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The Wise Life: Lessons from the Proverbs 31 Woman


A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full
confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her
life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she
plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She
sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds
the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends
her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are
clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her
husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is
clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and
does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also,
and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is
deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her
the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Proverbs 31:10-31
At the end of each year (or semester), my wife and I typically take inventory. How did the year go? Is
there any way we can do it better? Can I rearrange my schedule to have more family time and rest?
No doubt, this is a great routine for every personto reevaluate and see if one can better honor God
and serve others. There may be no better way to do this than by considering the Proverbs 31 wife
who is given to us as a model of wisdom at the end of the Proverbs. Her life speaks both to men and
women about personifying wisdom.
It should be noted that nobody can perfectly model these virtues. Many women find the Proverbs 31
woman frustrating because no one can live up to her standard. However, this is common in Scripture.
God says, Be perfect as I am perfect, (Matt 5:48) and he calls for husbands to love their wives as
Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25). Each of these are impossibilities; however, we are called to aim
for them and test ourselves against them for the rest of our lives.
As an introduction to the Proverbs, they are collection of wise saying primary from fathers and
mothers to their children about living a godly wise-life. With that said one of the major focuses is
finding a godly spouse. Jewish children were taught the Proverbs from childhood to help them
know what to look for in a spouse and what to aim at becoming.
Throughout Proverbs, you hear the father call the son to stay away from the adulterous woman, the
contentious woman, and the nagging woman. And here in this text, the mother of Lemuel, who many
believe is Solomons mother, shows him what to seek after in a wife.
In Proverbs 31:10, she says, A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than
rubies. Solomons mother makes it very clear that a godly woman is very hard to find. She compares
her to rubiesshowing how precious the godly woman really is. You typically wont find a ruby
outside on the street or randomly outside. Rubies, like diamonds, are formed under great

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pressure and found in remote places and then placed in shops for other to buy. Its not easy to
find this woman and its not easy to become this woman.
It should be noted that Proverbs declares this is not only a dilemma for men but also for women.
Proverbs 20:6 says, Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find? This
means that both godly women and godly men are rare and hard to find.
A woman you can find anywhere but a virtuous woman, one of noble character is hard to find.
You can find a man on every corner, but a faithful man is hard to find. Like the virtuous woman, he is
formed under pressure and is of great worth.
In addition, it is important to be aware that this part of Proverbs 31 is written as an acrostic poem.
Every verse starts with consecutive letters in the Hebrew alphabet. Many believe this was a
Jewish catechism that children were taught by their parents to memorize. It demonstrates the type of
woman every female should aspire to be and the woman that every man should seek to marry.
But more than that, it demonstrates the godly character that all should seek to cultivate.
As we study the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman, it challenges us to live a wise life. This
woman is the crescendo of the Proverbs. She is the incarnation of wisdom and, therefore, is at the
end of the book. We will walk through this text and pull out virtues to model. And, also, well
consider coveted characteristics in a potential spouse.
Big Question: What characteristics of a wise life can be discerned through studying Proverbs 31? In
addition, how do these characteristics reflect desirable virtues in a potential spouse?

1. Be a Blessing
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not
harm, all the days of her life Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his
seat among the elders of the land.
Proverbs 31:11-12, 23
Here it says she does him good all the days of her life, and he is respected at the city gates, which
probably means he is an elder, an official in land. The implication is that he excels because of her
faithfulness at home. It has often been said, behind every great man is a great woman and this
rings true about the virtuous woman. God gave her to the husband as a help meet, and she has helped
him indeedbecause of her, he excels.
But no doubt this is not only true with her husband, but with her children, her friends, and her
family. This is true of anybody faithfully following God and, therefore, personifying the wisdom of
Scripture. God told Abraham that he would be blessed and be a blessing (Gen 12:2). Gods desire
for his people is to be a blessing. Psalm 1:2-3 describes the man who turns away from the wicked
and delights in Gods Word as a treehe produces fruit in season. People come and eat from him
when depressed, lonely, discouraged, or lacking direction.
Are you allowing God to make you like a treea blessing to all around you?
As we apply this to searching for a spouse, one must ask, Is this person primarily concerned with
him or herself? Or is this person constantly seeking to serve others? The person who is like a
treea blessing to allwill be a great future spouse.

Application Question: How has your relationship with your friends, family members, and co-workers
been? Are you allowing God to use you to bless and serve them? How is God calling you to be a
blessing to those around you through prayer, service, or other means?

