, but even these can result in "aggravated assault" or "homicide." A "character
contest" develops in which neither participant will back down.
Participants seem to accept that conflict/violence is called for.
Participants often make a deliberate choice to be violent. Invitations or challenges to
fight are offered and accepted. In two-thirds of cases, there is agreement to fight
before the fight begins.
2. "Opening moves" are made.
This is the action that starts the violent incident. This action may be taken by the
student, antagonist or third party. The third party may be bystanders or friends. Most
commonly, peers that were standing by encouraged the violence or even joined in.
Very few peers attempted to stop it. Hitting is the most common opening move.
3. Common patterns of events follow the opening moves.
Very few of the actions that occur after the opening move are attempts to avoid or
evade the violence.
Violence escalates rapidly.
Common behavior: kicking, biting, hitting with a fist are the most common behaviors,
followed by pushing, grabbing, shoving.
Common emotions: anger is more common than fear, yet seldom given as the excuse
for the fight.
Justifications and Excuses for Fighting

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More than 80 percent of students felt their actions were justified.

Sixteen percent of students made an excuse for their actions.
Justifications
1. To restore "justice," retribution, retaliation.
"Punishing" the antagonist for something he or she did (of all the goals for fighting,
retribution is the most common).
The primary justification given for violence: "He/she deserved it."
The antagonist's guilt is neutralized when he/she feels that the victim "deserved it."
Comes from an underlying value system in which violence is acceptable.
2. To gain compliance
Convincing the antagonist to desist from an offensive course of action.
3. To defend oneself or others.

4. To promote one's image.
By saving face, defending one's honor, or enhancing or maintaining one's reputation.
Excuses
Free will was impaired by anger.

Reluctant-pushed into the incident by aggressors. Didn't mean to do it.
Wanted money.
Free will was impaired by alcohol.
Responding to Conflict
Important Concepts
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You have a choice. Most conflicts offer choices about different actions that can be
taken.
Your choice affects the outcome. The responses of those involved determine the
outcome of the conflict situation. Most conflict situations can be resolved so that
neither party is hurt and both parties are satisfied. This is a win-win solution.
Focus on the actual or potentially harmful consequences. Think about a conflict as
more than just a fight or an argument. What is likely to happen as a result of the
responses of both sides? Is this a harmful or beneficial consequence?
Focus on the effect of the actions taken during the conflict on the relationship between
the people involved. Why is it important to think about the way your response will affect
your relationship? (Most conflicts occur among family members, friends or
acquaintances.)
Responding to Conflict
Soft
EXAMPLES
RESPONSES
EFFECTS ON SELF
EFFECTS
RELATIONSHIPS
OUTCOMES
Hard
Principled
Forcing, threatening
Withdrawing, ignoring, Aggression-pushing,
Negotiating Listening
avoiding Giving in
shoving Anger-yelling,
of
Understanding
Compromising-agreeing to Demanding-insist on own
Respecting Resolving to
something that does not way Pressuring-bribe,
meet both parties needs
really meet needs
punishment (withdrawal of
love, money)
Loser sees self as a
"victim," is disillusioned, Physical
damage
or Interests of both parties
self-doubting, fearful, feels violence may occur;
are met
powerless
Harms relationship; Loser
may
leave,
attack Win-Lose (one person's
ON someone else-bully others, needs are met at the Win-Win (needs of both
let resentment build up expense of another) Lose- are met; neither is hurt)
until he/she is a walking Lose (both are hurt)
powder keg
Lose-Win (one person's Win-Lose (one person's Win-Win (needs of both
needs are met at the needs are met at the are met; neither is hurt)
expense of another) Lose- expense of another) LoseLose (no one's needs are Lose (both are hurt)
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met)
Conflict Resolution through Communication