2. Be Delightful
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
Proverbs 31:13
Some versions say she looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight (NASB). She
loves her family, and it is her delight to serve them. She knows this is what God called to her to do as a
wife and a motherto serve her husband and her family. But most of all she loves God and that
makes her work a delight.
Is this not what Christ has called us all to do? Colossians 3:23 says, Whatever you do, work at it
with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men
This woman knows she is not only serving her family and guests but her God, and therefore, she has a
willing hearta delightful heart. We see this attitude in the wise, they serve eagerly and heartily.
What type of attitude do you have at work and in your serving? Philippians 2:14-15 says, Do
everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of
God.
For Paul, serving without complaining and arguing is a mark of being a child of Godit is a
mark of spiritual maturity. How is your attitude?
Again, one must also consider the general attitude of a potential spouse. Is his or her disposition
typically delightful and thankful or is he or she typically bitter and prone to complain? Solomon in
the Proverbs warns about being in the house of a nagging or contentious womanits like a
constant dripping (Prov 27:15)no doubt its the same for a nagging man. What one is while single will
only multiply in marriage. In selecting a spouse, one must consider their overall attitude.
Application Question: How is your attitude been this year? Are you prone to complaining and arguing?
How have you practiced being thankful to God for all things including trials (1 Thess 5:18)?

3. Be Balanced
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she
provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong
for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her
hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
Proverbs 31:14-19
She works at home making sure her family has the best food. She gives portions or duties to her
servant girls, but she also works as she purchases a field, plants a vineyard, trades (maybe the

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fruit), and sews. She is a homemaker and a business woman. And in both, she is balanced and thus
personifies wisdom.
Obviously, for many it is hard to stay balanced between home and work, as well as between
family, friends, and leisure. However, by Gods grace, the Proverbs 31 woman excels at living a
balanced life. As we will see later, her husband and children praise her and call her blessed (v. 28).
Are you living a balanced life with God, family, friends, work, and leisure? Sadly, many neglect God
and family for work and entertainment. It is important to not neglect the most important for the less
important. We must be balanced.
In addition, when selecting a spouse, their ability to stay balanced must be considered. If they are
not living a balanced life between God, work, family, and leisure, they probably wont be balanced in
marriage. Neglecting God and family is all too common in most homes.
Application Question: Have you been balanced between God, home, work, and leisure? Are there
anyways you can improve?

4. Be a Good Steward of Your Time


She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant
girlsShe sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at nightShe
watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:15, 18, 27
If taken literally this woman doesnt sleep. She gets up while it is still dark, and her lamp does not
go out at night. She doesnt eat the bread of idlenessthe consequences of laziness and
procrastination. The emphasis is obviously that she is a good steward of her time. She wants to
maximize her time for the kingdom.
Ephesians 5:15-16 says, Be very careful, then, how you livenot as unwise but as wise, making the
most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Making the most of every opportunity can be
translated redeeming the time. The wise person redeems the time by seeking to make the most of
every opportunity God gives them. When one is not a good steward of time, they tend to fall into the
evil of the daywhether that be gossiping, addictions, ungodly entertainment, etc.
How are you using your time for the Lord? Are you being wise or foolish? God will give you unlimited
mercy, love, and grace, but he will only give you a limited amount of time. You must be a good
steward of it to complete the things God has called you to do. Like Christ said, we must work while
it is day for the night is coming when no one can work (John 9:4).
Similarly, when considering a potential mate, one must consider how they use their time. Are they
seeking to diligently use it for God and the kingdom? Also, it is important to understand that
relationships takes time, both quality time and quantity of time. If the relationship is not prioritized
before marriage, it will be neglected more when other priorities vie for your time like children,
work, hobbies, etc.
Application Question: How would you rate your current time management? How is God calling you to
become a better steward of the time he has given you? Consider writing a time schedule where you

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plan out each hour of the day as it should be ideally used including time with God, work, family, rest,
etc.