Communication Styles
Without adequate communication skills, adolescents may be unable to release their feelings.
This lack of communication can increase stress and lower self-esteem.
There are three styles of communication:
passive
assertive
aggressive
Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and

feelings. Passive people will do something they don't want to do or make up an excuse rather
than say how they feel.
Assertive behavior involves standing up for oneself. Assertive people will say what they think
and stand up for their beliefs without hurting others. The aggressive style of communication
involves overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people try to get their way through
bullying, intimidating or even physical violence. They do not or will not consider the rights of
others.
Types of Messages
There are two types of messages that accompany each style of communication: nonverbal
and verbal. Signs, symbols, posture, body movements, dress, facial expressions and
gestures are examples of nonverbal messages. The nonverbal messages reinforce what the
speaker is saying. For example, passive communicators often have slumped posture and a
lack of eye contact. Assertive people exhibit erect posture and direct eye contact. ForwardMMM- II, JBIMS
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leaning posture, pointing and a glaring look are nonverbal signals of aggressive
communication. The verbal messages for each communication style are very different. People
who are passive will often ask questions to determine what others want, or they may say, "I
don't care." Assertive communicators use I-messages to say what they want or need. They
use refusal skills to say no while maintaining important relationships. People who are
aggressive often use you-statements to blame or criticize.
Components of Assertive Communication
The components of verbal messages for assertive communication include I-messages and
refusals. I-messages state what the sender thinks, feels, needs, wants or believes. They
begin with the word I.
Examples of I-messages:
I want to see Star Wars.

I feel angry about the game.
There are a variety of refusal strategies, including:
Say the word no firmly.

Repeat no (if needed).
Let the other person know you want to stay friends.
Examples of refusals:
No, I can't sleep over on Friday, but I would like to another time.
No, thanks. I'm allergic to peanuts.
The cookies look really delicious, and I'm sorry I can't have one.
Building Active Listening Skills

There are two components of a spoken message:
content-the words that are used

feelings-how the words are expressed
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Problems may arise in sending and receiving messages. The sender may wonder: Am I being
understood? Is what I really mean to say getting across? The receiver may question: Am I
understanding you? Am I accurately interpreting what you are saying and feeling? The
solution lies in checking it out.
Problems may arise in sending and receiving messages. The sender may wonder: Am I being
understood? Is what I really mean to say getting across? The receiver may question: Am I
understanding you? Am I accurately interpreting what you are saying and feeling? The
solution lies in checking it out.
Active listening is listening with the purpose of understanding the message. To be sure that
the message was clearly understood, the receiver has to test that understanding. How the
listener understands and interprets the message determines the response.
There are two steps to active listening. decoding and giving feedback.
Step One-Decoding: deciding what emotion has been communicated. The listener climbs
into the other person's shoes for a minute to see where she or he is coming from. The listener
must empathize, be sensitive, imagine what the sender feels.
Step Two-Giving feedback: Feedback tests the accuracy of the interpretation. In giving
feedback, the receiver summarizes what was heard and seeks to clarify anything not
understood. If the response indicates that the receiver has interpreted the speaker incorrectly,
the speaker can let the receiver know.
Active vs. Passive Listening
Active listening means listening to understand and testing the understanding of what was
heard and observed. It is listening to hear the real meaning behind what is said. It means
paying close attention to the speaker. It means becoming involved in the speaker's concern.
Passive listening is just hearing everything that is said without responding. Active listening is
stopping the sender when necessary to be sure you understand what has been said and
letting senders know whether you have understood what they really mean.
Using Active Listening Skills
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When do you use this skill?

Active listening is used when the other person has a problem that doesn't conflict with your
needs, for example, "I realize you have a problem, I'd really like to be helpful."
How do you use this skill?
Display a non-judgmental attitude. Make eye contact. Use a respectful, interested tone of
voice. Be aware of what your body language is saying. For example, if you say you are
interested in what the speaker has to say, are you yawning, thumbing through a magazine,
looking out the window while he or she is talking or doing other things that make it look like
you're not really interested?
Examples
Matt turns in his math test, returns to his seat, puts his face down on the desk and says,
"Man! I blew it." His friend Jenn says, "You feel pretty worried about your math grade, huh?"
The response, "You feel pretty worried about your math grade, huh?" is an example of an
active listening response, which shows that Jenn has picked up on Matt's feeling. It provides
an opening for Matt to talk more about his concern and begin to think about what to do about
it.
An accurate use of active listening skills will take the sender to the heart of the problem. As
the problem becomes clearer, the sender can begin to get over the feelings and focus on
what to do.
Sample phrases to use for active listening include:
"You feel..."
"It sounds like you're saying..."
"You want"
"You think..."
"You wish"
The active listening process at work: "You feel pretty worried about your math grade?"
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Who "owns" the problem?

You
Identify and give feedback

Describe the facts
about the feeling
feel pretty worried
about your math grade?
Assertiveness Skills
What is the difference between assertiveness (confrontation) and aggressiveness?
Assertiveness, or confrontation, means taking the initiative or first steps to deal with a
problem in a constructive, self-protective manner. Assertiveness attacks the problem, not the
person.
Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather than the problem. It is a destructive desire to
dominate another person or to force a position or viewpoint on another person; it starts fights
or quarrels.
When do you use assertiveness skills?
These skills can be used when another's behavior is not acceptable or when continued
"listening and accepting" isn't appropriate. People often avoid confronting others about their
behavior because they don't want to hurt the relationship. However, avoiding problems may
cause bad feelings to build and may result in an explosion or withdrawal from the relationship.
Using I-messages to be assertive is constructive, rather than destructive. It helps people deal
with problem behavior in a way that allows the other person to agree to change while not
damaging the relationship.
How do you use this skill?
The goal is to get other people to change their behavior without putting them down or making
them feel badly toward you. You may like the person; it's a particular behavior of the person
that you don't like. Your purpose is to address the behavior, not to "dress down" the person.
The Importance of I-messages
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I-messages are designed to deal with problems. The purpose of an I-message is to express
your needs. It expresses the attitude "I am not going to give up my needs and I'm willing to
help you meet your needs," creating a win-win situation.
I-messages attempt to deal with the problem situation by talking about it in terms of what is
happening to me-I've got a problem. An I-message is disarming. It's hard for someone to say
something nasty in response to a good I-message. On the other hand, a "you" message
blames others and puts them on the defensive. Then they want to retaliate, to get even.
Steps in Using I-Messages
There are three parts to delivering an I-message, although sometimes not all three parts are
used.
A description of the behavior. What is it the other person is doing that gives you a problem?
You are describing something to the other person, not blaming her or him for something. Imessages tell others that their behavior is interfering with something you need (not just
something that you want). Give the other person a clear idea of what he has done without
extra blame or guilt added.
A description of the feeling this behavior causes you. How does what the other person is
doing affect you?
A description of the effects produced by the behavior. What concrete problem is the
behavior causing you? If you can help other people see how their behavior effects you, then
they are more likely to change the behavior.
Hints for Successful I-messages
Be specific in describing the problem behavior

Make eye contact
Use a respectful tone of voice, not an aggressive or confrontational tone
Be aware of what your body language is saying-that it is reinforcing what your words
say.
When an I-message Doesn't Work

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If an I-message isn't working, it may be a lousy message. Yes, the words may be OK, but the
tone may be full of blame or rage or disrespect. Pay attention to the non-verbal message. Is
your face red; are your eyes bulging; are you yelling to the top of your voice? Or are you cool,
calm and collected?
There is little to be gained by sending an anger message. Try to stop and think about why you
are so angry. You will likely find other feelings underneath the anger: frustration,
embarrassment, rejection, fear, hurt and loneliness. Sometimes, an I-message may not work
if the other person has a strong need to continue her or his behavior. If the other person is
upset and out of control, shift gears. Try active listening, change the environment, or let him or
her blow off steam.
I-messages also may not work if the other person doesn't agree that the "effect" on you is a
real problem. This is a values collision, which occurs often in families.
If there is a conflict of needs, an I-message won't be enough. You'll need to give up on the Imessage and work out the conflict with some other techniques.
The Conflict Resolution Process
There are three primary conflict resolution problem-solving processes:
negotiation
mediation
consensus decision-making
Each of these processes has similar characteristics, including:
Parties identify their own needs and interests.