5. Be a Good Financial Steward


She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her
work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her
lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her
fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
Proverbs 31:16-20
The Proverbs 31 woman makes wise investments, as she considers and buys a field, plants a
vineyard out of her earnings, trades her fruit, sews, and gives to the poor. She is a good financial
steward.
In considering finances, Christ spoke about money more than he did heaven or hell. We are
supposed to provide for our needs and that of our family, but also care for those in need. Proverbs
19:17 says, He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has
done.
Furthermore, Christ said this in reference to our use of money in Luke 16:10-12:
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is
dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been
trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have
not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?
God watches how we use our money and our faithfulness or lack of faithfulness with it will affect
our present and future rewards. If we have been unfaithful with worldly wealth, how can God give
us true riches which includes shepherding the souls of others, understanding his Word, and future
rewards.
In addition, financial stewardship is also important to consider when choosing a mate. Finances are
the number one reason for divorce. Does the person save their money? Does he or she faithfully
give tithes and offerings? Is he or she generous? Does he or she continually waste money on
luxuries like excessive clothes, eating out, electronics, etc.? These types of questions must be asked
and considered.
Application Question: How is your current stewardship of Gods wealth? How can you improve? Are
there some investments God is calling you to make, some people he is calling you to help, or some
ways he calling you to cut back?

6. Be Healthy
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
Proverbs 31:17
She works with energy and she has physical strength for the task. Obviously, she is healthy and
takes care of herself so she can best serve God, family, and others.

How is your stewardship of your health? Theologian Jonathan Edwards was meticulously with his
eating and his body. He used to measure the amount of food he ate. If you eat too much, you
become tired and lethargic. If you eat too little, you lack energy. He really wanted to maximize the
potential of his body for the kingdom of God. Its no wonder God accomplished so much through
him.
How is your stewardship of Gods temple?
Health is also important to consider when picking a future mate. Sadly, many young men and women
live shorter lives because of not taking care of their bodies. They eat bad and have unhealthy
addictions like overdrinking and smoking. One stat says that for every pack of cigarettes
smoked a person loses twenty-eight minutes of life.1 All that abuse on ones body will one day bear
fruit.
This should also be considered because how one treats his body is often a picture of how theyll
treat their spouse. Consider what Paul said about husbands in Ephesians 5:28-29:
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his
wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just
as Christ does the church
Psychologist say that husbands who typically abuse their wives physically and/or emotionally are
men who hate themselves. They hate themselves, and they take it out on others. No doubt, this is
true of bullies as well. If a person doesnt take care of themselves, there is a good chance they will
neglect or hurt others. When considering a spouse, one should consider whether they take care of
themselvesincluding their physical body.
Application Question: How is your eating, drinking, exercising, and resting? Did you have energy and
strength to complete the tasks God gave you? How is God calling you to be a better steward of Gods
temple?

7. Be Prepared for the Future


When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarletShe
makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with
strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
Proverbs 31:21, 24-25
She is not worried about snow because she provides good clothes for her family. She is economical;
she makes money by making and selling garments. She is defined by strength. When people
describe her, they would say she is strong and moral. Therefore, she laughs at the day to come.
The fact that she laughs at the days to come is a very interesting statement. Why does she laugh?
No doubt, she has a great understanding of Gods sovereignty over all things (cf. Rom 8:28, Eph
1:11). He is in control so it removes worry and fear from the things that will come.

1 Accessed 6/19/16 from http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/9703.php

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But the context seems to focus on her industriousness, wisdom, and godliness (dignity). She
has prepared and, therefore, is not worried about the future. Her family will be fine when the snow
comes, because she made garments for them. She works with her hands and provides finances for her
household. She also has prepared with dignityno cheating or cutting corners. Therefore, she is
not worried about the consequences of some sin. The NIV says she can laugh, meaning she has
the ability to laugh and not necessarily that she is. This is true because she is so resourceful,
prepared, and also godly. Because she has been righteous, God will defend her.
Certainly, this is an important characteristic for a future mate. Maybe, this is even more important for the
husband who is called to be the leader of the home. Is he preparing for the future? Will he be able
to provide for a family? Is he diligently seeking to be prepared for future tasks? Or is he
lethargic and unprepared? Is he characterized by integrity or compromise?
Application Question: How is God calling you to better plan and prepare for the future? Are there any
areas of compromise or laziness God is wanting you to get rid of?