Parties work cooperatively to find solutions to meet those needs and interests.
Parties stay focused on the problem.
Parties work cooperatively to find a mutually acceptable solution.
Each problem-solving process has similar steps:
Agree that you disagree (agree to negotiate; set the stage).

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Take turns talking (gather perspectives/identify interests).

Restate what you think you heard (explain the other's viewpoint).
Come up with a solution that works for both parties (create and evaluate
options/generate agreement).
Negotiation
"Negotiation is a problem-solving process in which either the two parties in the dispute or their
representatives meet face to face to work together unassisted to resolve the dispute between
the parties."
Steps in Negotiation
1.
2.
3.
4.
Agree that you disagree and you will try to negotiate.

Take turns talking; look at things from the viewpoint of the other party.
Describe what you want, how you feel, and the reasons for your wants and feelings.
Take the other person's point of view and then summarize your understanding of what
he or she wants and feels and the reasons for his or her wants and feelings.
5. Think of several ways to solve the conflict in a way that works for both parties (create
win-win options).
6. Choose the best way and make an agreement to do it.
7. Get outside help if unable to resolve the conflict.
Mediation
"Mediation is a problem-solving process in which the two parties in the dispute or their
representatives meet face to face to work together to resolve the dispute assisted by a neutral
third party called the 'mediator'.'"
Consensus Decision-Making
"Consensus decision-making is a group problem-solving process in which all of the parties in
the dispute or representatives of each party collaborate to resolve the dispute by crafting a
plan of action that all parties can and will support. This process may or may not be facilitated
by a neutral party."
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Skills for Anger Management

What Is Anger?
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. We've all felt angerperhaps
as a fleeting annoyance or as a full-fledged rage. But when anger gets out of control and
turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, at school, in personal relationships, and in
the overall quality of life.
Signs of Anger
Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by bodily changes. When you feel angry, your
heart rate, blood pressure and energy increase.
Causes of Anger
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry with someone
(such as a coworker or supervisor) or at an event (a traffic jam or a canceled flight). Worrying
about personal problems may cause anger, and memories of traumatic or enraging events
may trigger angry feelings, too.
Positive Ways to Express Angry Feelings
You cant get rid of or avoid the things or the people that anger you. You cant change them
either. You can learn to control your emotions. The three main approaches are expressing,
suppressing and calming.
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive way is the healthiest way to express
anger. To do this, you have to learn what your needs are, how to make them clear, and
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how to meet them without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or
demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Suppressing anger and redirecting it means holding in your anger, stopping thinking
about it, and focusing on something positive. The aim is to suppress your anger and
convert it into constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if anger
is never allowed outward expression, it may turn inward.
Calming yourself down inside means not just controlling your outward behavior but
also controlling your internal responses, such as taking steps to calm yourself down
and let the feelings subside.
Other Tips for Controlling Anger
Use relaxation. Breathe deeply; think calm thoughts; stretch; go for a brisk walk.
Change the way you think. Tell yourself positive things.
Learn to problem solve.
Try to communicate better. Use I-messages and other assertiveness techniques.
Use humor when appropriate.
Change your environment. Take a break from troublesome situations.
Approaches to Conflict Resolution

There are at least three approaches to resolving conflicts peacefully:
Win-Win Approach
Creative Response
Broadening Perspectives.
Win-Win Approach
Usually when people disagree, they battle over opposing solutions. There is a sense that one
person is right and the other person is wrong. With the win-win approach, people shift their
attitudes to say, I want to win and I want you to win, too. They change disagreements from
right and wrong situations to cooperative agreements. The most important step of the winwin approach is to discuss underlying needs. This helps to build solutions that acknowledge
and value the underlying needs. To do this, people must ask one another questions such as:
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What are your needs here?

What values are important to you?
What are the outcomes or results you want?
What seems like the best solution to you? Why?
The win-win approach also requires:
recognition of individual differences

flexibility
openness to change positions or viewpoints
attack of the problem, not the people
The win-win approach works because both parties get more of what they want and they are
committed to the solution.
Creative Response
Do you see conflict as a problem or opportunity? If you see conflict as a problem, you may tell
yourself things such as Life is hard work, I have to be right, Mistakes are unacceptable,
or Don't take any chances!
The creative response is about turning conflicts into opportunities. It is deciding to learn from
conflicts, doing something about conflicts (instead of sticking with the problems), and getting
the best out of conflict situations. With this response, you think:
How else can I look at this situation?

What are the possibilities?
What opportunities can this bring?
Ill take a risk.
Everything is a success.
With the creative response, conflicts are not about right or wrong. Rather, problems look
like intriguing challenges, and errors are regarded as opportunities for learning. When you are
mistaken, you turn back, note what happened, and do it differently next time.
Broadening Perspectives
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Different perspectives about problems are inevitable. Everyone has a different viewpoint
about a problem (and often we think our viewpoint is the right one). But if we broaden our
perspective and look at other peoples viewpoints, we see that each one makes a contribution
to the whole. Each viewpoint requires consideration and respect in order to form a complete
solution. In fact, this wider view opens our eyes to many more possibilities. In this way, some
conflicts can be resolved by taking a different perspective. Guidelines for this approach
include:
Consider how the problem will look over a long period of time. The longer time
frame can help people be more realistic about the size of the problem.
Assume a broad perspective. Look at the overall system (the family, group,
community, etc.) and consider what it needs in order to work well.
Deal with resistance to the broader perspective. Assuming a broader perspective
may be scary. People may feel less certain of the rightness of their own case. They
may have to give up the security they got from the simple way they used to see the
problem. They may need courage to enter the confusion of complexity. Many of these
fears prove ungrounded once they are carefully analyzed.
Be open to the idea of changing and risk-taking. When people take a broader
perspective, they may be confronted with the enormity of the difficulties. Identify what
one person can do to affect a particular problem, even if it is only a small step in the
right direction. One step forward changes the dynamics and new possibilities may
open up.
Topics on Hand Shakes, Presentation Skills and Memos , Letter Writing and Corporate
Communication refer Class notes
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1212 Communication

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Effective Communication

The Importance and Benefits of Effective Communication

Purposes of Communication Managers need to be effective communicators to

The Communication Process

(experiences, attitudes, skills)

(experiences, attitudes, skills)

The communication process involves :

Two major parties in communication sender and receiver

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Barriers to Effective Communication

From the senders point of view

From the receivers point of view

4. Cross Cultural Barriers Effective communication requires deciphering the basic

Interpersonal Relationships: How we perceive communication is affected by the past

Overcoming barriers to communication

Action to be taken to overcome barriers of effective communication

Be fully ATTENTIVE to sender

Reading Nonverbal Communication Cues

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

If it is an agreement with the fact that it is actual, accurate or correct.

When analyzing a communication do not :

Active listening occurs when a manager has little or

Four types of listeners have been identified. They

Effective Listening skills

Active body state; fight distractions

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Why is Assertiveness Important?

Aggressive: Invasive/angry staring-eye contact, loud strident voice, invasion of spatial

Greater confidence in others.

8. Assertive words accompanied by appropriate assertive body language make your

Aurobindo , MMM- II, JBIMS

Needs are created whenever there is a physiological or psychological imbalance.

MMM- II, JBIMS

Possessions wealth, property

2. "Opening moves" are made.

3. Common patterns of events follow the opening moves.

Justifications and Excuses for Fighting

More than 80 percent of students felt their actions were justified.

Convincing the antagonist to desist from an offensive course of action.

3. To defend oneself or others.

By saving face, defending one's honor, or enhancing or maintaining one's reputation.

Free will was impaired by anger.

MMM- II, JBIMS

Conflict Resolution through Communication

Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and

I want to see Star Wars.

There are a variety of refusal strategies, including:

Say the word no firmly.

Building Active Listening Skills

content-the words that are used

When do you use this skill?

Who "owns" the problem?

Identify and give feedback

MMM- II, JBIMS

Be specific in describing the problem behavior

When an I-message Doesn't Work

Each of these processes has similar characteristics, including:

Parties identify their own needs and interests.

Each problem-solving process has similar steps:

Agree that you disagree (agree to negotiate; set the stage).

Take turns talking (gather perspectives/identify interests).