8. Be a Teacher
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:26
No doubt she instructs her children, counsels her husband, teaches her servants, young women
and all who will listen. She is teacher, and we can be sure much of her teaching comes from Gods
Word.
In Deuteronomy 6:6-9, the Israelites were called to talk about Gods Word when they got up in the
morning, when they walked, and when they ate. They were called to impress Scripture upon the
hearts of their children. Thats what a faithful Israelite did, they were teachers of the Book. God
called Joshua to do the same thing in Joshua 1:8. He was called to never let the Word depart from
his mouth and everything he did would prosper.
We are called to be people of the book as well. Who is God calling you to teach and share his Word
with? Teaching is one the most effective ways to grow spiritually, as it helps us learn, provides
accountability, and brings Gods blessing.
This is also an important characteristic of a potential spouse. Husbands are called to wash their
wives with the Word (Eph 5:25-26). One must ask, Is he a spiritual leader? Does he love Gods
Word? Women are called to aid in training the children in the Word, as well as teaching other
women (Titus 2:5). One must ask, Is faithful instruction on her tongue? Will she be a good spiritual
trainer for children and a wise counselor for her husband and others?
Application Question: Who have you been sharing Gods Word with? Who is God calling you to disciple
and mentor for his Kingdom?

9. Be Focused on God
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:30

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In verse 30, we see the secret to all she does. The phrase charm is deceptive actually can be
translated bodily form; it is the way that many women charm men. For many women, that is their
focuscharm as displayed through clothing and their physical appearance. However, the
Proverbs 31 woman doesnt focus on that. She follows the instructions given to women in 1 Peter 3:3-6.
It says,
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of
gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of
a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy
women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were
submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her
master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
The Proverbs 31 woman, unlike most women, is not focused on charm and body form. She is focused
on God and worshipping him. And it is from this focus that every good thing flows. It is like Christ
said in John 15:4-5, Abide in me and you will produce much fruit (paraphrase).
Again she is the personification of wisdom, and therefore, her example applies to all. For the wise, God
is the center and focus on their lives and from that center comes much fruit. Have you been abiding in
God? Is that your daily focus?
This is also the most important factor when considering a potential mate. How is their relationship
with God? Is God their priority or just part of their life? Solomons mom essentially says, If you
can find a woman who truly fears and reverences God, grab her! Women like that are hard to find! And
certainly this is true for a woman seeking a husband as well.
Application Question: Is fearing the Lord your defining characteristic? Is there anything distracting you
from focusing on God? How can you grow spiritually?

10. Be Approved
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do
noble things, but you surpass them all Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works
bring her praise at the city gate.
Proverbs 31:28-29, 31
Her husband praises her, her children praises her, she is praised at the gates by everyone. Her
ministry is approved by others and ultimately by God, as her example is placed in the Proverbs.
When we are faithfully walking with God, he will encourage and affirm our ministry through
others.
As we assess ourselves, it is important to ask our friends, family, and spiritual mentors if there are
any ways we can grow or improve. Often God will speak through them to either confirm or challenge
us.
Has God been affirming or challenging your life and ministry? Are you allowing him to speak to you
through healthy relationships with the body of Christ? If so, are you listening?
This is also important when considering a potential mate, one must seek the advice of other godly
brothers, sisters, and mentors. Too often people date in secret, with nobody else around to affirm or

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challenge their relationship, and therefore, they miss important relationship ques. Proverbs 11:14 says
there is safety or victory in the multitude of counselors. Since who one will marry is the most
important decision one will ever make, after accepting Christ, having wise counselors to help
approve and affirm is very important.
Application Question: Who are your trusted counselorsthe ones you seek for wisdom and
discernment? What ways has God been affirming or challenging your life and ministry through others?

Conclusion
As we consider the Proverbs 31 woman, her life challenges us to live a life of wisdomcentered
on fearing and worshiping God. Have you been living a wise life? To personify the wisdom of the
Proverbs, we must:

1. Be a Blessing
2. Be Delightful
3. Be Balanced
4. Be a Good Steward of Your Time
5. Be a Good Financial Steward
6. Be Healthy
7. Be Prepared for the Future
8. Be a Teacher
9. Be Focused on God
10. Be Approved
Application Question: Which characteristic(s) do you feel most called to work on? How can you use
these characteristics to help others (or yourself) find a godly spouse?

Prayer Prompts:
-Pray for God to bless familiespray for husbands to love their wives, wives to love their husbands,
and children to honor their parents. Pray for God to heal and restore families.
-Pray for God to prepare our singles to be godly spouses and that God would prepare godly
spouses for thempray that they would personify wisdom and purity in their lives.
-Pray for God make our church, the church, and individual Christians wise and a blessing to all
nations, governments, schools, familiesas the Proverbs 31 woman is (right attitude, balance, good
with time, finances, serving, etc.)
-Pray for God to be our centerthat we would grow in reverence for God and a fear of displeasing
him and from that relationship every good thing would flow.

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